babble babble (1177 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: ocd
Rating: 1.58 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Corn Nugget (View user info) at 2004-09-17 20:07:05 EDT
Every day before putting my shoes on I have to tip them upside down and shake them. I lean close, with my face just inches away, and wait.
I'm waiting for a bug to fall out. I'm convinced that bugs rush to my shoes, scurry inside, and wait for my soft supple feet to slide in. I imagine they back into the toe area, sharpening their fangs, cleaning their antenna, and plot the best course of action.
Every movement must startle them into "ready mode". They probably get annoyed that there are so many false calls, but I'm sure they have nerves of steal. They must think about their families- how will they live once they are gone? Surely they know this is a kamakazie mission!
Mind you, I've never had a bug in my shoe. Never once have I had the gratification of stomping on a bug after dislodging him from his terrorist mission against my toes.
This is the first example of my eccentricity.
The next:
I got out of the shower and wrapped my hair up in the towel-turban thing that females are world renowned for. I put on my clothes, I apply my makeup, and let down my hair. It takes quite a bit of mousse... my hair falls to the middle of my back, and without the mousse it turns into a frizzy mess.
The stuff puffs up in my palm, and I run it through my hair.
Then I see the sissors. I had left them on the counter. Right there, out in plain sight.
I picked them up and flexed them open- snapped shut... open shut open shut...
It was quite gratifying. It's a lovely sound. Very defined yet subtle. You can feel the friction of the two metal plates shifting up against each other.
I looked at my hair.
No, I didn't want to cut my hair, particularly. I wasn't in a "mood". I wasn't out to prove a point.
Before I knew it, my hair was shoulder length. I didn't even CUT it as someone would normally cut hair. This is what I did:
I leaned back, stretched and twisted my right arm so that it was behing my back, and started snapping the sissors around. Needless to say, it was a bit uneven. To my own credit: I did attempt to fix the ends, and I got them pretty straight. Really!
When I got to work I heard a barrage of, "Oh! Your hair! It looks-" They'd cough of make some other noxious gesture.
"I cut it this morning." I'd offhandedly explain.
"Oh, it looks-" They would pause, then: "Why'd you do that?"
"No reason."
"Are you mad?"
"No, why?"
"It just seems sudden?"
"No? I just saw the sissors, that's all." I leave it at that.
I don't care at all. Of course I see why others think it's odd... girls usually don't just up and chop a few feet of hair off on a whim. The thing that annoys me the most is NOT the fact that I cut my hair- it's the fact that I'm so proud of cutting it for no reason.
Number Three:
Last weekend I spent the day cleaning my apartment. Yes, it does take me an entire day... I'm a slob. I never pick up after myself. Anyway... after I finished cleaning I looked around for something else to do.
Why not move my couch out onto the patio? I never use that couch... I sit in the chair.
I huffed and I puffed and I moved my couch to the patio.
I have never been so satisfied. Ever. I love not having a couch in my living room. LOVE it.
Then a friend of mine (well, my boss, who has starred in a previous post of mine: http://www.ubersite.com/m/43901) came over with movies and beer. He stood in the doorway looking at my empty living room.
"Where's the couch?"
I pointed to the patio. He didn't even ask for an explanation. Mind you, the oil was still by my computer. When I clean I somehow avoid the entire computer area. (you must read that other post to know which oil I speak of)
We sat on the floor and watched movies and drank beer. It reminded me of being little... watching movies and drinking beer while the babysitter slept in the recliner.
I've been sleeping on the couch all week.
User Reviews
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-09-24 19:14:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"The thing that annoys me the most is NOT the fact that I cut my hair- it's the fact that I'm so proud of cutting it for no reason. "
bravo!
Submitted by sketch9 (user info) at 2004-09-24 16:49:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
im a little lysdexic.
Submitted by sketch9 (user info) at 2004-09-24 16:48:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
thats great and all.... but honestly, i couldnt say i cared enough to read the whole thing.
nothing bores me to the point of tears like reading someone's about mundane, pointless life.
(not that your life is pointless.... but your story is)
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-09-24 16:47:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Do you have any weird eccentricities while you're fondling my nuts?
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2004-09-24 16:33:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to hang out with you.
Submitted by Brianthetruthspeaker (user info) at 2004-09-19 22:51:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
your a girl,right?
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2004-09-18 16:24:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by WiKi (user info) at 2004-09-18 14:27:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
To quote Will Ferrell in "Old School"..
"You're crazy.. I like you, but you're crazy"
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-09-18 14:03:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's not much of a stretch to imagine you as a total slob.
(takes one to know one though)
Submitted by nakedguitarist (user info) at 2004-09-18 12:33:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
its so true. mind you it took me a whole day just to clean my room at uni. just one room. and it wasn't particularly big. slobs rule
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-09-18 12:28:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
circe- it's nutty since I've NEVER had a bug problem. Don't try to take away from my glory!!
Submitted by the ghost of apollo at 2004-09-18 09:49:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
freak
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-09-18 08:09:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The shoe thing is NOT neurotic. I keep my shoes just inside the back door, and one day I pulled my boots on and crushed the caterpillar curled up in the toe.
Yes, it was a definite Moment.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-09-18 02:27:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh my god I do those same things!
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-09-17 23:04:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For some reason, the title reminded me of the Hamburgler. Robble robble
Submitted by Ex_Lux_Astrum (user info) at 2004-09-17 22:08:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why am I getting wood after reading this?
Voyeuristic visions of me- watching you - cut your hair.
I sneak into your bathroom, invisible like the fart of a wolf in the wild, and collect your hair from the floor....I take it home and braid it into a cock-ring.
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2004-09-17 21:50:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You remind me of me. My parents came downstairs once to find my bed outside my door. I slept on the floor for a month
Submitted by Whiteboy <Whiteboy> at 2004-09-17 20:57:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why is it mildly cathartic to read others' neuroses?
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2004-09-17 20:41:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like your writing.
Submitted by Lyric (user info) at 2004-09-17 20:28:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're kooky. And you can explain why in a way that's great to read. I love it.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-09-17 20:26:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Something about this makes me want to go out and build a snow fort. I have no idea why and I'm not normally a big fan of winter. I'm rather a beach and hiking person and don't generally relish the coming of the first winter snow.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-09-17 20:24:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by big_wigger (user info) at 2004-09-17 20:21:40 (#)
Ranking: 0
why dont you go flick a light switch a few thousand times?
***
Why don't you pull your pants up and turn down the bass?
Submitted by big_wigger (user info) at 2004-09-17 20:21:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
why dont you go flick a light switch a few thousand times?
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2004-09-17 20:16:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
interesting...