Hard to Swallow (Being a Bummer on SPT) (898 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: ETS_Nonfiction
Rating: 1.69 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (View user info) at 2004-09-23 12:15:06 EDT
The selfishness that pervades us as human beings is always most prevalent and obvious as children. Perhaps it's because we have yet learned how to mask it, or perhaps because we do not yet know why we need to. The concepts of humility, empathy, compassion, and death remain altogether quite meaningless as we have yet to accumulate the experience necessary for these concepts to serve and psychological purpose. We all have a story or memory from childhood in which these concepts first manifested themselves...mine involved a swallow.
Living on a farm with many dilapidated 19th century buildings and barns, there was never a shortage of wildlife about - calling one of these home. I mostly remember the snakes and swallows. Swallows, being one of the more naturally gifted of the lot, had the distinct pleasure and advantage of being able to build homes beyond the reach of most predators like snakes...but on one cold, early December day, a different kind of predator would appear.
I had always feared my dad as a child, or rather had a weird mixture of fear and admiration - the type of emotional combination that causes one to want to be able to do the things the other person does without ever being anything like them. My dad had a larger-than-life quality, like some Tall-Tale on crack. He had the ability to cry like the skies in April, while at the same time possessing the admirable trait of utter and terrible cruelty - but on this day, I would be forced to examine the depths of my own cruelty, for my dear, sweet dad had caught for me a barn swallow.
I remember thinking how he must have been some sort of Superman to be albe to just reach up and snatch a flying bird from mid-air and place it in my tiny gloved hands as if it were nothing. Maybe that's why I wanted to keep it so much. It represented all the good things that resided in my dad - after all, at least he didn't break its neck like he did the last litter of puppies we had. Instead he had given it to me...and that made me happy.
Later that night, as the family were all going out of town, my mother, in all her wisdom, told me that I should let the bird go. It was, after all, a wild bird, and its incessant flapping about inside the cage was sure to kill it. In a flash of a moment a decision was made; I would keep the bird in its cage where at least I would know how it was doing - what it was doing, and at least in there I could still call it mine. (Sad how so many of us, even in adulthood, practice this same sort of logic in many of our intimate relationships.)
Upon returning the next morning, I was understandably dismayed to find that precious little barn swallow, whose freedom I had solely and decisively denied, lay dead in the bottom of the cage that had become its interment, and I felt no consolation in the prospect of God and Heaven, for if they really existed, I knew they frowned upon me.
There is no closure I can offer for this story, for, still, I find myself locked in this shell of humanity with only a facsimile of compassion - filled with a pretentious form of empathy, and a seemingly bottomless well of sadness that follows me wherever I go...whatever I do.
User Reviews
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-06-08 13:52:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I owe you 2 of 3
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-02-11 01:36:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by KoolMung (user info) at 2004-12-06 14:43:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2004-11-12 05:40:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sad how so many of us, even in adulthood, practice this same sort of logic in many of our intimate relationships.
That line fucking hurt.
Submitted by houchimama (user info) at 2004-11-12 05:21:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by eIectrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-10-23 18:51:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Now we know why some animals eat their own children.
Submitted by equaIizer (user info) at 2004-10-21 09:16:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I will not do that thing with my tongue.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-10-18 21:23:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I am glad someone finally hit this one.
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2004-10-14 20:30:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Monty Python...
Submitted by DyingBreed (user info) at 2004-09-26 14:49:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i once caught a bird by sneaking up behind in while it was perching in the links of a chain-link fence. i probably never could do it again if i tried...guess i was lucky.
as soon as a cat nearby heard the desperate chirps coming from the bird in my hand, he walked right up to me (despite not letting me get near it earlier) and looked up at me meowing and begging for the meal i had. i looked to my mom for permission, and she said "you caught it, its up to you". i know a smile had to form on my face as i threw the bird to the cat who caught it in midair and trotted away.
i guess watching a cat eat the bird was slightly more appealing than walking around with a bird in my hand all day. ill never forget the begging look on the cats face as it looked up to me asking for the bird. cute lil kitty.
meow
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2004-09-23 16:51:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I despise birds.
Submitted by wazzawazzayo (user info) at 2004-09-23 13:52:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Blue, no red. Arghhhh.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-09-23 13:02:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bridgekeeper: What is your favorite color?
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-09-23 12:52:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
**What... is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?**
yes that was necessary
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-09-23 12:49:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2004-09-23 12:45:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2004-09-23 12:35:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
God don't make no junk, and he don't like his birds caged.
If there is a god, that is.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-09-23 12:34:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The thing is, I didn't swing the hammer Thor-style, I threw it, Nolan Ryan-style. I didn't hurt it, just knocked it stupid for a few seconds.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-09-23 12:31:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Has anyone NOT done that, Bob??? All these city folk 'round here just don't know quite what they're missin', do they?
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-09-23 12:29:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
AHAHAHAHAHAHAH!~@BOB!
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-09-23 12:26:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-09-23 12:25:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hit a squirrel with a hammer once. It knocked the nuts right out of his mouth.