My stereotypical ubermadness post (1193 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.88 on 39 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by hamilton gianthead69.at.hotmail.com (View user info) at 2004-09-18 23:27:54 EDT
Jim hated his life. He hated his wife, he hated his kids, and he hated his job. He was still depressed over that time his friend got shot.
Jim was filled with rage as he got into his car. Rage at nothing in particular, because that sounds creative. Suddenly, his cellphone rang.
"Hello?"
"Hey Jim."
"Dad?"
"Yep."
"I haven't seen you since you killed the rest of the family! How are you?"
But they didn't have time to keep talking, because Jim drove into a pile of corpses, flipping his car over into some innocent little Girl Guides walking down the street.
"WHY!?!" He screamed to the sky.
Once Jim got home, he remembered how much he hated his wife. Ever since she killed their dog, things hadn't been the same. He remembered when he met her. She was on the run from her psycho-killer boyfriend, who had killed her family. She had a heart of ice and on her days off from being a struggling single mother, she killed people. But soon, he changed her, and finally got the IRA to leave him alone for sabotaging the Manchester bombing.
As he walked towards her, she stabbed in the arm with a needle.
"OW! What the fuck was that for?"
"Now that I've got you with my knockout gas, I can torture you slowly, then kill you!"
"Jesus that hurts! The syringe was empty!"
His wife gasped and died.
Soon his son came home.
"Hey Dad! I love you so..."
Jim had killed his son.
Suddenly, it him. While the sirens slowly moved towards him, he wept to the heavens for what he had done. He then took out the gun that every in the world seems to magically own, and shot himself in the head.
As the paramedics were lifting him onto the stretcher, they could be heard grumbling.
"Another one?"
"That's 54 so far."
"I hate this time of year."
"And I really hate guys who take three tries to post something."
User Reviews
Submitted by lessthanfour (user info) at 2004-09-20 15:32:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
THANK YOU.
Am I the only person who hates ubermadness? People stop writing good posts to write crap like this..
You're my new savior. To the curb, Ron Popiel.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-09-20 12:34:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sad but true
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2004-09-19 22:13:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2004-09-19 22:08:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Methinks that that guy is an alternate from someone who is pissed at me.
Plus two for me. What's he going to do? screw up my .2 ranking?
Submitted by fudge_me (user info) at 2004-09-19 22:00:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you know i may be new to this site.. but it really has opened my eyes. I am rejoicing because i now know that there are people like all of you... that sit there and read and make this crap up. people like all of you.. who are so messed up (probably from being bashed/sexually abused by your mum and dad at the same time while watching turd eating movies)that you actually take the time to try and write something interesting... yet it comes out worse than a kilo of prunes. You all need a life... seriously.
Submitted by PatheticCapitalistFuck (user info) at 2004-09-19 21:53:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking awesome.
Great "Picture."
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2004-09-19 21:45:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
An hour after I posted this, I realized: This would have been an automatic win.
DAMMIT!
Submitted by Slovin (user info) at 2004-09-19 21:06:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Actually the most recent count is 59 (or something like 6 billion if you count every single human being that died in a recent post, which I am not).
Among those 59 deaths are the deaths of 5 narrators and 2 family members of narrators.
Of the 25 posts so far, only 9 have had no human deaths.
You can expect an average of 1.16 people to die in every UberMadness matchup you read. Depressing, huh?
http://tbd.yi.org/umbc.php
Submitted by RideJohnnyRide (user info) at 2004-09-19 19:09:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
UM is sogay
Submitted by tlozoot (user info) at 2004-09-19 17:10:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh man, you should have saved this for an actual Ubermadness entry.
Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2004-09-19 17:04:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was so moved by this that I shit Lojo's pants.
True story.
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2004-09-19 16:41:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2004-09-19 13:32:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll give you two bucks for your theatre program, but there's no way in fuck that I'm spending 24 hours locked in an auditorium.
Nothing personal, it's just that my time is a little more valuable than that.
---------------
That's what I thought. If you'd said yes, that would have meant
A: You have so little of a life that you'll spend a night locked in a high school
B: You would have gotten to spend a whole night locked in a high school, with nowhere to run for your targets.
So yes, that is probably better. But if you offer me candy, I am running.
God I ramble alot. Ignore everything I just said.
Submitted by drfeggphd (user info) at 2004-09-19 16:03:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Suddenly, it him fell like another one in the twilight zone.
I see double.
"All is forgiven, time to start livin'" -- Trouble
Sorry, I have a compulsion to belabor the.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-09-19 15:56:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was so moved by this post that I shit my pants.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-09-19 14:55:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude.. like wow... that was so deep.
Submitted by Rob at 2004-09-19 14:24:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thank you for not posting an afterschool special, sappy puke my guts out post. This was funny.
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2004-09-19 13:32:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll give you two bucks for your theatre program, but there's no way in fuck that I'm spending 24 hours locked in an auditorium.
Nothing personal, it's just that my time is a little more valuable than that.
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-09-19 12:04:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Deep... you made me sniffle..... at the deepness.
Submitted by Falconer (user info) at 2004-09-19 11:41:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
w00t! I did one too: http://www.ubersite.com/m/30192
Submitted by enraged_baboon (user info) at 2004-09-19 07:22:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this post was friendly to my heart in a small way
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2004-09-19 01:28:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/29435
It's been done before, but not as well as you did it.
Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2004-09-19 01:19:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-09-19 00:55:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The shit at the bottom was priceless.
Good post.
Submitted by Pacifist248 (user info) at 2004-09-19 00:54:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-09-18 23:49:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
Sums up most of it.
--
So far from what I've read, yeah.
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2004-09-19 00:53:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2004-09-19 00:36:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahaha!
Submitted by gibberish (user info) at 2004-09-19 00:23:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I smiled.
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-09-19 00:16:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-09-19 00:08:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OK, that was fucking funny.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2004-09-19 00:00:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2004-09-18 23:59:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-09-18 23:49:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sums up most of it.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-09-18 23:47:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2004-09-18 23:43:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's funny because i wrote this in four minutes.
Submitted by Pingu (user info) at 2004-09-18 23:42:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was deep man, real deep.
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2004-09-18 23:39:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-09-18 23:37:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So true, but I expect things to look better in round 2. I'd expect a change of style from most of the sappy writers, if they somehow win.
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2004-09-18 23:31:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
feel...I feel like...damn my fingers!!
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2004-09-18 23:30:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I fell like I am in the twilight zone.