Diary of a Madman 23 (1247 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: doam
Rating: 1.67 on 23 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Bigmike (View user info) at 2004-09-26 22:30:46 EDT
Just in case any of you dear readers want to learn a little bit about what makes our "hero" tick, I present to you the links to the rest of the DoaM series. If you don't want to read them then just skip the links and get on with his current state of affairs.
1
http://www.ubersite.com/m/32509
2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/33570
3
http://www.ubersite.com/m/34316
4
http://www.ubersite.com/m/34888
5
http://www.ubersite.com/m/35267
6
http://www.ubersite.com/m/35421
7
http://www.ubersite.com/m/36168
8
http://www.ubersite.com/m/36657
9
http://www.ubersite.com/m/37709
10
http://www.ubersite.com/m/38036
11
http://www.ubersite.com/m/38244
12
http://www.ubersite.com/m/38868
13
http://www.ubersite.com/m/39069
14
http://www.ubersite.com/m/39862
15
http://www.ubersite.com/m/41006
16
http://www.ubersite.com/m/41295
17
http://www.ubersite.com/m/41530
18
http://www.ubersite.com/m/42508
19
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43203
20
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43585
21
http://www.ubersite.com/m/44044
22
http://www.ubersite.com/m/44554
There is a better way.
You will find out, as I did, that there is always a better way.
I went through thousands of trash bags and twist ties. I went through perhaps ten thousand gallons of cleaner and thousands of sponges. It doesn't clean itself as some of you undoubtedly already know.
The act of disposal itself is a mind clarifying activity. It comes after all of your emotions, all of your feelings have come to a boil. It comes after you have found yourself sitting in the middle of the floor, body parts strewn around the room, a pool of blood staining the floor of your basement. It is the epilogue to the drama.
Disposal is the one constant, the one thing that keeps you from just getting up and soiling your clean bedsheets with the blood product of lust and anger.The one thing that brings you back to the reality of the situation. The only part of any encounter that I have that I consider to be "work" is the disposal process.
I have found a better way.
Better than hunger. Better than trash bags. Better than burial.
I received it yesterday and could't wait to use it. I thought about it the entire time that I was looking into her frightened eyes. It stayed on my mind as the knife did it's job, skinning her alive and cutting her in places that she reserved for only the most intimate of partners. As I was sawing through her thigh, I couldn't wait to see how it worked on the flesh and muscle that I was cutting through. As I tore out her heart, I wondered whether or not this incredible organ would fit inside, and what kind of sound it would make if it did.
Then I found out. It was wonderful.
I took my treasure and fed it bit by bit.
Brain.
Sucked down nicely. I was actually surprised how efficient this thing is.
Liver.
Also went smoothly. As I fed her liver to it all I could think about was feeding it onions right after.
Lungs.
The lungs had to be cut down to fit, but they went in even better than the other parts. The lungs were funny. They made a strange noise as they were being disposed of. It's hard to describe and if I can think of a way to relate that information to you, I will. I'll have to feed a few more lungs into it before I get it right. Don't worry. I will.
Heart.
Such a big organ and so tough. One slice down the middle and both halves went through perfectly although it sounded like the machine was laboring just a bit. That girl had some heart.
Its soft, gentle noise is music to my ears. It is a symphony, it is a dirge, it is a cappella chamber music in its finest form. Soft and warm with its sound, devestatingly beautiful with its result. It is truly more clarifying for me than any other aspect of my endeavors. It is truly a better way.
I was done in no time at all. I was ready for more.
Now I can't wait to see what a live person sounds like as I fit them into it one limb at a time.think this last one's daughter will do nicely. She's on the lean side.
I'll let you know how it turns out.
User Reviews
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2004-11-15 21:44:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Okay, you win then. I just always assume instrumental when I see the term chamber music.
And that's super hot that you used to sing. And a cappella too. That's tricky.
The world needs more tenors.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-11-15 21:36:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2004-11-15 21:30:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
And I missed this one as well. Woe is me.
Oh and, 'a cappella chamber music' doesn't quite exist. Chamber music is always a small group of instrumentalists, one player per part. A cappella means there's no instrumental accompaniment. It's typically a term reserved for vocal works, not instrumental.
As I understand it, it can be a small group of vocalists as well. I was in a Chamber Choir in high school. We competed around the country. Everything we did was a cappella. I guess our biggest competition was at UMBC. We went there two years in a row. Got honorable mention second year.
I also did barbershop quartet, for money no less.
I was a tenor in case you were wondering.
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2004-11-15 21:30:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And I missed this one as well. Woe is me.
Oh and, 'a cappella chamber music' doesn't quite exist. Chamber music is always a small group of instrumentalists, one player per part. A cappella means there's no instrumental accompaniment. It's typically a term reserved for vocal works, not instrumental.
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2004-09-29 15:46:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i havent read the series yet. i am waiting for a time when i can read them through.
why the +2 rating if i have not read the material?
because he is fuckin' BigMike.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-09-27 22:46:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I gave you the answer below straight from Snatch Big fella.
Feed the body to pigs.
Now to get rid of the bones entirely (apart from feeding bodies to pigs) you would need to dissolve them in some sort of acid. Hydrochloric would work well as it dissolves calcium quite efficiently and is easy to get hold of because it is used extensively for swimming pools to control PH levels.
This would be a bit messy I guess.
Another way would be to calcinate them and then grind them, perhaps through an old coffee grinder. Bloody time consuming though, and would slow down the killing spree. The powder would be good for the garden however.
Maybe your guy works for the local crematorium and just adds a bit to the various bodies being disposed of. Then when someone picks up grandmas' ashes they are actually getting value for their money. (the mafia used to use this method with coffins that actually had two people in them I read somewhere)
I am sure you will figure something out.
Now you better not turn out to be a mass murderer Big Fella or I could be charged with at least aiding and abetting just for writing the above.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-09-27 14:44:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just a regular guy... Guy-witch, you mean!
That was far more amusing when it was only in my head.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-09-27 14:35:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-09-27 00:59:59 (#)
Ranking: 1
I am just stunned at how you can churn out this much great writing so frequently.
Mike, are you a witch?
Nope. Just a regular guy.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-09-27 14:33:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
But I have to say, it would take a long time to cut up the body enough to get all of it through a garbage disposal. I think that the best bet for getting rid of a body is either hydrogen peroxide (it denatures the body into its basic elements), or probably feeding it to pigs. There are a bunch of other good ways, but I'm really too lazy to type them. Hurricane Jeanne tried to kill me twice.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-09-27 14:12:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-09-27 14:07:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
Actually, Circe, although a body WILL go through a wood chipper, it really really gums up the works. Pretty much ruins it. They just weren't made for wet, non-wood chipping. I know this because when I was about six years old, a guy down the street got his arm caught in one. It was very, very... messy.
And.......garbage disposals are made for all sorts of wet and squishy type stuff. Pretty much perfect for this application. I'll have to ask him what he does with the bones.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-09-27 14:07:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Actually, Circe, although a body WILL go through a wood chipper, it really really gums up the works. Pretty much ruins it. They just weren't made for wet, non-wood chipping. I know this because when I was about six years old, a guy down the street got his arm caught in one. It was very, very... messy.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-09-27 12:28:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-09-27 04:22:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought for a while it'd be a woodchipper. You can run anything through one of those things. And spread it as fertilizer. Or feed it to a dog.
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-09-27 00:59:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I am just stunned at how you can churn out this much great writing so frequently.
Mike, are you a witch?
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-09-27 00:30:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The Bones The bones.
What about the bones?
BRICK TOP
What you gonna do with your man there?
You're always gonna have problems
lifting a body in one piece.
Apparently the best thing to do is
cut the corpse up into six pieces
and pile it all together
SOL
Would someone mind telling me who
you are?
BRICK TOP
After you got six pieces you gotta
get rid of 'em, of course you can't
just leave it in the deep freeze for
your mum to discover, can ya?
Pause while the black guys are still holding the body. The
door opens and in walks Errol. He passes Brick Top a cup of
tea in a take away container.
VINNY
Lincoln, who is this man?
BRICK TOP
And then I hear the best thing to do
is feed 'em to pigs. You gotta starve
the pigs for a few days, then the
sight of a chopped up body looks
like curry to a drunk. You gotta
shave the heads of your victims and
pull the teeth out, you could do
that after of course, but you don't
want to go sieving pig shit do you?
Ever seen the size of one of their
molars? •
He holds up his fist
BRICK TOP (CONT'D)
They go through bone like it's butter.
You gotta have a few pigs though you
need about sixteen they will go
through a body that weighs two hundred
pounds in about eight minutes that
means that a single pig can consume
two pounds of uncooked flesh every
minute,. . .
Pause
BRICK TOP (CONT'D)
Hence the expression greedy as a
pig.
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2004-09-26 23:36:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I think I like the tattoo DoaM the best so far.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-09-26 23:17:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by tlovess (user info) at 2004-09-26 23:00:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this is sick
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-09-26 22:57:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Heart jerky? And you think I'm the sick one. :)"
Read the ingredients list the next time you buy a slim jim, or even better yet a cheap, wannabe slim jim. Im a farm boy by birth and i know whats in all those meat products.
Rock on mike.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-09-26 22:48:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Now I can't wait to see what a live person sounds like as I fit them into it one limb at a time.think this last one's daughter will do nicely. She's on the lean side."
This should read "I think....." Damn cordless keyboards. Always dropping letters.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-09-26 22:45:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-09-26 22:41:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
You are one sick puppy!
You didnt even make slim jims out of the heart meat?
Im drunk...fuckit...I got music.
Heart jerky? And you think I'm the sick one. :)
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-09-26 22:41:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are one sick puppy!
You didnt even make slim jims out of the heart meat?
Im drunk...fuckit...I got music.
Submitted by YouLookLikeINeedADrink (user info) at 2004-09-26 22:40:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You never seem to disappoint with these.
Submitted by sketch9 (user info) at 2004-09-26 22:40:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've been waiting so long. I prayed that you wouldn't stop writing during UberMadness.
I loved it. Not the top of your game, but very very good, nonetheless. Ive thought about this same idea before. And we have that exact disposal in our school.