Summer Memories... (1275 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.33 on 5 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by zxcvvcxz (View user info) at 2004-09-14 02:44:25 EDT
As a preface, I should say that I've had the misfortune of working at an amusement park for the last 4 summers. It is incredibly lame, and I am incredibly lame for going back. I am a "Seasonal Assistant Manager" there, which means I get the following benefits:
--low pay (5.75/hour)
--no overtime (60-75 hour work weeks)
--the benefit of not being unemployed
Anyway, I know everyone's work sucks and I'm not here to bitch about that. I'm here to bitch about something else. This post is a rant I recorded earlier in the summer. If you've ever had to deal with... country folk... maybe you will enjoy it. If you are country folk... eh, probably not.
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I'm tired of fat fucking rednecks and their fat fucking redneck children. Tired of their hee-hawing... and how it exposes 14 teeth missing and lets forth a huge glob of brownish yellow chewspit. I'm tired of their smell. They seem to ooze Mad Dog 20/20 and dead animal scent from each of their fat goddamn pores. Why don't they wash it away? How do they tolerate it? I'm tired of their stupid fucking questions:
Fat Redneck Child: "Is thisaher' riide safta giton?"
Me: "No, but do humanity a favour and get on."
Fat Redneck Child: "HEE HAW youza funny'n"
Fat Redneck Parent: "HEY THAR! Yew bein' smart wit ma'boyy??"
Me: "I wouldn't dream of it, sir."
Fat Redneck Parent: "Alllllright, cauzin' we don' deal good with be'en smart."
Me: "Apparently."
If you're not from a city... fuck you. If you consider "graduation" finishing elementary school... fuck you. If you come to ******** Park... doublefuck you, you fat fucking redneck. Kill yourself now. If I have to wedge one more 4x4 redneck ass into a 2x2 amusement park ride, I'll kill you, then myself. I believe that if there is a God, you will be sent to hell with all the other retarded fucking hicks. I, Slayer of the Rednecks, will be accepted into heaven, where I will live a carefree existance devoid of "ain't" and american flag t-shirts. In conclusion: Fuck you, take a shower, lose some weight, go to school, shut the fuck up... and leave me alone.
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Only nine months til the park opens again.
"The suspense is killing me. I hope it lasts."
User Reviews
Submitted by zxcvvcxz (user info) at 2004-09-14 11:45:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Only because you've worked at an unacceptable wage for 4. Fucking. Years. I would pay you more than that to detail my car. I swear to God. You should not be calling THEM stupid."
Agreed. Although, I prefer to think of it as me being "loyal" rather than me being "stupid", but that's clearly not the case. Where's your car? I've got some Turtle Wax.
As an interesting (?) side note, when I first started working there, they paid $4.25 an hour. So comparitively speaking, now I'm raking in the cash like a pimp.
Bitches.
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2004-09-14 07:13:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This deserves more than a 0 rating. I hate rednecks...
Submitted by JungleJane at 2004-09-14 06:08:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Here here! Death to all hill billy hicks!
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2004-09-14 04:10:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Only because you've worked at an unacceptable wage for 4. Fucking. Years.
I would pay you more than that to detail my car. I swear to God.
You should not be calling THEM stupid.
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2004-09-14 02:52:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that was funny.
although i thought earning only 5.75 per hour would have made one much more angry and bitter.