the battle plan (450 hits)
Category: PoliticsRating: 1.71 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Matchstick Man <i fell asleep on my arm> (View user info) at 2004-09-26 21:56:38 EDT
alright. here's the plan. first we invade canada (http://www.ubersite.com/m/46160) and conscript the entire population. so there we have about 30 more troops in the army right there.
next, we say to the U.N., "fuck you all," and take iraq for ourselves, because lord knows we've already backed out of the nuclear arms treaty, we can nuke whoever the hell we want. we can call it "america jr."
after that we take kuwait because once we have iraq, the grass looks greener on the kuwaiti side (and the oil looks richer). we will call it america jr. jr., because basically it will be a colony of america junior, formerly iraq.
next we will invade the whole israel/lebanon/towel-head area and take the "holy city" for ourselves, and charge $5 for entrance. i can see it now. "$5 to see jesus! not really. but $5!"
next, just to shut up all those whiny turnip-eatiers, we will secretly replace the premier of russia with a spy, who will hand over the reins to america. this way, no one gets suspicious until our now-massive arab regiment is holding down martial law, and they will be really strict and mean because they are used to being in iraq and whatever other country.
and now that we have russia, and still have the U.S., we will have a major stranglehold on the supply of nukes in the world. but we won't take over china, or japan, because then the whole fair-pay thing would keep the cheap goods from flowing out of china, and microsoft would buy nintendo, and other crappy stuff like that would happen.
so basically, all that is left is china and japan (which will merge together into "chipan," or maybe "japina," i don't care) and us. oh, and africa.
did i mention the part where we take over south america and austrailia? no? well, that's because they are worthless. and we don't need no worthless countries.
User Reviews
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2004-09-27 08:54:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-27 07:48:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
we can call it "america jr."
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I was thinking along the same lines. And Baghdad can be New Los Angeles.
Submitted by Nobb (user info) at 2004-09-27 01:41:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by iloveamerica (user info) at 2004-09-26 23:59:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
I love it! you need to take new zealand too, cuz they got really nice land
Dam right we do!
Submitted by 1-970-587-2883 at 2004-09-27 01:30:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Does anyone remember McBain?
Submitted by iloveamerica (user info) at 2004-09-26 23:59:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love it! you need to take new zealand too, cuz they got really nice land
www.geocities.com/americaisbetterthancanada
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2004-09-26 23:31:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds good.
Submitted by cigar (user info) at 2004-09-26 23:16:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
japina got you this plus 2...
The idea of "you want to see your towel headed god, eh. $5US" is just icing. Damn good show.
Submitted by gibberish (user info) at 2004-09-26 22:10:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mmmm... Japina...
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-09-26 22:05:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
We're already halfway there.
Japina has a ice ring to it.