The collective works of DVH Frankenstein (523 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.57 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Mentor, aka David Victor Hugo Frankenstein (View user info) at 2004-09-22 22:23:37 EDT
These, below, are the collective stories of one, David Victor Hugo Frankenstein. He was twice nominated for Student of the Month, and twice denied it because they said he was not enrolled at the highschool. He then protested by boycotting cardboard. The boycot fell apart due to the fact that his highschool uses very little cardboard. Needless to say, Frankenstein is doing fine, though he still takes curves far too fast just to prove to his passengers that, yes, they need to wear their seatbelts while in the car with him. Now, on to the stories written by Mister Frankenstein.
*Felbarr the Oyster*
Once, there was an oyster. His name was Felbarr. He enjoyed life in his oyster bed until the day a Malaysian oyster-chef plucked Felbarr up from his oyster bed and fried him in a wok. The American tourists enjoyed him with sesame oil.
The end.
*Dante the Flying Candy Wrapper*
There was once a piece of candy named Dante. He lived a comfortable life in the candy box at the corner store. One day, when Dante was thinking of marrying the nice little piece of candy named Susan, a hand reached into the candy box and grabbed him. (The crinkling noise the human heard was Dante's screams of fear.) Then, the cruel heartless human started peeling off Dante's skin! There were more screams, but the ravenous human didn't care.
Dante watched in horror as the human ate his sweet, sugary insides. The human then threw Dante's skin toward a trashcan.
A sudden updraft caught Dante and he began to float away. As Dante flew higher and higher, he began to enjoy it. He began having thoughts about being a butterfly. A sigh escaped his lips and Dante drifted off to sleep.
When Dante awoke, he found himself on the ground. A human walked by and said "Ew! Gross! Litter!"
Her hiker buddy bent to pick Dante up off the ground, but the first girl stopped her. "Don't worry about it. The acid rain will take care of it."
And so, as it began to rain, Dante sizzled and vaporized into nothing.
The end.
*Friedrich the Grocery Boy*
There was, in the past, a small little town. The town was called Palsyburg, and everyone in the town of Palsyburg would sit on their front porches and yell at one another all day and everyday. That is, they did that until the day a man named Karl brought a grocery store to Palsyburg.
Now everyone in Palsyburg went to the grocery store and bought produce while yelling at each other. But Karl knew he couldn't keep the grocery store forever; there was a curse on it.
Karl couldn't hire anyone to work for him because of this curse. But one little boy named Friedrich wanted teh job so bad that Karl finally gave in and hired Friedrich.
Friedrich was the best grocery boy Palsyburg ever had. He always kept the store stocked for the shouting people of Palsyburg. Karl looked on with pride and knew that Friedrich would one day make a good grocery-store owner.
One day, Karl woke up and felt the curse. So, he killed Friedrich, forced him through a meat grinder, and sold him as sausage for $1.99 per pound.
The end.
*Eduardo the Lemur*
In the jungles of Madagascar, there was a lemur colony. The lemurs were all very happy to be lemurs. They enjoyed being lemurs very much. In fact, they enjoyed being lemurs so much that there was nothing better.
One lemur, named Eduardo, contracted a virulent disease and died. Because the other lemurs were so happy being lemurs, they never buried the body. All the happy lemurs contracted the disease and died.
The end.
"Charlie was a chemist. Charlie is no more, because Charlie thought that H20 was H2SO4."
*Terry the Beagle*
There was a beagle named Terry.
Terry, everyday, ate a cherry.
Terry was blind and stupid, too.
She was run over one day by none other than you.
Did Terry suffer?
Did Terry up and die?
You wonder why, but the truth is
That Terry's dead and never coming home.
The end.
"Fury said to a mouse that he met in the house, 'Let us both go to law, I will prosecute you. Come I'll take no denial; we must have the trial, for really this morning I've nothing to do.' Said the mouse to the cur, 'Such a trial dear sir, with no jury or judge, would be wasting our breath.' 'I'll be judge, I'll be jury,' said cunning old Fury. 'I'll try the whole cause and condemn you to death.'"
-The Mouse's Tale by Lewis Carroll
User Reviews
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2004-09-23 22:58:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Mentor (user info) at 2004-09-23 22:34:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I thank you all for your adulation. No negative ratings thus far. And, as long as you refrain from hitting those negative numbers, I will continue to write such fine, pulitzer prize-winning stories. As a matter of fact, I am currently working on turning Friedrich the Grocery Boy into a comic along the artistic lines of Jhonen Vasquez and Roman Dirge (If you don't know who they are, look up JTHM or Invader Zim for Jhonen, and go to www.spookyland.com for Roman).
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2004-09-23 00:14:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Fabish, I mis-typed, sue me.
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2004-09-23 00:09:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hmmmm...that's worth reading.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-09-22 23:40:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-09-22 23:20:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-22 22:53:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Classic
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2004-09-22 22:49:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
C_A_T_A_L,
Not cord. Chord. Unless you actually have cords that get struck. Not my place. I'm moving along now.
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2004-09-22 22:43:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Stuff like this always strikes a cord with me.
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-09-22 22:39:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I had tears streaming down my face by the time I made it past the lemurs. When I read:
"Charlie was a chemist. Charlie is no more, because Charlie thought that H20 was H2SO4." I lost all control.