Adventures in the Smelly Sandbox: Kids in Afghanistan are Assholes too (plus camwhore). (1766 hits)
Category: Politics -> AfghanistanLabels: SandboxAdventures
Rating: 2 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jack11058 (View user info) at 2004-09-20 21:44:25 EDT
It was another hot and dusty day in Kandahar. The wind blew in over the mountains, but did not provide relief. When it passed over you, it felt like someone had opened a giant oven door. We were on our way back to the palace after another successful mission. As I was still the new guy in country, I was once again riding rear security, sitting in the back of the pickup, M-16 at the ready to fend of ambush or assault. As I baked under the sun, various smells floated on the wind, all of them somehow managing to remind me of shit. I wiped the sweat from my eyes and shifted, trying to get comfortable.
Driving (or riding) in Kandahar was always an experience. There were no traffic rules, and the roads were clogged with trucks, bicycles, rickshaws, donkeys, and motorcycles. Pulling rear security in such an environment was difficult. The traffic crowded around you, and the streets were always packed. You had to watch at least a dozen people around you at once, not to mention scan the rooftops for snipers.
I noticed one young teenager on a bicycle staring at me as he pulled even with our slow-moving truck. He gave me a big grin and a wave. "How nice," I thought to myself. "Someone around here doesn't want us dead!"
He kept smiling as he edged his bike closer to the truck. Something about that smile was beginning to make me nervous. In a sudden movement, he reached beneath his shirt and pulled something out small and round.
Everything else happened in less than four seconds.
"Allahu Akbar!" he shouted, throwing the object into the bed of the truck.
It was a grenade.
The grenade skittered around the bed of the truck as we rattled over the road. I would never be able to reach it in time to throw it out of the truck.
As I'd been trained, I screamed, "Grenade!" at the top of my lungs and vaulted over the side of the still-moving truck. As I fell prone and rolled towards the ditch at the side of the road, the truck skidded to a stop and the doors flew open as Jimmy Two-Guns, Lee and Sid de-assed the vehicle. I lay prone and tried to get a bead on the little asshole as he pedaled away.
He disappeared into the crowd before I could get off a shot. Jimmy fell on top of me as he dove to cover in the ditch. I couldn't see Lee or Sid.
Jimmy was breathing hard into my ear, saying "fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck" over and over again.
Long seconds passed. I now could see Lee and Sid, ducking in the ditch across the road. The smell of the ditch began to assail my nostrils: it was even more shit-like than the smell of the wind. The crowd, which had gathered at a safe distance from our pending fiery demise, began to dissipate.
Soon it became apparent our truck wasn't going to explode after all. We climbed out of the ditch, dripping with some unnamable slime, and cautiously approached the truck.
I peered in the bed with trepidation.
A rock. The little asshole had thrown a round rock, painted green to look like a grenade.
Son of a bitch.
I couldn't decide if I was relieved or pissed that I didn't shoot the little shit in the back as he rode away. To this day, I'm still not sure.
It was four extremely grumpy men who, stinking of Afghani sewage clambered aboard the truck for the remainder of our journey home.
When we got back we showered and cracked the case of Baltica 9 (Russian beer with vodka) our SAS buddies gave us. I don't remember much after that, but apparently I got smashed and put on our lucky wig (don't ask), grabbed a couple of rifles, and spent the rest of the evening instructing my buddies to call me "Che" and shouting "Viva la revolucion!" over and over.
Viva la Baltica 9!
User Reviews
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-03-23 09:31:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
20 reviews? damn. this was better than that.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-07-16 03:52:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Deja Vu
Ha Ha! For a minute there I thought you said you soiled yourself!
Thanks....I enjoy these non-fiction stories....of course.
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2004-12-11 14:58:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2004-11-05 14:47:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hope you find that kid and shoot him
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2004-11-05 14:31:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great story, I think popping one off in his ass or leg would have been warranted. Good story until the pic, then I laughed my ass off.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-10-28 10:25:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
Submitted by wazzawazzayo (user info) at 2004-10-28 10:16:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-10-23 11:46:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Still rocking, Che.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2004-10-23 10:20:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is a great story, extremely well written.
Submitted by phredde2 (user info) at 2004-10-21 13:02:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2004-10-21 10:56:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Rock.
On.
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-10-21 10:49:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Gary Hal <garyhal.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-09-21 09:08:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Man, this is some kick-ass writing... excellent read. A story like this would make a great comic.
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2004-09-21 02:12:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to come over and play with your guns (Not gay).
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-09-21 00:15:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by omnifica (user info) at 2004-09-20 23:37:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
!Viva el hombre más atractiva en este sitio web! Quiero su rifle largo y el cuerpo caliente.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2004-09-20 22:55:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2004-09-20 22:35:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This series is awesome.
Submitted by lizzers (user info) at 2004-09-20 22:15:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for sand niggers
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-09-20 22:11:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Cool Tom hair...
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2004-09-20 21:45:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
For more Smelly Sandbox adventures, click here: http://www.ubersite.com/m/44408