All the girls in every girlie magazine can't make me feel any less alone (1558 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.5 on 32 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Bargled (View user info) at 2004-09-24 16:01:21 EDT
The other day, the University cafeteria ran out of CO2 for the soda machines, and since I was assigned to beverages, it was my duty to go downstairs and change the bottles. So after screwing around down there for a good ten to fifteen minutes (several different posts right there) I decided to actually go into the soda room and change the CO2.
We were completely out, every single bottle was empty.
Then I got an idea. I remembered my old english teacher in high school telling us that if you move a chicken's food bowl from one location to another, the chicken wouldn't be able to find it and would starve to death. I laughed at my thinking that this would apply to humans as well, after all, these are college students and actually pay to be here. So they should be fairly intelligent, right? Right?
After telling my boss we were bone dry on CO2, I went out to the serving area, got a glass of orange juice, sat down, and watched chaos erupt.
There were lines at the soda machines. Cups full of ice with a combination of syrup and cold un-carbonated water were stacked 10 high. People would get one cup, fill it with ice, press the button for soda, realize that what was coming out wasn't actual soda, and repeat the process all over again with a new cup and a different selection of soda.
I watched as one girl went through every single selection on every single machine. There are five machines in the cafeteria.
Hopefully, I looked towards the juice dispensers, only to find that there were only a couple of students there. I glanced towards the milk area, only to find it empty. These people were either going to have soda or nothing at all.
Slowly but surely, I got bitter and angry after having more than a dozen people coming up to me, knowing I was watching them, and ask me if I could fix the problem....here is a sample conversation I had with a lardass football player:
Dumb-ass Jock (referred to as DAJ hereafter): Hey dude, theres something wrong with the soda machines, fix it will ya?
Me: Oh really, I haven't noticed! Thanks for pointing that out.
DAJ: Maybe you should pay more attention to what goes on.
I was astonished. I had watched this asshole get into the line for the sodas and had seen him notice that the machines weren't working properly (by the retarded/confused look on his face). Then he has the audacity to tell me to pay more attention?
After dinner, cleaning up took an hour longer than it usually does because of the mountains of ice and cups that were everywhere. Then I went downstairs and plugged in the new bottles that had arrived two hours previously. The extra hour was worth what I learned.
We're no better than the chickens.
_________________________________________________
Gratuitous camwhoring for chipolatte:
User Reviews
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-11-26 06:51:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
'who will eventually print this out and cut a hole where my mouth is.'
Submitted by Eric_Rice (user info) at 2004-10-17 14:30:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by equalizer (user info) at 2004-10-17 11:34:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Equalized!
Submitted by Sepsis (user info) at 2004-10-08 18:40:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Death Cab for Cutie!
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-09-26 21:55:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I swear I saw this on a Loren post somewhere. Or was it half of the ubersite posts mocking jocks? Can't remember.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/46186
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-09-25 07:51:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You look like this girl i know. Except more feminine
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2004-09-25 07:34:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You so don't look like I thought you would.
I hate people. Especially the ones who tell you how to do your job, or what your job is, when they have NO FUCKING CLUE.
Fuckers.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-09-25 00:34:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-09-24 20:43:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
lucky i wasn't there, i would have gone into a rage
Submitted by dwr_budr (user info) at 2004-09-24 22:14:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-09-24 22:09:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-09-24 21:53:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*wolf whistle*
Submitted by tlovess (user info) at 2004-09-24 21:49:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
People watching is cool.
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-09-24 21:11:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Interesting observation.
I couldn't stand the carbonated drinks at our university cafeteria.
Milk and juice all the way!
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-09-24 20:51:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You need a haircut.
I'm not a soda drinker and I hate lines so I'd have gone around. But's thats just me.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-09-24 20:43:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lucky i wasn't there, i would have gone into a rage
Submitted by checkyourmail (user info) at 2004-09-24 19:01:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I do not drink soda, am I still a chicken?
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2004-09-24 18:54:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ohh bargled, bargled. I, too, randomly cracked up at that "soda or nothing" line.
Gigs, you and bargle are both right about athletes:
1. Our valedictorian (Fordham '04) was a soccer player (albeit 2nd or 3rd or 4th string) on our D1 team.
2. There were a couple of football players in my Operating Systems class--I think one got kicked out and one probably got better grades than myself. He participated with the class discussion.
3. Most of our football and ALL of our baseball players were notoriously fucking dumb as shit. But they also got hot-ass chicks. But who knows if the chicks will keep them when they don't make it with the Single-A Staten Island Yankees and can't afford to buy them Prada and Gucci things? Woops, got spiteful there.
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-09-24 18:51:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2004-09-24 17:28:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Kool_Kontakt (user info) at 2004-09-24 17:27:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
take it and leave me alone
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-09-24 17:01:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"These people were either going to have soda or nothing at all."
I don't know why that line made me burst into laughter, but it did.
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-09-24 16:55:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can see why the girls like you, Bargley-Bargled.
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2004-09-24 16:49:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I like how you took the time to explain the abbreviation for "Dumbass jock", and then only used it once, where it would have been faster to just type it out.
Submitted by Legendary_Threat (user info) at 2004-09-24 16:43:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
GROSS!
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-09-24 16:41:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
MY eyes, for the love of god!
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-09-24 16:25:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
thx RJ i <3 u 2
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-24 16:22:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What a good highschool story!
Shoot yourself in the face you fuckin' faggot
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-09-24 16:13:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I do sports, but they dont have a team for tennis here. Only a 'club'. And we're division 1. The football roster has over 150 names on it, and for everything to balance out ala title IX they needed to drop a guys sport, and tennis was it.
so now i hate football players.
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2004-09-24 16:11:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
1 minute, 4 seconds to retaliate. You are SO my bitch.
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-09-24 16:11:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
People in college, who aren't sports oriented, still disrespect athletes, and view them as dumbass jocks? I thought that shit ended in high school. You must go to one of those Division 1 colleges where they give scholarships to quarterbacks with a lower total score on their SAT than I got in Math alone.
Not everyone who can throw a ball lacks intelligence, you know...
...It's mainly just Football players.
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2004-09-24 16:07:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Good story. But next time, don't tell it.
Submitted by kitchens_closed (user info) at 2004-09-24 16:06:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I prefer my pizza in front of me, not on the Internet.