The Proposition (846 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: Untruth
Rating: 1.81 on 26 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Snark << snarkk.at.gmail.com (View user info) at 2004-09-21 11:22:54 EDT
THE PROPOSITION
"I'll pay you Fifteen Thousand Dollars to dress in a Chicken Suit and fuck me"
Ken stared wide eyed and open mouthed at the regally sculpted face of the woman across the table from him for a second, then violently laughed his ass off.
He'd had a premonition something was up the minute she got up from her stool at the bar and crossed the floor to his table. Women like this were simply not interested in him. Hell, women like her were out of his league for any number of reasons. He knew he wasn't a bad looking guy, in fact he was bordering on handsome if anything. But he knew enough to understand that a beauty of the type across from him was drawn to two things he did not possess.
Money and class.
He had a running joke with a few of the guys in his dorm where they would classify the girls on campus with the type of ice cream that suited them most. They used the classifications as code words to each other as an amusing way of scoping women out without drawing too much attention to themselves.
Rocky Road if they were fat, Bubblegum if they were young, Tiger Stripe if they were Punks, Licorice for Goth. The list went on and on. So when he'd noticed her glide into the cozy ambiance of the campus pub he'd automatically tried to come up with a classification for her and failed. The woman exuded sex in the classic kind of way he had only seen in old movies. She radiated the kind of blinding appeal that one would expect from Marilyn Monroe or a young Katherine Hepburn, the kind that only money could buy, the kind that came from a lifetime of being pampered. The sheer blue strapless dress she wore swayed and twisted around the perfectly proportioned curves of her body as she walked as if it had been created by God with the singular purpose to do just that. Sculpted blond hair fell in long flowing curls to her shoulders in the back while smaller gentler ringlets caressed her brow, drawing ones attention to eyes too blue to be real then lips to perfect to be fake.
No. He'd decided the vision before him was no ice cream, she was something else entirely... something richer than he'd ever tasted... something with a French name.
She'd sat at on the bar stool half facing him and spent the next half hour sipping something with an umbrella in it and surveying the pubs occupants, while they in turn did their best not to stare.
He'd done his own staring of course, then self consciously dropped his head to the table top when her wandering gaze had locked with his for a second and she'd raised one perfectly plucked questioning eyebrow.
A while later when she'd stood up and moved to join him at his table he'd almost panicked, half expecting her to loudly admonish him for his blatant visual drooling. Instead she'd stopped then gestured delicately at the empty chair across from him and softly asked "May I?"
Ken had looked up red faced, blinked twice then said simply
"Guk"
To his amazement she'd smiled almost gratefully at him then gracefully slid into the worn vinyl covered chair and held out her hand.
"I'm Betty"
Ken took her hand and kissed it despite himself, then realizing he must look a fool and sat back a few shades redder and said "Uhh sorry"
She'd smiled warmly again then placed her hand in her lap and said "Don't be I'm flattered... Mr... Guk?"
The friendly nature of her joke had freed him of his paralysis and they both shared a mutual laugh as the formality of their meeting fell away to mist.
"Actually my name is Ken" he'd finally replied "Guk is the natural greeting in my homeland of Moronistan"
He'd cringed inwardly at the shitty off the top-of-his-head joke but relaxed again as she let out another crystalline giggle.
"That's cute... you'll do perfectly I think"
It was Ken's turn to raise an eyebrow.
"Pardon?"
"I have a proposition for you Ken... it's kind of embarrassing"
Half listening to her voice and half drowning in her eyes he had gulped dryly and said "Shoot"
"Promise you won't laugh?"
He'd smiled gallantly then raised two fingers in a V shape "Scouts Honor"
And then she'd said it and here he was wondering if his belly was going to rupture from the frantic heaving of his uncontrollable laughter.
A while later he wiped the last torrent of tears from his eyes and looked up from the table, half expecting her to have left the pub in a angry swish of curve and fabric but was surprised to see her waiting patiently with a slightly scornful smile on her face.
"You promised Ken"
He took a deep breath, then another and felt the humor of the situation wash away as the serious expression crossing her face told him she wasn't joking.
Nevertheless he sat straight and said "You're joking right"
"No"
"I don't get it"
Betty leaned forward put her elbows on the table top and rested her chin in her cupped palms "What don't you get?"
"None of it... all of it"
"May I ask you a question?"
Ken self consciously looked around the pub at the attention he had attracted with his earlier display then turned back to the angel in front of him and said "I guess..."
"Do you find me attractive?"
"Good God Yes"
"Could you use the money?"
The second question was just as easy for him to answer as the first. As much as he enjoyed the student lifestyle he hated the crappy jobs he had to take to keep it up. He had been going to school long enough to feel the crushing weight of his student loans and fifteen thousand dollars would go along way to ensuring his continued existence in the escape from reality he'd wrapped around himself.
"Yeah, I could use it"
The serious expression on Betty's face slowly melted into the familiar warm smile "So what's the problem?"
Ken shrugged in confusion "I don't know, this just feels weird... why me?"
Betty leaned a little closer and locked his eyes with hers
"Several reasons actually...You're cute enough and you're shy enough that I don't think you have a capacity for violence. I can tell from the way you're dressed and the drink special your nursing that you can probably use the money. But mostly you're here, you're alone and I'm in the mood"
"Someone put you up to this right?"
Betty sat back and shook her head "No Ken. I'm obviously not from here. I went out of my way on purpose to find someone I won't ever run into again. That's all"
"You could find any number of guys to give you what you want for free"
"It wouldn't be the same. I have to pay for it"
Ken suppressed another urge to break into laughter "A chicken suit?"
"I know it's weird but when you've lived the lifestyle I have things become mundane rather easily, you find yourself developing desires that are... well... out of the ordinary"
"I'll say"
"Is that a yes?"
Ken tore his eyes from hers and took a sip of beer from his mug. Aside from the ridiculousness of the situation something didn't seem right.
"What's the catch? There's got to be some kind of catch"
Betty leaned forward again and placed a warm hand on his where it lay on the table top
"There is one small thing. I have a list... a script if you will... things I would like you to say while you're doing it"
Ken chuckled despite himself and slumped against the back of the bench and clasped his hands behind his head. Despite everything her offer was starting to sound kind of fun. "That's it? No other catches?"
"None. The suit is out front in my car. We can go to a hotel or to your place, anywhere you prefer as long as it's private. If it makes you feel better we can take a cab or your car"
"Where's the script?"
Betty reached into the silver purse on her lap and pulled out several folded sheets of paper. She unfolded them then kept two for herself and handed two to Ken.
"We can practice a bit if you'd like"
Ken looked at the pages of neatly typed words in front of him without reading them and wondered if he shouldn't just get up and leave but a quick glance at Betty made him realize that the word "Yes" had been placed in his mouth the second he'd seen her walk in the door"
"Sure"
"OK I go first"
Betty coughed delicately then said almost too loudly for comfort "Ooooh You're a bad Chicken Fucker aren't you!"
Ken read his line despite himself "Bok Bok I'm a horny chicken yes Ma'am! I'm a bad horny chicken BOK!" then broke out in another violent spasm of uncontrollable laughter.
Across the table Betty looked at him crossly then angrily said "Ken... really!"
"I'm sorry" he said as he managed to gain his self control once again "Listen what about the suit do we just cut a hole in it for my uhhhh pecker to stick out?"
He almost lost it again with the word "Pecker" but managed to keep it to a slight giggle
Betty nodded "Already done. You would wear protection of course. A condom"
"A yellow one"
Ken just about fucking died. His stomach muscles were protesting sharply with each new round of laughter and he began to wonder if he would be in any shape to have sex if the time actually came.
He did his best to marshal his self control and managed to squeak out the word "Sorry" then lapsed into another spasm.
A few minutes later he looked up to find her expression had changed to one of genuine anger "Ken if this is how you're going to be I think I should leave"
"I'm sorry. How about I read the page first, get the giggles out of my system and then we can practice"
Betty looked at the pages in front of her thoughtfully for a moment then turned the same expression on Ken as if she were reading his face. After a moment she nervously nodded "Ok"
Ken retrieved the first page off the table and quickly scanned it while doing his best to keep a straight face.
Betty: Ooooh, You're a bad Chicken Fucker aren't you!
Chicken: Bok Bok I'm a horny chicken yes Ma'am! I'm a bad horny chicken BOK!
Betty: Are you going to cross the road Chicken Fucker? Are you gonna cross that rocky road and come get some Pussy?
Chicken: Bocketty Bok Fucking Bok!!!
(Note: Make Chicken flap wings and thrust pelvis)
Ken stopped and then restarted and read to where he'd finished and then beyond as a horrible realization came to him and key words from the script began to make themselves clear.
"Rocky"
"Road"
"Orange"
"Bubble"
"Ahhhh Fuck Sakes I get it!" he said as he threw the pages onto the table.
Betty gave him a concerned look and said "What?"
"Ice cream!" he said angrily "It's all about the goddamned Ice Cream! Let me guess you're a friend of Mitch's bitch girlfriend?"
Betty shook her head red faced then looked down at her shoes.
"No? One of the women's groups then? Well you know what? It doesn't fucking matter. I'm not going to be a party to your little trap. Tell your friends they can take their cameras or whatever back to the AV department. I'm not fucking playing"
Betty sat back in her chair and looked around the room nervously.
"Yeah I can see it in your face" he said "You're a sweet thing to look at but you a goddamned shitty actress. Well happy BOK FUCKIN BOK to you. I'm GONE!"
Ken pounded the rest of his beer then stood up and triumphantly threw five dollars on the table in front of him then briskly walked out of the pub.
Betty disappointedly watched him go and wondered how she could have misjudged him so thoroughly. She could have sworn she had him eating out of her hand. She'd spent a good portion of her life learning to manipulate men. How could she have let him jump to his conclusions so quickly?
And what was all that crazy talk about Ice Cream?
She was about to get up and leave when a slim dark haired boy slid into the booth across from her and said "Hi, who was that guy?"
Betty looked him over thoroughly and decided she liked what she saw. He wasn't as cute as Ken but he wasn't ugly either. He had a warm genuine smile and seemed concerned.
"Listen" she said "I'm just going to say this once. I'm looking for someone nice to dress in a chicken suit and fuck me for fifteen thousand dollars"
The boy across the table shrugged once and said "Ok let's go"
Betty froze for a second caught of guard then asked "Don't you want to know the details"
"Nah, I'm good"
"Oh... K... hey great!" She offered her hand "I'm Betty"
He stood up and smiled without taking it "I'm Timothy, Your place or mine?"
User Reviews
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-03-28 23:31:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
She sounds like she needs a good Bokking.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-03-28 23:05:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I should really be sticking to Necrosiac, but this was fucking great.
Submitted by CoreaPeekay (user info) at 2004-11-16 15:13:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Random as all hell.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-11-16 14:36:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Best story EVAR!
Submitted by sis <sismo12345.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-10-11 20:31:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Naughty chicken fucker, come over to my side of the street, I'll peck you real good. LOL. You are a funny one aren't you , your always making me laugh. Your bud Sis.
Submitted by indepth25 (user info) at 2004-10-02 16:45:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Laughed my fucking ass off, oh god that was awesome you are truly one sick individual and I'm glad to call you friend hahaha
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-09-21 17:47:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HA! Cluck...cluck.
Very good.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-09-21 15:30:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ahahaha
I wouldn't dare make fun of Otis.
Submitted by Xena (user info) at 2004-09-21 15:28:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A YELLOW FUCKING CHICKEN!!???
are you making fun of OTIS....
Submitted by hyprspacd (user info) at 2004-09-21 14:38:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sweet.
I would have clucked her all night for 5 grand.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2004-09-21 14:19:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ive actually successfully stimulated a chicken to orgasm.
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-09-21 13:35:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sweet. I really liked the conclusion.
Submitted by Gnome (user info) at 2004-09-21 13:14:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good fun. great ending.
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-09-21 12:55:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
shit... heres yer 2
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-09-21 12:55:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
badass.
Submitted by honeycake (user info) at 2004-09-21 12:37:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-09-21 12:29:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Did someone mention chains?
Nothing like a yellow peckered cock to get a girl's juices flowing.
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-09-21 12:27:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2004-09-21 12:16:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2004-09-21 11:58:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-09-21 11:54:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
In a perfect world I would be chained to Circe's wall and forced to entertain her.
Submitted by wazzawazzayo (user info) at 2004-09-21 11:50:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Chicken: Bocketty Bok Fucking Bok!!!
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-09-21 11:49:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
In a perfect universe, you'd be in my basement, chained to a wall, and forced to entertain me.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-09-21 11:34:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The image of a chicken with a yellow-condomed wang made me hit the floor. Good show!
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2004-09-21 11:32:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-09-21 11:26:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This story is another psuedo continuation of this one"
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43650