A Memory (1316 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.56 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by gib 'rish (View user info) at 2004-09-16 19:40:47 EDT
Wouldn't it be so much easier for the world to collapse into apathy?
I don't care anymore, but only because the pills tell me not to. I'm nothing. I have no point. Nothing has a point. God is dead.
.....
Two weeks in hell for a psychological evaluation. My family shipping me off to a concentration camp for the forgotten and unwanted. I'm roommates with the offspring of alcohol and childhood abuse. I'm not like these people. Why did they send me here? I'm just like everyone else. I like baseball, grandma, and apple pie. I'm just fine.
I'm okay.
Yeah, so I draw weird stuff sometimes. Big deal. Dali did it. I can't express myself how I see fit? Of course not, people who are different should be locked up. If I draw something violent that means I'm coming in tomorrow with an AK and mowing down everyone in the west lobby where all the goths and stoners hang out.
I think of my school shootings cartoon and laugh to myself, drawing quizzical looks from today's psychiatrist. There's a new one, with a new skin color, every day. They do it to see if I'll respond differently to them. Like I give a shit or something.
Today's psychiatric pie-slave ain't getting anything out of me though. I haven't ever made friends with a flat-chested Asian woman before and I don't intend to start anytime in the near future. Fucking whore. I hate women. Why the hell are you bothering me? I just want to go back home. What's wrong with me?
"You're fine. We just nee..."
Bullshit. Everything you people say is bullshit. Let me go home.
I wake up to the sound of my roommate snoring. What time is it? There aren't any clocks in this place and they took my watch away. I guess they were afraid I would strangle someone with it.
Laying awake for what seemed like hours. It's at night when the demons come out of the woodwork. I can hear them now. They know me. They know the awful things I've done, who I've done them to. They know when I've been rejected. When I've fallen. Why I can't rise to my feet again. They know my mistakes and they won't let me forget them. I need to get out of here. Fuck this place.
Why does this place cover the fences with razor wire? What kind of place is this anyway? Why did you send me away? Aren't I good enough for you? No, of course I'm not. Every morning, rising out of bed and all I get from you is that "Why didn't I have a fucking abortion?" look. You deny it, but I see it in your eyes. Do you even know how much it takes for me to wake up? To stumble into the bathroom so I can take a shower?
The mirror paints me like a half dead heroin addict. I don't even have the energy to cry now. I spent my tears long ago. Sobbing because I didn't know what I would do if you found my collection of pills in the bottom of my cashbox. You smiled because you thought they were working and I smiled because I didn't want you to know the truth.
Memories racing through my head but all I have in the end are unanswered questions and twelve feet of razor wire between me and liberation. They don't fucking know.
Then suddenly there's flashlights and yelling. Everything went dark. The cowards probably drugged me because they were too afraid that I would fight them. But I'm just a little boy, trying to go home.
I don't know how long I've been here. There aren't any windows in most of the building and there's no way to tell time. I could have been there for a decade and never known it. No one came to visit me. There was a meeting once. I saw my mom crying. And then there was nothing. Sleepless nights and drugged food. I wish I knew what was going on. So much time passed. I think. I don't know.
They label me as a bipolar schizophrenic. They don't know what they're talking about. I'm fucking fine.
.....
When the sun goes down the demons from my past creep gently out from the shadows of my mind.
Tonight is no different.
User Reviews
Submitted by EmptyRobot (user info) at 2004-09-29 23:05:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you rule
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-09-28 21:12:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And another +2 because I would LOVE to strangle honeycunt or whatever her name is with a wristwatch.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-09-28 21:10:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is beautiful. I mean... Wow.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-09-22 15:58:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by honeycake (user info) at 2004-09-21 19:53:35 (#)
Ranking: -2
Crappity Crap Crappy Crapping McCrapperton.
Woo.
Gibberish is right. :D
Submitted by honeycake (user info) at 2004-09-21 19:53:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Crappity Crap Crappy Crapping McCrapperton.
Woo.
Gibberish is right. :D
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-09-18 00:49:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm a little afraid of you now.
Submitted by Alice_in_Wonderland (user info) at 2004-09-17 13:56:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
really nice writing... captured what was going on in his head perfectly. reminded me of "girl, interupted" in that it makes you start comparing yourself to the "crazy" person to make sure you can find enough plausible differences to prove you're not crazy too
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-09-16 23:38:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You hate to ruin what?
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-09-16 23:04:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Plus two for an intriguing post.
Vote Kerry! Because the ignorance of this country is rearing it's ugly head...
Have you seen this?
If the presidential election were held this week, who would you vote for? * 69577 responses
George W. Bush
56%
John Kerry
44%
Ralph Nader
1%
That sucks. I am stunned that 56% of America thinks he is doing a good job. Is anyone paying attenion?
Submitted by berta <voidmoonbeam.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-09-16 21:50:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Been there - except I had a clock. The girl down the hall didn't - she would take them down and break the glass to cut herself with.
I was too drugged to do that.
Submitted by thricepalermo <ubersite88> at 2004-09-16 20:30:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I can (twitch) relate.
Submitted by mr.awesome (user info) at 2004-09-16 20:23:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd like to see someone get strangled with a watch. The ultimate undignified death.