My Report On Africa (1925 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.95 on 53 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sully (View user info) at 2004-09-25 16:21:02 EDT
In third grade, my class was given an assignment to do a project on a country. We all paired off and picked out of a hat countries that Mrs. Bachlan had chosen. I was Corey Hoyt's partner. He was a well-known troublemaker who frequently had to stay inside for recess as punishment and even had detention once in a while.
Corey and I got the piece of paper that said Africa on it. Of course Africa isn't a country, but a continent. I guess Mrs. Bachlan didn't realize she put that in there.
"Africa? Isn't that where the black people are?" asked Corey.
"Yeah I think. It's really hot in Africa, like over a hundred-fifty degrees everyday, so their skin turns brown because it gets infected," I replied, making shit up.
"My grampa's real smart about stuff like this. He'd probably tell us a bunch of stuff about Africa if we asked him. Wanna go over my house and do the project over the weekend? I have Super Nintendo."
I agreed. That Saturday, I went over Corey's house and played Donkey Kong Country co-op, which is a bit overrated by the way. Only the player in front can do the jumping, barrel throwing, etc. until he dies. They should've made it more like Sonic when it's multiplayer. After six hours or so of pwning alligators, snakes, and vultures, Corey's mom came in and pushed the reset button. That's right, the reset button. We had never fucking saved it either. Literally a level away from King K. Rool, the final boss. To say we were pissed off was an understatement.
"Corey, you and your friend need to start your project now," she said, "He's not over here to play video games, he's here to do the project on Africa with you."
"Mom you idiot! We never saved the game and you just reset it. Why are you so damn dumb," yelled Corey as he started to run around the room throwing magazines and lamps off of their stands. He kicked over the coffee table which had a few glasses of milk on it. He started to breath heavily followed by coughing violently so his mom ran out and came back with his inhaler. He puffed it a few times and then fell asleep on the floor. He was raised perfectly.
When he regained consciousness, Corey and I asked his grandfather, an ill-tempered racist to say the least, everything he knew about Africa. The wise old man enlightened us of all the important issues such as "them niggers are takin' our goddamn jobs." We made a stand-poster and wrote a small report about our newly acquired knowledge.
On Monday, we gave our presentation. I started.
"Me and Corey did our project on Africa. Africa is located below Europe. It is next to the Atlantic Ocean, Indian Ocean, and the Mediterranean Sea. The places that make it up include Kenya, Egypt, Zambia, Zimbabwe, Morocco, Libya, Sudan, Nigger, Niggeria..."
"Sully, it's pronounced "Niger" and "Nigeria," corrected Mrs. Bachlan.
"Oh alright. So anyway all the black people invaded America from there. They volunteered to become slaves for us but they did a crappy job at everything they attempted. Because of this, they didn't get payed by their owners. On average, ninety out of every one hundred blacks has AIDS or at least is HIV positive. AIDS is a growing disease in the United States because they had sex with Thomas Jefferson and the bacteria mixed with his white genes," at this point Mrs. Bachlan was covering her face and shaking her head, "Every black family has approximately twelve offspring, so the disease can be passed on quickly. Oh, and I forgot to say that for their religion they wear tribal masks and worship things like fire and the sky."
I handed the report to Corey. He continued.
"A lot of the greatest athletes today are black. This is because their ancestors from Africa ran fast when they tried to escape their owners and their muscles got stronger over the years. After Abraham Lincoln signed the Declaration of Independence, they didn't have to run anymore. They could infest white schools and workplaces and no one could do a thing about it," read Corey.
"Actually it was the Emancipation Proclamation," interrupted Mrs. Bachlan, "Boys where did you get your information? Most, if not all the things you're saying have little to no factual..."
"Oh that's right, Emancipation Proclamation," continued Corey, "So now today, black people are everywhere. All the black celebrities of today are famous because they're related to either Harriet Tubman who built the first black railroad or Rosa Parks, the first black person to hijack a public bus. Blacks take our jobs because of affirmative action, which is giving a job to someone not based on how smart they are, but because they're from Africa. My grampa says his work screwed him over because they layed him off and hired a..."
"Okay! That'll be all boys. Thanks," said Mrs. Bachlan. She clapped and so did the rest of the class.
For our visual, we had a syringe full of AIDS taped to our poster. At recess, Corey ran around and stabbed as many kids as he could with it. He got sent to the principals office, and had to write a letter to every single kid's parents apologizing for infecting their children with the disease. Good times.
User Reviews
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2004-12-29 13:08:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This rocked!
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2004-12-29 12:58:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2004-09-26 00:36:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
Rosa Parks, the first black person to hijack a public bus.
Submitted by Dr.Soctopus (user info) at 2004-09-30 10:17:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
damn that was funny as hell
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-27 00:37:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
shitty
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-09-27 00:02:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't bother to read the responses, but I'm sure KoolMang loved this post!
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2004-09-26 23:42:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No beefs Bob. This shouldn't have gotten this many +2s anyway. I read it over after I posted it and realized it was somewhat crappy. The streak had to end at some point.
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-09-26 22:23:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-09-26 22:19:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Otherwise, I love you.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-09-26 22:18:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Im not one of those assholes that look four different directions if I tell a racist joke. This was funny, but not +2 * 44 funny. See me as a wake up call. I'm drunk.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-26 15:44:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ejaculated*
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-26 15:43:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Some people hated this and others loved it and to tell you the truth I ejeculated to it..
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2004-09-26 14:58:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
See this is why you shouldn't give little kids syringes full of AIDS. When are people going to learn?
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-09-26 14:48:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by runaway44 at 2004-09-25 20:53:09 (#)
Ranking: -2
FUCK THAT SHIT! YOU FUCKIN FREAK! MAYBE IF YOU HAD ANY INTELLIGENCE YOU WOULD'VE BEEN ABLE TO COME UP WITH A BETTER STORY THEN WRITTING ABOUT YOUR RACIST THOUGHTS INTO A SHIT-ASS STORY LIKE THAT.
PEOPLE LIKE YOU MAKE IT HARD TO MAKE THE WORL BETTER, YOU JUST FUCK EVERYTHING UP.
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it's people like this that ruin a clever attempt at making fun of
the cliches/stereotypes.
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2004-09-26 13:30:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2004-09-26 12:01:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
This is an absolute piece of shit. The jokes are all lame cliches and half the jokes/ideas come from Southpark episodes. I'm not going to ruin your perfect score, someone else can have the honor, but this has 'turd' written all over it.
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It was meant to be all lame cliches. The only thing that was directly from South Park was the phrase "They took our jaaabs!" only replace futuristic people with black people. This post may be shit, but when you write something while drinking heavily and still get good ratings, I'd consider it an honor.
Submitted by Nate <Alleyooper9913.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-09-26 13:02:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This is fucking shit. Keep your racist ideas to yourself you little white bitch. I don't see the humor in this at all. Crackaa
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-09-26 12:20:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2004-09-26 12:01:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is an absolute piece of shit. The jokes are all lame cliches and half the jokes/ideas come from Southpark episodes. I'm not going to ruin your perfect score, someone else can have the honor, but this has 'turd' written all over it.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-26 07:59:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lol!!1! Niggers piss me off actually. Especially when they rap. Argh!!
Submitted by Lyric (user info) at 2004-09-26 00:59:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I admit it, the Rosa Parks line got me as well.
Not to mention the people who review and have NO SENSE OF HAHA.
Submitted by Ingsoc (user info) at 2004-09-26 00:40:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2004-09-26 00:36:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Rosa Parks, the first black person to hijack a public bus.
Submitted by Zod (user info) at 2004-09-26 00:23:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just laughed so hard I urinated all over myself...good work.
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2004-09-26 00:15:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That one stung RJ
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-25 23:39:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
rasist son of a bitch
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-09-25 23:06:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-09-25 22:48:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was going to be a cunt and give it a +1 before I read it, but the story just warmed my heart.
Submitted by tlovess (user info) at 2004-09-25 22:46:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HA
Submitted by HelloMello (user info) at 2004-09-25 22:38:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HA HA HA HA
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2004-09-25 21:07:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by runaway44 at 2004-09-25 20:53:09 (#)
Ranking: -2
FUCK THAT SHIT! YOU FUCKIN FREAK! MAYBE IF YOU HAD ANY INTELLIGENCE YOU WOULD'VE BEEN ABLE TO COME UP WITH A BETTER STORY THEN WRITTING ABOUT YOUR RACIST THOUGHTS INTO A SHIT-ASS STORY LIKE THAT.
PEOPLE LIKE YOU MAKE IT HARD TO MAKE THE WORL BETTER, YOU JUST FUCK EVERYTHING UP.
If you're serious how can you expect anyone to listen to you when you talk in all caps plus horrible grammar and spelling? If you didn't get it, read it again and you'll figure out that I was exaggerating. The post was humor/satire and I'm not really a racist. Much.
I doubt you're serious though.
Submitted by The_Wizard (user info) at 2004-09-25 20:59:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh man, satire is funny. Until someone doesn't get it. And it looks like someone just doesn't fucking get it.
IE the guy below me.
Shut up, it's not racist. They were little kids and this is OBVIOUSLY satire.
Submitted by runaway44 at 2004-09-25 20:53:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
FUCK THAT SHIT! YOU FUCKIN FREAK! MAYBE IF YOU HAD ANY INTELLIGENCE YOU WOULD'VE BEEN ABLE TO COME UP WITH A BETTER STORY THEN WRITTING ABOUT YOUR RACIST THOUGHTS INTO A SHIT-ASS STORY LIKE THAT.
PEOPLE LIKE YOU MAKE IT HARD TO MAKE THE WORL BETTER, YOU JUST FUCK EVERYTHING UP.
Submitted by mr.awesome (user info) at 2004-09-25 20:35:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AWESOME! I wish I had some black friends to send this to, but then I would have to touch them and I'd get the AIDS all over me.
Submitted by humor_me (user info) at 2004-09-25 20:00:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Beetle Juice is hot.
Submitted by Kiss my beautiful big black as <dumbniggerwoman31.at.aol.com> at 2004-09-25 19:52:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
OH MA GAHD u LITTLE BITHC IMA FUCKINGG KILL YOU WHITE ASS WIGGA PIECE OFJ SHIT. I"MA AFRICANN AMERICAN U PICE OF SHITSTANE DONT YOU TALK ABOUT WHAT UR IGNORANT ABGOUT GARY COLEMAN YOU DUMBASS LITTLE BITCH> FUKCING Ill find u and KILL YOU whiTE ASS BITCH NIGGA VINALLA ICE WINSLOW111!
Submitted by I_Have_A_Carl_Winslow_Fetish <CarlWinslow.is.at.sexy.com> at 2004-09-25 19:51:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Carl Winslow is teh SEXY!!!!!
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-09-25 19:47:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Too good for a weekend.
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2004-09-25 19:40:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahaha
Most likely the first sensitive black person to read this is just going to be someone acting like one.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2004-09-25 19:27:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't wait 'til a really sensitive black person reads this.
I'm a dirty halfrican so only half of me would be offended if I didn't have a sense of humor.
The what, now?
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2004-09-25 19:09:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"And I actually believed it until the syringe full of AIDS"
What? This is completely true, all of it. On top of writing letters, Corey had detention for like three days. Is that harsh or what. All for giving a bunch of kids AIDS. So damn strict.
Submitted by Theo <avenger3803.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-09-25 18:59:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ahahahahaahhhaa Carl Winslow again!
Submitted by Rainer (user info) at 2004-09-25 18:31:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And I actually believed it until the syringe full of AIDS.
Rock on, Sully.
Submitted by tlozoot (user info) at 2004-09-25 18:05:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2004-09-25 18:03:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for Religion <picture of campfire>
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2004-09-25 17:57:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2004-09-25 17:52:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That would be Vanilla Ice. He's not black, he just thinks he is. Therefore he would think he originated from Africa, hence being on the poster. Everyone else on there is Carl Winslow, Mr. T, Gary Coleman, Michael Jordan, Bill Cosby, a retard, and an African woman with an elongated neck.
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2004-09-25 17:47:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
who is the white dude in the bottom center picture?
Submitted by gibberish (user info) at 2004-09-25 17:37:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Rosa Parks, the first black person to hijack a public bus."
Hahahahahaaa....
Submitted by facts (user info) at 2004-09-25 17:29:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2004-09-25 17:25:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
great post
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-09-25 17:19:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Silly racist grandparents.
Submitted by cigar (user info) at 2004-09-25 16:36:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
great stuff, as usual.
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-09-25 16:33:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2004-09-25 16:24:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
"Rosa Parks, the first black person to hijack a public bus."
HAHAHAHA
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That shit cracked me up aswell...
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2004-09-25 16:24:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Rosa Parks, the first black person to hijack a public bus."
HAHAHAHA