I Can'T Help Myself (506 hits)
Category: UberMadness! EntryRating: 2 on 2 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Noah's Ark <elmoisyourfriend.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-09-19 22:18:43 EDT
This post was an official UberMadness! entry. Click here to view the original matchup.
You were so fragile.
Looking back, your beautiful frailty first drew me to you. What I wanted more than anything was the satisfaction of seing your fragile face shatter into a thousand mirror shards. I wanted to be the one to bring you to that point. I wanted the world to know that it was I who had brought your world crashing down, not just anyone, oh no. Me.
I have no illusions about this. Im not going to pretend I loved you, or ever really cared about you. I wanted to see you crash and burn. I wanted to see sparks fly. I wanted to be the artist, the magician, the perpetrator; god, really.
It wasn't anything personal.
This isn't a tale of revenge, I'm not going to tell you about Justice, or Retribution, or Fate or Destiny. I'm not going to try to comment on any mental illness, this has nothing to do with temporary insanity, paranoid schizophrenia, dementia, no this isnt a loonie bin case. I'm talking about humanity.
I'm not going to tell you how badly your mom wanted us to get hitched, I wont tell you how cute your roommate thought I was, I wont tell you about how well you got along with my kid sister. I wont tell you about how all the poor single kids felt when they saw us. The jealousy, I'm sure you could sense that easily enough. I wont remind you of that time we went ice skating and I laughed when you fell. I wont tell you about the fights. I wont tell you about the time I slapped you so hard I knocked your teeth loose.
That's the past.
I feel bad about some things, sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I hadn't done what I did. Remorse is only human, everyone second guesses themselves. Sometimes when the lights are off and my room is quiet and my only company is the lights from the cars that drive bye I toss and turn; you're painted on my eyelids. I can always cure this by picking up a book and reading a chapter or two, or having a glass of tea, but I guess I want you to know that I remember, and sometimes I feel bad.
I am not apologizing. I am not sorry. I am not coming running back to your open arms.
Still, I look back to that night sometimes. It's hard to believe it was all those years ago. Who knows where we'd be if I'd made a different choice?
I know its bad to dwell on these things, it really makes closure difficult
I cant help myself; I cant help but wonder how different my life would be if I hadnt blown your fucking head off.
(PS this is the stupidest thing I've ever written, I apologize to my opponent, mad schoolwork lately dude)
User Reviews
Submitted by LongestPants (user info) at 2006-12-04 15:25:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
asses
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-01-16 12:23:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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