Happy Birthday Loren (and my shitty attempt at photoshop)! (985 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.59 on 38 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Nicole <nakita963.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2004-09-15 07:03:11 EDT
A little over 34 years ago, one cold winter day Mr. and Mrs. Marks did some fooling around and created Loren. This was the Missus' 7th child so by this time it had become old hat. Whether it was because they had finally created perfection or they couldn't stand any more insanity, Loren was to be their last child.
Growing up the youngest of 7 in a single bathroom home helped teach her how to fend for herself, both physically and verbally. Her father's frequent and not-so-subtle grammatical corrections created the streak of Grammar-Nazism that runs deep within her.
I'm not going to go through her life story because that is her job here. Suffice to say that she has been through a lot of shit, both good and bad, in her 34 years. She registered on Übersite 8 days before I did in February of 2003, after lurking for quite a while, and made a quick impression on the rest of us. What a bitch!
And now, a couple memorable quotes from Loren (approximate quotes as I usually tend to be inebriated and not remember so well):
"Jared, I love you, but shut the hell up!" (Said at least 100 times of the course of one evening)
"I'm a hooker." http://www.ubersite.com/m/26435
Nicole: "I love you, Bitch."
Loren: "You're so self-absorbed, always talking about yourself"
The time Loren thought Random Joe was a single person (can't find the exact quote due to searching limitations).
There are many others, I just didn't have time to fine or go through them all.
You all know her and either love or hate her. Either way, we wish you a happy a birthday and we're taking you out for dinner this weekend so get ready.
User Reviews
Submitted by Timmah (user info) at 2004-09-24 16:11:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 for +2ing your own post.
Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2004-09-16 11:13:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Aren't we sexy bitches?
Happy b-day, Loren
Submitted by Lost_Gator_Fan (user info) at 2004-09-15 16:39:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Have yourself a very happy birthday and many more very marry unbirthdays.
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-09-15 16:25:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"1.5 hour massage and facial"
AHAHAHAHAHA
Come to NZ i'll give you one for free, and you can get a tan!
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-09-15 12:40:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kristen, you're sweet. They are my real eyes, but I'm not thrilled with the fact that I look drunk/retarded because I'm squinting w/my left eye.
I'm almost out for the day! My honey bought me a 1.5 hour massage and facial at "the Spa" for this afternoon. I'm a little funny about these things... not one to have led a very pampered life, so I don't have a clue what I'm in for... hell, a bad day getting a massage is better than a good day at the office I assume :-)
Thanks for the good wishes all. I really appreciate it.
I do hate when it's my birthday. I would much rather be shoving someone else into the spotlight...
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2004-09-15 12:29:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
What the fuck is a Jon Lovitz pic doing there?
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-09-15 12:14:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHA
The funniest part of this post is the fact that Loren's going to miss it.
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-09-15 12:12:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Happy Birthday, Loren. Looks like I came back around at just the right time.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-09-15 11:48:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YAY!
Happy birthday Loren (again)!
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-09-15 11:36:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jared looks about ready to ravish Loren...
Wow, she has got some beautiful eyes! Contacts or natural?
Happy Birthday!
Submitted by Monarch (user info) at 2004-09-15 11:10:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Happy Birthday Loren!
(I like the photoshop job Nicole.)
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-09-15 10:26:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No, that's where you're wrong. Broads LOVE Shlongy. ESPECIALLY 30-something broads.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-09-15 10:01:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Happy Brithday!
(and haha Loki, very funny.)
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-09-15 09:55:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shlongy, I'm sure you'd stand about as much of a chance as I would.
Dibs on the birthday spanking!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-09-15 09:53:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
While I too, am not a huge fan of her eyebrows, I definitely enjoy her attitude, her ass and her age, as she is closer to Shlongy's age than most of the pre-pubescent adolescents that predominate in here.
That's probably why if we ever met, within 10 minutes we'd eb doing it in a bathroom stall.
Happy Birthday , baby. Your gift is in my pants.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-09-15 09:52:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I used to have a hamster, but he didn't have a kewl hat like Loren's hamster does.
Submitted by lrw (user info) at 2004-09-15 09:39:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
not that i dislike her so much.... just her damn eyebrows..
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-09-15 09:24:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the professor's comment was farking hilarious.
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-09-15 09:10:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the chick sitting next to loren is *explicit*ing hot.
I would do her like a rat up a drainpipe!
Submitted by PWNstar (user info) at 2004-09-15 08:45:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Happy Birthday!
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-09-15 08:33:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
...and another +2 for this:
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2004-09-15 07:16:31 (#)
Ranking: 1
Why is that guy using a spoon to drink beer?
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-09-15 08:32:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That look I'm giving her is about how I look all the time when I'm around her.
Happy birthday!
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2004-09-15 08:31:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
looking pretty damn fine. Loren you are aging like wine.
Happy B-Day.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2004-09-15 08:20:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow! Loren's an old, old lady! ;) Ha ha! Happy birthday!
Submitted by lowsodiummonkey (user info) at 2004-09-15 08:01:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
dig to get jiggy wiv mr. biggy
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-09-15 07:59:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Happy Birthday, Loren!
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-09-15 07:46:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Happy birthday loren.
Submitted by Judoka (user info) at 2004-09-15 07:41:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Many Happy Returns
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-09-15 07:34:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-09-15 07:10:14 (#)
Ranking: 1
So that's what Bart does when he's not busy banning people!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
yeah, he eats, Jackass.
Anyways, disregarding my despite for the woman.....
Happy Birthday!
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-09-15 07:27:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha, Jeremy and his razors jersey
Submitted by Midnight_Laydee (user info) at 2004-09-15 07:21:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahhh, this makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside from the friend-love that's clearly flowing here. You guys are great and Happy Birthday Loren! (enjoy your meal out)
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-09-15 07:18:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bart- "No thanks you guys, I've already had 4 spoonfulls. I'm a bit tipsy."
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2004-09-15 07:16:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Why is that guy using a spoon to drink beer?
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-09-15 07:10:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
So that's what Bart does when he's not busy banning people!
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2004-09-15 07:09:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Happy Birthday.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-09-15 07:07:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was there. You fucker, you photoshopped me out.
Submitted by TheRateMachine (user info) at 2004-09-15 07:06:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am the rate machine.
Loren makes me feel funny in my belly.
Like when I rub up and down in bed.
You have been rated.
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-09-15 07:04:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, and I didn't have time to verify the family facts, either, so sorry if I am a little off.