Is Life So Dear, or Peace So Sweet, As To Be Purchased at The Price of Chains and Slavery? (1236 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.55 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by The Entire Country of Massachusetts (View user info) at 2004-09-19 00:22:38 EDT
It all began in the year 1900.
Multitasking mechanical hominids (also known as Robots) were rampantly scaring old people.
Automobiles were replaced by solo aeroplanes in 1850, and were now considered obsolete.
Ernesto "Che" Guevara had just discovered the Fifty United Autonomous Territorial and Political Units of the Northern Portion of America, and it was time to elect the first Chief Executive. The answer to most seemed obvious:
William Jefferson Clinton. Why not? The over whelming support really blew him away.
Only a few days after Willie's inaug (as the hip crowd called it), the first serious matter of the FUATPUNPA came about.
A young man and a young woman barged into the testical-shaped office (as Clinton suggested it be made), each having one hand upon a baby.
"This is my child!" exclaimed the red-faced German, Adolf.
"Bitch, uh-uh, me n' mah baby's daddy DNA be in this lil' boy-ees body," pooped the hipster. You can tell she was cool, she used "baby's daddy."
President Erection made his first proclamation,
"I proclaim the baby goes to the hipster. Adolf, for future reference, incase you want to exterminate a large group of persons, I'm a black, homosexual, Jewish, non-German who took over parts of Germany and gave it to other non-Germans. I also don't like painters, their pussies."
Hitler stared the president directly in the eye...and told him to pull up his pants. He then, in the way you have to say anything German (angrily and as loud as possible while shaking your fist furiously), said, "ICH LIEBE SIE!!!"
Clinton, thinking it was a threat, took over Canada, Russia, Ontario, England, Australia, the United States, and Canada. The new super power formed was called the Free Aggressive Governments for an Allied/Nazi Apprehensive Lesion (FAGS for ANAL).
The homosexuals decided they weren't getting enough ANAL, so these bitches came out of the closet to the rest of the world,
"We, the Fags, will destroy you. All holes in ANAL will be filled. Get on your knees, ladies and gentlemen, for I am William Clinton, your soon-to-be ruler."
However, countries not of the lesion of pillow biting were ready. They always suspected Clinton was a fag, but didn't want to say anything in fear of being called a homophobe.
The sent out the one thing fags just couldn't bare: people wearing fashion faux pas...s.
Fags all over the world went insane.
The empire was beginning to crumble...
Clinton had to think of something that would save the fags.
The Fagulous Five, the faggiest fags you could ever met, with wrists SO limp, their hands actually fell off, were deployed.
Once they hit their first targets, Hiroshima and Nagasaki, the non-fagolites knew it was over. You just couldn't wear something so horrible, so gruesome, that the fags couldn't fix it with a 30 minute television show on HBO.
It was 1950, and after long battles against the fags, the straighties gave up and unconditionally surrendered (which, of course, the fag-5 fixed with a shampoo/conditioner mix).
Over the next 50 years, there were mucho grande rebellions, such as the famous Boston White After Labour (you can tell I'm sophisticated because I'm American and spelled labor with a "u") Day Party, but in the end the fags couldn't be beat.
In the year 2000, Bill Clinton was assassinated after it was released that he'd been receiving oral sex from straights and was planning to break FAGs for ANAL down.
As you may know, it's now the year 2004, and robots rule the world. From 2000-2004, the robots, realizing they don't have penis's, took over Earf.
The moral?
Don't fuck with robots named Rodham.
User Reviews
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-11-11 11:55:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliantly funny.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2004-09-19 17:42:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I preferred the first version you posted.
Submitted by Julia (user info) at 2004-09-19 16:43:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wanted this to be outrageously funny, but . . . no. Almost yes. Still no. FUATPUNPA saved it from Negativeland.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-09-19 16:29:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I read this and I walked away with the feeling of
"did i miss something here"?
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2004-09-19 16:08:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
'Ich liebe sie' made me laugh. That's one warped imagination ya got there, mind.
Submitted by cigar (user info) at 2004-09-19 01:22:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by rpdb1111 (user info) at 2004-09-19 01:10:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Expectations! Damn them all!!
Why is it whenever I expect anything other than masturbatory mindless mishmash from the occasional interesting title on Ubersite my "bubble" is OBLITERATED!??? What a waste of an imagination. If all of this energy were actually focused towards legitimate satire, non-fiction or fantasy, imagine the value...
Oh, well...I guess I knew it wasn't the Libary of Congress website, but I guess I didn't think it was the "Effects of LSD on Keyboarding" website either.
Freedom of Speech! Power to the people!
(Guess I'm spoiled with Jonukah,... too used to creative rambling and interesting if not valuable narrative)
Submitted by gibberish (user info) at 2004-09-19 00:40:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-09-19 00:29:43 (#)
Ranking: 1
I am so fucking confused.
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2004-09-19 00:38:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
in that case
Submitted by Pacifist248 (user info) at 2004-09-19 00:32:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
>Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2004-09-19 00:28:08 (#)
>Ranking: 0
>
>you would have gotten a plus had you realized that ONTARIO IS A PART OF CANADA, AS MUCH AS WE HATE TO >ADMIT IT
My friend, I know this, it was a j-o-k-e. I also listed Canada twice, though I know there is 3 of them.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2004-09-19 00:31:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
About godamned time Massachussets forms an opinion on something other than killing seahorses.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-09-19 00:29:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I am so fucking confused.
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2004-09-19 00:28:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you would have gotten a plus had you realized that ONTARIO IS A PART OF CANADA, AS MUCH AS WE HATE TO ADMIT IT