The Late Night Delivery (3718 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.77 on 70 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sideburns (View user info) at 2004-09-16 07:47:34 EDT
I pushed my long bangs out of my face as I peered through the window of the unfamiliar house.
There he is. That's my target.
It's a strange feeling when you know something that someone else doesn't. He's sitting on his couch, legs up on the coffee table, the only thing his mind is thinking is probably what's on television.
He doesn't know what I know.
I knelt back behind the bushes, trying my best to see even though the darkness won't allow. The only light I see is the glaring of the man's TV screen through the window.
I looked up at the moon. Full.
People do crazy things when the moon is full.
I pulled the pistol out of my pocket and gently cocked it back. The click was the loudest noise I had made all night. I slowly peaked up and looked into the window again. He was still sitting there, stuffing his face with food.
I'm about to kill a man. I don't want to.
But I need to. Or I'll be killed.
***
"Okay, here's the deal-- you see that car over there?"
"Yes sir."
"The keys are in the ignition. Your job is to get inside that car and drive it to Mobile, Alabama. The address is on this piece of paper."
I extended my arm and accepted the envelope with an address written in permanant marker. Someone couldn't find a pen-- or a piece of paper for that matter.
"I understand, sir."
"Do NOT, I repeat-- DO NOT touch what's in the trunk. As a matter of fact, don't even LOOK in that fuckin' trunk. I have ways of knowing if you've fucked with something. You're just the delivery man, got it? You fuck this delivery up, I'll fuck you up. You drive straight there and ask to speak to Mr. Jones. He'll take care of the rest. Here's half of your payment--"
My eyes widened as Lenny handed me a stack of what seemed to be hundred dollar bills. I was in shock, I had never seen this much money before, let alone had it on me.
How did a straight laced good kid end up being a driver for one of the biggest drug kings of the south?
Greed.
Not necessarily greed, but need. I needed money. I wanted money. I had to have money.
My old roommate, Mike, was orphaned as a child. His adoptive parents happend to have close ties to the mafia, so he had always been protected by them his entire life. He always told me that if I needed money, all I had to do was meet with 'his people' and they'd take care of me.
The only catch?
I was in it for life.
I just wanted some change to get out of debt and to buy a car that actually ran. I'm getting in deeper than I needed to. Regardless though, this was my first delivery. This was my chance to gain the trust of Lenny.
"You'll get the other half when you get back. If you get pulled over, it's all on you bro. You haven't seen me, you haven't talked to me. This is YOUR stuff. If you rat us out--"
He lifted his finger to my head in the shape of a gun.
My heart raced. My mouth becoming dry.
"Bang.... now show me what you've got. Drive the speed limit and be back by tonight."
I placed the wad of money wrapped tightly in rubber bands into my shirt pocket as I slowly made my way toward the black Lexus. The door was open and it was already running. As I got closer, I could hear 'Sweet Home Alabama' on the radio.
At least these guys have decent taste in music.
I slid onto the beige leather seat and pulled the door shut. I think that's when it hit me--
Wow, I work for the mafia.
Me.
When I was several miles down the road, car set exactly at 65 miles per hour on cruise control, I unrolled and counted the money that had been handed to me just minutes earlier--while trying to keep my eyes on the road.
Twenty seven hundred, twenty eight hundred--
I was ecstatic. I hadn't even counted half of the stack yet--
Holy crap. I have 8 thousand dollars on me.
"Take your time, don't rush. You can stop and eat a few times if you'd like", is what I recall Lenny saying.
It's 2 o'clock in the morning, I'm in a black Lexus with several hundred pounds of drugs in the back. I had better get off the roads for a while to let my my settle down.
I pulled into the parking lot of Denny's, seeing as how it was the only restaurant open this late. I parked the car at the very entrance. I wanted to be careful, but not too careful-- didn't want to make it obvious that I was hiding something.
"Hi sir, how many tonight?"
I looked behind me, then back at the waitress.
"I believe it's just me."
She winked at me as she turned to lead me to a table. She was trying too hard to earn her tip. She smelled something on me.
She smelled money.
I adjusted the tie on my suit and sat down at the booth of the otherwise empty dining room. Lenny had bought me this suit himself. He requested that I wear it for this occassion.
"When you represent me, you have to look good" was his motto.
I glanced over at the booth a few feet away from me and noticed a southern family eating their late night-- or early morning-- breakfast. The scrawny man, probably around 40 years of age, looked up and smiled at me as he adjusted his Jon Deere hat.
His son, couldn't have been more than four years old, didn't notice the surroundings. When you're four, why bother? He just anxiously ate his bacon and sausage as his mother told him to slow down. I looked out the window to the only other car in the parking lot.
It was a late 70's model Toyota Celica. Seran wrap was in the place of what should have been a glass window. There was a spare donut where a regular sized tire should have been. The fender was blue, the hood was red, and the rest of the car was primered grey.
"I know how it is to struggle and be unhappy", I thought to myself.
These people were obviously struggling, seeing as how the mother was digging through her purse for change just to pay the bill. They were poor-- but happy.
I have more money in my pocket than these people probably do altogether-- why aren't I as happy as them?
The father took his hat off and placed it on the boy's head as he smiled up at the loving dad.
"Y'all ready to go see grandma??"
"Yea! Gwandma!!"
I smiled, wishing I could find happiness in the simple things like family. But I had no family that would bother to see me anymore, I had abandoned them for this lifestyle.
"Sir? Can I get you anything?"
I happily ordered my food, paid the bill, then proceeded to get up and leave. I watched my waitress and overheard her talking with one of the other waitresses--
"When's he due?"
"The doctor says the 23rd of next month. Me and Robby can't wait. He's been wanting a kid forever. I just don't know if we'll be able to afford him."
My hand reached into my pocket and I counted out five hundred bucks in hundred dollar bills and laid it on the table.
I gave her a warm smile and nod as I exited the restaurant.
"Dang, what are we gonna do baby?"
I noticed the southern couple and their kid were still in the parking lot. The hood of their beat up car was up, the wife sitting in the passenger seat holding the boy-- the husband under the hood.
"You guys need any help?"
"I don't think so, bud. Thanks anyway. This car's seen her last ride."
I looked under the hood, pretending that I knew what I was looking for.
"What's wrong with her?"
"A rod was knocking earlier this week, I think she finally messed the block up. It's dead. Thanks though."
"Um... I know this might seem out of place, but I don't know another way to say this-- one block away there's a car lot--"
"Nah, we ain't got no money.."
"Well, there's a nice minivan sitting out front. On the window it says $200 down. So here."
I pulled out two hundred dollars and pushed them in his direction.
"Whatchu think we are? Some poor moochers that can't take care of ourselves? Take you and your pity money somewhere else, boy!"
"No, I just--"
"Trying to do your good deed for the day by helping out the less fortunate? I know your kind, boy! You go out waving your money around, thinking people will kiss your ass!"
"Please, just take it. It's not like that."
"Get ou of here! We don't need you!"
He put his hands on my chest and pushed me a few steps back. His son started crying. I let my head hang low as I turned away and walked to my car.
I've got to make this delivery before daybreak.
I pulled out of the parking lot, getting an evil look from the poor man as he stood there with his family--stranded.
He's stranded, but they'll eventually get out of there.
I'm stuck here forever.
....To be continued.
-Sideburns
User Reviews
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-02-15 15:37:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-02-15 15:15:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-25 16:03:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by hobbs (user info) at 2005-03-03 06:21:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-03-03 01:39:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2004-10-27 12:38:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is great.
Submitted by ardubs (user info) at 2004-10-27 11:13:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-10-27 05:31:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/49806
---
Okay, I lied. Here's part 2.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-10-27 04:13:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oops, forgot all about this series.
Okay-- um.. followup coming by this weekend.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-10-10 21:31:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
o.o;; its like a story..
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2004-09-30 12:29:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When is the followup coming? This was great!
Submitted by Kamargo (user info) at 2004-09-26 23:01:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damnit, we NEED the followup
Submitted by pokeysrevenge (user info) at 2004-09-26 20:03:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
FOLLOW UP, DAMMIT.
Submitted by xenon (user info) at 2004-09-24 14:25:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Damn it, do the followup already!
Submitted by hyprspacd (user info) at 2004-09-21 15:28:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OK Im hooked
Submitted by GhostWriter (user info) at 2004-09-21 00:51:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good writing.
Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2004-09-20 16:58:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You crafty son of a bitch, leaving me hanging like this. Damn you!!!
This post was incredible.
Submitted by Zak <ZakTheFlame.at.aol.com> at 2004-09-19 01:45:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because the mafia is cool, no matter how you look at it
Submitted by tlozoot (user info) at 2004-09-19 00:32:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh my God. This post makes me want to just give up writing and drop out of Ubermadness.
Submitted by 01011010 (user info) at 2004-09-18 17:39:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like fun.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-09-17 16:05:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-09-17 04:31:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2004-09-17 00:32:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it. A lot. You and I write so similarly is scares me sometimes.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2004-09-16 22:00:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ok, you do what you like, but the story is not as good as it could be, because it is too disjointed. Yeah, this is mainly inner monologue, and thoughts do come to people in random jolts, but the 'flow' of the story is broken up too much by the style. I don't think youre accomplished enough yet with a more conventional structural style, to branch out like this. Walk before you can run, baby.
The story would be greatly benefitted by you having a good look at it, and writing it in a more conventional way. Paragraphs are good, like adjectives are bad.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-09-16 19:31:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
...just because of the length, you give it a negative rating?
Poor judgement on your part, but nonetheless, I can only expect so much from someone.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-09-16 19:29:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Unfortunately Sideburns, and I'm sure this was a swell piece of fiction but...I cannot read anything this long without sitting on the hopper and unfortunately for you, I do not have computer access near the bowl. Sorry!
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2004-09-16 19:29:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
shitshit
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2004-09-16 19:29:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
step 2, publish. step 3, profit.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2004-09-16 19:17:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude, you're awesome.
I had Denny's for lunch this afternoon. The claw machine fucked me over. I had that stupid stuffed chicken in my grasp and then nothing. Fucking Denny's.
Submitted by WiKi (user info) at 2004-09-16 18:59:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Loved it.
And I love your style.. makes it easier to read.
Continue to shake 'em off.
<3 WiKi
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-09-16 17:52:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Razor: Thank you.
Random Joe:
Thank you as well. I had never taken any writing classes outside of highschool, in fact, I never really took writing serious until I happened to start posting on Uber-- and I liked it.
As for the paragraph structure, I used to cram 'em all up into one paragraph and someone gave me advice, which led to my new writing style. As a matter of fact, she's a writer.
You see? That's the great thing about writing-- there are no set in stone rules. Everybody does his own thing. Some like it, some don't. That's okay though. Writing is a proverbial piece of clay waiting to be molded into something.
Yes, I know my paragraph structure-- or lack thereof-- isn't what you'd consider 'story-telling' structure, but there are no rules. In my opinion, my structure is easier on the eyes. I do appreciate your opinions and views and will take them into view.
Thanks for trying to help me, I'm thankful.
Sideburns.
As for you Mr. Boo-- I proceed to dance in a small circle until the hater falls from my shoulders.
Submitted by Mafioso at 2004-09-16 14:29:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I work for the mob. That's about how we do it. Well, we don't usually use a Lexus, more often then not it's a sadan. Lincoln, Buick, Crysler, etc.
Submitted by Lost_Gator_Fan (user info) at 2004-09-16 13:37:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bring on part 2.
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2004-09-16 13:24:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Looking forward to the next part. Nice writing.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-16 13:18:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Knuckles, you fucking toolbag, that isn't bitching, it's called CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM - something this site desperately lacks. Paragraph structure is a weakness in Mr 'burns writing here, and apparently he takes his writing somewhat seriously, so i am offering my reasonably informed opinion to aid him in becoming a better writer. Get off the dude's nuts for a second and actually look at the post instead of the name, dipshit.
If this was an UberMadness post, people would be all over the structure, but because it has someone's name on it, it's a different story. One of the many reasons why i love UberMadness.
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-09-16 13:15:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How do you write so good EVERY TIME????
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-09-16 13:07:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
liked it. keep it up.
Submitted by Mr-Boo (user info) at 2004-09-16 12:41:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
know it has nothing to do with this post, but I figured what the fuck...
This is in response to -> http://www.ubersite.com/m/45054#803630
"This is the first post of mine that I camped out on besides my very first post."
- 19 replies on this one.
- 13 replies on http://www.ubersite.com/m/44828
- 12 replies on http://www.ubersite.com/m/44558
....just to point out a few.
"Since I've been here for a year and at least try to give something to this site in the form of writing, I think I'm allowed to camp out once or twice without anybody saying anything about it."
- once or twice is cool, but you seem to make it a part time job.
"Once you've been here as long as some of us, you'll realize not to point out someone breaking a rule, which really isn't a rule in the first place."
- Sideburns: Registered on or around: 2003-12-06 08:05:03
- Mr-Boo: Registered on or around: 2003-05-16 10:05:06
....I've been around for almost 7 months longer than you have, which doesn't include my 'lurking time', prior to joining. Why is that you seem to think that you own this site and everyone who hasn't 'been here as long as some us' don't rank. I've seen on several occasions where Sideburns is very quick to point out someone 'breaking a rule' or posting 'EVERYTHING YOU WANT TO YOU ABOUT...' stats to try and prove that your better than that person?
In closing, I'd like to say that I usually enjoy your posts. I find them humorous and overall enjoyable, but you've REALLY got get off your high horse and quit judging everyone.
Just one man's opinion.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2004-09-16 12:11:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Man oh Man. Dont you just love these pricks that come on here and bitch about paragraph structure? Fuck structure, it is a good story i look forward to reading the rest. Fuck structure.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-09-16 12:02:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This kind of reminds me of Mafia, the game; and that is definetely a good thing.
Although now that I think about it, interchange is right, I don't think the Mafia does drugs. But no matter, just substitute 'booze' for 'drugs' and imagine the story takes place in the 20s. It's alllllll good.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-16 12:01:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Cool start for a story. However, paragraph structure needs work. This is a common issue I see in your writing. You need to learn to jam those sentences up next to each other a bit more. This reads like dialogue, except it isn't dialogue. Razor is right about the lack of adjectives, this IS a good thing, but you really need to work on the structure, it's messy, and you're developing a bad habit with it.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-09-16 11:50:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your writing makes me orgasm.
Submitted by cexshun (user info) at 2004-09-16 10:53:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Excellent. Not quite a +2 yet though. This is kind of pointless, but setting up a nice series. This story alone, without the "to be Continued" is only a +1. I'm trying real hard not to let the anticipation of Part 2 pump the scores on this one though. I can't wait!
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-09-16 10:46:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your talent fucking scares me.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-09-16 10:40:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh, I'm not trying to spam your post, but:
Homer: But wait. You can't kill me for being Krusty. I'm not him.
I'm Homer Simpson.
Fat Tony:
The same Homer Simpson who crashed his car through the wall of
out club?
Homer: Uh ... actually my name is Barney. Yeah. Barney Gumble.
Homie the Clown
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-09-16 10:39:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No, but seriously. This is how to write. Does anyone else notice the nearly complete lack of adjectives and adverbs? That's a good thing, and this is quality.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-09-16 10:38:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well written.
Protagonist is identifiable with.
Small grammatical error due to a rewrite of a sentence ("my my") but other than that very well written.
Author has real potential.
Reviewer is imitating a robot for no particular reason.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-09-16 10:37:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by interchange (user info) at 2004-09-16 10:32:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Two things kept this from a +2:
1) Sweet Home Alabama????
2) The Mafia frowns upon drugs. This has relaxed a bit, but the old Mafia still hates anyone who trafficks drugs. Definitely not a standard Mafia operation.
Submitted by wazzawazzayo (user info) at 2004-09-16 10:25:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wanna be a driver for the mob now.
Submitted by ASSMAN (user info) at 2004-09-16 10:22:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
NIIIIIIIIIICE
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-09-16 10:17:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-09-16 10:11:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Aw, is Burns trying to mask his style for UM? How cute.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-09-16 09:41:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Can't wait for part 2.
Good Post!
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2004-09-16 09:34:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Still love you.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2004-09-16 09:13:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice, cant waite to read the rest dude!
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-09-16 09:08:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You, Me, Madness. Lets do it honkey.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2004-09-16 09:04:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lovin' all that is sideburns.
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2004-09-16 08:56:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've always wanted to work for the mafia.
I think that I reviewed this earlier
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2004-09-16 08:49:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I pictured that guy talking like a minister
Submitted by SimOliLan (user info) at 2004-09-16 08:29:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Seems very promising so far. I love gangster and mafia stories, and I can't wait for the rest of this.
Submitted by xenon (user info) at 2004-09-16 08:29:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Looking forward to the ending.
You're posting awful early.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-09-16 08:27:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Badlands--
I would love to face you in UM. I think I could give you some stiff competition, but when it comes down to it-- you've got the edge. If you write a post like 'Some Men...', you've got me beat by a landslide.
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2004-09-16 08:22:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Really. Fucking. Good.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2004-09-16 08:20:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Interesting storytelling. Excellent structure. Nice, even pacing. Man, you're one of the few reasons I keep coming back to this site.
I'd love to face you in UM...even though you'd probably wipe the floor with me.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-09-16 08:19:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
TSSSSS muy caliente!!
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-09-16 08:08:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Usually, I read half of your posts and get bored with not your style, but your choices of topics.
This looks promising...
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-09-16 07:57:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I should really check for typos. I apologize.
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-09-16 07:54:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ugh, now I know you CAN write fiction that isn't funny.
Bastard.
Cheers!
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-16 07:54:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
>> I could hear 'Sweet Home Alabama' on the radio.
>> At least these guys have decent taste in music.
Good writing, but auto -2 just for that.