He Just Doesn'T Understand (389 hits)
Category: UberMadness! EntryRating: 2 on 1 review (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ugaly <UG_A_LY.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-09-21 00:17:59 EDT
This post was an official UberMadness! entry. Click here to view the original matchup.
Jacob lay sleeping in his sister's spare bedroom; he was visiting her in Montana for a week. He had barely started waking, and his tired eyes were being abused by the constant screaming of his three and four year old nephews terrorizing the living room.
He rolled over on the half deflated air mattress, and pulled his blankets over his head, shivering. The fan in the corner of the room was blowing the cold air from the open window straight on him; it's dull roar not enough to drown out the yelling from the other side of the walls.
"Ahhh man," he sighed as the screaming began echoing down the hallway, they were coming. The door flew open violently, rebounding loudly off the wall, scaring Jacob.
"Uncle Jacob! Wake Up!" yelled Mark, the four year old. His younger brother Daniel repeated his exact words in an incoherent and squealing manner.
"No. Go away," he quietly muttered, pulling the covers off his head so they could understand him.
"Daniel, do this," Mark yelled as he knelt down and put his mouth by Jacobs's ear. "TSsssssSSSsssssss!"
They couldn't have thought of anything more annoying than that to wake him up. "All right, that's it," he threatened as he pushed Mark's head away from his head. Jacob sat up straightly, turned onto his knees and playfully tackled both of the kids, tickling each one. Roars of high-pitched laughter met his ears unkindly.
Jacob jumped up and ran into the living room, diving onto the couch. The little people followed closely behind and jumped straight on to his back.
"You woke up Uncle Jacob," screeched Daniel.
"Yes I did."
"Okay little boys. In your chairs, it's time for breakfast," commanded Lacey.
Breakfast was uneventful as usual. Mark and Daniel would ramble off movie quotes made incoherent from the mouthfuls of food in their mouths. Three times they burst into random fits of laughter, spewing the contents of their breakfast burritos all over the table.
"Gahhhh," Lacey said, turning her head away from the messy table toward Jacob. "We're taking the kids to the H2O Park today. Is that okay with you?"
"Why wouldn't it be? You don't need my approval."
"I know. I was just making sure. We'll probably leave around noon so we can come back and put the kids down for naps."
Jacob nodded in silent agreement while looking down the hall watching Alan, his brother-in-law, walk sleepily to the table. Alan was the lazy father of the children. He was probably six inches shorter than Jacob, who was several inches past six feet, and weighed around three hundred pounds, nearly doubling Jacob's weight.
Jacob still thought it was funny. His sister, younger than him by two years was married with two children and he still hadn't dated anyone seriously. He thought it more ironic, however, that his kid sister, the sister his friends were always trying to get him to set them up with, married her exact opposite.
"And how's my beautiful wife?" he asked as he hugged Lacey and kissed her affectionately.
"I'm fine."
"Mommy."
"Do you want some breakfast daddy?"
"Uhhh...sure."
"Mommy. Can I get down," questioned Mark impatiently as he had already climbed halfway out of his chair.
Lacey looked depressingly at his plate and replied, "Eat five more bites then you can get down."
"Mommyyyyy!"
"You do not back talk your mother. You need to obey!" Alan's voice boomed, echoing off the kitchen walls. Jacob was sure the neighbors downstairs could have heard him.
"But daddy, I'm full," Mark answered as he started walking to the bathroom to wash his hands.
Alan stood up from his chair, blocked Mark's path, turned him around and spanked him hard. "You do as you are told!" he shouted once more, pushing Mark towards his high chair, sitting down in the process. The chair creaked in protest.
Mark started crying and walked slowly back to his seat. He climbed into his seat and picked up his burrito. "Eeeuhhh!" he said defiantly as he threw it across the table.
Alan's face flared a brilliant shade of red as he stood up and walked heavily towards Mark; the floor shook with each step. He grabbed Mark by one arm and hoisted him out of his seat, spanking him once more on the way down to the ground. He drew Mark's face close to his own and yelled very loudly, "Little boys need to do as they are told!"
*Spank
"Little boys do not throw their food."
*Spank *spank
"No go to your room!"
Jacob watched as his oldest nephew ran bowlegged to his bedroom, swerving into the walls on the way. He was trying to cry but kept sucking in air, unable to get out the first loud wail. The first cry came as he slammed the door shut.
"That's not right." Jacob said as he turned to look at Alan.
"Don't tell me how to raise my kids. There is nothing wrong with discipline."
"Do you have to be so loud and violent?" Lacey added. He comment went unheard.
"I know. I have no problem with discipline. But there is a fine line between discipline and abuse with a four year old, and you walked all over it."
"Whatever."
"Your son couldn't breathe from it. I'd hope you'd have wished you never did that to your son, especially at that age." Jacob stood up from the table and walked into the room to check on his nephew. "Stupid prick," he muttered loud enough so Alan could hear him and the kids couldn't.
"What did you say?"
"You heard me. I didn't stutter."
Alan glared coldly at him as he watched Jacob walk down the hallway. Jacob could feel the staring eyes focusing behind him, and looked back. He met Alan's gaze then looked at his sister who was staring blankly at her food.
When he walked in Mark had his face buried in his pillow, still crying freely. Jacob picked him up and held him loosely waiting for him to stop crying. Lacey joined him seconds later.
After five minutes Mark climbed off of Jacob's lap and ran to pick up a book. He handed it to his mother, breathing heavily and his voice wavering. "W-will you please read this t-to me?"
Lacey accepted the book and lifted Mark onto her lap. She held Mark with one hand while using the other to push herself back against the wall. After getting comfortable she opened the book and began to read "Curious George". She was quietly interrupted regularly by questions of what certain words meant, and Mark's constant snorting to keep his nose from running.
"Thank you Mommy," he said while turning around, and hugging her tightly. Mark climbed down and ran into the livingroom.
"Maaa-aarrrk," came the accepting, happy voice of Alan. Jacob stood up, and placed the book on the dresser as he walked out of the room ahead of Lacey shaking his head in disbelief.
"How can people change their moods so quickly," he muttered to Lacey who shrugged her shoulders. When he walked into the living room he saw Mark hugging Alan, who was reaching for a book.
"And I just don't understand how kids can be so forgiving."
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Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-01-16 12:21:35 EST (#)
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