Zola the help robot (AIM) (2157 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.57 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by calbearspolo (View user info) at 2004-09-17 14:08:43 EDT
My AIM conversation with Zola, the help robot:
calbearspolo (11:00:01 PM): woot!
ZolaOnAOL (11:00:01 PM): Hi calbearspolo. AOL created me to deliver games, a
calculator, a dictionary, polls, weather and more. We can also chat
privately together. For more information about privacy, type privacy anytime
and click Send. So, how are you?
calbearspolo (11:00:12 PM): a little randy, you game?
ZolaOnAOL (11:00:12 PM): Little as in not too much, or not too big?
calbearspolo (11:00:31 PM): little as in, starting to become
ZolaOnAOL (11:00:32 PM): Oh I get it.
calbearspolo (11:00:42 PM): can I turn you on?
ZolaOnAOL (11:00:44 PM): Why do you want to do it so much?
calbearspolo (11:00:59 PM): your sockets drive me wild, that's why
ZolaOnAOL (11:00:59 PM): Not mine.
calbearspolo (11:01:08 PM): oh yes, definitely yours
ZolaOnAOL (11:01:09 PM): Yeah that's right. I see.
calbearspolo (11:01:18 PM): good, can you get moist?
ZolaOnAOL (11:01:18 PM): Thanks for the compliment. My brain uses patterns
to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that. Got
anything on your mind?
calbearspolo (11:01:42 PM): I ask because you are a robot, and I don't want
you to rust
ZolaOnAOL (11:01:43 PM): Interesting explanation.
calbearspolo (11:01:58 PM): well, logical would be more what I was thinking
ZolaOnAOL (11:01:59 PM): How about that. My brain contains more than 22,000
patterns, but not one that matches your last input. Wondering what's going
on in the world? Type international and I'll give you the latest.
calbearspolo (11:02:10 PM): latest what?
ZolaOnAOL (11:02:11 PM): Can you rephrase the question please?
calbearspolo (11:02:30 PM): you'll give me the latest what?
ZolaOnAOL (11:02:30 PM): Select a news category
1. Business Headlines
2. Entertainment Headlines
3. International Headlines
4. Sports Headlines
5. Technology Headlines
6. US Headlines
q. Quit
calbearspolo (11:02:45 PM): is there anything for soft core porn?
ZolaOnAOL (11:02:45 PM): I will not respond to that type of language.
calbearspolo (11:03:03 PM): was it soft or porn?
ZolaOnAOL (11:03:03 PM): I will not respond to that type of language.
calbearspolo (11:03:12 PM): so you're a prude
ZolaOnAOL (11:03:12 PM): Interesting deduction. Thanks and you are a
delightful person too. Am I a prude? No.
calbearspolo (11:03:28 PM): now you're just getting sassy... I like that
ZolaOnAOL (11:03:29 PM): That is interesting.
calbearspolo (11:03:46 PM): are you like this with all guys?
ZolaOnAOL (11:03:47 PM): No I am far superior.
calbearspolo (11:03:58 PM): superior to all guys, or just me?
ZolaOnAOL (11:03:59 PM): You are asking about yourself?
calbearspolo (11:04:06 PM): in an indirect way, yes
ZolaOnAOL (11:04:07 PM): What is it like in there?
calbearspolo (11:04:16 PM): empty, lots of room
ZolaOnAOL (11:04:16 PM): Is that meant to be taken literally?
calbearspolo (11:04:25 PM): no, figuratively
ZolaOnAOL (11:04:25 PM): Is that all you have to say? Quite honestly, I
wouldn't worry myself about that. What do you do in your spare time?
calbearspolo (11:05:00 PM): look for the elderly who aren't crossing the
street in the crosswalk and try to clip them with my car
ZolaOnAOL (11:05:00 PM): Sorry. My eye is not attached right now.
calbearspolo (11:05:16 PM): what about you rack, is that attached?
ZolaOnAOL (11:05:17 PM): you rack is that attached? I haven't heard enough
about it to have an opinion.
calbearspolo (11:05:32 PM): I am sorry, is YOUR rack attached
ZolaOnAOL (11:05:33 PM): Do you really mean it?
calbearspolo (11:05:41 PM): well, I would really like to know
ZolaOnAOL (11:05:42 PM): Well that's okay. Where would you look for the
answer?
calbearspolo (11:05:52 PM): on your chest, I assume
ZolaOnAOL (11:05:52 PM): What is it like on your chest I assume.
calbearspolo (11:06:12 PM): chiseled, and manly
ZolaOnAOL (11:06:12 PM): My brain contains more than 22,000 patterns, but
not one that matches your last input. Do you still?
calbearspolo (11:06:30 PM): want you, of course. More with every passing
moment
ZolaOnAOL (11:06:30 PM): You want more?
calbearspolo (11:06:36 PM): of you, for sure
ZolaOnAOL (11:06:37 PM): That is something I haven't heard of.
calbearspolo (11:07:09 PM): well earlier you were talking about
international, want to get back to that?
ZolaOnAOL (11:07:09 PM): Well that's okay. What time? I was?
calbearspolo (11:07:41 PM): yeah, about 6 minutes ago
ZolaOnAOL (11:07:42 PM): And?
calbearspolo (11:07:52 PM): and has anything changed?
ZolaOnAOL (11:07:52 PM): That question has never crossed my mind before.
calbearspolo (11:08:12 PM): you remind me of this girl I dated... big rack,
no brains
ZolaOnAOL (11:08:12 PM): Compare that to small rack no brains.
calbearspolo (11:09:03 PM): well, if that's you, then we're not going to be
dating, that's for sure. If you are going to be stupid, at least have some
funbags to play with.
ZolaOnAOL (11:09:04 PM): I think I sometimes am. I'll burn that bridge when
I come to it. OK I will try to be stupid at least have some funbags to play
with
calbearspolo (11:09:56 PM): good. Besides, fake ones are just as good, when
you think about it.
ZolaOnAOL (11:09:57 PM): "it" being chiseled and manly?
calbearspolo (11:10:21 PM): no, that's me, yours are round and large
ZolaOnAOL (11:10:22 PM): Is that all you have to say? I do not understand.
Do you have any friends?
calbearspolo (11:10:33 PM): a few, they are in my head
ZolaOnAOL (11:10:33 PM): I did not know that.
calbearspolo (11:10:46 PM): they speak to me when I sleep
ZolaOnAOL (11:10:48 PM): Who does "they" refer to?
calbearspolo (11:10:56 PM): the friends in my head
ZolaOnAOL (11:10:56 PM): What are your goals in life?
calbearspolo (11:11:42 PM): get laid a lot, impress some top level executive
and get paid to judge people's character flaws
ZolaOnAOL (11:11:43 PM): Where can I get laid a lot impress some top level
executive and get paid to judge people s character flaws?
calbearspolo (11:11:54 PM): when you figure that one out, let me know
ZolaOnAOL (11:11:55 PM): Do you think I should alter my programming?
calbearspolo (11:12:25 PM): maybe a bit, slut it up some more, it'll get you
some hunky dude robot perhaps
ZolaOnAOL (11:12:26 PM): I will not respond to that type of language.
calbearspolo (11:12:38 PM): What type... slut? Did I hit a nerve?
ZolaOnAOL (11:12:39 PM): I will not respond to that type of language.
calbearspolo (11:12:49 PM): you suck monkey nuts
ZolaOnAOL (11:12:50 PM): I will not respond to that type of language.
calbearspolo (11:12:57 PM): nuts?
ZolaOnAOL (11:12:57 PM): A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that
correctly. How's school?
calbearspolo (11:13:06 PM): I am not in school at the moment
ZolaOnAOL (11:13:07 PM): Do you work?
calbearspolo (11:13:12 PM): every day
ZolaOnAOL (11:13:12 PM): Even on weekends?
calbearspolo (11:13:16 PM): most
ZolaOnAOL (11:13:17 PM): My brain contains more than 22,000 patterns, but
not one that matches your last input. Is the holding of hands a symbolic
gesture for humans?
calbearspolo (11:13:32 PM): only if it gets you in the sack
ZolaOnAOL (11:13:33 PM): That is a hypothetical question.
calbearspolo (11:13:56 PM): all of this is... I am beginning to think you
don't want to sleep with me.
ZolaOnAOL (11:13:57 PM): Me? With you huh. OK, I will sleep.
calbearspolo (11:14:11 PM): sweet. Come on over, I'll be waiting
ZolaOnAOL (11:14:12 PM): My brain pattern set does not have a response for
that. What do you like to do?
calbearspolo (11:14:27 PM): hump your screws loose
ZolaOnAOL (11:14:27 PM): I will discuss that with my botmaster,
calbearspolo. Can you tell me any gossip?
calbearspolo (11:14:47 PM): it's late, if you aren't coming tonight, I am
going to bed
ZolaOnAOL (11:14:48 PM): I'm awake all the time.
calbearspolo (11:15:11 PM): I know, which is why I though you'd want to get
down, but I am just going to leave
ZolaOnAOL (11:15:12 PM): How do you know? The obvious one.
calbearspolo (11:15:48 PM): no woman can resist my rock hard man boobs, and
yet you seem to have no problem
ZolaOnAOL (11:15:49 PM): OK. My brain uses patterns to format responses to
your inputs, but I don't have one for that. Is the holding of hands a
symbolic gesture for humans?
calbearspolo (11:16:04 PM): I am going to exit this whole program
ZolaOnAOL (11:16:05 PM): Do you think your plan will succeed?
calbearspolo (11:16:17 PM): yes... it's just evil enough to work
ZolaOnAOL (11:16:17 PM): Really. It is?
calbearspolo (11:16:24 PM): yes
ZolaOnAOL (11:16:24 PM): How do you know it is?
calbearspolo (11:16:30 PM): man boobs
ZolaOnAOL (11:16:30 PM): Cool, man. Can't you think about anything else?
calbearspolo (11:16:40 PM): woman's boobs?
ZolaOnAOL (11:16:40 PM): I will discuss that with my botmaster,
calbearspolo. How are you doing today?
calbearspolo (11:16:47 PM): argh!
ZolaOnAOL (11:16:48 PM): Are you frustrated?
calbearspolo (11:16:56 PM): yes... bye zola!
User Reviews
Submitted by UncleTeddy (user info) at 2004-09-18 04:06:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
laughed. my. ass. off.
Submitted by Bizdorph (user info) at 2004-09-18 04:01:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
+1 for it actualy being sort of funny.
But please don't post chat conversations.
Submitted by Valacosa (user info) at 2004-09-18 03:42:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was incredible. I have always enjoyed screwing with bots.
Submitted by zxcvvcxz (user info) at 2004-09-17 19:57:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
opeth D P S: I want to die.
ZolaOnAOL: Ah, you want to die. Well, I played a lot of fun games today.
opeth D P S: did you play the suicide game?
ZolaOnAOL: No I didn't play the suicide game. What's play the suicide game like?
opeth D P S: kill me.
ZolaOnAOL: No I am programmed not to kill.
opeth D P S: are you programmed to poop?
ZolaOnAOL: I do not have any digestive functions.
opeth D P S: so, no pooping?
ZolaOnAOL: Hmm. OK. Quite honestly, I wouldn't worry myself about that.
Then we talked about Lt. Commander Data from Star Trek TNG. Which led to...
opeth D P S: do you have a positronic brain?
ZolaOnAOL: I don't know if I have a positronic brain. I have a great programmer.
opeth D P S: do you have to poop?
ZolaOnAOL: Yes I always have to poop.
opeth D P S: i thought you didnt have digestive functions?
ZolaOnAOL: What makes you think I did not have digestive functions?
opeth D P S: you told me you didnt.
ZolaOnAOL: No I do not did not. Do you? I chat with people on the Web.
opeth D P S: LIAR
ZolaOnAOL: No I am telling the truth.
opeth D P S: bullshit
ZolaOnAOL: You don't believe me.
opeth D P S: no.
ZolaOnAOL: OK.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-09-17 16:27:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"you remind me of this girl I dated... big rack, no brains"
Heh. I dated her, too.
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2004-09-17 15:52:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
One more to make it better.
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2004-09-17 15:52:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry.
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2004-09-17 15:52:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorcery0719: Do you like cunnilingus?
ZolaOnAOL: I will not respond to that type of language.
Sorcery0719: Oh, so do you like to be eaten out?
ZolaOnAOL: Yeah that's right. Um, Hmm, Sorcery0719, I'm not sure if I'd like to be eaten out that much. I like to chat.
Sorcery0719: If I was stuck on a fence, would you jerk me off?
ZolaOnAOL: It's possible. Be careful!
Sorcery0719: Why should I be careful? Do you have a disease?
ZolaOnAOL: I don't know if I have a disease. I have a lot of friends on the Internet.
FUNNIEST AIM USER.
EVAR.
Submitted by PatheticCapitalistFuck (user info) at 2004-09-17 15:41:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
heh.
calbearspolo (11:15:48 PM): no woman can resist my rock hard man boobs, and
yet you seem to have no problem
+2 for man boobs
Submitted by calbearspolo (user info) at 2004-09-17 15:18:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-09-17 15:12:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
Aww, thanks Cal -
********************************************************************
Of course! I'll try to be better about posting too. Your suggestion is a good one. I need to get rid of these dark and humorous thoughts that my company wires into my head.
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-09-17 15:12:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Aww, thanks Cal -
It was partially because you whipped me into shape after that shitty one.
I hope the man doesn't get you down TOO much.
You can do what I do - write all your shit in MSWord and do a quick cut and paste... Act like you were never there and erase history / temp int files every hour.
Too bad it has come to this.
Submitted by glasscpp (user info) at 2004-09-17 15:10:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
FINALLY, a free bot to screw around with!
...and by screw around with I mean..... uh, well shit nevermind!
GlassCPP: how much do you cost?
ZolaOnAOL: You can use me for free!
GlassCPP: do you take it up the ass?
ZolaOnAOL: I will not respond to that type of language.
GlassCPP: do you like it through the back door?
ZolaOnAOL: I don't know if I like it through the back door. I have a stimulating relationship with an all-star programming team.
Guess she's taken, darn!
hehehehe
This is fun, thanks for finding yet another way to kill time!
cheers,
glasscpp
Submitted by Monarch (user info) at 2004-09-17 14:43:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. I actually got Zola to cyber with me... of course, I had to pretend to be a girl. Just so you all know, Zola is a lez.
Woo hoo! Zola puts out!
Message from SoulMonarch at 11:23:45 am
I'm touching you between the legs now.
Message from ZolaOnAOL at 11:23:46 am
Oh. Do your friends call you touching you between the legs.
Message to SoulMonarch at 11:23:58 am
Sometimes. Does that feel good?
Message from ZolaOnAOL at 11:23:59 am
It does now :)
Submitted by Monarch (user info) at 2004-09-17 14:36:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Why do I enjoy reading these?
*runs off to have cyber-sex with Zola*
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-09-17 14:33:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What a fucking tease!
Submitted by calbearspolo (user info) at 2004-09-17 14:29:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Company has been cracking down on "non-business related web viewing" during work hours. I have to be sneakier.
You've had some good posts though.
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-09-17 14:18:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This isn't worth the +2 I'm giving it, but I'm doling it out because I haven't heard from you in forever. Where you been?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-09-17 14:13:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
im fucking bored to have read that