Gay Civil War (501 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.09 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by xtremecowboy (View user info) at 2004-09-21 21:42:20 EDT
The year is 2007, George Bush is president (he had to be for this story to work), and the homosexuals of the United States are in an uprising. Due to president Bush's constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage, an army of gays are marching on the capital of the U.S. I, a colonel in the straight regular army, am being briefed on the current situation:
Commanding Officer, "Son, this is a crisis. An army of brightly clad women, outfitted by the men, with men as nurses, and the bravest or most closest case men fighting with the women, are marching towards D.C. Horror stories our filling our camps of how captured soldiers are being raped against their will, then brainwashed until their sexuality turns fruity."
Me, "Sir, isn't their anything we can do?"
"I'm afraid not colonel, our long range attacks are ineffective, as the men are so flexible they can dodge the attacks, and the women are so distractingly ugly that our gunners cannot focus. Our foot tactics are slowed by the fact that our boys are so easily distracted or disgusted by the simple sight of these grotesque women kissing and the women are deserting our forces in record numbers."
How many times have I had this nightmare? Well never, to be honest, but it sounded like the dramatic thing to say. Anyways I devised a plan for my unit that would help us successfully combat the homos marching towards the capital. I would put complete blinders on the gunners while a traitorous gay would give them coordinates. Meanwhile, my foot soldiers would have to be trained to not respond to lesbians. They were subjected to endless hours of gay porn until their lust for women was slaked. The few we caught masturbating in the back were the aforementioned people giving coordinates. The fact that the rest of them were puting on make-up for the fight aside, I felt our supieror equipped and trained army would easily crush the rainbow colored opposition...
Damn those faggots are good in a fight.
As the homos swarmed the capital city, I could hear president Bush's screams of pain from being and/or giving anal-rape.
As I was caputured, all I could say was "Please don't rape me, I'm borderline homophobic."
"Rape you? What do you mean sweetie, all we do is give you a complete makeover and then put you on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy."
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If you don't know, vote Nader
User Reviews
Submitted by lilbill87 (user info) at 2004-09-29 20:17:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha hilarious, well done
Submitted by TeleMaster (user info) at 2004-09-25 23:54:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Retarded
Submitted by ReyLara (user info) at 2004-09-22 02:17:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
voting nader is indirectly voting for Bust--is your conscious ready to put back in control, or should I say Chaney back in control?
Oh, question---if we have to pass a consitutional ban on gay marriage, doesn't that mean it's already leagal?
Submitted by forumsarestupid (user info) at 2004-09-21 23:56:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+2 cuz it was pretty good
-1 cuz im pissed and tired
Submitted by Pringles4eva (user info) at 2004-09-21 23:55:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
voting for nader is indirectly voting for bush.
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2004-09-21 23:05:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well if all else atleast we'll be well dressed.
Submitted by fudge_me (user info) at 2004-09-21 23:00:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
its good, it puts down homo's everywhere! well done!
Submitted by The_Walrus (user info) at 2004-09-21 22:53:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Ah no!
No Nader!
Funny stuff. Had to ruin the perfect 2 because I feel devilish tonight.
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2004-09-21 22:43:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
(Homer reading a globe) U R GAY....HAHAHAHAAAA
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-09-21 22:01:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2004-09-21 21:45:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm afraid not colonel, our long range attacks are ineffective, as the men are so flexible they can dodge the attacks, and the women are so distractingly ugly that our gunners cannot focus.
this was deep. truly a scary vision of the future