Clown Girl 2004 (1294 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: -0.24 on 59 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Bitch (View user info) at 2004-09-20 13:44:03 EDT
I like to wear eyeshadow.
No, not just eyeshadow, but sweeping, wing-like extensions of liquid eyeliner.
I like to wear this eyeshadow and liner around my dark, black eyes. My bronzed face is framed by a shock of raven hair twisted up ever so cleverly in a chignon. An aqua "goddess" dress in bright aqua, with two swaths of gathered polyester to cover each breast, contrasts most excellently with my DARK mysterious sexy Priscilla Presley aka 1970 looks. I am quite simply: SssssssssUPERB.
On this night, this Saturday night, I have carefully chosen this getup to assist me in my quest for greatness. I must be noticed, I must be admired, I must be LONGED FOR. I am, of course, (OF COURSE) divine. I am the weekend getaway that always gets away from you. I am the promise of hot sex lain like a dead fish in your bed though not quite as malodorous, or something. Tonight I'm spinning my charms at BUCA DI BEPPO, some Italian franchise restaurant, where good food and timely service are secondary to a wannabe original gimmick with large-size lazy portions and an abundance of cheap decor. Tonight I am with my friend, a dishwater blonde. She sits across from me, humbled by her inferior personality and appearance. *I* am the star at this table and I make sure that EVERYONE knows it.
I don't remember what I ordered. It doesn't matter--I'm not going to eat it anyway. I am here for one thing, and one thing only: a pre-clubbing ego stroking. I am one of the few non-walrus patrons in this joint and certainly the most "dolled" up. Sure I look like a hooker, but you all want a PIECE OF THIS ASS, don't you? Yes, you do. I sit across from my friend who is embarrassed but I give a fuck not because she should be thankful. Yes that's right. Without me, she'd never get all of the male attention. Uh... I mean, I get the male attention of course, but sometimes guys will try to make me jealous by going after my ugly friend first. I have to admit that it sometimes works, especially when they're hot. It kind of makes me want to suck them off. Clever, clever men.
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
So anyway, tonight I sit in this restaurant, ignoring my friend, on my cell phone repeatedly. I talk about a club I wish to be seen in later "The Roxy" and I make sure to over-emphasize every "S" sound in every word. I do it so much that the couple at the next table, the one sitting next to each other in a booth, the one in which the man has his finger up the girl's ass--they start to laugh at me and mimic me. My aesthetically inferior friend turns her head slightly, as if to alert me to their mocking, but I brush it off. Let's be honest here: Any attention is good attention. I've spent several hours in preparation for this night. I KNOW I look good and I know that everyone is looking at me and taking notes. If someone pretends to hate me, that surely means that they want to fuck me. Of course. The females are jealous, and the men are resentful.
Jealous H8ers.
I'm bored right now, really bored. I can't help it if everyone hates me. You can hate me too. Go ahead. I love it. Yes, I really love it. I do. I promise. Cross my heart.
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-06-14 19:48:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I actually liked this!
Submitted by Schwarzes_Glas (user info) at 2004-09-30 17:06:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You KNOW you want to.
Submitted by Orange-San (user info) at 2004-09-22 17:57:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/45824
Submitted by Schwarzes_Glas (user info) at 2004-09-22 15:20:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow! I'm flattered! You wanna fuck me so bad it's unreal!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-09-22 14:53:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Congrats. I hate you already and I haven't even seen you yet.
We can reverse this "first impression" with a quick sword swallow on your part.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2004-09-22 14:49:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Wow you suck ass.
Submitted by caberetgirl (user info) at 2004-09-22 14:17:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i was a clown girl. then one day i woke to find the circus had moved on and no one bothered to tell me. i miss my ma and pa.
Submitted by honeycake (user info) at 2004-09-22 14:09:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/45804
My very own hate post. Goddamn I'm touched.
Thank you. ;-)
Submitted by honeycake (user info) at 2004-09-22 14:02:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Huh?
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2004-09-22 12:44:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You keep randomly -2'ing people's posts so that they'll come back and -2-bomb you, thus attracting all the hits. I've figured you out, so why don't you just fuck off. Preferably on a cactus dildo.
Submitted by bad_absinthe (user info) at 2004-09-22 11:13:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't think you're a bitch at all - but pick a better restaurant next time. Hence only the +1.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2004-09-22 10:58:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
WTF mate? Instead of -2'ing you from now on, i'm just gonna keep letting you know how much you suck on this same fucking post. Mmmmmuuuah, beeotch!
Much love from not-your-people,
Chinaman
Submitted by honeycake (user info) at 2004-09-22 10:21:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dear My Peoples,
Why don't you post my "stats" again or copy+paste one of my comments AGAIN? I don't think we've grown tired of that yet. ;-)
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2004-09-22 00:48:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That surely is bitch to the T!
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2004-09-22 00:33:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 for appearing to be a stuck up cunt.
Die.
And, this post sucked.
Submitted by Orange-San (user info) at 2004-09-21 21:17:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
QWAZY LDEE U SUXXORS SOOO BAD I ZAY TO DEM DU VANTT ICEE DREM CANE BOTH DEM ZAY YAS
Submitted by Orange-San (user info) at 2004-09-21 21:10:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by gibberish (user info) at 2004-09-21 20:43:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Actually i dont take this seriously at all.
Submitted by honeycake (user info) at 2004-09-21 20:28:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by gibberish (user info) at 2004-09-21 20:01:32 (#)
Ranking: 0
::::Actually, my shit gets far more hits than your shit. Feel free to check out "I am the unholy master of Microsoft Paint" to verify.::::
__________________________________________________
You are HILARIOUS! I knew you'd respond with some shit like this.
_________________________________________________________________________________________
::::Oh, and thanks for reviewing my stuff and attracting attention to it, giving me more hits.::::
_________________________________________________________________________________________
Likewise, motherfucker. Although I can't really say I give a shit either way. It's obvious that you take this UBER thing very, very seriously though. Good luck with that. You must be like what...18?
Hah.
Submitted by big_wigger (user info) at 2004-09-21 20:07:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
what?
Submitted by gibberish (user info) at 2004-09-21 20:01:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Actually, my shit gets far more hits than your shit. Feel free to check out "I am the unholy master of Microsoft Paint" to verify.
Oh, and thanks for reviewing my stuff and attracting attention to it, giving me more hits.
Submitted by honeycake (user info) at 2004-09-21 19:58:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dear Motherfuckers,
My shit gets more hits than your shit does and you're jealous.
Love,
Bitch
=)
Submitted by gibberish (user info) at 2004-09-21 19:01:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Crappity Crap Crappy Crapping McCrapperton.
Woo.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-09-21 18:47:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Nope, no problems here. I just gladly gave a review to one of the RARE few people who think they're clever with their "earn my +2" statements on my posts-- you being one of them. I don't need your 2(as you can probably see).
When someone criticizes my posts, I like to see if they have room to talk. Ya know, if you were driving your car down the street and someone shouted out "Your car sucks!", what would you do?
You'd want to see their car.
And see your car I did.
Have a -2, since you were so kind as to offer me one.
No hard feelings.
Sidey.
Submitted by honeycake (user info) at 2004-09-21 18:43:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sideburns... Have a problem?
=)
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-09-21 15:00:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by honeycake (user info) at 2004-09-21 13:26:20 (#)
Ranking: 0
I guess you are expecting only 2's. I'd give you one if this piece deserved it.
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Sorry, but this sucks.
Submitted by Ex_Lux_Astrum (user info) at 2004-09-21 00:07:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'll throw ya a +1....I feel magnaminous tonight.
P.S. When you're feeling desperate, Buffalo Bayou is a good place to drown.
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2004-09-20 23:35:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by honeycake (user info) at 2004-09-20 23:30:28 (#)
Ranking: 0
Dearest whining YELLOW-MAN,
YOU suck.
Sincerely,
Bitch
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
theres the difference between me and you i'll admit I suck. But you on the other hand, well you just blow.
Submitted by honeycake (user info) at 2004-09-20 23:30:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dearest whining YELLOW-MAN,
YOU suck.
Sincerely,
Bitch
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2004-09-20 23:20:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes, I'm so hurt that you gave me a negative rating on a few posts (sarcasm). Now i'm just curious what the hell is your problem? I mean you get a negative rating for a reason because it sucks!
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2004-09-20 23:20:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
beeotch
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2004-09-20 21:03:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
no.............................
Submitted by Clown Girl's Mirror at 2004-09-20 20:09:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Kill me. Please kill me.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-09-20 19:58:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
>Yawn<
Submitted by Jesus_Loves_TwEE (user info) at 2004-09-20 19:37:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-09-20 19:12:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What the fuck are you talking about?
Show me your tits.
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2004-09-20 17:31:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Not as bad as your others. Not sure that that merits more than a -2 though.
Oh, and Joe...this? Unnecessary.
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Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-20 16:00:45 (#)
Ranking: 0
let me guess, you are from Ohio.
---------------
I think you aimed too far North of that river.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-09-20 17:28:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was actually pretty funny.
Submitted by hahahaha at 2004-09-20 17:24:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Someone with SUPERIOR INTELLECT is pretty PISSED OFF.
Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
Bitch ass!
Submitted by Schwarzes_Glas (user info) at 2004-09-20 17:19:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by honeycake (user info) at 2004-09-20 16:40:34 (#)
Ranking: 2
More -2's please.
I love thinking about how you people log into your "fake" accounts created solely to destroy the ratings of others and boost your own. Nice job protecting your precious little pieces of writing...almost.
=)=)=)=)
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You just did the same thing you stupid cunt. Get a life, and stay the fuck off my profile - it's far too advanced for your primitive "OMG!" intellect. Leave.
I'm done with ya.
Submitted by prettygirl (user info) at 2004-09-20 16:41:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by honeycake (user info) at 2004-09-20 16:40:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
More -2's please.
I love thinking about how you people log into your "fake" accounts created solely to destroy the ratings of others and boost your own. Nice job protecting your precious little pieces of writing...almost.
=)=)=)=)
Submitted by Crudite (user info) at 2004-09-20 16:13:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Nitwit.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-09-20 16:03:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Boy did I miss you.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-20 16:00:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
let me guess, you are from Ohio.
Submitted by Schwarzes_Glas (user info) at 2004-09-20 15:52:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
*fart*
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2004-09-20 15:46:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this is really boring.
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2004-09-20 15:13:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I'd fuck SHITFUCK in the mouth while he's fucking you in the mouth while you're sleeping!
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-20 15:09:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"Sure I look like a hooker"
*******************
I've got 10-1 that says you look more like a refrigerator with a head.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-09-20 15:07:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd fuck you in your mouth when you were sleeping.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-09-20 14:55:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You remind me of my sister.
Submitted by Spider-Man (user info) at 2004-09-20 14:39:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2004-09-20 14:14:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I like to wear eyeshadow.
No, not just eyeshadow, but sweeping, wing-like extensions of liquid eyeliner.
------------------------------
Me too!
What?
Submitted by honeycake (user info) at 2004-09-20 13:55:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
But...but...
I LIKE "bad analogies".
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-09-20 13:53:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Quite descriptive.
Although, this was possibly the worst analogy ever:
"I am the promise of hot sex lain like a dead fish in your bed though not quite as malodorous..."
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2004-09-20 13:51:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by honeycake (user info) at 2004-09-20 13:51:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What do you mean "fake"?
Should I take that as a compliment, jack of all asses? ;)
I will.
Submitted by JcLEM at 2004-09-20 13:48:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Let's fuck. Now.
Submitted by acrog (user info) at 2004-09-20 13:47:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fake