The Personal Diary of Genghis Khan (799 hits)
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Submitted by Mentor <<I am the long-lost hermaphrodite of Genghis Khan>> (View user info) at 2004-09-23 23:02:23 EDT
Monday: Today I woke up and had relations with the wife. She complained a little about the dogs watching, but I told her I had had a great idea called "sex education" and wanted to try it on the children later on. She said we didn't have children and slapped me a bit. This made me feel worthless and weak.
After I dismounted, I strolled around the camp and wondered why in the hell we live as we do. I mean, it's Mongolia! The whole region smells like shit! Siberia up north isn't much better, but at least the snow freezes the shit so if you walk through some shit it breaks your knee in eight different places and you have something genuine to complain about. I mean, come on! Jesus Christ...
Dinner was roasted goat stomach again. I'm beginning to wonder what all this rage about sushi bars is about.
Tuesday: I had relations with the wife again and asked her if it would be alright to go to a sushi bar for dinner. She said it was alright, but asked why the dogs were watching us. I told her my idea about sex education and she slapped me.
Looks like it's goat stomach again tonight...
Wednesday: I sauntered around the camp today looking for my cell-phone. It's a wonderful device that lets me build little prison cells faster than ever. I don't know what "phone" means, but I assume it's short for "fast-building-thingy".
I built thirty-six prison cells in one afternoon and decided I would finally assert myself on the wife. I marched into the tent, pushed her down, and bellowed "We're having sushi tonight!"
She hit me and said we can have it tomorrow.
Thursday: I wanted sushi, but the wife said we weren't allowed in China. I got pissed and asked a Chineseman why we weren't allowed in China. He said all Mongolians smell like shit and roasted goat stomach, and that's why we're not allowed in China. I killed him and naturally assumed he spoke for 100% of the Chinese and decided the only way to get sushi was to push China around.
Friday: For good luck, I had relations with the wife again, plus eight mistresses. It's amazing what surgery can do nowadays. Hulgha covered her face in mud so that I didn't have to look at her ass-ugly visage! She wasn't a bad kisser with all that mud, though she was a bit sandy, if you know what I mean.
I rallied the troops and we all mounted our cows and overran China in an idle afternoon. I didn't find any sushi. Pissed as hell, I had relations with a Chinese woman, divorced my wife, and married the Empress Dowager of China. I didn't tell anyone because I want history to remember me as a nice guy, you know?
Below follows the translation of Genghis Khan's personal diary. He is my biological father, and I can prove it. The proof is below. I tried to call up my dad today to see where all the child support was, but the operator got upset when I kept asking for the extension to reach Genghis Khan. I mean, honestly, he's the richest man in the world! He rules like 90% of it! Christ....oh well. Here's the diary entries...I'll get back to getting operator support on this problem. Maybe calling the phone company can straighten this out...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Saturday: I decided Europe might offer some options. The problem is that there's some Arabs in the way. On the way to Europe, we got lost. After arguing with my ex-wife for an hour, she finally convinced me to ask for directions. The Arab told me to conquer the stupid communists in Russia.
I didn't know what a communist was, but when I saw the Russians, I figured that it meant "dirty, poor, malnourished horse-eaters." They stopped eating their horses long enough to ride them into battle.
We would have lost were we riding cattle, but the Chinese gave us horses to make us go away. After we left Peking, I heard about a wonderful invention called "Air Freshener". Now, instead of smelling like shit, all Mongolians smell like "Citrus Breeze".
Sunday: I started to invade Europe today after my conquest of Russia, but the smell of the French was overpowering. I gave them some "Citrus Breeze" air fresheners, but it didn't help. So, I banged a couple French whores and left.
*Thirteen Years Later*
Wednesday: Some bastard named David Victor Hugo Frankenstein called me today and told me he/she was my son/daughter. David wasn't sure which one it was, and said "hermaphrodite" worked just fine. I decided I would become a deadbeat dad and stop worrying about my empire. Damn kid...half my fortune goes to him every week. I hope he dies. Yeah, that's right! I said he! David's just saying he's a hermaphrodite to get attention at school...fucker. Next he'll say he's gay...
User Reviews
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2004-09-24 09:46:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh...
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-09-24 09:44:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2004-09-24 00:01:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Frank is a good writer, even with the cut and paste error. I laughed at citrus breeze.
Submitted by Mentor (user info) at 2004-09-23 23:06:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dammit....the part that should be at the top is in the middle.....bah. Damn it all....copy and paste it then rearrange it properly. Grrr....
Submitted by matchstickman (user info) at 2004-09-23 23:05:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i wouldn't be suprised at all if he said he was gay