Out On A Limb. (480 hits)
Category: UberMadness! EntryRating: 0 on 2 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by facts (View user info) at 2004-09-18 23:37:54 EDT
This post was an official UberMadness! entry. Click here to view the original matchup.
When you look at the state of Kansas on an map it appears to be a giant patchwork quilt through which one dominant thread runs. I-70 is the trunk of the Kansas Interstate System and I-35 is one of the limbs it sprouted. Many smaller roads branch of I-35 and many towns receive its paved benefits. Rowasin was one such town. As I-35 neared Rowasin it collected the pocket change of travelers. The I-35 tollbooth near Rowasin and the man who worked it were the only things that differentiated Rowasin from a thousand other small Midwest towns.
The tollbooth was manned by an utter failure of a human being named Angur St. Cloud. Angur could be best described as aged redneck hooch, because that precisely what his body was composed of. His shirts were greased as was his hair, and his skin was covered in a delicate film that seemed to produce a putrid odor when slightly disturbed. Angur had been working the same toll booth for ten years, having made a go at the Hollywood bullshit mascaraed earlier. Which resulted in him changing his name to Angur St. Cloud. Disappointing encounters with humanity and stupefying excursions with drugs also played a part in this manufacture of nomenclature. It was quite satisfying to Angur that after being rejected by Hollywood, he had a captive audience in the drivers who passed through his booth everyday. This is probably why he took the job in the first place.
The tollbooth was an one-man operation with Angur accepting coinage and dispensing terse passive aggressive remarks. Everyday Angur was assaulted by the reality of his situation. The never ending parade of people passing Angur while he remained frozen in a concrete enclosure increased the rage and bitterness.
As a white Hummer with California plates approached the tollbooth Angur finished the last of his cheetos and beer, quickly placing the beer out of sight. A 20 something club kid with hair out of an anime film pulled up blasting generic techno. "How are you today sir?," Angur mumbled. The kid looked down and his fingers sought out the change near the bottom of his seat. He then pushed the change at Angur and started moving forward before the gate had even lifted, after the kid had passed Angur mumbled "ungrateful faggot." Angur had been wronged many times by the female side of his own sex. Fags had been present at many of his worse displays, never were they present in triumph. They were always so happy, like fairies cheering for some masked force that worked against Angur's pursuits and plans. Out on a limb on I-35 Angur had just been reminded of what a failure he was.
Next customer, next victim, a teenager in an late model Ford pickup.
"Hey nice day isn't it," Angur said in a monotone voice.
"Yes sir," replied the teen.
The teen proceeded to give Angur the correct change, and as he touched Angur's sweaty hands he recoiled in horror. Angur noticed this and said "I'm all legit bud." The confused teen drove off, Angur stayed and ate some more.
As the day went on insults were muttered, cheetos destroyed, and beers imbibed. Angur was building a frothy brew inside his stomach, ready to be expelled with the right ingredient, lactose. Angur was lactose intolerant, and he saved a bottle of milk for the rudest drivers. As a bunch of teenagers blasting some modern day rock pulled up Angur took a couple sips of the milk holding it in his mouth. Angur simply stared at the teens and received their change. Then he said "what's the square root of pi?" The teens looked at him blankly and one remarked "how would we know, you've got all the pie!" The rest of the teens laughed and Angur swallowed. Down the esophagus the milk went, and back up it came. As the white frothy mixture of brew and cheetos entered their window the teens shrieked with horror, Angur wiped his mouth and smiled. "Ain't no pie in there kids," he said. He opened the gate and watched them speed off leaving rubber and egos behind.
The next car that pulled up was a white Cabriolet full of young guys. Faggots for sure Angur thought. As they pulled up Angur said "Well ain't it a queer day today." The young men in the car heard this stared at him and gave him the money. The gate opened and they pulled on through, but instead of reaching full speed they pulled off to the side of the highway. The doors of the Cabriolet opened and the men pranced towards the tollbooth. Angur was in the mood for some fighting so he ran out to meet them. The first man punched Angur and he fell to the ground. The rest of the guys proceeded to use tazers on him and they hauled him into the tollbooth. It was Angur's time of reckoning. The men proceed to strip him down and tie him with his own clothes. Here Angur, and potchmarked overweight man was nude, for all to see. They didn't stop there though they dragged him outside of his booth, and then took him to the gate. Angur looked at his attackers with tired fear. "You're about to feel like a queer," one of the men yelled in a rather high voice. The men took Angur's nude body which was now in the shape of an L being held by two of the men, and jostled his bottom against the end of the gate. They pushed and pulled and kept it up for 5 minutes, Angur was now a part of the gate, he had fainted by this time and the men quickly ran off. When the next car approached the gate what they saw from afar was a gate with an apparatus used to stop the gate from touching the ground. But as they neared what they saw was Angur, violated out on a limb of the gate, in total humiliation.
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Submitted by Pandamninator (user info) at 2005-01-19 14:35:50 EST (#)
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