Understanding Pants Love Invasion Requires Decontamination (704 hits)
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Submitted by a secret admirer (View user info) at 2004-09-23 09:19:44 EDT
They were reclining comfortably, sitting upon the upper limbs in a large banyan.
Amorously he was stroking her fur, languidly, teasingly.
FEGG: If we invent economy, by an increase in points, more words may be obtained.
PANTS: Points are good. And we should invent laws, such as these:
(: Single Pole Transformer : Meanwhile, surreptitiously he again stroked her fur.)
1. We must not step into the river twice in the same way, in case of predators.
2. A brief attention span is required to understand quickly and survive.
3. For sake of dignity we all should have pants, or skirts.
4. Skirts should be removed or tailored to the highest common hem line.
5. Be prepared for a possible invasion.
FEGG <tailors utterance in a diverting way>: I am also thinking of pants for
the females. I very much want these pants.
PANTS: I like pants. Where can we find some?
The mangy dingo below them ate some carrion, and did not see Fegg's very long tail
slyly stroke the fur once more. Obviously, the banyan had been transplanted.
< ACTIVATION SUCCESSFUL >+< INCLUSION COMPLETE >
FEGG: Would you like a banana? I am having one more after these half-dozen.
PANTS: Ooh, ooh. That is seven bananas!
[Include here the intense hard-core wild fucking scene everyone is looking for]
<2 hours later>
PANTS: OMG, OMG
FEGG: Yeah, baby
Eventually they populated the earth with their numerous fine young offspring,
and there were many pants and skirts as well, and also many complications
(such as time parasites and LSDNA mind bombs, to be deconfused later, or sooner).
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
[[[Delete this part]]]
A rapid increase in intelligence may be frightening. We must be careful or they
may begin to suspect there is something going on between us. Or, they may already
know, and wonder what to do about it. Serious, the Dog Star. Truth is a pathless land.
There's no way out of here (-- forgotten song, covered by David Gilmour)
FEGG'S BRAIN: No reason to get anal about it. Keanu Reeves is a robot.
FEGG: I'm from the future! And it's not what it was going to have wilben!
I know, wherefore I speak! Wittgenstein was a fool! Einstein was wrong! (--Raven)
FEGG'S BRAIN: Okay, okay. Calm down. Is there any more tequila?
FEGG: No!
FEGG'S BRAIN: You need some rest. Like PersonMan said, slow down.
FEGG: Well, he mayben right.
FEGG'S BRAIN: But I wanna rock and roll all night!
FEGG: Kiss kiss. 'night.
"I maintain that truth is a pathless land, and you cannot approach it by any path
whatsoever, by any religion, by any sect. That is my point of view, and I adhere
to that absolutely and unconditionally. Truth, being limitless, unconditioned,
unapproachable by any path whatsoever, cannot be organized; nor should any
organization be formed to lead or to coerce people along any particular path.
If you first understand that, then you will see how impossible it is to organize
a belief. A belief is purely an individual matter, and you cannot and must not
organize it. If you do, it becomes dead, crystallized; it becomes a creed, a sect,
a religion, to be imposed on others ..." -- Jiddu Krishnamurti
FEGG'S BRAIN: That sounds like a good thing to believe! Don't you think?
FEGG: <Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz THWOP Aieee! zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz THWOP Aieee! zzzz....>
<2 minutes later>
FEGG: <yawn> Hey, man. Why is the kitchen full of beer bottles and bloody dishes?
FEGG'S BRAIN: Because your wife is still out of town, dumbass.
FEGG: Oh, yeah. But hey! At least I remembered to take cuttings from the cats
and give water to the sacred cacti.
FEGG'S BRAIN: What?
FEGG: Uh-oh.
FEGG'S BRAIN: More importantly, why aren't people giving -0 to the "Free car
and buildings" post? Who wouldn't want a free Lexus and two valuable buildings?
FEGG: Well, cars and buildings.... that's a lot of responsibilty. There's insurance,
maintenance hassles, and whatnot.... HEY WAIT JUST A MINUTE--that's not done here.
You wilben punished. Salesmen must die.
FEGG'S BRAIN: Taking cuttings from the cats was a mistake.
FEGG: It's okay. All is forgiven.
Nothing is real (-- John Lennon, from Gribbon, "In Search of Schrodinger's Cat")
FEGG'S BRAIN: Those who have not understood quantum physics have not been shocked by it.
FEGG: It's funny because it's true!
[[[More good stuff]]]
Temporarily disappointing ending.
Further explanation.
User Reviews
Submitted by drfeggphd (user info) at 2004-09-23 15:18:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
FEGG: Oh, and one more thing.
FEGG'S BRAIN: Now what?
FEGG: You must turn off the computer and go clean the kitchen before your wife gets home.
FEGG'S BRAIN: Well, it does need a little tidying up.
FEGG: Yes, and I'm certainly not going to do it.
FEGG'S BRAIN: Maybe we should leave a note in case anyone is looking for you.
FEGG: Excellent idea! Tell them: Back son. (-- Christopher Robin)
(Advertisement)
ATTENTIONHUMANSCLICKHEREFORFREELEXUSACTNOWSUPPLIESARELIMITED: http://stuff.ubersite.com/1095706001254923124/1/FREE.mht
Submitted by drfeggphd (user info) at 2004-09-23 14:53:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
FEGG: I'm invisible! (-- funny tequila-facts T-shirt seen in a bar once)
FEGG'S BRAIN: No. It's that everyone thinks you're completely insane.
FEGG: Thinking is bad.
FEGG'S BRAIN <thrashing>: ....
FEGG: Besides, the entire universe is completely insane! (-- R. Crumb)
FEGG'S BRAIN: This is supposed to be for reviewing the post.
FEGG: You're changing the subject.
FEGG'S BRAIN: I know! But it occurred to me that a certain someone might be--
FEGG: What?
FEGG'S BRAIN: --thinking you are a potentially dangerous wierdo!
FEGG: Absurd. She, if she really is a she, wouldn't think something like that.
FEGG'S BRAIN: But what if? Say something! Don't insult her intelligence, though.
FEGG <after brief excursion to dimension StG1SX141>: Got it!
FEGG'S BRAIN: Hurry up--she has come!
PANTS: I'm afraid I'm really not sure about this are you sure it's safe ...
FEGG: No fear. (-- Bhagavad Gita)
PANTS: So you just really like the idea of pants?
FEGG: I would enjoy to cleave my eggs unto you.
PANTS <nervously>: Eggs? What kind of eggs?
FEGG: I am meaning seedlings.
PANTS <lustily>: Then I am your garden! Fertilize me now!
FEGG: The seedlings will unfurl and grow stalks--like a banyan or oak, mity and hard.
PANTS <sudden manifestation of extreme doubt>: Stalks?.. Mity?.. Gee, I dunno....
FEGG: Together we climb to the gates of heaven and know the wisdom of the stars!
PANTS <reassured and now properly compliant>: Oh, my!
[[[romantic interlude]]]
FEGG'S BRAIN: I don't think I can't stop but I can't keep on going!
FEGG <visions of baseball, sox, pants>: You.. must.. for she has not been through yet.
PANTS: Squirrels have fluffy tails! Oh, squirrels have fluffy, fluffy tails!
FEGG'S BRAIN: Umm, I just realized she did come once already. Can I stop now?
FEGG: It is sufficient.