Places to NOT Jerk Off: The Library (1770 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.33 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by russizm (View user info) at 2004-09-13 18:32:50 EDT
Hello, my name is Chris McGoldrick.
I have a funny story to tell you about how I ended up in the police department in Milford, Delaware. It all started when I was assigned to write a paper by my auntie. (Well, I call her auntie. But she's really my brother's momma's daughter)
Why, you ask? Hey, good question!
Since I don't have the ability to function in a normal social environment, school was not for me. My aunt wrote a little note on the refrigerator, like she always does. "WRITE A GOD DAMN SENTENCE YOU PIECE OF SHIT." With that, I headed to my local public library!
I asked the librarian what a good teaching tool would be to learn how to write, and referred me to a computer! I logged on the Google and typed "write a sentence". I clicked the first thing I saw and was amazed! I read some things about verbs or whatever and then saw the most amazingly sexy cartoon ever.
http://www.tustin.k12.ca.us/cyberseminar/ps08.gif
HA-HA-HOTTTTT!!
I suddenly felt something in my pants moving around like a little snake so I grabbed it and started choking it to death! It just felt right so I kept doing it. Some people in the library starting giving me weird looks but I just kept going, I started to feel happy.
Then I saw a man in a blue cop uniform staring at me, but I was almost done so I kept going. There was some weird water that spewed out. Then the officer said "Son, zip up your pants and come with me."
User Reviews
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2004-09-14 02:46:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
They said the same thing about Urkle; that little snot. Boy I'd like
to smack that kid.
-- Homer Simpson
Bart Gets Famous
Submitted by girlreporter (user info) at 2004-09-14 00:58:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
holy hell...I work at a paper that gets releases from that area...must check through stack of Delaware shit press releases from weekend tomorrow.....
Submitted by PatheticCapitalistFuck (user info) at 2004-09-14 00:29:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Holy shit, he kept going right in front of the cops.
Holy shit, they listed his name.
Um, I once fucked my (then future) wife in the library of a small midwestern college. We fucked in the French Literature section. Nobody reads that shit.
Submitted by chilivomitstain (user info) at 2004-09-13 21:54:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
He continued after the officers arrived.
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-09-13 21:18:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the article.
Submitted by shadowdragon (user info) at 2004-09-13 21:17:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I can see that this experience has indeed taught you to write a proper sentence. That's fucked up.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-09-13 20:47:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I blame Flanders.
Submitted by PringIes4eva (user info) at 2004-09-13 20:11:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Best post all day.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-09-13 19:53:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You gotta go to the reference section...Since the advent of the internet, it's the only place where you can pretty much spank the bird in peace, in the library.
Another tip from Shlongy...
Submitted by GhostWriter (user info) at 2004-09-13 19:33:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
stupid
Submitted by Timmah (user info) at 2004-09-13 19:12:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeh I know, but the hole snake chokling thing was a little too unoriginal, good post though.
Submitted by russizm (user info) at 2004-09-13 19:09:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't want to post just the article, or even a link to the article.
Submitted by Timmah (user info) at 2004-09-13 19:07:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+1 for the article.
The story itself wasn't all that great. But I'm going to give you a +2 anyways.
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-09-13 18:58:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Meant to be a +2.
Apologies.
Submitted by P33N3R (user info) at 2004-09-13 18:58:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Russ is wierd.
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-09-13 18:58:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hahahhha I saw that shit this morning
Submitted by cyst_master (user info) at 2004-09-13 18:51:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I did the same thing, but it was with a dolphin on a big plate of waffles.
Submitted by Ingsoc (user info) at 2004-09-13 18:50:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant.
Submitted by russizm (user info) at 2004-09-13 18:35:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Article is in the Sept, 12 Sunday News Journal in Delaware. In the Local section on page B5