A Day of Paintball Fun (1644 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.58 on 34 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Avals (View user info) at 2004-09-16 18:12:19 EDT
This probably sucks. It's late, and the subject wasn't that well developed in my head anyway.
I don't know why, though, but I just needed to write this.
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Ben hated the prospect of playing war games with a bunch of rug rats. Unfortunately, that was the only way his parents would let him go, and it's been a while since he got to shoot something in the head. It was this unfortunate circumstance that brought Ben to this point; standing at the paintball field surrounded by a bunch of pansy twelve year-old kids. They all had rich parents, which translated to $500 dollar-worth paintball killing machines. Ben had to make do with the small semi-auto they rented at the paintball supply place. No matter, it would just make it a greater challenge.
The group split off into two teams, and ran out in different directions -- each member identified by a coloured uniform -- to assemble at their respective bases.
As the match began, Ben didn't bother sticking to his team. He didn't need the help of some pansy-ass butt munchers to win.
He advanced expertly through the field, taking cover behind barricades and moving when the coast was clear, but preferred to save his ammo for when he needed it most.
Suddenly, the ground around his feet exploded into colourful confetti as dozens of paintball shells started landing around him. Spotted by a little fag! Ben quickly jumped into cover behind a fallen tree.
Little Timmy was enjoying himself. He kept the trigger pressed and watched as the paintballs turned into colourful blots of paint on impact. Golly, that gun daddy bought him sure was neat! He should kiss daddy when he gets home for buying him this great birthday gift.
"Skplat!" Went his carotid artery as Ben's serrated commando knife tore into his neck. "Damn pansy ass butt muncher should've been watching his goddamn flanks!" Ben mused, as he picked up the blood-stained paintball gun off the ground.
Suddenly, he heard the voices of approaching enemies. "Dang shit flinging ass twats!" quietly exclaimed Ben as he slid into a good hiding spot nearby and popped a nail in the top of the magazine of his newly acquired gun.
His target came into view, clad in blue uniforms and with a pigtail jutting out from behind her protective mask. She came to a halt in a place overlooking where Ben's previous victim was lying. Her mouth opened, and she managed to produce a short scream before her head exploded in a shower of red confetti. Ben was proud of himself; proper results weren't easy to achieve with these pussy paintball guns, but his trademarked nail-in-the-clip trick always did the job.
He quickly picked up the girl's expensive full-auto paintball gun and rushed to hide behind a nearby oak tree, expecting the arrival of the soon to be DOA enemy team.
Hearing the scream, the rest of the kids rushed in its direction. Teddy, Suzy, Michelle, and Johnny ran excitedly, as small kids often do, with their paintball toy in hand. They stopped just short of the inflatable paintball barricade behind which little Anny lay dead to determine which way to proceed. Before they could reach a decision, Ben stepped out from his hiding place, holding a gun in each hand.
"Die, motherfuckers!" He yelled as he pulled both triggers simultaneously, releasing a hail of rounds at the helpless kids. He had just enough time before the enemy arrived to swap the standard paintball rounds in his guns for his special spiked metal ones, which he had brought from home for just such an occasion. He kept the trigger pressed until his guns stopped firing completely, and then approached the targets, knife drawn, to make a kill confirmation.
"Fucking pansy ass cock munchers," he muttered under his breath as he kicked little Suzy's body with his boot. "What's a guy gotta do to get a decent paintball game 'round here?"
User Reviews
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2007-02-21 16:52:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I totally agree. Same thing happened here http://www.ubersite.com/m/37531
Submitted by jagmcmanus (user info) at 2005-12-17 07:10:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by KAMI (user info) at 2005-12-07 16:20:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
was gunna get a +1, but i took 2 away for the camping.
have a nice day.
why'd i say that? i hate you!
Submitted by YarenZero (user info) at 2005-12-02 21:20:35 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
It was okay, but it doesn't really help to further the positive immage of the sport of paintball.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2005-06-10 16:59:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Beautiful
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-12-20 13:43:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking sweet.
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-12-20 12:59:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
for camping
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-11-26 16:33:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Amazing.
Looks like you're the only one that pays attention to yourself. Jerk off.
Submitted by Sepsis (user info) at 2004-10-22 19:59:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
had potential.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-10-16 14:14:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Crazy? Me? I'm not crazy, I'm stark raving bonkers! Wacko! Looney! A certified nutjob! But not crazy; never crazy.
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-10-10 18:46:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're crazy.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-09-29 12:55:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It is I!
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-09-24 17:58:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I agree, same thing happened here: http://www.ubersite.com/m/45242
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-09-22 15:16:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Keine dunich?
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-09-22 09:23:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2004-09-21 20:26:09 (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
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Yeah, thanks for that.
Constructive criticism at its finest.
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2004-09-21 20:26:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-09-21 13:45:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Look at me, I'm the queen of England!
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-09-21 08:14:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The rate-whore strikes again!
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-09-21 02:45:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm coining a new term now; rate-whore! I am officially a rate-whore. So rate me already!
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-09-20 16:31:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm a hitwhore
Hitwhore
Yeah
Fucky sucky G.I? Ten Dollars!
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-09-20 15:59:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm going to start camping my own posts now, mmmmmmmkay?
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-09-20 04:53:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey, might as well ask this here:
Anyone knows any utility that allows me to block all programs from accessing the CD-drive?
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-09-17 12:54:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I feel so alone. Alooooooooooooooooone loooone looone loone lone.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-09-17 10:02:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Uhm ... bump?
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-09-17 05:01:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What the?! Holy fuck! cyst_master's comment just disappeared! Poof! Gone!
Bart? You need to start warning us when you do that. Christ.
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2004-09-17 03:51:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Child abuse is always a crowd pleaser
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-09-17 03:39:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
cyst_master, you can go ahead and fuck yourself now.
Submitted by P33N3R (user info) at 2004-09-16 22:20:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That. Kicked. Ass.
Submitted by gibberish (user info) at 2004-09-16 19:57:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For Ash.
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2004-09-16 19:49:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-09-16 18:57:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for Ash.
---------------------------
hellz yeah.
Submitted by Pingu (user info) at 2004-09-16 19:38:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh.
Submitted by rebelMP40 <RebelMp40.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-09-16 18:58:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PWN3D!!!!11!1!one!11!!1!eleven!!11!
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-09-16 18:57:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for Ash.
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2004-09-16 18:47:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i don't know if it was conscious, but using dang instead of damn in Dang shit flinging ass twats was funny. also, ass twats is funny too. and +2 for shopping smart, s-mart.
Submitted by shadowdragon (user info) at 2004-09-16 18:39:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
hehe.