Editing and criticism needed! "Oh no! I'm turning into my mother!" (559 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 0 on 3 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Cassiopeia (View user info) at 2004-09-21 12:42:24 EDT
Calling yet again the pickyiest of the picky readers and the toughest critics and editors! I am calling out for help with an english paper!
I had LOADS of help from Michelle on my last emergency, and I would appreciate it if I could get some compareable help. I am asking for only serious and/or helpful comments and critiques, any and all help is appreciated!!
The topic is 'What/Who has formed your identity?' I chose my mother. This is a bit last minute, it is due tonight for my night class, and it still needs alot of revision, and needs alot more length added, but I would really appreciate any further reviews. Thank you!!
"Oh no! I'm turning into my mother!"
"Oh no! I'm turning into my mother!" I say to myself as my reflection stares back in me with a dumbfounded look. As every day creeps by me and I slowly grow older, I can see bits and peices of my mother beaming from my physical appearance as well as my personality. A day I never though I would reach, is now dawning upon me. I am turning into my mother.
What can I say, my mother has been there for me since the beggining. And I mean the very beginning. She has been the guiding light throughout my life, all througout raising me, and even today she is still a huge influence on my life and my decisions. My Mom has been there through thick and thin, through high points and dissapointments, through celebrations and arguments, through everything in my life, she has been right there. She has guided me into growing into the woman I am today.
I can still remember tid bits of my childhood of when she was helping me on the slide of the playground, or having me help her cook in the kitchen. Funny how she never really enjoyed cooking, as I don't enjoy cooking either! My meals, as hers sometimes did, consist of some kind of easy to cook chicken and some kind of rice or pasta. A quick no hassle, no fuss, no muss 20 minute meal.
There are many traits that she has passed on to me, both physical and emotional. One physical trait that is quite odd, but there is no mistake that it got passed down through the genes, are the corners on our head. We don't have round heads like most people, we actually have almost two points on the upper back portion of our heads. My Dad used to make fun of us whenever we had a ditzy moment, blaming it on our corners.
A more slightly humorous physical similarity that I have with my mother is our body type. She passed on to me the big butt small breasts gene. Gee, thanks Mom! However, when I stare into my reflection, the most noticeable physical similarity between myself and my mother are my eyes. The color, the shape, even the wrinkles and the eyelashes seem to have an uncanny resemblence. You can often tell alot about a person just from looking in their eyes, and when I look into my own eyes, all I can see is my mother staring right back at me.
Annoyances and things that make us tick are about the same as well. One big trigger is the general public. From bad drivers who aren't paying attention to their surroundings, to being forced to walk being the biggest slowest butt in history in the smallest isle in the store, the public can be very frustrating. One joke that we have is about WalMart. We always joke that WalMart is the gathering ground for all the idiots in town.
More of the public that we cannot stand are children. My Mom, my sister and myself all have no tolerance for children. With the way my mother reacts to other people's children, I'm suprised she got through raising us! If I am in a store, enjoying my time, then I hear a kid crying and screaming, I just want to run away and get as far away as possible from the noise. One example of my mother and I avoiding children was when we were in a hospital waiting room. We were sitting quietly, just waiting for our turn. Then we saw it. A kid. She was crawling on the floor, throwing toys around, being your average annoying child. Then, she looked at us. A devilish "I'm gonna get you" stare sent chills down our spines. Trying as hard a possible to avoid contact with the monster, my mom said "Don't look at it!" We then both looked away, off to the floor or to the ceiling. Thankfully the kid left us alone! Kids drive me to my last nerve, and neither my mother or myself have any patients for them.
My mother has taught me to have quite a quirky sense of humor. Sarcasm is a large part of it, and we are not afraid to be weird to crack a smile. Whether we be dancing around like idiots, mocking an annoying coworker, or making weird random noises, we can be weird together without any second thoughts. In this way, she has taught me that I can be as outgoing and fun as I want, and shouldn't worry about what other people think of me, as long as I am having a good time.
A lesson that was taught and that I see over and over again, is people are jerks. You have to have a tough skin to get through people's cruelty, and to get through many obstacles in life. You must learn to fend for yourself. I have been raised by my mother to become a kind, upright, and honest person. I have developed into a very stong person, I am able to stand next to my opinions, and not be discouraged by other's negativity. She always said, "Love makes the world go around," and mine's still spinning.
Every day I see myself doing the same things my mother used to do. Whether it be a weird noise, a common saying, or a habit in the kitchen, bits and peices of her arise in my every day life. Call it luck, call it a curse, call it genetics. Call it what you will, but the truth is as us women grow older, we all see shades of our mother in ourselves, and we all can remember the day we looked into the mirror and thought, "Oh no! I'm turning into my mother!"
User Reviews
Submitted by Julia (user info) at 2004-09-21 18:18:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You have many problems with grammar and word choice. Also, you contradict yourself. You say your mother raised you to be compassionate and kind, yet you devote many sentences to how much you both despise children and the different ways you like to mock people.
I liked the part about your "corners," because that's unique. "Bad drivers bother me" and "Slow people make me impatient" are not unique, so I'd leave those out or change them if you're trying to show how you're becoming your mother.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-09-21 18:03:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
dude this is dreadful.
my advice :
spell check, punctuate and come up with something more memorable.
How about flipping it? Like, my mom is turning into me! A hilarious tale of hope her menopause/midlife crisis is making her copy your dress sense etc?
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2004-09-21 13:24:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You shoulda stuck to the masturbation stories....