Bust-A-Move, Bust-A-Hip (3571 hits)
Category: UberMadness!Rating: 0.33 on 334 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Uber Madness 2004 (View user info) at 2004-09-14 13:20:31 EDT
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This post is officially part of UberMadness!. Click here for more information on the rules and restrictions. |
Entry 1
I don't know what it is about old guys, but they're incapable of looking away from a nice pair of breasts, even for an instant, even if the owner of the breasts is displaying her contempt openly, even if her fiance is standing right next to her. Maybe that's why they call senility "second childhood" sometimes; these guys are just wondering if they'll have time for a quick feeding before their nap. In this particular case, I was the one standing beside the owner of the 34DD's in question, and the geezer who couldn't take his eyes off Sarah's rack was one of the local bluebloods, a Circuit Court judge who hadn't made it through a case without dozing off since sometime late in the Carter administration. Normally I don't mind guys staring at Sarah; there's a certain smug feeling in knowing that she's mine, and every other guy in the place is drooling fruitlessly over her body. That feeling is considerably less comforting when the drool is literal, and the amount of spittle leaking from the corner of Judge Johnson's mouth when he gaped at Sarah would have kept a crack team of dental assistants with absorbent towels busy for a week.There was absolutely no indication whatsoever that Judge Johnson even knew I was there as he stared at Sarah's cleavage with the intensity of a stage magician trying to bend spoons using the power of his mind. Now, I wasn't about to say anything to Hizzoner, partly because Sarah is confident and competent enough to deal with undesirable attention on her own, partly beacuse the mere fact of an octogenarian with specks of foam on his lips busting a move on my future wife made my skin crawl like a platoon of soldiers advancing through no-man's land to the enemy trenches, and partly (okay, yes, I confess to my essential bastardy) because I really wanted membership in the Missing Links Country Club, where the Judge was on the board of directors. So, I did what any red-blooded American male would do under the circumstances: I went to take a leak, and hoped that the situation would resolve itself by the time I got back.
This it did, but not quite in the way I'd been hoping for. I stepped back into the bar, lizard freshly leaked, just in time to see the following horrific sequence of events unfold: the Judge's hand coming to rest on Sarah's right breast like a withered autumn leaf falling to the ground; Sarah's cheeks flushing bright red (something I'd only seen once before, under circumstances too explicit to be recounted in this family publication) and her right hand arcing gracefully out to land inevitably on Hizzoner's wrinkled face with an audible smack; and the Judge taking an astonished step backwards, stumbling, flailing frantically for the support of the bar and missing, and taking a long, terrible backflop onto the bar-room floor.
As he lay there, wriggling helplessly like a trout on the riverbank and shrieking in a manner unbecoming to his dignified position in the community, Sarah rushed to my arms and clung to me. I stood where I was, unable to take my eyes off the crowd gathering around Judge Johnson by the bar. Someone was calling an ambulance, and it was pretty clear he'd broken a hip in the fall. Sarah protested indignantly, "I barely touched him!". I've been on the receiving end of a few of her slaps before, and I had my doubts about this claim, but I didn't argue: I was too busy running through a mental list of the defense lawyers I knew, and watching that country club membership recede to the vanishing point. What the hell; she was worth it. "I know, sweetie. I think he slipped in a little patch of drool." Still, I don't think that dirty old bastard was too slowed down by his busted hip; as one of the waitresses rushed to his side to help him, I could swear he craned his neck to take a peek up her skirt, and the knowing wink he threw me from across the room is going to haunt me for a long time.
- VS -
Entry 2
Willy Nelson was getting up there in years. His days of drinking and doing drugs and having random sex where beginning to catch up on him. His near fistfight with Ringo Starr on the 24th didn't help his hipbone none either, in fact, Ringo could tell something was afoot with Willy's hip and tried to warn him before their rumble, but Mr. Nelson ignored Ringo and threw a bottle of Jack Danials at him.It all began back in August of twenty aught three when Willy and Ringo were at a party for Sabrina the Teenage Witch. The night started out fairly peacefully. Humorous phrases and friendly slaps on the ass were being exchanged with the liquid fluidity of a beer bong. The night took a turn for the worse when Justin Timberlake drove his Saturn through Sabrina's rose garden. Sabrina became very pissed and yelled:
"You GOD DAMN BLONDE HAIRED LIMP DICKED ASSHOLE, THOSE WERE MY PRIZE ROSES." The anger was seathing from Sabrina's mouth, and when anger seathes from a witches mouth no blowjob is a good blowjob.
" FUCK YOU, gimme a blowjob", was Justin's viperlike remark. He whipped out his penis and Sabrina began sucking. Thier fued was over and all was well.
"My god I hate you Ringo Starr. Lets fight." chimed a buzzed Willy Nelson. His sharp remark made the whole crowd go aghast, except for 12 people. Ringo being a peaceful man ignored Willy's challenge. Just then, the Mir space station came out of orbit and crashed into Sabrina's pool. It killed thirty odd people, none of them famous, so Sabrina finished blowing Justin and went over to survey the damage and carnage:
"Well isn't this a kick in the balls. WHO WANTS ANTI-FREEZE JELLO SHOTS??" The remaining crowd though terrified of being maimed by outdated Soviet space hardware quickly sobered up and accepted Sabrina's generous offer. The crash of the Mir averted Willy's attention to Ringo, but both men knew the night would not be over without a fight. After the crowd began to chill out from the shots, the two gathered in the center of the yard, cleared it of debris and body parts, and began to stare each other down. Tom Cruise was making pancakes.
"You god damned washed up limey hippy wannabe. I've hated you since the White album. Your gong down tonight, assjerk." Willy Nelson was drunk. Drunk and horny.
"Is that right you redneck bastard?? I noticed you've been walking with a limp there, old chap. Bust-a-move, Bust-a-hip.
Willy was confused by the last part of Ringo's remark.
"Bust-a-move, bust-a-hip?? What the fuck is that suppose to mean??? Jesus christ, how am I supposed to work with something as lame as that. You make me a 14th seed in the Billbord charts and now you chirp at me with a coment like that??? Fuck this noise, I don't even feel like fighting. Lets each go get a blowjob and have some pancakes." The anger was purged from Willy's body and his carma was out of the red zone. The rest of the night was peaceful and enlightening, except for some jew named Jeremy who tried to crash the party. He was raped, tortured, shot and stained to look like an Arab.
The next day Jesus died.
Amen
Entry 1:
1Point21Gigawatts
91teggyRS
Acarnis
acrog
Ainkara
Aladdin
Allyson
Ancius
apollo88
ardubs
AshK
AshyLarry
Awko
Azriel
babydoll
Badlands
Banga3386
Barlow
bart
Bigmike
BoogieFevuh
BoxcarChild
Brdn_Nkd
butterball
c1ndy
Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar
CaptainAmik
celine
cexshun
checkyourmail
chipolatte
Circe
comicbookguy
congo
corn_nugget
Coyote
creep_firebombing
d_prime
dakingisdead
DarthAwesome
DavyJones
Death_Metal_Dude
Dino
Dirtbird
Disektor
DJMattB241
dodahdave
domenad
Domochevsky
DonkeyOnTheEdge
DrCactus
dudette
Durae
EchoBoxing
electrictoothsyndrome
EmptyRobot
Endo_Fire
english_summer_rain
enraged_baboon
espo
ess-arr
evolydal
ewlong3
Fabish
Falconer
Feazy
filmgeek
FilthyAssistant
firefly
fog
FunnyAsCancer
G_Nonny
gamma
Genko
Gent
GhostWriter
girlreporter
Gnome
godking
gooche
griffsrgr8
Grover
hcp28
Heimdallsman
Herpes
hockyman
humor_me
hyprspacd
Id
iddqd
Ignore_the_Small_Print
Impassive-Digressive
j00
jack11058
Jack_McCallum
jazzdude
jimbo
JMG114
JohnGalt
JonnyBoy
Judoka
Julia
kabigon
Katja
katydid
kingjc
knucklesnelson
LadyPlural
LaNa
legallady
Lily
littledan
lojope
loki
Loren1
Lost_Gator_Fan
lrw
lucid
Malificent
Martyn_Steiner
MickGinny
MM_LP_Track3
Monarch
mountain24
mystiamoon
Natsukau
NerfHerder
NetProphet
nitty34
oddity420
ohlookasquirrel
omnifica
OneCheapGeek
Orla
Oscar
oxanar
ParlorTrick
PatheticCapitalistFuck
Philst82
Phinch
Pingu
pobz
polly
polyamorousaj
Quasiplasmohedron
QueenAshlee
ralphmacchio
RamJetMax
razmataz73
Razor
redraven
Rixes
roxxxy4
runninginplace
rurumon
russizm
RyuFu
salmonofdoubt
satchel
Scotsman
ScoutCJustice
screamfeeder
sebcharrot
shadow
Shlongy
Sideburns
SilvrWolf
sketch9
Skippy
Slypher
Smithstudd
smokymtcsw
Smurfs
Snark
sparkle_pink
SPECIALk
spedmonkey
spinningaroundme
Spiral
Spiral_Abraxis
Spookster
Spooner
Stabkill
steph
Stin
StonedSilly
strider
SullyThePirate
tammy
Teephphah
ThatOneGirl
the_lone_stranger
The_Walrus
thebigbird
TheRateMachine
theres_a_cow_in_my_underpants
tidalfae
tlozoot
Tom
Totally_useless
treedom
trees
triple_optics
Trout
ugaly
umpirerob
Vermin
vodka7tall
Walrus_King
wazzawazzayo
whiskey_jack
Whiteboy
Wiggles
WiKi
will9180
Yes
youarsoghey
YouLookLikeINeedADrink
Zoidberg
zombieZero
160 eligible votes (220 total) *
Entry 2:
Adamdidit2u
AndyD
Anjie
antluvdog
ASSMAN
AwesomeJohnson
BillsSBChamps
Blitzen
BLITZKREIG_BOB
bob
CabaretGirl
catscradle
Caulaincourt
ChaoticFuntime
ChristPuncher
cigar
cnympho247
cshape
darko
Despiadado
dicquellis
dirty_gook
Donitsu2002
Double-Disorder
EatMeCompletely
engine13
Fr057m0urn3
gibberish
GodLovesALittleLovin
Gram_Cracker
Hairsphincter
hamilton
Ingsoc
Kristen
lessthanfour
Maestro
maiorano84
Method
munkeypants
Natalia_Everitt
Nator
necrofeelya
NoahsArk
Nobb
Norman
Papajoe
Pentameter
potatomanjack
Pringles4eva
professorfuckface
PWNstar
Rainer
Scott_James
seanfogy
shark25
shitfuck
Siren
Skullcrusher
Slovin
Sofa_Ace
stevie_says
sublime
thaumaturge
TheEastman
tinactin
UltraJesus4000
User10030
William_Q_Percy
WillZone
Worm
Zhar
57 eligible votes (71 total) *
* Eligible votes are those made by users who had either (A) posted 3+ messages OR (B) written 100+ [lowered from 750+] reviews as of the beginning of the UberMadness! competition.
User Reviews
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-09-22 14:12:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by godking (user info) at 2004-09-22 13:57:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by gamma (user info) at 2004-09-22 11:22:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-09-21 09:34:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by hockyman (user info) at 2004-09-20 10:53:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Both entries sucked but entry 2 was the worst thing i've ever read.
Submitted by filmgeek (user info) at 2004-09-19 02:07:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Zak <ZakTheFlame.at.aol.com> at 2004-09-18 20:18:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just because of giving me the feeling Sabrina was giving me the blowjob. Thank you God, for giving us the power to imagine touch. Amen.
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2004-09-18 15:30:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There is a certain level of class needed to pull of Entry Two. Had I had the main components for the idea, I'd have done it, and done it well.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2004-09-18 01:01:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i laughed
Submitted by tammy (user info) at 2004-09-17 20:51:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by trees (user info) at 2004-09-17 16:16:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Author 1 <not.at.author2.net> at 2004-09-17 16:05:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
To everyone who took the trouble to express their enjoyment of my post, thanks. To the people who picked the title (caption? punchline? name of hip-hop Lawrence Welk remix?)... whatever I did to offend you, I apologize unreservedly and without hesitation.
Submitted by english_summer_rain (user info) at 2004-09-17 15:54:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2004-09-17 14:39:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-09-15 11:36:03 (#)
Ranking: 0
Christpuncher has managed to forfeit this matchup in three different ways. I'm impressed.
This made me laugh more than both posts combined. THIS is my favorite post of UM so far.
Submitted by DrCactus (user info) at 2004-09-17 13:52:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Papajoe (user info) at 2004-09-17 11:55:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I chuckled. ;p
Submitted by babydoll (user info) at 2004-09-17 10:29:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Id (user info) at 2004-09-17 08:48:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
well written tale of a very empathitical situation, vs. some filth that sounded like it was thought up while jerking off to Punk'd. Oh my, how difficult this one will be to judge...
Submitted by pobz (user info) at 2004-09-17 07:04:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by CabaretGirl (user info) at 2004-09-17 05:49:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
LOL!!!
Submitted by Pringles4eva (user info) at 2004-09-17 02:41:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
it's my bag, baby. YEAH.
Submitted by ChaoticFuntime (user info) at 2004-09-17 01:38:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2004-09-16 23:27:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by cigar (user info) at 2004-09-16 23:24:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by theres_a_cow_in_my_underpants (user info) at 2004-09-16 23:11:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by griffsrgr8 (user info) at 2004-09-16 22:29:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Whiteboy (user info) at 2004-09-16 17:24:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by UltraJesus4000 (user info) at 2004-09-16 17:07:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
#2 no contest
Submitted by tidalfae (user info) at 2004-09-16 16:58:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2004-09-16 16:39:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wha... what?
Submitted by Willie Nelson at 2004-09-16 15:44:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
son, you gone and made me beautiful
Submitted by Gram_Cracker (user info) at 2004-09-16 15:32:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh fuck ya
Submitted by EmptyRobot (user info) at 2004-09-16 15:21:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by acrog (user info) at 2004-09-16 14:57:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I only got through a few lines of 2
Submitted by celine (user info) at 2004-09-16 14:43:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by vodka7tall (user info) at 2004-09-16 14:33:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2004-09-16 14:33:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
uhhhhhhhhhh....
?que?
Submitted by thebigbird (user info) at 2004-09-16 13:28:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
no comment
Submitted by littledan (user info) at 2004-09-16 12:26:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Julia (user info) at 2004-09-16 12:23:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My condolences on being given a difficult title.
Submitted by Despiadado (user info) at 2004-09-16 12:18:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ralphmacchio (user info) at 2004-09-16 11:06:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Ignore_the_Small_Print (user info) at 2004-09-16 10:55:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2004-09-16 09:34:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
...
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2004-09-16 09:02:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheRateMachine (user info) at 2004-09-16 06:32:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Double-Disorder (user info) at 2004-09-16 06:17:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2004-09-15 22:49:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2004-09-15 21:59:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by gooche (user info) at 2004-09-15 21:45:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by maleficent1 <maleficent1111.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-09-15 21:45:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2004-09-15 21:18:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You've found my weakness - Justin Timberlake.
Submitted by Nator (user info) at 2004-09-15 20:31:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2004-09-15 20:03:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by smokymtcsw (user info) at 2004-09-15 19:52:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
who made the post too big? the lawyer story was kind of funny. those boobs are too big though, they will be very gross for most of the marriage. You want smaller breasts that become perfect after the babies are born and continue to defy gravity for a long time.
Submitted by 91teggyRS (user info) at 2004-09-15 19:35:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by catscradle (user info) at 2004-09-15 19:10:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh.
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2004-09-15 18:47:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Rainer (user info) at 2004-09-15 17:38:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by LaNa (user info) at 2004-09-15 17:35:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by hyprspacd (user info) at 2004-09-15 17:05:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-09-15 16:41:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-09-15 12:43:08 (#)
Ranking: 0
Dear Ashlee,
I personally don't give a fuck about you either way
Obviously you do or you wouldn't feel the need to open your useless trap every goddamn time I make a fucking comment. What I said is true, and you know it. In conclusion, if you don't like what I have to say, DON'T READ WHAT I HAVE TO SAY. Retard.
Submitted by spinningaroundme (user info) at 2004-09-15 16:04:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Oscar (user info) at 2004-09-15 15:45:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Sidescrolling in an Ubermadness competition?
Fucking hell.
I vote for #1 because in #2 they spelled Jack Daniels incorrectly. I didn't read either one.
Submitted by Blitzen (user info) at 2004-09-15 15:25:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
a welcome change to the serious, make-me-cry posts i've been reading
Submitted by ewlong3 (user info) at 2004-09-15 15:00:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Martyn_Steiner (user info) at 2004-09-15 14:45:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry two spelt daniels 'danials'
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-09-15 14:39:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't even finish reading the second entry. =P
First one was quite interesting though. Nice change of pace from the usual Madness submission.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2004-09-15 14:18:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Katja (user info) at 2004-09-15 13:23:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-09-15 12:58:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-09-15 12:43:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dear Ashlee,
I personally don't give a fuck about you either way...you just keep putting your foot in your big mouth saying elitist, pompous things like, "this is what happens when you let anybody in."
I am not saying these were good. You should really learn to read.
Submitted by lessthanfour (user info) at 2004-09-15 12:42:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2004-09-15 12:23:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2004-09-15 12:04:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That was funny.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-09-15 11:36:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Christpuncher has managed to forfeit this matchup in three different ways. I'm impressed.
Submitted by cexshun (user info) at 2004-09-15 11:17:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Both were terrible. This vote is like trying to vote at this years presidential elections.
Submitted by will9180 (user info) at 2004-09-15 10:48:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by redraven (user info) at 2004-09-15 09:52:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Scotsman (user info) at 2004-09-15 09:43:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just a great story....Entry 1 that is.
Submitted by enraged_baboon (user info) at 2004-09-15 09:39:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 1: As I was reading it I wasn't really impressed... just a story - but after I finished I saw how well it tied in with the title, and it was good because it seemed in theme with things in a kind of quaint way. i dunno.
Entry 2: Get. A. Fucking. Clue.
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2004-09-15 09:28:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by espo (user info) at 2004-09-15 09:08:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by razmataz73 (user info) at 2004-09-15 08:49:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Well, the choice was clear when I read the names of Justin Timberlake and Sabrina the Teenage Witch. But I thought, maybe Entry 2 has some merit in the writing style. Author of Entry 2, I'm sorry, but the blowjob line was really the last straw. I couldn't finish the story. Congratulations to Entry 1, you got my vote. (Not that it counts, thanks to the damn bastards who made the rules!)
Submitted by triple_optics (user info) at 2004-09-15 06:45:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by NotGoth <poppy82.at.bolt.com> at 2004-09-15 06:39:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Philst82 (user info) at 2004-09-15 05:53:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by steph (user info) at 2004-09-15 05:51:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by necrofeelya (user info) at 2004-09-15 05:21:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-09-15 05:18:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by dudette (user info) at 2004-09-15 04:56:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2004-09-15 04:43:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Ancius (user info) at 2004-09-15 04:42:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
bastardy??
ah senility. i look forward to it greatly, the ability to do whatever the fuck you want and blame it on age.
sweet.
Submitted by Aladdin (user info) at 2004-09-15 04:40:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Aladdin Likey
Submitted by Walrus_King (user info) at 2004-09-15 04:38:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
in UM 1 we found ourselves reading the first post and thinking that there is no way that the second one could beat it. Sure enough we then found ourselves voting for the second one.
With this one I read the first one, smiled and said there is no way that this could win. Then jeremy got raped and I thought, 'ok mabey it will'
Submitted by Walrus_King (user info) at 2004-09-15 04:26:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoyed reading entry 1, entry 2 was a waste of my time
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2004-09-15 04:21:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-09-15 03:07:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
uhh, si.
Submitted by Slypher (user info) at 2004-09-15 02:19:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by evolydal (user info) at 2004-09-15 01:56:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by cshape (user info) at 2004-09-15 01:27:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-09-15 00:45:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Meh.
Submitted by GhostWriter (user info) at 2004-09-15 00:37:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Both sucked, had to vote for 1.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-09-15 00:28:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:36:21 (#)
Ranking: 0
I really don't know which of these to vote for.
They're both so... so... so... what's the word I'm searching for? Someone help me out here.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I think you are trying to say "Both of these entries are teh SUCK!!!"
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-09-15 00:25:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
ugg....
Submitted by girlreporter (user info) at 2004-09-15 00:15:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2004-09-14 23:48:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by PatheticCapitalistFuck (user info) at 2004-09-14 23:21:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sublime gets credit for this title.
------------------------------------------------
Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2004-08-24 15:40:55 (#)
Ranking: 0
And thats how i got Sheila tattoed on my ass
Ok but not the face this time!
Forget everything you learned 5 years ago
You call that dancing? I'll show you dancing!
Bust-a-move, Bust-a-hip
------------------------------------------------
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2004-09-14 23:10:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This wasn't very good, but the other was just crap
Submitted by PatheticCapitalistFuck (user info) at 2004-09-14 23:10:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Awko (user info) at 2004-09-14 23:06:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Slovin (user info) at 2004-09-14 23:06:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-09-14 22:59:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Acarnis (user info) at 2004-09-14 22:50:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Zhar (user info) at 2004-09-14 22:45:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Gnome (user info) at 2004-09-14 22:40:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
terrible title to work with, i agree with #2 there.
but i like the breast story better.
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-09-14 22:39:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-09-14 22:17:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I want to change my vote to this: http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=10951824312538446#800732
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-09-14 22:05:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
?
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-09-14 21:50:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
OH MAN I WANTED TO VOTE FOR ENTRY TWO SO BAD!!
Submitted by Fr057m0urn3 (user info) at 2004-09-14 21:44:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-09-14 21:41:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This will be my last comment for the first round.
Number one was better just because I believe everything was spelled right. Oh, and it was more interesting also.
Submitted by j00 (user info) at 2004-09-14 21:29:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-09-14 21:29:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Goddamn you fucking stalker. Why, WHY would you focus on me, when there are over a hundred ratings on this post and I KNOW I am not the only one of those that had that thought? This matchup was not a good one and you know it. If you think I'm self-important because I had the balls to say "This was not good," then you need to grow a goddamn spine. I'd wager from your reaction that you wrote one of these... Well, guess what? It sucks. I'm not saying you (or whomever wrote it) can't do better, I'm saying this was a swing and a miss. If you have a problem with that, or with the fact that I have no problem with TELLING you that, well, then, fuck you.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-09-14 21:27:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Number 2 was worse than anything Shlongy has ever penned.
Submitted by hamilton at 2004-09-14 21:21:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Smithstudd (user info) at 2004-09-14 21:20:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-09-14 21:14:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-09-14 20:50:01 (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:36:21 (#)
Ranking: 0
I really don't know which of these to vote for.
They're both so... so... so... what's the word I'm searching for? Someone help me out here.
______________
Bad?
I'm really not digging the prelim round. This is what happens when you let anybody that wants to play in.
----------------------------------------
Wow, you really ARE a self-important bitch aren't you? And I was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-09-14 21:12:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I thought they were both meh.
The second however was more meh than the first.
Submitted by Vermin (user info) at 2004-09-14 20:55:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-09-14 20:54:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Number 1 did a good job with a crap title. Number 2 didn't really come close.
Submitted by hcp28 (user info) at 2004-09-14 20:52:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
god these both sucked...
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-09-14 20:50:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:36:21 (#)
Ranking: 0
I really don't know which of these to vote for.
They're both so... so... so... what's the word I'm searching for? Someone help me out here.
______________
Bad?
I'm really not digging the prelim round. This is what happens when you let anybody that wants to play in.
Submitted by Natsukau (user info) at 2004-09-14 20:46:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow, overwhleming defeat here.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-09-14 20:44:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
*sigh*
Submitted by oddity420 (user info) at 2004-09-14 20:39:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2004-09-14 20:11:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by G_Nonny (user info) at 2004-09-14 20:09:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Barlow (user info) at 2004-09-14 20:07:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Trust me, I was completely digging the second one, but the first one seemed to actually have some sober thought put into it, and I liked the ending.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-09-14 20:01:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I know I've already rated this, and I am only back to see how many gawkers saw this train-wreck...
Upon further review, the last paragraph (if you could call it that) of post 2...
"Bust-a-move, bust-a-hip?? What the fuck is that suppose to mean??? Jesus christ, how am I supposed to work with something as lame as that. You make me a 14th seed in the Billbord charts and now you chirp at me with a coment like that??? Fuck this noise, I don't even feel like fighting. Lets each go get a blowjob and have some pancakes." The anger was purged from Willy's body and his carma was out of the red zone. The rest of the night was peaceful and enlightening, except for some jew named Jeremy who tried to crash the party. He was raped, tortured, shot and stained to look like an Arab.
---------------------------------------------------------
If taken in the context of the author incorporating his feelings about the title and making them vocal within the post while maintaining at least some semblance of 'storyline', but with a 'fuck it' attitude, then this part was actually pretty hilarious. It would have been nice if they'd have taken that idea and expounded on it...not to mention tried a little.
They might have gotten my vote then.
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2004-09-14 19:59:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by dirty_gook (user info) at 2004-09-14 19:44:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Neither post was terribly good, but I couldn't see a point in number one. Number two definitely gave me more laughs and bang for my buck.
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-09-14 19:41:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry one was well written and humorous and left me searching the room for some breasts to look at.
Entry two suffered from a spate of spelling errors and an overwhelming dearth of interesting content.
Submitted by Spiral (user info) at 2004-09-14 19:35:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
haha
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2004-09-14 19:26:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by polly (user info) at 2004-09-14 19:25:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
neither of these were very wowing but thatsss okey doke.
Submitted by JonnyBoy (user info) at 2004-09-14 19:14:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by butterball (user info) at 2004-09-14 19:08:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
eh....it was okay
Submitted by Nobb (user info) at 2004-09-14 19:07:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
for the pic.
Submitted by Feazy (user info) at 2004-09-14 19:06:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Dino (user info) at 2004-09-14 19:00:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Ingsoc (user info) at 2004-09-14 18:59:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
She bop, he bop-oh-we bop
I bop, you bop-ah-they bop
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2004-09-14 18:58:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TheEastman (user info) at 2004-09-14 16:16:54 (#)
Ranking: 0
the first appearance of The Eastman. kids, be sure to hang on to this and keep it in a plastic bag, as it will be worth something someday.
"Eastman came forth from the East to do battle with THE AMAZING RANDO!!!"
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2004-09-14 18:52:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The first one wasn't that great. The second one was retarded, and despite the strange plotline, it can't get a vote from me.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2004-09-14 18:49:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-14 18:48:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by tlozoot (user info) at 2004-09-14 18:47:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think we all know who Entry 2 was written by. But +2 for Entry 1 which was funny as hell.
Submitted by Skullcrusher (user info) at 2004-09-14 18:39:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
woot mother fucker
Submitted by NoahsArk (user info) at 2004-09-14 18:33:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-09-14 18:33:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I wasn't a big fan of the first one, but the second one was just plain BAD. (And that's just referring to content.... spelling and grammar were dreadful.)
Submitted by BoxcarChild (user info) at 2004-09-14 18:32:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2004-09-14 18:32:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hahahahaha
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2004-09-14 18:29:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Funny, believeable story > Funny, unbelieveable story
Submitted by ugaly (user info) at 2004-09-14 18:17:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Just when I thought number 1 couldn't beat anything, the author of number 2 raped my intellect.
Submitted by jazzdude (user info) at 2004-09-14 18:15:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by The_Walrus (user info) at 2004-09-14 18:12:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I couldn't even finish entry 2 it was so terrible.
Even if it wasn't Ubermadness I would've rated that badly. Entry 1 was well written and pretty funny, could have had a bit more story behind it, but I guess I just like longer stories.
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2004-09-14 18:10:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2004-09-14 18:08:35 (#)
Ranking: 0
And there needs to be a surpise/freaky twist at the end. For example, after it's done we find out it was all a dream, but then he wakes up and the day starts just like the one in the story.
----------
Umm...that was directed toward Razor and Q's comments.
Submitted by Trout (user info) at 2004-09-14 18:09:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-09-14 18:09:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
go shit titles woo!
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2004-09-14 18:08:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And there needs to be a surpise/freaky twist at the end. For example, after it's done we find out it was all a dream, but then he wakes up and the day starts just like the one in the story.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-09-14 18:04:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
the first one was poor the second one was inventive but goddamn nigga! This is a comp. at least fucking spellvhevk.
and yes, i did spell spellcheck incorrectly on purpose.
Submitted by Skippy (user info) at 2004-09-14 18:01:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2004-09-14 18:01:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1 was very funny and well-written. 2 was kind of funny, but the misspellings and grammar mistakes killed it for me.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-09-14 17:54:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
How about this Q?
Not only is he about to break the record, but his team is 7-8 with no hope of making it to the playoffs. He passes the record, but stays in for one last play to get his team the win. His wife should also be disabled, or possibly dead, and his child should have turret's.
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2004-09-14 17:48:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2004-09-14 17:23:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WTF?
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-09-14 17:16:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I would've written an emotional story about a future hall of fame running back named Ka-Shaun Smitty that was only 15 yards away from setting an all time rushing record.
He gets the ball on a punt return... last play of the game as the time clock winds down.
He follows his blocking wedge up the left side, stops, pivots and runs to the right. He breaks one tackle... makes his way up the egde of the field... breaks another after busting out his trade-mark move, the Slick Smitty Shuffle! He's got an open lane to the endzone! He's only got 5 yards left to set the record...
but what's this? A fan has thrown a chili cheese dog on the field, and Slick Smitty hits it as he is flashing a smile to the ABC sports camera! His legs go flying every which way but loose, and is now flying upside down in mid air. He lands with a sickening crunch just seven inches away from the record setting mark with the steamy corpse of a delicious stadium frank on his cleats, an obviously broken hip (maybe more), and the twisted expression of failure on his face as he knows his career is over for good.
I don't know why I just wrote that. Perhaps I sniffed too much glue today.
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2004-09-14 17:13:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What was up with entry 2?
Submitted by mountain24 (user info) at 2004-09-14 17:13:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-09-14 17:10:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow.. now which one should I pick...
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-09-14 17:09:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by umpirerob (user info) at 2004-09-14 17:01:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2004-09-14 16:54:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why bother with a DQ.
It's a 34DD landslide anyway.
Submitted by humor_me (user info) at 2004-09-14 16:53:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-09-14 16:52:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by fog (user info) at 2004-09-14 16:50:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I wish my vote actually counted...
Submitted by kabigon (user info) at 2004-09-14 16:50:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2004-09-14 16:49:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
1 good
2 ugh
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2004-09-14 16:48:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's about boobs.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-09-14 16:45:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by seanfogy (user info) at 2004-09-14 16:33:55 (#)
Ranking: 0
I would have probably written something along the same lines if i got a title this shitty.
----
Half of the people in the contest will write something equally as shitty, even with far "better" titles.
I still don't know how this one got through, though. It is a really shitty title. Nice going sublime!
Fuck you Habeeb, I had such high hopes of working you in a further round.
Submitted by treedom (user info) at 2004-09-14 16:42:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by checkyourmail (user info) at 2004-09-14 16:39:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
carry on
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-09-14 16:36:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2004-09-14 14:07:50 (#)
Ranking: -2
I like the second story until my husband was raped in it.
Goddamm, I love this girl, she's hysterical
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-09-14 16:35:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Coyote, please email me if you see this. Jeremy_21117.at.hotmail.com
Submitted by Spookster (user info) at 2004-09-14 16:35:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What's author no. 2 been taking?
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-09-14 16:34:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH
Submitted by seanfogy (user info) at 2004-09-14 16:33:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I would have probably written something along the same lines if i got a title this shitty.
Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2004-09-14 16:29:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:44:14 (#)
Ranking: 0
Are you people serious? This first entry is the only good entry of UM thus far. I really liked it. God damn I liked it.
------------------------
You haven't read "Take Me" yet, have you?
And Razor, you say that as if entry 1 wasn't already beating the tar out of 2...I think we just need to let him get clobbered the ol' fasioned way.
Submitted by sketch9 (user info) at 2004-09-14 16:28:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuck. god, whoever wrote number two should go shoot themselves. The least they could have fucking done was use proper grammar or the correct words. Willie. This was a disgrace to Ubersite and Ubermadness.
My eyes burn now, i need to dig them out with a spork.
Oh, yeah. 1 wasnt bad. But it wasnt particularly good either. Did the best with what they had.
Submitted by Lost_Gator_Fan (user info) at 2004-09-14 16:28:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No comment about having no comment
Submitted by salmonofdoubt (user info) at 2004-09-14 16:26:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
um...yea...
Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2004-09-14 16:20:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 1 could have been about anything, it sure beat the crap out of 2.
...were you even trying?
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-09-14 16:17:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
go bears woo
Submitted by TheEastman (user info) at 2004-09-14 16:16:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
the first appearance of The Eastman. kids, be sure to hang on to this and keep it in a plastic bag, as it will be worth something someday.
Submitted by Natalia_Everitt (user info) at 2004-09-14 16:15:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Made me laugh.
Submitted by omnifica (user info) at 2004-09-14 16:11:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Worm (user info) at 2004-09-14 16:08:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh... not much flow to either, but props to #2 for it be ing intentional(?)
Submitted by ParlorTrick (user info) at 2004-09-14 16:07:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Aruggg - a post about 34DD and I had to vote for it.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2004-09-14 16:07:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No comment.
Submitted by DarthAwesome (user info) at 2004-09-14 16:05:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2004-09-14 16:04:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-09-14 15:59:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
The author of entry one has the right at this point to disqualify the author of entry two for revealing who he is.
Also, this title is fucking terrible, how did it make it by the censors? What were you smoking?
Author one, I'd advise you step it up a little bit in round 2, although I can understand struggling with this title.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-09-14 15:59:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by kingjc (user info) at 2004-09-14 15:59:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
lesser of two evils. number one ok but two is too southpark!
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2004-09-14 15:56:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
When I read this, I couldn't even finish entry 2. It was painful. After reading some of the comments I went back to read the ending and I want to second Loren's motion to ban that asshole.
Fuck you entry 2.
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2004-09-14 15:52:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
IT'S WILLIE, GOD DAMN IT
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-09-14 15:51:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Dirtbird (user info) at 2004-09-14 15:50:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by screamfeeder (user info) at 2004-09-14 15:46:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight
Submitted by katydid (user info) at 2004-09-14 15:46:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2004-09-14 15:43:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
First off, I feel safe in saying this has got to be the WORST title anyone is going to get in this competition. Having said that, whoever wrote entry #1 worked some serious magic. Excellent little story, even more so considering what you were given to work with.
This may one day be remembered as "The Miracle of '04."
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2004-09-14 15:42:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Rixes (user info) at 2004-09-14 15:35:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2004-09-14 15:35:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh. At least the author of 1 came up with something that made sense and was mildly amusing. 2 was just too dumb, though I agree it was a lousy title.
Submitted by Gent (user info) at 2004-09-14 15:29:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2004-09-14 15:28:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The pained decision of which to vote for took a long time. #2 amused me to no end. But #1 was quality...
So sorry author of #2. I really did love your entry though.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-09-14 15:26:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
These were not as good as the others.
Submitted by YouLookLikeINeedADrink (user info) at 2004-09-14 15:23:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Norman (user info) at 2004-09-14 15:17:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Best. Post. Ever.
Submitted by Oscar (user info) at 2004-09-14 15:15:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
For fuck's sake.
I came here to read competitive posts, not tire out my wrist be side scrolling all the fucking time.
Get your shit together. I;m not voting for either.
Submitted by Lily (user info) at 2004-09-14 15:14:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-09-14 15:13:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 2 read like a schizophrenic with Tourette's syndrome.
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2004-09-14 15:12:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by thaumaturge (user info) at 2004-09-14 15:10:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was at that party!
"The next day Jesus died" -- I had no clue!
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2004-09-14 15:10:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I didn't like either of these, but I had to pick the lesser of two evils.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2004-09-14 15:09:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Neither one was very good. But I'd have to give it up to two for at least being funny. The author of number one looked like he/she was trying too hard.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-09-14 15:05:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Habeeb v. Coyote.
That's my guess.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-09-14 15:05:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I want you both to know that I loved them both and this was a tough decision.
Good jobs guys/girls!
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-09-14 15:03:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Co Nomment
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-09-14 15:01:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm only voting to see the replies.
I still hate both the posts.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-09-14 15:01:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Possible writers of #2?
209 Socialist_Joe 10 -0.074384615 9.925615385
210 facts 10 -0.628 9.372
211 SPECIALk 9 0.181444444 9.181444444
212 ChristPuncher 8 0.86640597 8.86640597
213 jojojojoan 9 -1.441 7.559
214 sea_n 8 -0.452 7.548
215 TeenageDirtBag 8 -0.665875 7.334125
216 dr.weeto 7 -0.376444444 6.623555556
DQ. They both sucked.
Submitted by dicquellis (user info) at 2004-09-14 14:57:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-09-14 14:52:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I didn't really enjoy either of these as much as some others. I voted for number one because it was more coherent and more well written, however I will admit that number 2 had me crackin' more smiles.
Submitted by cnympho247 (user info) at 2004-09-14 14:45:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2004-09-14 14:43:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2004-09-14 14:43:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I kind of feel guilty voting for #2, but it made me laugh, dammit!
Submitted by Grover (user info) at 2004-09-14 14:42:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by gibberish (user info) at 2004-09-14 14:39:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Woo.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-09-14 14:39:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Wow these were shitty. Here, 1 can have a vote, because it wasn't fucktarded.
Submitted by User10030 (user info) at 2004-09-14 14:37:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Sofa_Ace (user info) at 2004-09-14 14:26:51 (#)
Ranking: -2
They were both prety weak. The second one won because of "The next day Jesus died. Amen" I wish I was in Uber madness, I could write these two fools under the table ... or drink them under the table? Either way I kick more ass than everyone else in the world combined.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My vote as Sofa_ace doesn't count, so I'm voting as User10030. I won't be voting multiple times with different alter egoes, so don't bitch and moan. I'm only voting twice on this one because my first vote doesn't count and Author two needs as many votes as he can get.If I get banned for this I'm going to be pissed as hell ... actually no I won't. I'll just use another alter Ego to rate, and create a new account to bitch about getting banned. Ha, I'm unstoppable. See you in hell.
Submitted by Judoka (user info) at 2004-09-14 14:36:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It wasnt even a contest
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2004-09-14 14:35:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Eh. Neither were that great.
Submitted by PWNstar (user info) at 2004-09-14 14:35:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I can't explain it, but i loved the 2nd post. it just stood out more
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-09-14 14:30:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:36:21 (#)
Ranking: 0
I really don't know which of these to vote for.
They're both so... so... so... what's the word I'm searching for? Someone help me out here.
---------
I beleive the word you're searching for is "shitty".
John, I put it in the maybe category, they must've used it.
Submitted by AndyD (user info) at 2004-09-14 14:28:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-09-14 14:28:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Dear god I really hope this doesn't win... I just want to see everyone's comments.
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-09-14 14:27:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
thats a +2 for entry 1
Submitted by Sofa_Ace (user info) at 2004-09-14 14:26:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
They were both prety weak. The second one won because of "The next day Jesus died. Amen" I wish I was in Uber madness, I could write these two fools under the table ... or drink them under the table? Either way I kick more ass than everyone else in the world combined.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2004-09-14 14:25:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Azriel (user info) at 2004-09-14 14:25:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh well, that was easy.
Submitted by CaptainAmik (user info) at 2004-09-14 14:25:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by zombieZero (user info) at 2004-09-14 14:21:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I feel for the author of entry 2...this title was tough. I'm not sure what I could have done with it. Still, entry 1 pulled it off better I thought.
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2004-09-14 14:21:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
for some reason, Tom Cruise making pancakes made this the clear winner.
Submitted by oxanar (user info) at 2004-09-14 14:20:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 2 was just simply lame....I mean c'mon look at entry 1, even if fake it was slightly humorous.
Entry 1 did have too many similes that seemed to take away from the story.
Submitted by Falconer (user info) at 2004-09-14 14:18:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
One was mediocre, two was awful.
Urgh.
Submitted by WiKi (user info) at 2004-09-14 14:18:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
1- funny enough
2- what the fuck?
Submitted by roxxxy4 (user info) at 2004-09-14 14:15:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I couldn't finish reading the second one it was that horrible
Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2004-09-14 14:15:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
#2 made me giggle... neither were really exciting though.
" threw a bottle of Jack Danials at him"
Don't you mean he threw a bottle of 'Old Whiskey River'
http://www.oldwhiskeyriver.com/owr.htm
Submitted by Domochevsky (user info) at 2004-09-14 14:15:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-09-14 14:13:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by rurumon (user info) at 2004-09-14 14:12:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
no comment
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2004-09-14 14:07:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I like the second story until my husband was raped in it.
Submitted by Endo_Fire (user info) at 2004-09-14 14:06:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Gotta have good spelling and grammar to win . . . Entry 1 was the obvious choice
Submitted by lrw (user info) at 2004-09-14 14:04:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
meh...
Submitted by russizm (user info) at 2004-09-14 14:04:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why didn't you guys include bust a move the video game!$
argh@#$
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2004-09-14 14:04:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
wow, 2 was horrible
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-09-14 14:02:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Post 2 blew it at the end. Don't ask me why. They just did. As a matter of fact, I have never seen such a blatant lack of respect for our institutions of grammar and spell-check since, well...since the last time I read a post.
Submitted by Maestro (user info) at 2004-09-14 14:02:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by russizm (user info) at 2004-09-14 14:02:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
bleh
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2004-09-14 14:02:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:58:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Easy choice.
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:58:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This title was worse than "Why I Love Squattail". Who let this one through?
I have to go with Entry 1, but both sucked. Who can blame them though?
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:58:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by wazzawazzayo (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:57:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Two is too random.
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:57:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
well i guess the first was worth a read
Submitted by Heimdallsman (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:56:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
De-fault. The two sweetest words in the English language.
--HeimdallsMan
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:56:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Btoh were great, but I'm sorry, this was golden:
"like a withered autumn leaf falling to the ground"
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:53:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Orla (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:51:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:50:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by knockerlover at 2004-09-14 13:49:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
mmm, boobs . . .
Submitted by MM_LP_Track3 (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:49:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Neither were as good as the others...
Submitted by Smurfs (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:49:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
eh
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:47:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:45:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:44:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Are you people serious? This first entry is the only good entry of UM thus far. I really liked it. God damn I liked it.
Submitted by ardubs (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:43:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not all that impressive.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:42:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:36:21 (#)
Ranking: 0
I really don't know which of these to vote for.
They're both so... so... so... what's the word I'm searching for? Someone help me out here.
______________________________________________________
They're both things that make ya go hmm?
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:41:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I wasn't particularly keen on either of them, but number 2 was stupid on too many levels.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:40:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Entry one was absolutly beautiful and amazing... A-FUCKING-MAZING.
Very good.
Loved the words... loved how you wove the sentences together... loved the fabric of the post.
Submitted by AshyLarry (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:40:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:39:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think the "author" *cough* of post #2 should be banned.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:39:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:39:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
...
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:38:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:38:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:37:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
the title had such promise...
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:37:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
picture rule in effect!
entry 2 wins cause it included a GREAT picture.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:36:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's a post about Willie Nelson.
Shit I need to say more to sway you? I think not.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:36:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I really don't know which of these to vote for.
They're both so... so... so... what's the word I'm searching for? Someone help me out here.
Submitted by ScoutCJustice (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:36:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Although two appealed to my penchant for random crap, I gotta go with number one. It was much better written.
And I'm sorry you guys got stuck with such a shitty title.
Submitted by Pingu (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:36:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I couldn't even make it through the second one.
Submitted by Monarch (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:35:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ugh. Not even a question about this one. Sure the title was bad, but I had a few worthwhile ideas for it. At least make a freaking effort!
Entry 1: Not really what I was expecting, but it was reasonably funny. It didn't drag on to far, and that was good.
Entry 2: This just pisses me off. If you got a shitty title, then so did the other guy. You were both in bad straights to start with. (Read as: You both had an equal chance.) Next time at least TRY.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:34:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:34:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
2 = weak shit.
Submitted by WQP at 2004-09-14 13:33:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I refuse to vote for either one of these entries...
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:31:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Both posts were very comparable to each other . . . they both sucked.
I picked #1 because I thought #2 might be a wigger. I hate wiggers!
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:31:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What the fuck was with entry 2? Christ, if you enter into the comp at least try.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:30:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Is it possible to vote against both?
So the second one was enraged baboon or his alter then?
Submitted by Malificent (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:29:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:28:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
picture sealed it.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:28:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I thought I would hate two, but for some reason, the bizarreness made me laugh. Besides, one was nothing special.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:28:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I did like Tom Cruise making pancakes but...
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:28:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Allyson (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:28:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
post two blew my ass... what on earth were you thinking?
Submitted by engine13 (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:28:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:28:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:27:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:26:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow. Lesser of 2 evils I guess.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:25:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I honestly didn't really like either one.
But number 1 is the lesser of two evils, in my opinion. I didn't know a story with Willy Nelson in the opening line could suck so badly.
Submitted by jimbo (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:25:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by ASSMAN (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:24:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:24:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by satchel (user info) at 2004-09-14 13:24:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment