Beggars Banquet (1787 hits)
Category: UberMadness!Rating: 0.67 on 185 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Uber Madness 2004 (View user info) at 2004-09-20 23:10:47 EDT
 |
This post is officially part of UberMadness!. Click here for more information on the rules and restrictions. |
Entry 1
"Got any spare change, sir?"Carl watched as the man averted his eyes and walked right past him. Carl had only been "on the street" for four days, but he was already used to the way most people acted when they crossed paths with a guy like him. Granted, some would take pity on his unfortunate situation and offer a few coins, but the majority chose to ignore him, like he was somehow less than human. Carl dug himself against the wall, as if trying to burrow away from all the heartless people who ignored his desparate pleas. He closed his eyes as he tried to escape the reality that was now his new life...
"You pour soul, you look like God himself shit you out."
Carl opened his eyes upon hearing this brilliant observation. Standing in front of him was an old man, dressed in a black suit with an overcoat on. He donned a top hat as well, and held a striking resembelance to the guy on the monopoly money.
"I say, I insist you come with me to a charity dinner tonight being put on by my colleagues. We do one monthly as our way of helping the less fortunate and giving back to the community. There'll even be lodging for the night afterwards. What do you say?"
Carl readily agreed, aleady salivating at the prospect of a free meal and a warm place to sleep. The two men entered his Rolls Royce and went towards their destination. Carl told the man about how he had just lost his job, home, and girl recently. The man assured Carl that he would try and help him find a job and residence first thing tomorrow.
Moments after their conversation they arrived at a beautiful mansion. The man took Carl inside and found him a place in the exsquisite dining hall, next to two other apparent homeless. Carl looked around and came to the realization that there was almost two hundred people off the street present. Carl's attention was redirected towards the sound of silverware tapping against glass, as a different well-dressed old man gave a speech about the charity function.
As soon as the man was finished with his speech, dozens upon dozens of servants entered the hall, carrying trays upon trays of food. A string quartet played as everyone stuffed their faces with turkey, ham, lobster, and numerous other dishes. After about an hour of uninturrupted feasting, the servants brought out wine for everyone as a toast was made to brotherhood and good will. Carl gleefully drank to that, and began to eat again like everyone else. He was midway through a steak when he saw some of the homeless falling over. He went to stand up to see what happened, but failed to do so as his eyes closed for the last time...
***************************
"Excellent turnout as usual, over one-hundred and fifty. You've clearly outdone yourself Phillip."
"Yes, it seems as if things went smoothly once again. It's a tough job keeping the streets clean, but I do enjoy giving back to the community. Well, nothing left to do now but have the servants clean this up. Call Tom in the basement and tell him to have that incinerator ready in ten minutes. We don't want this place smelling worse than it already does."
- VS -
Entry 2
In the spring of 1947, Bedouin herders searching the cliffs along the Dead Sea for a lost goat stumbled upon one of the greatest archeological finds in history. What they found were the remnants of approximately 800 manuscripts dating from approximately 200 B.C.E. to 68 C.E. - scholars now refer to them as The Dead Sea Scrolls...--
26 September 2004 10:27
The dig has been going as planned and already some great finds have been made on the day. Shards of clay pottery, along with several small fragments of papyrus scroll, have already been discovered. Sebastian Meeks, a graduate student studying at the Hebrew University of Jerusalem, carefully collects the items with surgical tweezers and places them in their pre-marked plastic bags. He takes note of the depth and location of his discoveries, and photographs the area. In separate bags he collects surrounding soil samples and records numbers referencing each find. He calls for his mentor, Professor Maskil...
"...yes, and I would like all this dirt moved to the bottom of the hill so I can at least have a place to walk." A hired group of Bedouin guides and laborers pick up their shovels and wheelbarrows and begin moving the earth as told.
"What have you found, Sebastian?" The professor carefully ducks into the cave and switches on his hat-lamp.
"Look at these, sir." Sebastian hands him the clear plastic bags with the scroll fragments contained within. "Looks to be Hebrew."
"Indeed it does..." He studies the first fragment closely... then a second...and then a third. The professor's eyes widen...
"What is it, sir?"
"It's..." he puzzles. "...I don't believe it..."
"What IS it, sir???"
"Well, this one..." He holds out the first fragment. "This one is clearly Hebrew, and says: 'And the Lord said unto Satan, Behold, all that he hath is in thy power'. That is from the book of Job...but these..." He holds up the other two fragments. "These are written in a dialect I am not familiar with, and...and are from a book that - to my knowledge - doesn't exist!"
--
31 October 2004 14:50
Back in the University lab, Sebastian and Professor Maskil, patiently wait while the lab's technical supervisor and resident chemist, Dr. Barrak brings in the manila folders containing the computer printouts they're interested in seeing. Dr. Barrak tosses them down and smiles widely.
"Well, it appears that the scrolls you've discovered are older than we had initially hypothesized. According to the radiocarbon readings taken from the papyrus and the plant material found in the soil samples, your scrolls... are well over 7000 years old! This makes them, quite frankly, some of the oldest surviving texts of written language ever discovered - never mind on papyrus!" The doctor looks at the two speechless men in front of him, and starts laughing in spite of himself.
"That can't be right! There's NO WAY! Let me see that!" The professor wrenches the folders from the table and looks over their contents.
"You see? The C-14 levels in both the papyrus itself and the surrounding strata roughly match. The soil samples yielded ample amounts of organic material - seeds, leaves, etc. - for our purposes. In short, I can say, with a degree of certainty I'd stake my reputation on...that these figures are accurate within 500 years."
The professor is dumbfounded at what he's hearing. This goes against everything he's been taught about ancient languages and the science of biology. "But how could the papyrus survive that long without complete decomposition?"
"Good question... It would appear from the sifting and separation of the particulates in the soil that at one time the scrolls were probably wrapped in petroleum-doused linen and housed within the clay vessels whose fragments you had discovered. In essence: they were mummified. In my opinion, it is not unreasonable to postulate that this, coupled with the dry climate of this region since the last ice age, could have kept the papyrus relatively safe. Outside that... maybe you should just ask God."
"Have you repeated the tests yet?"
"Five times," The doctor smiles earnestly.
Looking up from the unbelievable numbers before him, Professor Maskil is swimming with the ramifications of their discovery...
--
1 April 2005 2:27
Professor Maskil has not looked up for hours except to shake the pain from his neck or search for a particular segment of the papyrus puzzle in which he is now totally absorbed. On the desk, chairs, and floor about him lay shards of paper with the images of the scroll fragments printed on them. The fragments had to be photographed under a special infrared light so as not to further damage the almost crumbling samples.
The translation has been tough but steady going because the language itself appears to be a forebear to the other ancient languages in which he is expert. This means there has been a lot of trial and error involved in sorting out the word-relationships. So far he and his team have discovered older root-forms of over 5000 words in the Hebrew language. The long nights are starting to take their toll; his eyes are glazed and sunken, but he thinks he has finally solved the riddle of the language, and thus begins to assemble and translate the text on the scrolls...
"1 Once there was a man, a blind man, from the land of Nod whose name was Samael; and that man was upright and of perfect character, one who feared God and despised evil.
2 Having no sons or daughters, no livestock, no servants, and no house of his own, he lived as a beggar in the town of Murabba'at.
3 Thus did Samael eke out his days as a humble servant of the Lord. Asking no more than was given unto him by divine providence.
4 Now there came a day when all the host of heaven presented themselves before the Lord; Satan, the great deceiver of men, also came among them.
5 And the Lord said unto Satan, where have you come from? And Satan answered unto the Lord: I have come from going to and fro about the earth, and walking up and down everywhere in it.
6 And the Lord said unto Satan, Have you considered my servant Samael, and seen that there are none like him in the earth, an upright and perfect man, one that fears God and despises evil, who covets no earthly thing?
7 Then Satan answered, He only serves you because he has never had the chance to do otherwise.
8 You have always provided what he needs to sustain himself, even if it's just enough. You wouldn't see him so eager to serve you if you allowed him to taste what I could offer him.
9 Release him from the restraints of his blindness and his poverty, and he will forsake you even to your face.
10 And the Lord said unto Satan, Behold, I give his fate over to you. You may not remove from what he has, only may you add to it. Go now, and see that you cannot sway him into evil.
11 And Satan went forth from heaven pleased with himself in all he was about to do."
--
25 September 2005 21:03
For the past year, the world has been abuzz with the news of the incredible discovery made by Professor Maskil and his team. He has already published his findings in Scientific American, as well as countless other secular and religious journals. The story of his discovery has made international headlines, and he has made appearances on CNN, BBC, and a Discovery Channel Special is already in the works. Steven Speilberg has even contacted him about a possible Dreamworks production based on his life. Today, however, the professor drinks from a water-fountain in a plush hallway at Harvard University, awaiting his on-stage introduction...
"...so without further ado," said the voice in the microphone, " I am pleased to introduce Professor of Archaeology and Linguistics, and this year's recipient of Harvard's Honorary Degree... Doctor Steven Maskil!" The room erupts in an applause that is perhaps unbefitting an affair this regal, but the Professor has become a celebrity of sorts, and he seems to enjoy the added attention. He shuffles onstage, waving to the crowd, shakes hands with the people seated at the Committee table, and settles up to the podium...
"One year ago tomorrow, my colleagues and I made a discovery that has changed our views on the origins of our language, our religion, and our humanity. The documents we discovered were deemed to be between 6500 and 7500 years old. Among those ancient scrolls were several tattered copies of a book that has never been found anywhere else in the world, a book that appears to be a companion to the Book of Job, a book that tells the story of a deal between God and Satan...that God loses.
"It is called The Book of Samael, but we at the University refer to it as The Beggar's Banquet. What this book seems to tell us is that there is truly such a thing as an Anti-Christ, and not surprisingly it also implies that he is alive and well and continues to walk among us. To what extent you choose to believe such a claim is obviously up to you. My colleagues and I choose, of course, to leave the interpretation of the text to the theologians, but this story is never the less intriguing.
"It begins by describing how Samael, a blind beggar and penitent man of God, is tempted by Satan with promises of health, wealth, and inhuman power. One night Satan visits Samael in his sleep and begins by restoring his sight. Samael awakens and sees this as a miracle from God. He is then anonymously given a kingdom, a Hiram, children, servants, and riches beyond his imagination. He is treated to endless banquets night after night until he has grown fat from over-indulgence. He is also given man's most coveted gifts of eternal youth and everlasting life.
"One day, however, Satan appears to him and tells him that it is HE who has bestowed upon him all he's been given. Samael, at first incredulous, says: 'if it is you who have given these things unto me, then you can take them away.' Satan then takes away all he has given to him - returning him to the blind beggar he once was. Satan then offers Samael the chance to have back all he was given - two-fold. Samael accepts the arrangement.
"There is, however, one condition. Samael is told he must write his story down and hide it from the eyes of men. Satan then tells him he may live however he sees fit until the day his writings are discovered. On that day, he will be called upon to bring about a Kingdom of Darkness upon the earth.
"As intriguing as this story is, more important is the fact that we have managed to expand our knowledge of the origins of language itself. It is in the name of all those that endeavor in this cause that I accept this honor. Thank you and good night."
The crowd stands and applauds as Professor Maskil once again shakes hands with the committee members and walks off the stage.
After the post-ceremony meet-and-greet with all the distinguished alumni and pretentious aristocrats, Professor Maskil makes his way toward his rental car through the parking lot. A man appears from the bushes...it is Sebastian...
"Sebastian, you scared the HELL out of me! Don't EVER do that again! ...What are you doing here?"
"Hell is within us all, Professor."
"What??? ...Sebastian, what have you been smoking?" The professor chuckles a bit to fight the uneasy feeling now worming through his bowels.
Sebastian moves closer and becomes fully visible beneath the white halo of a street lamp. His head is hooded, but his eyes are visible to the Professor... His eyes look strange. His pupils look elongated and vacant. A vague smile is pasted on his lips.
"Have you ever seen Hell, Professor?"
The professor sobers from his laughter. "What do you mean?"
"I was tired of waiting around. I figured, why settle for a beggar's banquet when I can have it all!"
"Who are you?" asks the professor. His tone is grave and penetrating.
"Oh, I am sorry professor, please allow me to introduce myself! I'm a man of wealth and taste. I am pleased to meet you, can you guess my name?"
Sebastian removes his hood revealing what appear to be ten horns growing out of his head...
--
12 December 2012 00:12
A man stands on an overturned mailbox shouting into a ragged and fleeing crowd. His face is worn and weary and his eyes are missing. It is the professor. Above the screams of terror he shouts as he has been doing for the last seven dark years: "I heard the voice of the fourth beast say, Come and see. And I saw, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him."
Above him a host of unearthly creatures swarm from a hole in the sackcloth sky...
Entry 1:
Aladdin
Anjie
Badlands
Bigmike
bob
darko
ewlong3
Falco
filmgeek
FilthyAssistant
gamma
girlreporter
Impassive-Digressive
indoninja
Interesting_Pseudonym
Jack_McCallum
knucklesnelson
Loren1
MyNameIsTim
Natalia_Everitt
Natsukau
nitty34
Phinch
sparkle_pink
SPECIALk
spinningaroundme
Spooner
Stabkill
StonedSilly
tlozoot
Totally_useless
treblereel
Trout
ValakasDemon
Vermin
24 eligible votes (35 total) *
Entry 2:
Ainkara
Ancius
AshK
AshyLarry
babydoll
BLITZKREIG_BOB
Brdn_Nkd
cexshun
Circe
coley
comicbookguy
congo
corn_nugget
Dirtbird
Disektor
dodahdave
DonkeyOnTheEdge
Durae
DyingBreed
EatMeCompletely
EchoBoxing
electrictoothsyndrome
engine13
evolydal
Falconer
fell-8-me
Fr057m0urn3
FunnyAsCancer
Galgos27
Genko
Gent
gibberish
Gnome
godking
grayday
Grover
humor_me
hyprspacd
Ignore_the_Small_Print
jack11058
JMG114
Julia
Katastrofadark
Katja
LadyPlural
legallady
lilbill87
littledan
lucid
Luckystar
MM_LP_Track3
Monarch
Muiro
munkeypants
NerfHerder
omnifica
OneCheapGeek
Phallic_Cymbals
pooky_carl
potatomanjack
Pringles4eva
QueenAshlee
Rael11x
ralphmacchio
razmataz73
redraven
runninginplace
rurumon
russizm
ruthless
salmonofdoubt
satchel
Scott_James
seanfogy
shadow
shark25
shitfuck
Silkmaestro
SilvrWolf
sketch9
Slovin
Smurfs
spedmonkey
Spiral_Abraxis
Spuds002
steph
stevie_says
Stin
strider
SullyThePirate
tammy
Teephphah
the_lone_stranger
Therighteouswicked
tidalfae
TigerLilly
tinactin
VirtuosoDilettante
wazzawazzayo
whiskey_jack
Wiggles
WiKi
William_Q_Percy
Wingfoot
Yes
youarsoghey
YouLookLikeINeedADrink
Zandy1123
Zoidberg
80 eligible votes (109 total) *
* Eligible votes are those made by users who had either (A) posted 3+ messages OR (B) written 100+ [lowered from 750+] reviews as of the beginning of the UberMadness! competition.
User Reviews
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-09-30 02:01:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's cheating to me.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-09-29 22:53:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by author 2 <beelzebub.at.hell.org> at 2004-09-29 12:08:10 (#)
Ranking: 0
mike: OK, I am calm. I suppose I will cancel my previous plan to hunt you down and kill you... I understand you were saying it 'seemed' that way, but it's still not any less disappointing to be accused of cheating, even if it's just an insinuation. It's just that it seems tainted to me now.
I never accused you of cheating. There is no rule that says that an original work cannot be modified to fit a topic. It's still your work one way or the other. There is no cheating involved.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2004-09-29 19:40:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by godking (user info) at 2004-09-29 17:31:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
#2 is one of the better stories of this round.
#1 made me want to run outside screaming "Ubermadness is People!"
GK
Submitted by author 2 <beelzebub.at.hell.org> at 2004-09-29 12:08:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
mike: OK, I am calm. I suppose I will cancel my previous plan to hunt you down and kill you... I understand you were saying it 'seemed' that way, but it's still not any less disappointing to be accused of cheating, even if it's just an insinuation. It's just that it seems tainted to me now.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-09-29 11:54:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Chill out author 2.
It's just my opinion.
When I read it, that was the feeling that I got.
It doesn't take away from the quality of the piece.
You did a fine job, stellar in fact.
Your hard work will not go for naught. You are winning easily.
Sorry my comment pissed you off.
Relax.
Submitted by author 2 <beelzebub.at.hell.org> at 2004-09-29 10:46:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WHY IN THE FUCK CAN'T I SUBMIT LONGER RESPONSES!?
I had to break up the one below so you could see it all...
Submitted by author 2 <beelzebub.at.hell.org> at 2004-09-29 10:45:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This way I felt I could bring across the jist of the original idea without actually having to write the whole thing. On a side note...I had also considered having the Bedouins find the scrolls and sell them to the archaeologists instead, becoming rich, and themselves falling into a similar trap of greed that the character in the story did. I decided against that because, again, it would have made the story too long, as it would have required the introduction of even more characters. I thought it worked out pretty well. Sorry it apparently didn't for you. I could go further and tell you how and why I came up with the names, dates, every single line of this stupid fucking story, but I am too fucking pissed off now.
Furthermore, though there is no real way for me to prove any of this, I resent the fact that you would vote for what you thought was an inferior story on the basis of your suspicions that I incorporated that title into a pre-fabricated story. You have no idea the trouble I went through to try and come up with a multi-faceted title incorporation, and to have that called into question just fucking sucks. Thanks a lot!
Submitted by author 2 <beelzebub.at.hell.org> at 2004-09-29 10:44:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thinking of Satan naturally lead to thinking of the bible, and the books in which Satan is actually mentioned...of of the ones that has always intrigued me has been the book of Job. In that book, Job is a rich man who loses everything...I then got the idea, what if instead of losing everything, Job had been a beggar, and gained everything? Originally I had intended to write a faux Biblical book in its entirety, but that seemed like too mammoth a task for round 1, so I decided to incorporate that idea in the context of another story -- the one you just read -- by creating the fictional finding of the ancient text I was going to initially write...
Submitted by author 2 <beelzebub.at.hell.org> at 2004-09-29 10:43:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
MIKE: You're wrong dude. I can't believe I'm doing this, explaining myself, in essence ruining the story, but I am insulted!
Read the reviews I've already left, and I pretty much address where I got the stimulus for the title, however to reiterate...
The first thing I did when I got my title, besides brainstorming, was google it. I knew it had been a classic album title, but couldn't remember for sure if it was The Stones, The Who, The Guess Who, etc.
Found out pretty quickly it was the Stones...noticed that it was the album that contained Sympathy for the Devil. My first thought, besides 'cool', when I thought of the song was when the devil is talking about having been around throughout history, Jesus' Crucifixion, Bolshevik (sp?) Revolution, etc. Another interesting thing I found in the course of my research was that in Israelite times Qumran, the ancient town beside which the original scrolls were discovered, was called the city of salt...One of the songs on "Beggar's Banquet" was called "Salt of the Earth". Yet another reference I deleted because it had no relevance to the story.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-09-29 09:30:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Two clearly was better except for one small fact:
It seemed to incorporate the title into an already written story. I could be wrong here, but it sure looks like it.
I voted for one because I think that it did a better job with the title.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2004-09-28 16:54:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by tidalfae (user info) at 2004-09-27 14:53:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2004-09-27 14:28:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2004-09-26 21:27:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-09-26 04:22:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Gent (user info) at 2004-09-24 23:20:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by sketch9 (user info) at 2004-09-24 21:44:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by author 2 <beelzebub.at.hell.org> at 2004-09-22 18:51:14 (#)
Ranking: 0
Fill out the simple, innocuous entry form below to enter to *WIN* the *FREE* T-shirt!!!
I, the undersigned, agree to turn over my mind, body, and soul, as well as that of all my future progeny to His Dark Majesty, Satan. Also I agree to allow Satan full access to my anus whenever He sees fit.
I also acknowledge that under no circumstances are Satan or any of His affiliates to be held responsible for any dissatisfaction with the *free t-shirt should it be won. (Note: entry into this contest does not necessarily ensure winning.)
I, the undersigned, also agree that author two is the ultimate kicker of all ass, and hereby give him/her all my earthly possessions. I also acknowledge that author 2 could probably kick my ass if he really wanted to...because I will be his slave.
By signing below, I also acknowledge that I understand that this contract cannot under any circumstances be voided - and that the t-shirt is 100% cotton, and has a COOL Satancrombie LOGO!
Signed:
Date:
I remember you could send in a similar form to World Industries Skateboard company and get a tee shirt that read "I sold my sould to World Industries and all I got was this lousy tee shirt!"
Submitted by sketch9 (user info) at 2004-09-24 21:39:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
two was very lovecraftian, save for the fact that it was judo-christian based. i loved it.
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-09-24 20:48:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by VirtuosoDilettante (user info) at 2004-09-24 20:25:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Entry 1
-------
"You pour soul,..." probably should have used the word "poor" instead.
Entry 2
-------
A little slow at the start with the technical dialogue, but the latter portion of the story redeems itself.
Submitted by Galgos27 (user info) at 2004-09-24 16:33:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
NICE!!!
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-09-24 15:55:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I voted for 1. Two was really good, but 1 was more polished.
2 was very well researched.
Submitted by Monarch (user info) at 2004-09-24 14:05:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Entry One: Good stuff. Somewhat unexpected, with a classic finish.
Entry Two: This uses a fairly common idea, and cheats by using some very common references. (i.e. Samael, Nod) Overall this story had potential but could have been WAY better.
Entry Two wins for having the single most innovative title tie-in of UM so far.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-09-24 12:47:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2004-09-24 12:41:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2004-09-24 12:28:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Anyone who voted against #2 because they don't like "religious stuff" if a complete fucking idiot.
It was a wildly original story that was told better than 99.999999999% of anything else on Uber.
This is professional quality folks. I can't believe some people aren't seeing that.
No offense #1, but daaaaaaaaaaamn.
PS - Props to #2 for not being afraid to use CAPITAL LETTERS to express emphasis in dialogue.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2004-09-24 12:15:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy Shit #2 is good.
I started out thinking it was a DaVinci Code rip-off (but a well-done one, even at that), then it went its own way and just kept getting awesomer.
The ONLY thing I might have changed would be the Rolling Stones line. Seemed a little out of place in a conversation between a noted scholar and "a man of wealth and taste."
And damn it all, now I have sympathy for the devil stuck in my head.
G-R-E-A-T post!
Submitted by pooky_carl (user info) at 2004-09-24 08:50:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How good was that...
Jeepers mister, great writing...
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2004-09-24 08:15:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2004-09-24 00:34:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
although there was death in both, I liked them both.
I just liked the writing style of #2 more..
Submitted by filmgeek (user info) at 2004-09-23 23:04:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by author 2 <beelzebub.at.hell.org> at 2004-09-23 21:10:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-09-22 17:00:47 (#)
Ranking: 0
Am I going insane or did entry 2 quote Johnny Cash?
---------------------------
Yea, because as everyone knows, Johnny Cash was the true author of Revelations...
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-09-23 20:45:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-09-23 20:26:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not great, but better than entry one.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2004-09-23 19:56:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
of epic proportions
Submitted by Rael11x (user info) at 2004-09-23 18:20:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Grover (user info) at 2004-09-23 18:06:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
#2. Religion is tricky business my friend, but I think you pulled it off.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2004-09-23 16:15:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Luckystar (user info) at 2004-09-23 12:45:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-09-23 12:35:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I didn't like the tense used in the second story, but it was better than the first. Much more interesting.
Submitted by Wingfoot (user info) at 2004-09-23 08:36:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by nbvn <bvnbn> at 2004-09-23 07:26:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by author 2 <beelzebub.at.hell.org> at 2004-09-22 23:07:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.greatdreams.com/end-world.htm
Here Silvr, in case you haven't already found it on your own. This one has a run down of a lot of the different theories surrounding the Mayan calendar and contains the end date 12/12/12 as in the story among them. Happy hunting.
Submitted by author 2 <beelzebub.at.hell.org> at 2004-09-22 23:00:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
To be honest...not quite sure, Silvr. I am sure you'll find something on google. I know the first I saw or heard about it was on a Discovery Channel special about the Mayans, or the Apocalypse or something... Anyway, they apparently thought that the creations of man would come back to destroy us in December of 2012.
That's all I know for now. You might try Discovery channel website and look for Mayan stuff.
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2004-09-22 22:08:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry, but I raffled my soul away in the early '80's at a coke party. Last I checked, either Blondie or Ron Jeremy had it. They'll sell it to you cheap, though. Apparently, my value has suffered serious depreciation.
Sidenote to the 2012 thing: The DVD of "Final Destination" has a death date generator. It's just a hokey feature, but one of the dates on there, and coincidentally the first one that came up for me, is Dec. 12, 2012.
If I'm not mistaken, Nostradamus also has some significant predictions concerning 2012, as well. I find it strange that there are so many references to that particular year. Is it entirely based on inference from the Mayan calendar? Are there other cultures that hold that date in significance? Hmm, I'm off to Google now.
Submitted by lilbill87 (user info) at 2004-09-22 21:42:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by author 2 <beelzebub.at.hell.org> at 2004-09-22 18:51:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Send entry for to:
Beggar's Banquet Sweepstakes
c/o Lucifer Enterprises
P.O. Box 666
Lake of Fire, Hades 90210
*Offer not transferable. Employees of Lucifer Enterprises, or any of its subsidiaries not eligible. Must still have a soul to enter. Not valid in Connecticut or Rhode Island. Void where prohibited.
Submitted by author 2 <beelzebub.at.hell.org> at 2004-09-22 18:51:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fill out the simple, innocuous entry form below to enter to *WIN* the *FREE* T-shirt!!!
I, the undersigned, agree to turn over my mind, body, and soul, as well as that of all my future progeny to His Dark Majesty, Satan. Also I agree to allow Satan full access to my anus whenever He sees fit.
I also acknowledge that under no circumstances are Satan or any of His affiliates to be held responsible for any dissatisfaction with the *free t-shirt should it be won. (Note: entry into this contest does not necessarily ensure winning.)
I, the undersigned, also agree that author two is the ultimate kicker of all ass, and hereby give him/her all my earthly possessions. I also acknowledge that author 2 could probably kick my ass if he really wanted to...because I will be his slave.
By signing below, I also acknowledge that I understand that this contract cannot under any circumstances be voided - and that the t-shirt is 100% cotton, and has a COOL Satancrombie LOGO!
Signed:
Date:
Submitted by author 2 <beelzebub.at.hell.org> at 2004-09-22 18:50:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Congo: you, Silvrwolf, and the others have won a chance to be in a drawing where the finalist will go on to be entered in an NBA half-court shot opportunity to win a free official Satan T-shirt...
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2004-09-22 18:41:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
These were both good. But damn, #2 kicked all sorts of ass.
Submitted by DyingBreed (user info) at 2004-09-22 18:10:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"The other 300 or so words I buried in a time capsule in my yard, because the world was not ready for them..."
LMFAO
"But in the end Satan will always get my vote because he gave me an enormus cock and the ability to fuck young chicks and never get AIDS."
i laughed even harder at this statement for some reason
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-09-22 17:48:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This was a close one.
But in the end Satan will always get my vote because he gave me an enormus cock and the ability to fuck young chicks and never get AIDS.
Submitted by Falconer (user info) at 2004-09-22 17:32:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Satan! w00t!
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-09-22 17:00:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Am I going insane or did entry 2 quote Johnny Cash?
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2004-09-22 16:42:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
People, you need to start spell-checking your work. Fuck.
Neither story lit a fire under me, but #2 was so over-written it was as purple as my fucking hard-on.
My vote goes for #1.
Submitted by spinningaroundme (user info) at 2004-09-22 16:19:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-09-22 16:09:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by rurumon (user info) at 2004-09-22 16:05:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
neato.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-09-22 16:01:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
#1 - Okay, but very predictable. I can't help but feeling like I have read this exact same thing somewhere before.
#2 - Fantastic! No contest.. my vote goes to you.
the last quote the professor gave reminds me of the Johnny Cash song "When the man comes around"
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2004-09-22 15:26:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Entry two by a long shot. Not at all what I would have predicted to come from such a title. I'm impressed.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2004-09-22 15:20:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
entry 2 hurt my eyes.
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2004-09-22 15:09:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wooooo!
I certainly hope "prize #4" includes a whole lot of cash. Otherwise, I'll be eternally disappointed. :(
I'll go set up a paypal account now for you to forward my prize. Thanks!
Submitted by author 2 <beelzebub.at.hell.org> at 2004-09-22 14:51:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
conga: You are the winner of prize #4! You are the first to mention noticing that...
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-09-22 14:02:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2004-09-22 13:53:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No one noticed anything else?
Are you referring to the fact that the world ended at 12:12:12 on 12/12/12?
Or is that what we were already discussing?
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2004-09-22 13:37:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Author 1, I sympathize with you and your college difficulties.
I also wrote my Ubermadness entry between classes, but it wasn't nearly as good as yours.
I'm looking forward to finding out the identity of Author 2 to see what else he/she has written. Great writer + Stones fan = other good posts?
Submitted by author 2 <beelzebub.at.hell.org> at 2004-09-22 13:33:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Congo: Yea, I didn't take any offense. I knew what you meant. I guess if I was really thinking I would have made the post 2012 words long. That would have been cool. I still find it amazing noone has notice anything else though...
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-09-22 12:50:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Both were very very good. It was a tough decision.
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2004-09-22 12:45:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
author2: Hey, that's cool. I wasn't saying YOU in particular. But with the internet so easy to get at for so many people, there's a flood of doomsday sites out there now, manned by idiots, and at least 10 different scenarios I've heard of involving 2012. You should check it out if you want a good laugh. I'm stunned these people can function in society.
Submitted by treblereel (user info) at 2004-09-22 12:26:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by author 2 <beelzebub.at.hell.org> at 2004-09-22 12:24:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
In response to the Mayan thing...never said I believed [ ;) ] any of this crap...I just said I intentionally put in details that I though might add interest.
Whoever said I blew my wad may be interested to know that I wrote this post in under 24 hours. After that I spent a grand total of maybe 1.5 hours editing and whittling it down from about 2500 words to the exact 2200 words you see before you. (That's another one for those of into numerology.)
The other 300 or so words I buried in a time capsule in my yard, because the world was not ready for them...
Submitted by fell-8-me (user info) at 2004-09-22 11:24:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Somebody may have just blown their Uber-madness wad in round one. Hopefully you still have some left...
Submitted by gamma (user info) at 2004-09-22 11:02:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2004-09-22 10:12:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-09-22 09:58:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2004-09-22 09:52:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
---
Silvrwolf: 2012 as a date for the end of the world originated with the Mayan calendar. Their calendar, which was the most advanced ever devised supposedly, ends in that year. Congratulations for noticing at least one thing about the dates. You get prize #3 behind those who noticed the Stones lyrics and Johnny Cash reference.
---
The thing about that is, from what I've read, I think this is a little misunderstood. In 2012, their calendar ends, as their number system rolls over. The Mayans never claimed this to be the end of the world. It's just more like the odometer on their number system flips back over to 0 at that time. Why people attach any importance to the Mayan calendar system is another question entirely, one which I'll never understand.
Submitted by WiKi (user info) at 2004-09-22 09:03:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Natsukau (user info) at 2004-09-22 08:45:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2004-09-22 04:53:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I loved the use of the title in #2, it wasn't what I expected.
#1 wasn't bad either, you didn't disgrace yourself.
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2004-09-22 01:16:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by author 2 <beelzebub.at.hell.org> at 2004-09-21 23:58:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Silvrwolf: 2012 as a date for the end of the world originated with the Mayan calendar. Their calendar, which was the most advanced ever devised supposedly, ends in that year. Congratulations for noticing at least one thing about the dates. You get prize #3 behind those who noticed the Stones lyrics and Johnny Cash reference.
Submitted by Aladdin (user info) at 2004-09-21 23:44:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Well put ! Very intelligent and simplistic, quite enjoyable really
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2004-09-21 22:18:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
#2 was just, wow! Excellent apocalyptic piece.
#1 was just not good enough to top it.
Has anyone else noticed a repetition of of 2012 as the year the world ends? I think in the last twenty years, I've seen it at least a two or three dozen times.
Submitted by tammy (user info) at 2004-09-21 22:10:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by tlozoot (user info) at 2004-09-21 21:28:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
One problem with Entry 1... what's the deal with toasting after the meal? If the drink killed them that quickly, why not just serve a small appetizer or something then toast? I mean, toasts are usually at the beginning of the meal anyway.
Submitted by tlozoot (user info) at 2004-09-21 21:22:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bravo for both entries. Both were a tad clichéd but much better than a good deal of the Ubermadness crap so far.
Entry 1 gets my vote because I hate religion and all that crap. Not that the story is supposed to be realistic, I just had to make a decision.
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-09-21 21:12:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Both of these were really good. It's a shame that one of these writers won't make it to the next round.
Submitted by Natalia_Everitt (user info) at 2004-09-21 21:02:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was pretty good to tell you the truth... props to #1.
Submitted by YouLookLikeINeedADrink (user info) at 2004-09-21 20:45:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by author 2 <beelzebub.at.hell.org> at 2004-09-21 19:52:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
By the Way: author 1, good luck! And congrats to both of us for making the double mass-killing entry! I thought that was kinda cool. KILL 'EM ALL!
Submitted by author 2 <beelzebub.at.hell.org> at 2004-09-21 18:34:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Author 1: You did a good job. I don't think your post deserves that little respect... It was really good, and I was scared when I first read it...until I read the first few reviews. I wasn't sure how it would be taken. Religion never really flies around here, even if it is fiction.
Submitted by author 1 <yourmother.at.jkjk.com> at 2004-09-21 18:28:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MM_LP_Track3 (user info) at 2004-09-21 16:21:34 (#)
Ranking: 2
Both were good; entry 2 just had more effort.
----------------------------------------------
I feel thats about as accurate as it gets. I wanted to make more out of the idea but lacked the time to do so.
College is raping my asshole and I'm also working 40 a week, so I actually wrote this between classes in a bit of a rush.
I'm not surprised at how bad I'm getting beaten after reading author 2's post. Hope you keep that intensity throughout UM.
Submitted by Interesting_Pseudonym (user info) at 2004-09-21 18:25:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by author 2 <beelzebub.at.hell.org> at 2004-09-21 18:19:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
JMG: Because he is very demonstrative in his speech. Plus, silly conventions aside (a-la Maddox, fuck his opinion by the way), that's the best way I've found to emphasize the words that are accented naturally during human speech. Without it, the reader either sees/hears a flat speaker, or is forced to insert said exclamations him/herself. I just don't have that kind of faith in the typical Uber-reader...sorry.
I've forgotten now, but whoever said Johnny Cash should win a prize! "When The Man Comes Around" kicks ass! Johnny is who I envisioned as the PROFESSOR.
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-09-21 18:18:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-09-21 18:07:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Zandy1123 (user info) at 2004-09-21 17:18:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm not one for faux-religious lore, but it was a good story!
Submitted by Silkmaestro (user info) at 2004-09-21 17:09:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-09-21 16:36:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WHY does the PROFESSOR always TALK like THIS???
Submitted by Slovin (user info) at 2004-09-21 16:32:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The plot twist at the end of entry 1 was really unexpected, although the rest was kind of cheesy. Good post overall.
Author 2, for future reference: If you want to hold the attention of the Über-masses, do not talk about dirt. Regardless, excellent story.
Tough choice... #2 it is.
Body count: 231.
http://tbd.yi.org/umbc.php
Submitted by gibberish (user info) at 2004-09-21 16:22:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2004-09-21 16:22:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 because you reminded me of Johnny Cash
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-21 16:21:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by MM_LP_Track3 (user info) at 2004-09-21 16:21:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Both were good; entry 2 just had more effort.
Submitted by satchel (user info) at 2004-09-21 16:18:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by engine13 (user info) at 2004-09-21 16:18:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Vote. . . Not rate. Sorry.
Submitted by engine13 (user info) at 2004-09-21 16:17:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Twas good.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2004-09-21 14:26:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by author 2 <beelzebub.at.hell.org> at 2004-09-21 13:58:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey, Slovin, doesn't this count as a double mass-killing?? And if so, isn't that like an Ubermadness first?
Post 1: 150 bums -
Post 2: Apocalypse
Submitted by salmonofdoubt (user info) at 2004-09-21 13:52:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
um...yea
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2004-09-21 13:42:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by girlreporter (user info) at 2004-09-21 13:34:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-09-21 13:32:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by author 2 <beelzebub.at.hell.org> at 2004-09-21 13:12:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I was glad to see someone got the Rolling Stones reference. Being as "Beggar's Banquet" was the title of one of their greatest albums, I wanted to include that somehow. As a matter of fact, the whole story had it's impetus in "Sympathy for the Devil".
Also something about dates...nevermind.
Submitted by Vermin (user info) at 2004-09-21 13:10:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This is the only hard decision I have had to make in this thing so far, but I have to go with the cleaning the steets of bums.
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2004-09-21 12:57:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2004-09-21 10:38:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
By the end of #2 I had totally forgotten what #1 was about. Good job #2!
DOH!
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2004-09-21 12:55:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Enjoyed #2 a lot. So much so I entirely forgot what #1 was about.
Submitted by hyprspacd (user info) at 2004-09-21 12:31:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good show #2
Submitted by russizm (user info) at 2004-09-21 12:30:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
good eye, sniper!
Submitted by Katja (user info) at 2004-09-21 12:26:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by author 2 <beelzebub.at.hell.org> at 2004-09-21 12:22:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
To address the harem discrepancy....I blame Bill Gates and MS Word! That was a spelling error that MS Word turned into a proper name automatically, and thus got overlooked during editing. You all know what I meant though... On second thought, I would be cool if he was given a little slave midget named Hiram...kinda like a Tatu-type character, who keeps pointing to the sky yelling "The fire! The fire!"
I will insert him into the story when I rewrite.
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-09-21 12:22:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by razmataz73 (user info) at 2004-09-21 12:10:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Interesting story. You can tell that it took a little bit of time to arrange. The first begger story was cute and predictable. If Author One could have expanded on it or made us more immersed in the text, it could have done well against the second story. The only real criticism I have for Author Two is that the word is clearly Harem and not Harim. But eh. It was a good entry for the First Round, but I hope you put more energy into the following rounds (if you are the winner.)
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-09-21 11:58:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No contest.
1 was very cliche and not very well developed. It was, however, well written.
2 was a great story, start to finish. Very well developed. I thought it rushed in places, but over all, excellent.
Submitted by Muiro (user info) at 2004-09-21 11:54:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoy the kind of stories that entry 2 is. Hell on Earth type. Very good ending.
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-09-21 11:54:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2004-09-21 11:53:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-09-21 11:42:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2004-09-21 11:11:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by cexshun (user info) at 2004-09-21 10:57:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2004-09-21 10:46:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was actually really tough to choose.
Submitted by Ignore_the_Small_Print (user info) at 2004-09-21 10:45:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2004-09-21 10:38:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
By the end of #2 I had totally forgotten what #1 was about. Good job #2!
Submitted by Julia (user info) at 2004-09-21 10:37:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent.
Submitted by Ancius (user info) at 2004-09-21 10:27:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
now THAT was cool.
Submitted by wazzawazzayo (user info) at 2004-09-21 10:12:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by AshyLarry (user info) at 2004-09-21 10:07:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2004-09-21 09:58:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
1) "almost 200" more people dead. Great.
2) Very well done.
Submitted by redraven (user info) at 2004-09-21 09:53:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Smurfs (user info) at 2004-09-21 09:50:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
you KILLED it with the ending... but quite good before that
Submitted by babydoll (user info) at 2004-09-21 09:21:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by littledan (user info) at 2004-09-21 09:15:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 1 was good, but 2 blew it away. Great job.
Submitted by ralphmacchio (user info) at 2004-09-21 09:09:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Dirtbird (user info) at 2004-09-21 08:58:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2004-09-21 08:49:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by DyingBreed (user info) at 2004-09-21 08:23:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
not that my vote actually counts here, but very well written
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-09-21 08:17:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-09-21 08:11:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2004-09-21 07:45:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Fr057m0urn3 (user info) at 2004-09-21 04:48:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by evolydal (user info) at 2004-09-21 04:41:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2004-09-21 04:29:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2004-09-21 03:22:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
one was predictable
two was as well, but more effort was put into it
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2004-09-21 02:52:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
1 was a bit contrived, though well written. Entry 2 appeared to be extremely well-researched, and decently written, although he probably was given a harem of women, not some guy named hiram. Let me rephrase: entry two fucking rocked. Nice work.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-09-21 02:37:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by seanfogy (user info) at 2004-09-21 02:30:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
by far the best ubermadness entry yet
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2004-09-21 02:24:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Religious stuff = :(
Submitted by steph (user info) at 2004-09-21 02:06:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by humor_me (user info) at 2004-09-21 01:59:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by grayday (user info) at 2004-09-21 01:53:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
wow.
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2004-09-21 01:53:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shit title.
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2004-09-21 01:40:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I read through it again, and I liked it more on the second reading.
The religous mystery stuff has never been my cup of tea, but this was very entertaining.
Submitted by Katastrofadark (user info) at 2004-09-21 01:35:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant
Submitted by Gnome (user info) at 2004-09-21 01:33:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh, another +2 for working in some Stones lyrics
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2004-09-21 01:17:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know whether I liked these or not. I think two was written a bit better, though.
+2 for my title making it!
Submitted by ewlong3 (user info) at 2004-09-21 01:15:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Trout (user info) at 2004-09-21 01:06:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Gnome (user info) at 2004-09-21 00:36:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ok, after reading 1 i thought to myself, "oh boy, 2 is going to have to be really good to get my vote here."
good goddamn, but i wasn't dissapointed. 2 was great. no kidding. i might as well forfeit now if i have to go up against this stuff eventually. after i take beer_bong out at the kneecaps that is.
Submitted by ValakasDemon (user info) at 2004-09-21 00:34:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2004-09-21 00:08:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2004-09-21 00:07:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Pringles4eva (user info) at 2004-09-21 00:07:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
both blew.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-09-20 23:50:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Therighteouswicked (user info) at 2004-09-20 23:47:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2004-09-20 23:46:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2004-09-20 23:44:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This would make a basis for a cool movie.
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2004-09-20 23:33:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Apocalyptic. FUCKING SWEET.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-09-20 23:32:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-09-20 23:31:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
........
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-09-20 23:29:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Marge: I know we didn't ask for this, Homer, but doesn't the Bible
say, "Whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers, that you
do unto me...?"
Homer: Yes, but doesn't the Bible also say, "Thou shalt not take
moochers into thy hut?"
The Otto Show
---------------------------------------
Before I even read this I scrolled to the bottom and here was the quote:
Marge: I know we didn't ask for this, Homer, but doesn't the Bible
say, "Whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers, that you
do unto me...?"
Homer: Yes, but doesn't the Bible also say, "Thou shalt not take
moochers into thy hut?"
The Otto Show
FUNNY!
Submitted by omnifica (user info) at 2004-09-20 23:25:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2004-09-20 23:21:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-09-20 23:18:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Cool.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-09-20 23:14:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Number 2. Yeah. Definitely number 2.