A Journey Through the School Washrooms (521 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -1.33 on 3 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by The T Man (View user info) at 2004-09-23 23:07:15 EDT
I could not take it anymore. The pain in my right side had grown too much and I put up my hand. I knew I would be missing an important economics lesson but there was no way I would be able to concentrate any longer in this state. I promptly exited the classroom and made a right towards the washrooms. I leaned my shoulder into the door, but there was no movement, so I would have to walk to the other corner of the school. I didn't really mind. The master architect who had designed the washrooms I could not access had been thoughtful enough to put some nice, big windows with a very good line of sight across the inner courtyard right into the music rooms. The windows are usually open no matter what the weather may be. Anyone looking across the courtyard and into the window would have a very good view of the line-up of urinating male students. With the added fact that the locks on the stalls in this washroom were usually broken anyway, I decided that my lengthier detour would be justified before I returned to that world of graphs known as economics.
I proceeded to the next nearest washroom in the gym hall. While not the cleanest washroom, I would be able to use it this once, as the cramping in my right side was fading and then coming back with more intensity, my bladder calling for help. However, my instinct acted up - something was amiss. I went over to the mass sink/fountain that is installed in all of Lorne Park's quaint washrooms. I pressed down on the bar. Nothing. Ha! Of course. It had been so long since I had been able to sum up the courage to relieve myself using the school facilities I had forgotten that the men's washrooms did not come equipped with some of the newer features I see elsewhere, such as plumbing. I tried banging, bending, and manipulating the defunct fountain in many ways but all I achieved were slimy wet hands. The liquid covering my hands had a mysterious greyish brown tincture, and I had to find something to dry them before going back to class.
At this point I had to proceed upstairs. I walked through the doors at the end of the science hall and was greeted by the subtle odour of a bonfire. Something crazy was going on. Naturally, I went to Mr. Lougheed's office. Nothing. So I assumed it was a chemistry class nearby and walked into another washroom.
The bonfire smell leapt out at me and made me cough. I turned the corner, and sure enough, there was my explanation. A fire was lit in the receptacle and a student was using it to roast marshmallows. The being roasting marshmallows made a shuffling gesture and then asked me if I had "any chron?" This thing was more clothing than human. A huge hood and fishnet cap hid the face; the rest of him was clothes, puffs of colours and brand names bulging out everywhere. It was like a monster had spawned in the lost and found and was now on its way to wreak havoc o'er the school.
"No thanks. I'm good," I replied. The walking mountain of clothes turned back to his marshmallows. The scene in front of me was savage. Puddles of what could be water or urine (most likely both) splotched the floor. I could see collections of brown slime under a stall. I went over to the fountain. Oddly enough it worked. Hmm. I might make it back to economics within the half hour. I tried the dryer, but my desperate hope that I clung to that it might work was dashed. The sound of running water behind me caught my senses and I turned to see the urinals flush for the first and only time this month. They overflowed and I quickly made my way over to the stalls to avoid the detritus pouring out over the floor. I missed the flash flood by glorious inches and proceeded to determine which stall was in best shape to receive my stream of former soft drinks. Three of the four had nastiness around the toilet seat. Some had waste that exceeded the height of the toilet bowl. The last stall was surprisingly intact. The rim of the toilet seat had nothing on it, and compared to the other stalls I had frequented in the past ten minutes it was dry. Satisfied to this point, I stepped into the stall and peered down into the toilet. Floating around inside were just the usual cigarette butts, paper towels, pens, pencils, and biology textbooks, the kind of stuff you always find in a school toilet, all floating in a circular clockwise ballet. One flush and this stall would be perfect. So I tugged down on the handle. It was one of the biggest mistakes I ever made.
Everything seemed to be going fine for about a second, but a strange rumbling came from beneath the toilet and before my mind could form another thought I was thrown back in a wave of liquid corruption. I flew through the stall door and then felt the cold, hard impact of the wall against my back and head. As I regained my senses I noticed the creature from the lost and found freeze. Then laugh. Then drop his marshmallows. Then leave. It was just I, alone, with only the crackle of the bonfire and the dripping of contaminated water to accompany me as I got to my feet. That was it. Even though it felt as if my bladder were ready to rip its way out of my body, I walked to my house twenty minutes away. I was wet, depressed, and covered in feces. My bladder was throwing roundhouse kicks into my side. I would not return to economics. I had tried to find a decent restroom at LPSS. I had been pwned. I looked up at the skies. I just wanted a half-decent washroom at school. Is that so much to ask?
User Reviews
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-09-24 07:57:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Take a piss outdoors, for fucksake.
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2004-09-24 03:23:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
From 0 to shit in 2.5 seconds
Submitted by Aladdin (user info) at 2004-09-24 01:30:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I read this before, It wasn't that good then and it isn't that good now.... Nobody except the people at your school care about the pathetic state of your washrooms, Now Lesbian Vampires ! That's something the world adores !