Dirt (1424 hits)
Category: UberMadness!Rating: 0.2 on 193 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Uber Madness 2004 (View user info) at 2004-09-18 22:10:14 EDT
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This post is officially part of UberMadness!. Click here for more information on the rules and restrictions. |
Entry 1
(If the image doesn't attach, I hope Bart or Razor can help me fix the problem.)
- VS -
Entry 2
Lauren Gardner hated living in the city. The crime was depressing, and the pollution was unbearable. It was a huge culture shock when she moved from her suburban home up north. Los Angeles was a long move from her small town near Toronto. She had considered moving to New York or Boston but received a job offer that she couldn't pass up. She worked as a Legal Assistant in a big law firm that handled some of the biggest cases in California, which could only mean one of the biggest paychecks she could find in California. Her routine hadn't changed much, since she had just graduated from college, and grew accustomed to early mornings. Her boss said she worked too hard, coming in early every day and getting straight to work, but she didn't see what could possibly be wrong in working hard. She wore casual clothes, having been raised in a liberal town, and found comfort in the fact that the rest of the firm didn't mind her outfit. In her world, anything that can relate to her life in suburban Ontario proved to be crucial in easing her into the life of the city.After work, Lauren would often times stop by a bar to loosen up and maybe find some friends in this god-forsaken city. Being a rather attractive girl, this wasn't too much of a problem, especially after a few shots of the tested and true love juice. If she saw a guy she liked, she'd walk up to him and order three drinks. The guy usually never noticed until they had both finished their drinks and asked why there's another one, sometimes even blaming the bartender for giving them too many. She liked that. She also liked when the man asks her beforehand who else is joining them. An independent thinker is sexy. The test was basically obsolete except to get a better look at their personality, which she didn't even take into account when picking up a man. If they happened to start talking for a while and she decided to take him home, she would usually walk him into her apartment but try to avoid getting into the bedroom. She always regretted taking the guys home with her--all they wanted was sex. The next day, she would call him back and apologize for being so cold the day before and they met again. This time, she would give way to their desires and have sex with them, making her wonder why she had her reservations before. Men are great, she would think to herself, and nothing's better than being in the arms of a man. Then she would remember why she moved out of the town she lived in. It was because of a man. The man who would sooner kill her than give her money to support herself. She was torn between needing the touch of a man and never wanting to see a man again. This went on for the next few months.
Spring eventually came, but the streets weren't any friendlier than when the cold breath of winter ravaged the city. There was no imagery, only plants every now and then. Lauren couldn't grasp how the population managed to live under these conditions. She was getting used to life in the city, and being a little less restraining when it came to men. She had probably slept with around 30 men since she moved to the big city. She also met some friends who played a large role in helping her into the busy life. She stopped by the bar again after work one day and saw a man looking at her. She returned the glance and walked over to him. He asked if she wanted a drink, but he ordered before she could say anything. After talking a bit, they got to know each other better, and she took him to her place. After he left home with her number, she fell fast asleep. Work was the same again, doing all the same tasks, which was why she was relieved to go straight home afterwards. She had turned on the television when the phone rang. It was the man from last night, and he wanted to see her again. She accepted his offer to meet at the movie theatre that night. She felt something she hadn't felt since high school; she was falling in love.
Three weeks passed and Lauren had been going out with Evan, the man from before. They would meet at the movie theatre or the bar every day and hang out. He was the coolest guy she'd ever known and all her friends were congratulating her on such a great find. It still wasn't enough to convince her that big cities don't suck, but at least he made it a hell of a lot better.
Spring came and went, and soon summer dawned on Lauren and the other residents of Los Angeles. She showed her law firm that she had what it takes to be in the law profession, and soon the firm was pushing for her to go to law school. She hadn't thought of it before and saw it as a big career move. She decided to go after it, attending school while balancing her workload. Her co-workers helped her through it, and by July, she was getting used to the routine she had so suddenly adopted. Evan still stayed beside her, and they were closer than ever before. Evan decided to move in with Lauren, moving out of his mother's basement. They rented a spacious one-bedroom apartment with a great view and many luxuries, such as a spa, sauna and fitness center. Life couldn't be better for Lauren, and he knew it. He was coming after her. He wouldn't let her live the way she wanted, and he definitely wouldn't let her forget him. He was going to make her life as terrible as he possibly could.
On a hot, July Saturday afternoon, Evan and Lauren went to the park. She walked by and saw what would be the closest thing to nature around here. The leafy green trees and blue spruces were a sight for sore eyes. She stopped to look at all the beautiful shrubbery and picked some berries like a little girl. They eventually left the the park at about 6 p.m. and headed downtown to see if they could find a meal. They stopped at a row of stores and sat down to eat at a nice family restaurant. When they got out of the car, Lauren heard a voice and got shivers down her back.
"Laura, are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm just hungry. Let's go eat."
She knew it was a lie. She felt him sneaking around. She wouldn't--she couldn't forget his disgusting scent anywhere. He was following her, and she knew nothing good could come out of it. They ate a couple fine cheeseburgers and started talking when she saw his face through the window. Her eyes widened when she saw his beady eyes staring at her. Evan turned around and saw the man as well. Even though it was dark, he was hard to miss. He pressed his face against the window and was breathing heavily.
"Do you know that man?"
"Yes, and we should get out of here. Now."
They paid their check, leaving about $10 more than they should've, but they left as quickly as they could. When they got to their car, they found the tires slashed and the inside was trashed. The car was useless now.
"Shit, who did this?! Whoever did is gonna pay big time!"
"Evan, don't! We can take a cab or something!"
It was too late. Evan saw the man and launched after him, intent on making him pay for the damage. Lauren followed them, trying the best she could to keep up. They eventually stopped in an empty car dealership. Nobody was around, and Lauren started to shake out of both fear and the cold of the night. Evan walked up to the man and demanded to know why he trashed their car. The man didn't move until Evan started lunging at him, to which he pulled out a gun. Lauren screamed for him to stop to no avail. Evan fell weakly to the ground with a loud thud. The man then laughed and threw his gun at Lauren. She hastily picked it up and aimed it at him.
"Why are you doing this, Jared?"
He didn't say anything, and she looked at him with watery eyes, not bothering to blink. She closed her eyes and shot out, only hitting the wall. He walked towards her and she walked away from him. He made sure that she was in the spot he was when he shot Evan and stopped moving. He paused for a second and yelled out,
"Help! Someone help! She's going to shoot me!"
Lauren stood there, dumbfounded at his statement. Then she heard the sirens. She heard the sirens, but he wasn't running. Why wasn't he running? Why was he...no, it couldn't be. That lowlife scum won't--the police officer started yelling in the loudspeaker,
"Drop the gun! Put your hands behind your head and slowly walk towards us and there will be no problem!"
"But he shot my boyfriend! He killed him!"
She dropped the gun and fell to her knees, crying. She couldn't understand why they weren't listening to her. Before the police came running at her, he whispered something to her.
"Because you're nothing but dirt."
She screamed and cried some more as the police handcuffed her and took her to the police station. She was the prime suspect in the killing of Evan Brusfield, and was tried for it. She was holding the gun that murdered him, with gunpowder on her hands, and it turns out that he had left her a hefty sum should he die someday. When she tried to get her law firm to help her, they refused to associate with a killer. Her friends believed her, but they were powerless to stop her from being convicted. All the evidence pointed to her, and everyone knew it, especially the jury, who sentenced her to life in prison for first-degree murder. As she was hauled off to the prison, she saw a smug grin on Jared's face.
After about a month, Jared visited Lauren. She reluctantly met him, and through bloodshot eyes asked him why.
"Because, my dear pumpkin, I'm your father. That means I get all your assets when you die. Or in this case, get them taken from you. Your fortune belongs to me, darling."
She clenched her teeth and started savagely hitting the glass, trying to get to him. The guards held her down, and she was taken to her cell. Jared smiled and walked back to his Mercedes, off to meet some of the local poontang. He was rich, after all, and rich men can get anything they want. They can even get away with murder.
Entry 1:
91teggyRS
AshK
Azriel
Beer_bong
BLITZKREIG_BOB
bob
Caulaincourt
Circe
comicbookguy
Coyote
creep_firebombing
darko
deadSurfer
Death_Metal_Dude
Disektor
domenad
drstrangedhruv
dudette
EatMeCompletely
evolydal
facts
Falconer
FilthyAssistant
firefly
FunnyAsCancer
gibberish
hairycoo
hamilton
humor_me
hyprspacd
Id
iddqd
Ignore_the_Small_Print
Jo_of_the_golden_P
KingHFB
Kristen
krushul
legallady
Method
munkeypants
Natalia_Everitt
omnifica
Papajoe
Phallic_Cymbals
Phinch
Pingu
polyamorousaj
potatomanjack
Pringles4eva
ralphmacchio
razmataz73
Razor
runninginplace
rurumon
salmonofdoubt
shadow
shark25
Smurfs
sparkle_pink
SPECIALk
spedmonkey
Stabkill
stevie_says
Stin
SwissCamel
The_Walrus
tidalfae
Timmah
tinactin
tlozoot
Wiggles
WiKi
William_Q_Percy
yetti_girl
YouLookLikeINeedADrink
zxcvvcxz
62 eligible votes (76 total) *
Entry 2:
Adamdidit2u
Allyson
Anjie
apollo88
AshyLarry
babydoll
Badlands
Banga3386
Bigmike
Brdn_Nkd
butterball
Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar
cexshun
checkyourmail
congo
corn_nugget
Degreeless_Capibara
dicquellis
Dirtbird
dodahdave
DonkeyOnTheEdge
EchoBoxing
electrictoothsyndrome
enraged_baboon
Falco
Fr057m0urn3
gamma
Genko
girlreporter
Gnome
godking
Herpes
Impassive-Digressive
j00
jack11058
Jack_McCallum
JMG114
Julia
KevinHo
knucklesnelson
littledan
lojope
Loren1
lucid
Malificent
MickGinny
MM_LP_Track3
Monarch
Natsukau
NerfHerder
NetProphet
nitty34
OneCheapGeek
PatheticCapitalistFuck
Pentameter
Philst82
QueenAshlee
redraven
satchel
seanfogy
Sekeeth
shitfuck
SilvrWolf
sketch9
Slovin
Spiral_Abraxis
Spooner
steph
strider
SullyThePirate
tammy
Teephphah
the_lone_stranger
Therighteouswicked
TigerLilly
Totally_useless
treblereel
Trout
ugaly
User10030
Vermin
Wandina
wazzawazzayo
whiskey_jack
Worm
YELLOW-MAN
Yes
youarsoghey
Zoidberg
69 eligible votes (89 total) *
* Eligible votes are those made by users who had either (A) posted 3+ messages OR (B) written 100+ [lowered from 750+] reviews as of the beginning of the UberMadness! competition.
User Reviews
Submitted by The_Walrus (user info) at 2004-09-29 19:21:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Allyson (user info) at 2004-09-29 19:12:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-09-29 11:27:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
tyler durden is not real
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2004-09-29 10:51:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Id like to see number 1 stay in the competition... breaks up the tripe
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2004-09-28 19:39:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-09-28 19:37:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 2 was just terrible.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-09-28 18:10:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by krushul (user info) at 2004-09-28 16:37:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by zxcvvcxz (user info) at 2004-09-28 13:49:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Sekeeth (user info) at 2004-09-27 21:57:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by sketch9 (user info) at 2004-09-27 21:29:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
picture didnt show....
i hate having to side scroll to read.
so i didnt even read it.
im just voting arbitrarily.
Submitted by Papajoe (user info) at 2004-09-27 21:20:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by tidalfae (user info) at 2004-09-27 14:50:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-09-27 12:50:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I would have read entry two before voting for it, but SOMEONE made that an arduous chore by uploading an enormous graphic.
Plus, I have no desire to see more of Author One's stick figure drawings and unoriginal views on life in Round 2.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2004-09-27 08:58:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2004-09-25 17:01:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Jo_of_the_golden_P (user info) at 2004-09-25 03:34:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
AHAHAHAHAHA:
"What the stupid fuck? How fucking big do you two douchebags think my monitor is?"
Submitted by Jo_of_the_golden_P (user info) at 2004-09-25 03:25:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1 was so fucking creative. also because of the vitamin message, and because of "Hot unisexualized action" and other wonderful turns of phrase.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-09-25 00:49:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
and now I'll vote.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-09-25 00:49:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Voting against you, author 1, solely because you made me copy and paste post 2 into Word just so I could read it...sorry. Plus, not a huge fan of pictures that look like they were spit out for an office presentation.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-09-24 17:32:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this
Submitted by godking (user info) at 2004-09-24 16:58:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Both of these were good, but I liked two just a bit more.
GK
Submitted by Monarch (user info) at 2004-09-24 13:22:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No question who wins this.
Entry One: Damnit you post was kind pointless itself AND it mentioned UM directly. Most importantly, you fucked up Entry Two's formatting, and made it tough to read. You lose by default.
Entry Two: The formatting thing pissed me off, but it isn't your fault. I read it anyhow, and it was pretty good. Nice work.
Kudos to Entry Two!
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-09-24 12:44:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2004-09-24 08:27:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2004-09-24 04:11:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Malificent (user info) at 2004-09-23 17:27:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Worm (user info) at 2004-09-23 15:44:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
1 was horrible...
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-09-23 15:36:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
tough call. a lot of work went in to both of these. I voted for 1 because it was unique.
Submitted by User10030 (user info) at 2004-09-23 15:30:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't read entry 2 because entry one ddn't shrink the size of the picture so I would have had to keep going back and forth. Fuck you author one. Fuck you right in your ass.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2004-09-23 13:19:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by littledan (user info) at 2004-09-23 09:45:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-09-23 08:53:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Different.
I liked it.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2004-09-23 00:36:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
im gonna go for number one because it was very creative, even though fight club references are real passe.
Submitted by dudette (user info) at 2004-09-23 00:29:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2004-09-22 17:04:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-09-22 15:28:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
#1 - Cool style, I can dig it.
#2 - Just plain bad. How about using your talent to write ONE story at a time?
Submitted by dicquellis (user info) at 2004-09-22 13:08:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by treblereel (user info) at 2004-09-22 12:10:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Philst82 (user info) at 2004-09-22 10:14:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by gamma (user info) at 2004-09-22 09:52:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-09-22 09:11:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by WiKi (user info) at 2004-09-22 08:59:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Author 2 at 2004-09-21 21:34:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I shove little men in my anal orifice.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-09-21 18:21:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2004-09-21 12:43:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Did anyone else read the vitamins?
Thought that was funny, but a little too desperate.
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2004-09-21 12:40:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Author 2 at 2004-09-21 12:06:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Vote for me and I'll give you head.
Can't promise it'll be good, though.
Submitted by Author2 at 2004-09-21 12:05:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I donkeypunched a schoolgirl one time.
Submitted by Author 2 <notauthor1> at 2004-09-21 12:05:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I got a blow job from my grandma once. It rules when they don't have teeth, am I right, guys?
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-09-21 11:27:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by hyprspacd (user info) at 2004-09-21 11:14:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-09-21 10:31:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-09-21 04:27:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Author 2 at 2004-09-20 22:22:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Author 1 at 2004-09-20 21:23:15 (#)
Ranking: 0
These aren't by me:
Submitted by Author 1 at 2004-09-19 19:06:47 (#)
Ranking: 0
I am the anti-Christ
Submitted by Author 1 at 2004-09-19 19:04:33 (#)
Ranking: 0
I eat babies after molesting them. Vote for Entry 2!
I hope they're not by Author 2, because that would be fucking petty.
---
Hehe
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2004-09-20 21:45:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Author 1 at 2004-09-20 21:23:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
These aren't by me:
Submitted by Author 1 at 2004-09-19 19:06:47 (#)
Ranking: 0
I am the anti-Christ
Submitted by Author 1 at 2004-09-19 19:04:33 (#)
Ranking: 0
I eat babies after molesting them. Vote for Entry 2!
I hope they're not by Author 2, because that would be fucking petty.
Submitted by yetti_girl (user info) at 2004-09-20 19:40:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I really liked it. Brilliant.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2004-09-20 17:15:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Only because #1 fucked up the margins.
I hate scrolling left to right, dammit.
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2004-09-20 17:10:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Pringles4eva (user info) at 2004-09-20 16:24:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
because i watched fight club last night.
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2004-09-20 16:23:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by wazzawazzayo (user info) at 2004-09-20 16:13:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-09-20 16:11:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by ralphmacchio (user info) at 2004-09-20 16:03:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2004-09-20 15:27:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2004-09-20 15:06:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2004-09-20 14:20:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
they both sucked ass!
Submitted by MM_LP_Track3 (user info) at 2004-09-20 14:09:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by AshyLarry (user info) at 2004-09-20 13:45:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2004-09-20 13:24:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Azriel (user info) at 2004-09-20 12:59:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by rurumon (user info) at 2004-09-20 11:23:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Neato
Submitted by Vermin (user info) at 2004-09-20 11:21:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by redraven (user info) at 2004-09-20 10:56:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2004-09-20 10:54:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Dirtbird (user info) at 2004-09-20 10:48:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-09-20 10:33:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2004-09-20 09:56:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Blecch.
Submitted by steph (user info) at 2004-09-20 03:46:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by ugaly (user info) at 2004-09-20 01:39:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2004-09-20 00:13:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by tammy (user info) at 2004-09-20 00:01:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by cexshun (user info) at 2004-09-19 22:59:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
vote for 2 since #1 broke my fucking browser
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-09-19 21:58:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I see that they're teaching powerpoint in high school now.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-09-19 21:54:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 2.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2004-09-19 19:56:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by SwissCamel (user info) at 2004-09-19 19:47:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
easier to read
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2004-09-19 19:39:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hillarious
Submitted by Author 1 at 2004-09-19 19:06:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I am the anti-Christ
Submitted by Author 1 at 2004-09-19 19:04:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I eat babies after molesting them. Vote for Entry 2!
Submitted by deadSurfer (user info) at 2004-09-19 19:03:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Timmah (user info) at 2004-09-19 18:36:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think good was the wrong word. I meant interesting. My vote pushed #1 into the lead. Woo!
Submitted by Timmah (user info) at 2004-09-19 18:27:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Very very good post. Entry number 1 was pretty original.
Submitted by Smurfs (user info) at 2004-09-19 18:19:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ugh, better...
but this is why it should only be writing... eh
Submitted by Natalia_Everitt (user info) at 2004-09-19 18:08:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-09-19 17:52:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Falconer (user info) at 2004-09-19 17:50:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Gnome (user info) at 2004-09-19 16:33:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Id (user info) at 2004-09-19 14:41:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Author 1 at 2004-09-19 14:23:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You win some, you lose some. You fuck up and make a 1280x1024 graphic some.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-09-19 14:15:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Julia (user info) at 2004-09-19 14:02:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This was a difficult choice because I couldn't really get into either story. I voted for Entry 2 because the writing was a bit better. However, the story had many problems. Lauren has a fortune, yet has to work at a grueling job and worries about supporting herself? Her boss complains that she works too hard? Winter in Los Angeles is cold? She feels herself falling in love with a guy after a couple of hours of "getting to know him better"? She's his beneficiary after three weeks? Her dad is rich but wants her money?
The story could have been quite good if it had been better thought out. Why wouldn't the gun have been traced back to Lauren's father? Wouldn't there have been evidence that he slashed Evan's tires? What was he doing in Los Angeles? Was there prior evidence of his violent behavior? Wouldn't the wait staff from the restaurant have seen that Lauren and Evan weren't fighting? Why weren't there any witnesses? If the frame had been better developed, this could have been a great story.
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2004-09-19 13:45:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-09-19 13:34:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jareds are certainly sinister fellows. They have great names, however.
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2004-09-19 13:31:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I subitted this title! WOO!
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2004-09-19 13:27:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This was a really tough choice. They were both so so, but they were damn close to each other. I liked the different style of the first, but it lacked substance and I disliked the Tyler Durden references. The second wasn't that greatly written. The plot was pretty blah, but it was okay.
I guess, poster 2 showed the most potential.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-09-19 12:24:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I Have to vote for #1 because it made me wants some drugs.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-09-19 12:23:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-09-19 12:02:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2004-09-19 12:00:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This vote goes to #1 for the effort, not the content.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-09-19 11:48:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Both were very good!
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2004-09-19 11:19:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by 91teggyRS (user info) at 2004-09-19 11:07:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Natsukau (user info) at 2004-09-19 11:03:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Post #1 was pure shit, and I'm not happy I wasted my time scrolling through it.
Submitted by Ignore_the_Small_Print (user info) at 2004-09-19 10:19:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by babydoll (user info) at 2004-09-19 09:54:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by razmataz73 (user info) at 2004-09-19 09:45:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
ugh. i didn't even want to vote on this one.
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2004-09-19 08:52:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
How can I not.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2004-09-19 08:10:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Fr057m0urn3 (user info) at 2004-09-19 08:09:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Trout (user info) at 2004-09-19 08:09:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-09-19 06:20:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy Geezus CHRIST.
WHAT THE FUCK WAS NUMBER ONE THINKING!
Auto Vote for Number Two: See a trend here?
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2004-09-19 06:02:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-09-19 05:59:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm probably going to regret this, but the vitamins spelling out 'I will win ubermadness' did it for me. Lose the Tyler Durden schtick though - it's been done to death.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-09-19 05:06:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Therighteouswicked (user info) at 2004-09-19 04:58:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by evolydal (user info) at 2004-09-19 03:33:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by KingHFB (user info) at 2004-09-19 03:01:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
more substance than #2
not that #2 wasnt well written...
Submitted by j00 (user info) at 2004-09-19 02:55:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by butterball (user info) at 2004-09-19 02:54:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
How in god's name is #1 winning??
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-09-19 02:49:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by butterball (user info) at 2004-09-19 02:49:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Just because I developed a huge dislike for #1 as the picture was loading, somehow
Was too lazy to read #2
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2004-09-19 02:26:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#2 only because stupid #1 was just so slightly wider than my screen that I had to side scroll just to read #2. sheesh.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-09-19 02:22:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Both were interesting.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2004-09-19 01:47:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 1 not only crashes my computer, it tried to run the "Deep thought anarchist" kinda thing, and pissed me off. Was neither thoughtful nor funny. 2 wins by de-fucking-fault.
Submitted by facts (user info) at 2004-09-19 01:13:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Emo bullshit loses.
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2004-09-19 00:59:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
meh. nice graphics, but they made the entire page annoying to read.
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2004-09-19 00:56:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2004-09-19 00:40:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Although 1 was absurdly big, there was some effort in it, and it made a good point.
2 was yet another depressing, someone dies post.
Submitted by gibberish (user info) at 2004-09-19 00:38:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
stickman
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-09-19 00:36:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by YouLookLikeINeedADrink (user info) at 2004-09-19 00:29:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by tlozoot (user info) at 2004-09-19 00:11:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ohhhhh... so close. But Entry 1 was really a breath of fresh air.
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2004-09-19 00:06:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 1 was pretty entertaining.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-09-19 00:05:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh I SO know who you are, BTW.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-09-19 00:04:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Someone put a lot of effort into #1.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-09-19 00:02:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Author 2 at 2004-09-18 23:22:38 (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh yeah, this was dedicated to QueenAshlee, who is clear to be ubersite's biggest baby
Well fuck you then. Now I wish I hadn't voted for you. Asshat.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-09-18 23:55:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2004-09-18 23:30:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by KevinHo (user info) at 2004-09-18 23:30:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Author 2 at 2004-09-18 23:22:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh yeah, this was dedicated to QueenAshlee, who is clear to be ubersite's biggest baby, and Slovin's body count. Cheers!
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2004-09-18 23:17:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Wandina (user info) at 2004-09-18 23:15:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by seanfogy (user info) at 2004-09-18 23:13:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Author,
shut the fuck up and dont be such a little bitch. by meeting the criteria for being able to vote, i can cast it in either direction i see fit, for any reason i see fit. entry 1 hurt my fucking eyes, thus number two got my vote for not causing me to convulse.
if the big-fucking-picture/post was actually number two, i would have read both. i guarentee that if that picture weren't part of ubermadness it would have gotten -2s until the end of eternity.
Submitted by humor_me (user info) at 2004-09-18 23:11:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2004-09-18 23:11:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Both weren't any good, but entry 1 was just stupid.
Submitted by ghfgh <gacktroxorsbiatch666.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-09-18 23:11:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2004-09-18 23:10:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by enraged_baboon (user info) at 2004-09-18 23:09:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
NEWSFLASH, entry 1: 10000000000000x10000000000000000000000000000000px pictures are FUCKING ANNOYING.
anything that makes me scroll SIDEWAYS means YOU AUTOMATICALLY LOSE.
asshole.
Submitted by Slovin (user info) at 2004-09-18 23:07:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
#1 was good in a philosophical kind of way, but #2 had a great storyline and some depth to it.
Also, the large size on the graphic in entry 1 meant I had to copy and paste entry 2 into notepad in order to read it.
#2 it is.
Oh, and the average deaths per matchup is currently 1.2.
http://tbd.yi.org/umbc.php
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-09-18 23:04:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2004-09-18 22:58:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-09-18 22:58:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
We all make mistakes. You're winning anyway.
I went back and read them and I think I would have voted for #2 anyway. Yours was good, but Fight Club annoys me. Maybe because I've been forced to watch it sixteen million times.
Submitted by satchel (user info) at 2004-09-18 22:58:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Author 1 at 2004-09-18 22:56:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, you're probably right, Ashlee. I forgot to size down the fucking resolution, that was my mistake. It completely slipped my mind that I'm on 1280x1024 or something ridiculous like that. Sorry, guys.
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2004-09-18 22:52:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2004-09-18 22:52:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-09-18 22:52:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dude, don't be bitter. It's your goddamn fault for screwing up the formatting and making the entire matchup take way more effort to read than it should have. You got no one to blame but yourself.
Submitted by Pingu (user info) at 2004-09-18 22:51:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#1 was entertaining, but the medium was annoying. #2 was that cliche OMG MY LOVED ONE DIED I AM SO EMO, so that's an immediate DQ for me.
Submitted by omnifica (user info) at 2004-09-18 22:51:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-09-18 22:48:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I didn't read either of these but #1 was very inconsiderate of my scrollbar and thus does not get my vote.
Submitted by Author at 2004-09-18 22:47:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Bravo, shit_nugget. Don't vote on something unless you have the brain capacity to read both fucking entries. It's totally unfair and downright rude. People put a lot of work into these stories, you fucking idiot." -Loren
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-09-18 22:45:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by seanfogy (user info) at 2004-09-18 22:43:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
didnt even read number 2, but i'm fairly certain its better than whatever number 1 is
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2004-09-18 22:43:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ugh.
Submitted by drstrangedhruv (user info) at 2004-09-18 22:41:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-09-18 22:38:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
also, one minute Lauren is afraid of men, the next minute she sleeps with thirty guys and is picking up random men at bars? And why does she call her father Jared?
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-09-18 22:35:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
entry one gets some points for trying something different. Entry two was just horrible.
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2004-09-18 22:34:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Entry 1 wins because nobody died.
BE HAPPY!
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2004-09-18 22:32:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2004-09-18 22:31:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2004-09-18 22:28:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What the stupid fuck? How fucking big do you two douchebags think my monitor is?
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-09-18 22:28:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I read #2 while #1 loaded... one word- DIALUP.
I thought that #2 surely couldn't be a contest for #1, seeing as how it was 800 KB it had to be good, right?
One more word- Coinflip.
Too many fight club references vs. somethign that could never happen.
Author 2- Wouldn't the police notice that her father had gunpowder on his hands too??
What about the gun? Was the registration filed off, or was it hot? Seems to me that you have little understanding about the justice system. That, or a lack of faith in it.
#2- Weak character development.
#1- I don't even know where to begin with your shitfest.
You both suck, and I hope to God that one of you is my next round's opponent.
Jesus punched a cripple for these posts.
Submitted by checkyourmail (user info) at 2004-09-18 22:27:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-09-18 22:21:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by salmonofdoubt (user info) at 2004-09-18 22:21:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
meh.
Submitted by girlreporter (user info) at 2004-09-18 22:20:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2004-09-18 22:19:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know what the fuck entry 1 was, but I voted for it.
"protein gunit g"
Submitted by RamJetMax <dwhitty61.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-09-18 22:19:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by RamJetMax <dwhitty61.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-09-18 22:18:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
different is good
Submitted by PatheticCapitalistFuck (user info) at 2004-09-18 22:17:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Post 1 fucked up reading post 2 (thanks a lot, author 1!). Arrowing back and forth was a real treat in attempting to read both posts.
Size issues aside, 1 wasn't very interesting or funny.
2 Gets the vote by default. It wasn't bad.
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-09-18 22:16:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment