Black Paint: A Memory (part 2) (1972 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.44 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by gib 'rish (View user info) at 2004-09-20 18:55:19 EDT
I'm giving up on art.
As I sit here in front of a blinding light, hand about half-way down the waistline of my pants, it's all I can think of.
My condition makes it too hard now.
But it's okay.
It's okay because I've accepted it. Acceptance is the path to death, and I'm going to die soon. I'll be gone within the year and I couldn't be happier.
People are going to come to the funeral I told them not to waste money on. People are going to cry for the person they never even knew. People are going to cry because everyone tells them to. It isn't anything to break down about.
Really, it isn't.
I'm going to die because one night I know I won't be in control. One night I'll watch as the knife hits my wrist-- and I'm going to smile. It's not me doing it, but you'll never know. It's not me in that coffin, but you'll never understand. It's not me who gave you that goodnight kiss two months ago, but you'll remember that moment until your final breath.
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Do you know what it's like to wake up naked on the floor of your bedroom, covered in black paint? Do you know what it's like to feel that trickle of blood run across your knuckles, fists clenched with hatred? Do you know what it's like to lose control of yourself? To sit back and watch someone else behind the wheel? To sit back and watch someone else, holding their knife in your hand? Do you know? Of course not. But I do.
............
Skin soaked through with urine and cheap wine.
Ebony stains scattered across my sallow flesh.
That stench of indecision hanging heavy in the air.
Floor boards gently creaking under my shifting weight.
Rays of light blinding my eyes as the confusion sets in.
Where am I? Where have I been? What has happened? What is going to happen?
............
I stagger to my feet and slowly stumble to the bathroom. I never thought that turning on the faucet could hurt so badly. Is this the way I really look, or just how the mirror paints my face? There's nothing left inside me, so I just pass out in the tub, a thin stream of cool water playing across my face as I drift back into nothingness.
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Why can I never forget?
User Reviews
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2004-09-27 20:23:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it. I guess drunk minds DO think alike.
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-09-26 02:38:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
It's 3AM, I'm drunk again!
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2004-09-24 12:24:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
silly gib
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-09-22 15:58:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Whoops, I haven't done my regular anti-honeycake patrol yet today.
Submitted by honeycake (user info) at 2004-09-21 19:49:44 (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by honeycake (user info) at 2004-09-21 19:49:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by EvrenWasHere (user info) at 2004-09-20 20:20:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by gibberish (user info) at 2004-09-20 19:03:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-09-20 18:57:25 (#)
Ranking: 0
kill yourself. please.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Will do.
Goodbye, cruel world....
(slice)
(die)
I'm drunlk. I mean dead. Yeah.
Submitted by stinkyjap (user info) at 2004-09-20 19:00:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
farrt
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-09-20 18:57:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
kill yourself. please.
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2004-09-20 18:56:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
<ejaculates>