The Windy City (522 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 2 on 4 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by PoBz_UK (View user info) at 2004-09-17 06:21:39 EDT
New Hurricane Catagories
Category 1: "Wussy"
Street signs blow over, bushes and shrubs are damaged, housecats meow
slightly more loudly. Plan for these storms by duct taping your shrubs,
kicking the cat, and shaking your fist triumphantly at Mother Nature for
throwing such a weak-ass storm at you.
Category 2: "Mildly Alarming"
Houses moan, some of the sicker looking trees may fall over, shingles blow
off, small children complain. Planning: duct tape all the sick trees you
may have on your property, as well as duct taping X-es on your windows.
This lets the wind know not to blow the glass in. Purchase bottled water,
before everyone else snaps it up.
Category 3: "Deeply Frightening"
Houses collapse, mobile homes cease to exist in any normal functioning
sense of the word, dogs fart explosively, healthy trees surrender.
Planning: duct tape everything on your property, including the dog. Buy
plywood and nail it over the windows-- after first duct taping X-es over
the glass. Purchase bottled water and bleach. This is so if it looks like
you're going to die, you can add the bleach to the water and drink it.
Category 4: "Holy Shit"
Buildings fall, cars fly through the air, walls bleed, large sea mammals
are carried several miles inland, entire regions disappear completely.
Planning: Cover your entire house with duct tape X-es to try and fool the
hurricane into thinking the whole place is a gigantic window. Nail as much
wood as you can find to the outside of the duct tape. Lock yourself and
your family and your farting dog in the basement with the bottled water
and bleach, and maybe some canned goods, a portable generator, and a gun
to ward off looters in the apocalyptic aftermath that is sure to follow.
Category 5: "The End Of The World"
All trace of humanity is picked up several yards into the air and
converted into bite-sized pieces, the Biblical leviathan surfaces from the
depths, hell rises up and swallows mankind whole. Planning: screw the duct
tape. Get into the basement and make peace with your god. Whomever He, She
or It may be.
User Reviews
Submitted by Alice_in_Wonderland (user info) at 2004-09-17 14:20:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
heh... i hope my walls don't bleed any time soon
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-17 09:21:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Swizzle.
Submitted by triple_optics (user info) at 2004-09-17 07:38:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by I_have_a_fetish_fetish (user info) at 2004-09-17 06:33:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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