I will steal your kidneys (jampacked with camwhore goodness) (1736 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.45 on 42 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (View user info) at 2004-09-24 13:04:53 EDT
This one's for the ladies.
Slightly used, single white male seeking female to share and celebrate the best thing that has ever happened since the dawn of creation. What's that, you ask? Well, my life I answer quickly and cockily.
Time for a little Q&A (I like T&A better, but), others have asked and I have answered:
Q: What makes you so great?
A: Where do I begin? I am young, nubile and full of life. I can carve a canoe from a tree-trunk. I do a great squirrel impression. I don't let the little things get me down, like work or STD's. People always ask me for my autograph in public and just being seen with me will make anyone feel better. I can fold a paper football. I don't use lame pickup lines like "It ain't gonna suck itself," or "What's your name?" I think that I could on all day, but if you yourself are asking this question, I would ask one of you. Who are you YOU to question ME?
Q: How did you manage to get this great?
A: I answer this question everyday. It's always the same answer. Broccoli. I can't say anymore than that.
Q: What do you look for in a woman?
A: Internal organs, mostly. You never know when one part of your greatness - say a kidney - will become ineffectual and will need replacing.
Q: Are you one of those organ thieves?
A: No. Well, kind of.
Q: How do you feel about threesomes?
A: I rather enjoy them.
Q: What about lesbians?
A: I like them, as long as they're not butch.
What Terrence Wants:
I want an intelligent woman with a sense of humor. I want her to have a big butt and a nice rack. I want her to not be a psychopath. I want a girl with a short skirt and long jacket. I want a woman that will sing to me. I want a woman that loves sex as much as I do. I want a woman that won't cheat on me and force me to beat up some guy that I don't know. I want a woman that will admit to being wrong. I want a woman that will address her imperfections with a coy smile. I want a woman that smells nice. I want a woman that isn't afraid of change. I want a woman that will accept me for the person that I am.
Disclaimer:
This egotistical self-indulgence does not in any way reflect my complete persona. I do not condone the killing of puppies, nor kittens. To be eligible, you must be 18, with a valid picture ID (or very good fake one) and a US resident or legal alien. Legal aliens from other planets will not be considered. By replying to this post, you authorize me to come to your house and "borrow" one of your kidneys.
Who would have known that it would hurt so bad to break my camwhore hymen?
User Reviews
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-12-02 17:38:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 the camwhore
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-10-26 11:40:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Best content with Camwhore EVAR!!1!!
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-04-02 10:18:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was hilarious
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-04-02 10:03:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I <3 U
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-01-05 20:04:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I said I'd +2 one of your posts because you made me laugh with a review of yours, so here it is.
Turns out this post deserves it anyway.
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-09-25 04:03:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
If you happen to find that woman, let me know. I'll give you one of my kidneys for her.
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2004-09-24 20:33:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm still mad at you for not coming to the UberBang.
Just kidding.
Nice face. :-) You have that "I'm hot because I look pensive" thing going on.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-09-24 19:13:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you would look awesome with a goatee... kinda scott peterson/ben affleck-y
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-09-24 18:57:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're making the "pensive" face.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-09-24 18:45:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hey, you're kinda hot.
Submitted by Krautski (user info) at 2004-09-24 18:34:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2004-09-24 16:46:19 (#)
Ranking: 0
No, Jew Rican.
JEW JOO JEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!
Submitted by strangeparadox (user info) at 2004-09-24 18:21:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
especially the big butt and nice rack
Submitted by strangeparadox (user info) at 2004-09-24 18:20:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hey! those are the exact same qualities i look for in a guy
Submitted by katydid (user info) at 2004-09-24 17:04:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You like you are about to cry.
Submitted by Wish_I_Were (user info) at 2004-09-24 16:49:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You slump your shoulders...tsk.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2004-09-24 16:46:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No, Jew Rican.
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-09-24 16:42:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mexican?
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2004-09-24 16:24:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2004-09-24 15:36:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hot
Submitted by kitchens_closed (user info) at 2004-09-24 15:27:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Excuse me ma'am, but I asked for no glaze on my fruitcake.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2004-09-24 14:44:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good luck with the Uber personals. I don't think you look like Scott Peterson, maybe his undernourished little brother though.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2004-09-24 14:29:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by Burn (user info) at 2004-09-24 14:22:58 (#)
Ranking: 1
Did someone cum on your face?
No, just in my mouth. I'm into that sort of thing. Nothing like a belly full of sperm to make a man happy.
Submitted by tartpumper (user info) at 2004-09-24 14:27:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Haha. Your supposed to gel your hair silly!
Submitted by Schwarzes_Glas (user info) at 2004-09-24 14:24:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Looks like someone gizzed on Ben Affleck.
Submitted by Burn (user info) at 2004-09-24 14:22:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Did someone cum on your face?
Submitted by queensowntalia (user info) at 2004-09-24 14:16:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 for the Cake reference. That song kicks ass.
Submitted by Lyric (user info) at 2004-09-24 14:14:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yay for camwhore and content.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2004-09-24 14:01:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think that it was the light. I wasn't sweating when this was taken. I don't have oily skin, either.
Mick: I fucking laughed out loud from the Scott Peterson thing.
Submitted by engine13 (user info) at 2004-09-24 13:57:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You look sort of greasy. And not in a good-greased bare body with bulging muscles-sort of way.
But, +2 for a girl with a short skirt and a long jacket.
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2004-09-24 13:51:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Scott Peterson
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2004-09-24 13:49:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+1 for content and +1 for camwhore hymen-breakage.
I'm not even gonna mention the oil-slick that is your face in that picture.
Submitted by leanne (user info) at 2004-09-24 13:42:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think you're pretty hot. Too bad I'm Canadian. I guess I'm automatically disqualified from the running.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2004-09-24 13:39:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice post.
But damn...you wash your face in butter this morning or something, Terrence?
Submitted by tartpumper (user info) at 2004-09-24 13:27:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You look deep fried.
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-09-24 13:25:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"I want a woman that will admit to being wrong."
Good luck finding that, Terrence. Can I call you 'T' for short? I've always wanted to refer to someone as simply 'T'.
Whats going on with the picture, did you just take a dip in Wesson cooking oil beforehand?
Submitted by seanfogy (user info) at 2004-09-24 13:20:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
hahaha! your name is terrence
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-09-24 13:17:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was brutally raped by Boat People
Details here:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/45919
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2004-09-24 13:15:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Monarch - I saw the Kidney Theives open for KMFDM a year or two ago.
EATME - You look a little shiney in the monobrow-al area. What's up with that?
Submitted by honeycake (user info) at 2004-09-24 13:14:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
greasAYYYYYYYY
Submitted by ZenVolador (user info) at 2004-09-24 13:11:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You can have one of mine, I have a growing collection.
Submitted by Monarch (user info) at 2004-09-24 13:08:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I want a girl with a short skirt and long jacket."
PLUS. FUCKING. TWO.
On a side note: Anyone else here listen the Kidney Thieves? AWESOME band.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2004-09-24 13:05:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Man, I look sweaty.