Schooled. (863 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.47 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <adinfinidum.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2004-09-23 15:58:04 EDT
I'd like to start out by saying that trucker hats are reFUCKINGtarded. Especially when worn sideways. I'm coming out with my own line of hats this fall that has fucking labels. FRONT. BACK. Operating a fucking HAT clearly isn't self-explanitory enough. Furthermore: If you own a trucker hat, plan to own a trucker hat, or have purchased one for any purpose other than burning it: stop reading this now. Seriously. Stay the fuck away from my post, you fucking dolt. In fact, buy yourself a nice 12-gauge and practice shooting that dumbass hat off your dumbass head from underneath your dumbass chin.
Now that that's settled, here's a true story for the rest of you:
So i'm at the mall the other day, against my own will, looking for a new pair of shades. See, I can't hold onto a pair of sunglasses to save my god-less soul. I lose them, I crush them, I scratch them, and most recently I'd hurled them at some dumbshit teen in a Big Boy singing Simple Plan at the top of her i'm-too-much-of-a-dipshit-to-have-my-own-taste-in-music little lungs. Me and my party were promptly escorted out, and I never saw my thouroughly awesome, irreplacable, $11.99 gas station glasses again.
Simple Plan, by the way, is the single worst band on the face of the planet. Look, kid: no one gets along with their father. Being grounded is not a reason to write a shitty song. And having to go to work every now and again doesn't make every day 'the worst day ever.' Shut the fuck up. No one cares. Take off that stupid fucking trucker hat.
So i'm marching along through the mall, wearing something brandless and nameless that i happen to like because it's awesome and i've never seen it on MTV, when my friend and I pass these two little goth/punk hybrid kids. She's wearing baggy black pants with chains and buckles everywhere (not that they serve a purpose, mind you. they dont) has long pink and black hair, and is sporting a relatively new Motley Crue T-shirt. The kid next to her, presumably her boyfriend, looks just like her... with shorter hair, girly pants, and one of those dumbshit ass-stain trucker hats. Niether of them could've been a day older than 16. Both thier parents wished the had aborted, I'm sure.
Anyway, we're walking past them and i say to my friend, i says;
"That kid back there, I bet she couldn't even name 3 Motley Crue songs"
"Would you put five bucks on that?"
"Fuckin A right I would. You're on, Biiazznatch." (i may or may not have actually said biiazznatch)
So we turn around to follow them into, of all places, Hot Topic.
Hot Topic, for those of you either (a) living under a rock, or (b) well, yeah, still living under a fuckign rock, has become a mecca for post-goth post-punk emo-indie wannabe bullshit scenesters. They play shitty music, sell shitty clothing (except for Adult Swim. Adult Swim rocks), and have shitty hipsters sales people who's job it is to appear subserviantly apathetic while maintaining thier "punk sensibilities." What the fuck are "punk sensibilities" anyway? Fucking tard-o's.
Like i was saying, holding back our instincts to vomit/break shit, we follow these kids into Hot Topic. We find them giggling over by a wall of bracelets and other useless emo bullshit. I proceed to ask the girl, I asks;
"Hey, kid, can you do me a favor?"
"Um... *hehe* yeah, sure, i guess."
"Can you name me thee Motley Crue songs?"
She has to think about this for a while, naturally, and i get the biggest faceful off confusion i've ever seen.
"Um... er... well, I can't really think of any off the top of my head. But, i'm sure i could sing all of the words to any of thier songs if i heard them."
"So you know all the words, but you can't name a single song?"
"Well, *giggle* yeah, i guess."
"Thanks, that's all I needed to know," and i turn to my friend and ask for my five bucks. She reaches into her purse, hand me a five, and goes:
"Damn bitch, i thought you'd at least get 'Dr. Feelgood'."
I'd like to think that later on that night when she got home, she reflected upon this. I'd like to think that she suddenly came to understand that she was transparent and ridiculious. I'd like to think that she filled her bathtub with hot water, threw on some Linkin Park or whatever bullshit she actually listens to, and slit her damn wrists.
score:
Me - 4,002,983
Poser Bitches - 0
User Reviews
Submitted by Charles <charles.at.victory.com> at 2004-10-05 00:17:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Man oh man , so much hate , do you know how much easier life would be if you just let it go.Fashion like youth fades, styles come and go , bands comes and go, people follow trends, thats people, alot of teens dont have ultra cool big brothers or sisters to slap sense into them , its not there fault, its certainly not worth getting upset about, seek help dude.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-10-05 00:13:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-10-04 23:54:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-09-23 16:06:09 (#)
Ranking: -2
Motley Crue sucks. And so does this post.
===============================================================
go to hell. Motley Crue owns your face.
the Crue will always rule.
(ok, i don't know how "Glitter" got on their greatest hits album, but other than that, they kick ass)
funny post.
Submitted by b <gsdfd.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-09-30 20:05:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sad
Submitted by mothrarocksit at 2004-09-27 16:24:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
badass, sir. badass indeed.
Submitted by jess at 2004-09-25 20:18:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
everyone sucks in life. the end.
Submitted by Huber_the_Nose (user info) at 2004-09-24 07:32:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
hehe...I like to do that to people with American sports jerseys on. I ask them to name 3 players from that team. On swiss people it works almost every time.
Submitted by RouteTwo (user info) at 2004-09-24 01:15:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
random joe--you've got a point, but come out of the closet, pussy.
Submitted by icarus9mm (user info) at 2004-09-24 00:57:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
kinda missed the point there, didn't ya, cupcake?
Submitted by Jarvis (user info) at 2004-09-23 20:51:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Hot Topic does have some pretty good shirts. Once you get past all the Blink 182 and Good Charlotte crap you'll find shirts for Jimi Hendrix, Nirvana, The Who, The Beatles, etc. I just recently bought a shirt with The Who on it. And yes, I can name 3 songs by The Who besides their singles.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-23 19:53:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
heh mtv and hot topic are owned by the same company
Submitted by mxc_jwebber (user info) at 2004-09-23 19:15:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2004-09-23 18:30:45 (#)
Ranking: -1
Are trucker hats made out of that same shitty foam Beer cozies are made of?
No, the beer cozy foam is better. Doesn't break down.
Tip for goth/punks: http://www.ubersite.com/m/45943
Submitted by k dizzle <macounfan.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-09-23 19:00:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2004-09-23 18:30:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Are trucker hats made out of that same shitty foam Beer cozies are made of?
Submitted by mr.awesome (user info) at 2004-09-23 18:25:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Whenever I walk by Hot Topic in the mall, I cross on the other side of the path, just so people can be sure that I am not going into it.
Submitted by mxc_jwebber (user info) at 2004-09-23 18:06:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
An excellent starting point(trucker hats shouldn't even be worn by truckers, much less sideways), and an excellent story.
Submitted by icarus9mm (user info) at 2004-09-23 17:54:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
meh, it's a moot point.
wait no, it's not a moot point. it's concrete and perfectly fucking awesome. deal with it, bitches.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-23 17:19:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ehh...people who constantly bitch about "poser bitches" and go out of their way to be unique (ie. you) are just as bad as said "poser bitches." You may think you're the greatest thing, and that there's no one like you in the world, but let me assure you...I've heard this exact same story from countless different people. You in your struggle to be unique and original have become just another clone. Only you try to hide the fact that you're a clone. I hate you and the "poser bitches" equally, only I think I may have a bit of respect for them, because they don't try to hide it.
Instead of trying to be different, why not just stop giving a fuck? Concentrate on yourself, no one else. Instead of trying to point out that they are "poser bitches" or dwelling on the fact that they are, why not just ignore them and live? Fucking twat...
By the way, who the fuck cares about Motely Crue? They fucking suck...
Submitted by downerSTAIN (user info) at 2004-09-23 17:19:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-09-23 16:06:09 (#)
Ranking: -2
Motley Crue sucks. And so does this post.
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2004-09-23 17:07:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
blah
http://www.ubersite.com/m/45825
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-09-23 16:48:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This was a quality rant, and was going to get a +2 but it ended pretty crappily without any kind of big bang.
Submitted by matchstickman (user info) at 2004-09-23 16:31:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
true story-my mom and a friend were walking down a street in chicago, in front of a hotel, and there was a limo...the window rolled down and a guy inside asked them if they wanted to go have a good time. my mom and her friend said "no thanks," and promptly went inside to ask who it was in the limo................motley crue.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-09-23 16:24:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Motley Crue was the shit back when I was in Junior High School.
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2004-09-23 16:21:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I like Hot Topic. You don't have to be a drooling moron to like it in there.
But it helps.
Submitted by hyprspacd (user info) at 2004-09-23 16:12:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like this.
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-09-23 16:06:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Motley Crue sucks. And so does this post.
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-09-23 16:00:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment