The power of the Dork Side (614 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.4 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by X-File (View user info) at 2004-09-23 08:21:40 EDT
So I tried to get my Star Wars Trilogy box signed by Carrie Fisher, according to my sources the princess herself would be signing them in a nearby store. Since I just received my pay-check, it was time to spend it already.
So I get out of college early, for the remote chance of getting the darn thing signed. I waited thirty minuets in line and then I could see her. Finally I was going to meet Carrie Fisher.
Goddamn it, the bitch wasn't the real deal, it was a freaking' look-alike!
Normally I'm not the kind of guy to stand in line for a fucking autograph. I hate standing in line. What I hate more, is standing in line for some nobody who made a job out of looking like someone else. What I hate the most, is standing in line for some nobody who made a job out of looking like someone else in one particular role some 25 years ago or so.
But hey, I made the best darn pickup line for when I actually would meet Carrie Fisher, and I was damned not to use it after going after waiting in the line to nerds-ville.
So I whipped out my wang, slammed it on the table and said in a Isaac Hayes kind of voice: "Hey baby, wanna hold my Lightsaber?"
Now the hag wasn't all that attractive, so 'slammed' isn't the best phrase to put it. It was more of a Lightsaber in off mode. Not at all attractive, unassuming and uninteresting.
The bitch was absolutely stunned. Eyes wide and mouth open, after a minute or so I was beginning to wonder if she was signalling she was ready to give me a blow job.
All of a sudden, this green painted midget comes up to me and says: "You can't do that! Get outta here."
So I asked the freak: "What the hell are you supposed to be?"
And he goes like: "I'm Yoda, fool!"
I looked at the bugger and went like: "Fool? You sound more like a green painted mini Mr. T."
At that moment I hear some Darth Vader masked guy chuckle behind me. And he says: "*Heavy breathing* I can feel the presence of the Dark Side in this one! *Heavy breathing*"
So I turn over, put my wang back in my pants and take one hard look at the masked moron. Finally I spout: "And I can feel the presence of the DORK Side in you, asthmatic space dude."
So Dork Vader looks away and grabs his inhaler, and suddenly the midget jumps on my back saying: "I'm freaking' Yoda! Obey me!"
At this moment I kicked into defence mode, and go like: "Yoda? Talk you don't like him. Hmmm?", while trying to grab the fucker.
Now the midget was really pissed, and started hitting my head with his little midget hands. Remembering my Jedi training I do the old flip technique, grab the midget and chuck him in the garbage can. Only the top of his head can be seen popping up from the garbage can.
At that moment, I heard the midget crying because he is stuck and unable to climb out of the can on his own. He begins beeping and wheezing and looks franticly around with his head for a means of escape, but to no avail.
While fighting off some nerds who try to come up in defence of the midget, I shout to the little guy: "You might not be much of a Yoda, but you make a heck of a R2D2!"
I turn around and a group dressed up like Stormtroopers burst into the room, and more angry fans started coming at me. I grabbed a power cable and zapped the fuckers Emperor style, laughing maniacally.
Then it all ended for me. All of a sudden, Dork Vader grabs me, holds me up high and throws me out of the store.
True story.
User Reviews
Submitted by abefroman42 (user info) at 2004-11-09 17:52:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
derka derka derka. muhammad (-2) jihad.
Submitted by jaybrett (user info) at 2004-09-23 14:45:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by wazzawazzayo (user info) at 2004-09-23 14:03:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
May the dork be with you muthafuckas!
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2004-09-23 11:56:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this made me laugh out loud. and sneeze.
Submitted by Gnome (user info) at 2004-09-23 11:46:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
it was ok
Submitted by toddska (user info) at 2004-09-23 08:40:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
A steady diet of pills, coke, booze and fags has turned Leia into a Chewbacca porn-a-like
Submitted by X-File (user info) at 2004-09-23 08:34:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Goodness. Just googl-ed for some images and now that I think of it. It might've been her.
/me is confused
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-23 08:24:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Have you seen Carrie Fisher lately? Let's just say age wasn't kind to that one. *shudders*