I can pray them away!!!! (824 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.67 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Azriel (View user info) at 2004-09-14 12:39:16 EDT
If I was an astrologer and you asked me if this year was your year, I would most probably tell you that you're going to get blow away ... this year is the year of the hurricane.
We all have heard of the hurricanes that are waltzing around these days. Because the ocean's temperature is one degree higher then it's supposed to be, the hurricane season has seldom been so busy. After Charley, it was Frances' turn to conjure its evil eye upon us. As if this wasn't enough, Ivan had plans of his own when he flattened Grenada and the Caiman Islands. He is currently continuing on his path of destruction heading west of Florida.
Seeing our impuissance in the face of these "Winds of the gods" (a fart joke is always good), "Geniuses" (You will see why I have put the words between brackets) have come up with the best technological inventions to save us all from the apocalyptic power of the hurricanes.
• Giant Fans: One of these geniuses thought about building giant fans on the south shore of the U.S.A. Let's suppose for a second that it would be possible to build fans big enough and strong enough that when we power them up, it would be possible to blow the hurricane away. I know I'm going to get flamed on this one but, we have the best example here of an American thinking only of himself. We are talking here of fans, able to blow away winds created from the movement of a whole planet in rotation so that his god blessed country is saved from the maelstrom coming his way. Where do you blow them? In space (eh, Huston, we have a problem), to Africa (Screw them, they have nothing to get destroyed anyway), to Europe (Didn't want to help us with Saddam?), to the Caribbean (If it can kill Fidel, it's all worth it) or to Canada (Like them winds, aye?)?
• Icebergs: Bring icebergs near Florida to lower the sea temperature. Good thinking. Want ski-doos with that my friend?
• Olive Oil: Another one thought about coating the ocean with olive oil. So that the hurricane can slip and break a leg? "Well, if one of them things can break a leg in the fall, it won't be able to continue much further, can it?"
• Nukes: "Hey, I've got an idea. Now that we've got plenty of nukes in store and no countries to use them against, let's nuke the fuckers out of existence". Yup, that was also a suggestion made my friends. Want to get rid of a hurricane? Not a problem, call 1-800-6Nuke-em. Some restrictions apply, for 18 years and older, radiations included.
• If all else fail: There is faith. The genius of geniuses called the IHC to tell them that he could pray them away. "Gimme two weeks, two little altar boys and one nun and I'll prey them away, yes I will".
As you can see, we are far from achieving the feat getting rid of hurricanes. Meanwhile, the only person you can turn to, when you are in the middle of it is GOD. So why not try to pray them away ... hehe.
If you want to read the article from which I took this from:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/5988890/?GT1=5100
User Reviews
Submitted by DaJerk (user info) at 2004-09-15 14:55:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are the man !!
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2004-09-14 16:06:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
forgive me Azriel. I didn't read the MSN article before I commented. I thought they were your ideas.
here's a +2 to make up for my blunder.
Submitted by Raymond (user info) at 2004-09-14 14:29:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Azriel (user info) at 2004-09-14 14:05:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nice... we have a new moron in town :) Way to go Strider.
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:49:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
ummm, no.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:23:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's all that hot air from the election.
Submitted by Suzza (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:00:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sofa_Ace (user info) at 2004-09-14 12:50:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Is that another tropical system over the lesser antilles? Jesus Christmas, will the madness never end? Today I'm finaly taking down my shutters/plywood from frances. That fucking whore, I had to get drunk for about five days in a row and play monopoly (drunkopoly). come to find out I' not much of a bussinessman when I'm drunk. "Baltic Avenue for boardwalk? yea, boardwalk's just gonna get fucked up when the hurricanes come anyway. you got yourself a trade!"
P.S. Florida rocks ... Well, some parts of Florida rock. O- town (orlando for those of you who Aren't in the know), gainsville, miami, the keys, and Ft. Lauderdale (where I hang my hat) all rock, the rest of the State is kind of bland ... oh yea, Tampa rocks too.