Bloody brilliant idea: INVADE AMERICA! (1075 hits)
Category: GraphicsRating: 0.04 on 44 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by KoolMang (View user info) at 2004-09-27 06:35:51 EDT
Funny how the only people who want to invade Canada are the Americans? Everyone else seems to like us. Maybe they're slipping something into their freedom fries...oh well. I say we end their misery and invade them. I shall outline my strategy, starting with a thesis statement (Americans are too dumb to know basic English skills):
Thesis Statement: while America is off fighting their wars with all their troops, their country will be left not as protected as it would like to be. Each of OUR soldier is like a commando, since Canadian soldiers are among the best trained in the world. A typical commando can kill an enemy village of at least 80 soldiers. Hence, the Canadian army would be able to resist the American defense based on their skill alone. We'd need help, however:
A) Inuit warriors will dance across the ice, and annex Iceland, and occupy the territory. They are well-suited for that job because of their adaptation to cold climates.
B) French-Canadians move in through the Eastern U.S, and decimate the shitty states with their courage and stubborn French generals.
C) Main Canadian army moves into mainland of U.S, and takes away the centre to make the job easier for outer forces.
D) B.C potsmoking soldiers will move down the western U.S, and they'll be able to go down all the way and fortify without taking casualties, because of their morphine-esque condition.
E) Guess who else likes us and hates America? CUBA! Yup, they love Canadians. So we'll just give them a ring, and they'll send their conscript army up through the Florida Keys.
For those who think that invading Canada is funny, try actually visiting Canada, and say that, and you'll bless our socialized healthcare.
User Reviews
Submitted by Sekeeth (user info) at 2004-09-29 22:21:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for pissing us Americans off, but we bomb things when we get mad.
+2 for getting that damned "Michingan Milita" retard to post his stupid site again.
DETROIT ROCKS
Submitted by sketch9 (user info) at 2004-09-29 22:13:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hahaha... go for it
march right in here and take it. nobody will even notice.
they'll just be like "did that guy just say 'get oot of the way, we're invading, eh!'?"
then we'll stand around.
and you'll all drink beer.
and we'll keep standing around.
and that will be the extent of it. because, when we come down to it, we're all the same damn country anyway.
Submitted by cigar (user info) at 2004-09-29 21:56:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm certain this would work, although 1 national guard member would shoot one of your fags in the face and the rest would run like pussies back into your "cuntry"
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-09-29 15:40:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I always thought we should just give you guys Alaska. I mean, it's not like we're doing anything with it.
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-09-27 21:13:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Apparently, some people are forgetting that this is iloveamerica's map with the arrow's switched around. I bet you feel pretty smart there, NetProphet.
Submitted by WookieSuave (user info) at 2004-09-27 18:53:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HOLY DONKEY,
Netprophet is an asshat.
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2004-09-27 16:08:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
When I first came here, Koolmang was, well, a Kool Mang.
Now that all of his jokes and stunts are tired and lame, he's just meh.
Kinda' pathetic, actually...
Submitted by ZenVolador (user info) at 2004-09-27 14:31:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You'll probably breeze through the northern states with little difficulty, but be careful in the hick states, especially with the assault weapon ban lifted. Word of advice: they're feisty, but disorganized. Of course, you'll never take my state, because it's under my protection and I have the strength of a hundred men and am immune to the effects of any weapon created by man.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-27 11:59:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Canadian troops are sissies with muskeets, and many are French Canadians. The french can't fight worth shit. But if you do invade bring beer, bacon, and Rush. But you guys need to take Celine Dion back.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-27 11:51:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Maybe most of you are secluded from the actual world, but almost all of the USA and Canada are on friendly terms. You have to understand that people that make posts like these are just getting angry at a few radical views from a country.
Submitted by gibberish (user info) at 2004-09-27 11:31:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
To quote myself:
"[Canadians] will forever be a happy people, living north of the border in harmony with the caribou, keeping me from finding Santa's secret lair, making good beer, and eating pancakes.
God bless Canada."
Feel free to invade, I don't get up to that crazy country of yours nearly as much as I should.
Oh, and bring beer.
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2004-09-27 10:58:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
North American WAR!
Endorsed by Yahoo! travel.
Submitted by KoolMing (user info) at 2004-09-27 10:49:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-07-22 00:46:26 (#)
Ranking: -2
HAR HAR RUINED RATING
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2004-09-27 10:44:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
B) French-Canadians move in through the Eastern U.S, and decimate the shitty states with their courage and stubborn French generals.
---------------
Now we all know that the French couldn't take over a first grade class let alone several states.
Submitted by hcp28 (user info) at 2004-09-27 10:35:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Moron. We would destroy you easily and take your polar bears.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2004-09-27 10:34:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Ill be damned. Koolmang, I always figured you to be a little homosexual but I never would have guessed you were one of those fairy pants, candy ass, French loving Canadians. Maybe Mexican but I never would have guessed Canadian. Good luck with with your plan, youll need all you can when you come through Texas.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-09-27 10:16:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This post is good reading...
for falling asleep.
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-09-27 09:38:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I go to psych class, and this is what I see, people putting down Canada again. Most typically, Americans who think they are "smart". It is a joke, and it isn't. It is because obviously this might have a huge chance of failure. However, it also ISN'T a joke because I'm honestly sick and fucking tired of this anti-Canadian sentiment.
Before you go blasting me on having anti-American sentiment, consider this:
People who hate Canada: United States of America
People who hate the United States of America: everyone, including Canada
We aren't alone in hating you, it's just you guys have 2 offensive fronts:
1) Attacking dark-skinned nations for dumb reasons
2) Attacking Canada with South Park-esque humour
BLAME CANADA? GREAT IDEA! It isn't the same as blaming the Jews, you know. Our economy is worth $1 trillion. America probably has cataclysmically more money than we do. Our population is dwarfed by yours by a thousand fold.
We're just a puny little nation, I admit, but we're trying to keep our own country, and this is an example of us trading with America, and maintaining good relations. Freedom of speech allows you idiots to attack Canada with the stupidest logic I've ever read or seen before in my entire life. Hitler had better logic to kill the Jews than you guys have to blame Canada.
Our achievements? Why, any achievement I were to bring up that our country performed would be shot down in some way by Idiot America (kudos to Green Day), who must find some way to not look like a big colony of douches.
I'm going to start training, just so if I see an American in Canada that cracks a wise one, I can send him to our fucking socialized hospitals. Before you go attacking that, I agree, because of our lack of funding, their wounds will fester.
On a sidenote: how does Bush feel knowing there have been many albums made by famous artists bashing him in every song?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-09-27 09:13:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
NetProphet, who says the french bit annoyed me? In fact, nothing offended me in your reply. What annoyed me is that you were trying way too much to be funny and failed to deliver with tedious lame attempts at being witty.
I don't hate you either. To be frank, I really don't a shit about you or anyone for that matter.
I just speak my mind.
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-09-27 09:05:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
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Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-09-27 09:01:00 (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't know if NetProphet's reply was meant to be funny but it bored me to no end because even his stereotypes were retarded and off-base. Maybe he ought to finish middle school.
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Court, just because I hate the French doesn't mean I hate YOU. We can still be drinking buddies, right?
To be fair, I don't actually _hate_ the French. Life is just more fun when you have somebody to pick on.
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-09-27 09:04:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Woah. I totally didn't see this review before posting my similar one.
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Submitted by Id (user info) at 2004-09-27 08:40:23 (#)
Ranking: 1
"Those troops assigned to conquer the midwest will have to contend with the jesus-freak-militia-men of Minnosota. And we all know how much they hate foreigners."
Same classification as the Michigan Militia. We're on the same page here.
"1 Canadian soldier = 800 National Gaurdsmen"
By that math, we'll only need... carry the one... 800 National Guardsmen!
"The cubans would make it as far as Orlando before being halted by a combined force of pissed of elderly retirees and Mickey Mouse."
Most people aren't aware that Disney World mascots are trained in seven forms of unarmed combat and are equipped with standard issue M-16s (as well as grenades and a 9mm sidearm).
Those costumes are roomy for a reason.
"Inuits don't dance. Stupid."
To be fair, you wouldn't be able to dance either if you weighed 300 pounds and were wearing a giant fur parka.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-09-27 09:01:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't know if NetProphet's reply was meant to be funny but it bored me to no end because even his stereotypes were retarded and off-base. Maybe he ought to finish middle school.
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-09-27 08:57:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Three addendums to my previous witty and hilarious review:
I)
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Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-09-27 06:44:43 (#)
Ranking: 0
Everything you ever wanted to know about IcyBlackHand
User id: 10745
Registered on or around: 2004-07-29 13:17:26
# Messages posted: 0
# Reviews written: 17
# Times these posts have been reviewed : 0
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Average rating of all messages: 0.00
YOU seem to think a lot about yourself considering you haven't been around that long.
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He doesn't have to be around that long to leave an honest review, as long as he's not some shitty alias.
Since there's no means to prove that he is, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt.
If this were his first review, it might be different.
II)
Don't take my previous Canadian-bashing to mean that I have any respect for America. When GWB gets re-elected, I'm moving somewhere else. I enjoyed Australia quite thoroughly. Perhaps I shall move there. The typhoons are quite nice this time of year.
III)
KoolMang, I officially take back anything shitty I have said about you in the past. While some of your posts are still worthless (http://www.ubersite.com/m/46004), it's obvious that you're at least trying.
Sometimes.
And I can't really fault you for that.
I'll make fun of you if you endorse Canada, but that aside, in my opinion, you're a legit poster.
Submitted by satchel (user info) at 2004-09-27 08:53:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Iceland is in the other direction.
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-09-27 08:49:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
"Funny how the only people who want to invade Canada are the Americans?"
Are you kidding? We're still trying to figure out why any of YOU still live there.
"Everyone else seems to like us."
Well, sure. And everyone seems to like the kid who rides the short bus to school and sticks crayons up his nose at lunch time. But just because they're being nice to you doesn't mean they respect you; you're just not enough of a threat for anyone to care.
"Each of OUR soldier is like a commando, since Canadian soldiers are among the best trained in the world."
Since when does Canada have an army? Or have you been training the moose to fight?
"A typical commando can kill an enemy village of at least 80 soldiers."
This has been proven extensively with tests on farm animals. They have yet to see a barn that can defeat them. Well, except for that one time. But there were more crafty heifers than previously anticipated, and some intelligence suggests that bovine spies had been operating in the Canadian commanding heirarchy.
"Hence, the Canadian army would be able to resist the American defense based on their skill alone. We'd need help, however."
A stunning display of Canadian logic.
"Inuit warriors will dance across the ice, and annex Iceland, and occupy the territory. They are well-suited for that job because of their adaptation to cold climates."
What, you mean eskimos? Jesus Christ, when's the last time you've seen an eskimo do ANYTHING? They can't even hold down a real job, for chrissakes. The reason why eskimos live in tiny houses made of ICE and eat WHALE BLUBBER is because they can't AFFORD BETTER. That's right, the Mexicans who build their houses out of discarded aluminum cans and eat from the trash are higher on the ladder of success than your average eskimo.
"French-Canadians move in through the Eastern U.S, and decimate the shitty states with their courage and stubborn French generals."
What a great plan... except whoops, the French haven't ever won anything, ever. I'm not just talking about military conflicts. They suck at everything from ping pong to Mario Kart.
"Main Canadian army moves into mainland of U.S, and takes away the centre to make the job easier for outer forces."
That's right, the mainland of the United States is going to be overrun by six lumberjacks, two drunk frenchmen, and the 17th Moose Battalion.
Lest we forget that the mainland is where the Michigan Militia lives- a force so fucking crazy our own government refuses to touch it. Or maybe we're counting on them to save our asses when the Canadians attack.
http://www.michiganmilitia.com/
"B.C potsmoking soldiers will move down the western U.S, and they'll be able to go down all the way and fortify without taking casualties, because of their morphine-esque condition."
You know, our government once tried using marijuana to motivate soldiers into battle. Our research indicated that marijuana leads one to be proactive, to persevere, to remember details better, to assume a position of leadership, and to eat healthier foods.
We called it Vietnam, and it was a rousing success for the United States.
"Guess who else likes us and hates America? CUBA! Yup, they love Canadians. So we'll just give them a ring, and they'll send their conscript army up through the Florida Keys."
Two problems: one, Cuba doesn't care about Canada any more than anyone else. Two, Cuba is run by a senile old man. Castro doesn't even give directives anymore. The alzheimer's disease has rotted his brain far too much. He just mumbles incoherently and leaves it to his staff to determine what they should do.
'Ey, deed El Jefe joost tell us to change de national coorrency to de caterpeellar?'
'Don't fuck weet heem, mang... he gets cranky before hees afternoon nap.'
"For those who think that invading Canada is funny, try actually visiting Canada, and say that, and you'll bless our socialized healthcare."
I would totally do that. Except that it involves visiting Canada.
In conclusion, your "bloody brilliant" idea is an excellent example of Canadian strategic engineering, and provides insight as to why Canada remains one of the strongest military powers in the world today. Just look at all of the countries Canada has conquered! How many wars they've won! How much assistance they provide to military conflict around the world!
Oh wait, that's right. I forgot that Canada is the only country that has to sit facing the corner at United Nations meetings.
Submitted by Id (user info) at 2004-09-27 08:40:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Your strategy has failed to consider the following:
1. Those troops assigned to conquer the midwest will have to contend with the jesus-freak-militia-men of Minnosota. And we all know how much they hate foreigners.
2. There are presently 85,000 or so national guardsmen in waiting within the US. No, I don't for a moment think they'll be able to stop the incoming armies, but they will act as a deterent (see formula below)
1 Canadian commando = 80 US soldiers
1 US soldier = 10 National Guardsmen
Therefore: 1 Canadian soldier = 800 National Gaurdsmen
3. Assault rifles are legal in this country for a reason: Bush must have seen this plot of your coming (his only bright idea this entire administration).
4. The cubans would make it as far as Orlando before being halted by a combined force of pissed of elderly retirees and Mickey Mouse.
5. Inuits don't dance. Stupid.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2004-09-27 08:35:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
'(Americans are too dumb to know basic English skills):
...their country will be left not as protected as it would like to be. Each of OUR soldier is like a commando'
It is worth reading, though.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2004-09-27 08:33:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
What did those arows mean on the original "Yahoo! Travel" map? Movement of the canadian dollar or "Jealousy lines"? Just kiddin, god bless china.
Submitted by Walrus_King (user info) at 2004-09-27 08:28:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If we can convince Blair to get his tounge out of bushes arse can we join you?
/British
Submitted by JungleJane (user info) at 2004-09-27 08:15:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Go team Go!
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-09-27 08:06:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-09-27 07:59:05 (#)
Ranking: -2
You used to be controversial, KoolMang. Now you're just boring the hell out of me.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-09-27 07:59:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You used to be controversial, KoolMang. Now you're just boring the hell out of me.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-09-27 07:58:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
That was amusing if you consider it a joke.
Submitted by Amusingly_shaped_semen_stain (user info) at 2004-09-27 07:36:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hehehe, how'd you get so Kool?
Did you go to Kool Kollege?
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-09-27 07:18:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wait, alaska isn't attached to the US?
that's mad.
Submitted by mxc_jwebber (user info) at 2004-09-27 06:51:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
If the people in this country re-elect the mental midget known as W., we deserve to get invaded by Canada. Hell, I'd be proud to call myself Canadian if he's re-elected. Fuckface, I want my dollar(US please, Canadian dollars don't go as far as a US dollar here.) because I know for a fact GWB has 2 enemies he's plotting against for if he gets re-elected- the Chinese, and the English language. Oh wait, he already started the second crusade. My bad.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-09-27 06:49:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by IcyBlackHand (user info) at 2004-09-27 06:46:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes, I do think much of myself, but unlike you, I derive that feeling from things other than ubersite.
Did I just blaspheme?
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-09-27 06:44:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Everything you ever wanted to know about IcyBlackHand
User id: 10745
Registered on or around: 2004-07-29 13:17:26
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Average rating of all messages: 0.00
YOU seem to think a lot about yourself considering you haven't been around that long.
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2004-09-27 06:42:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Would be better off waiting for the US to invade China. Because I am never wrong, you can hold me to this. If George Bush is reelected and he doesn't declare war on China during his term I will send you all a dollar.
Submitted by Timmah (user info) at 2004-09-27 06:42:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by IcyBlackHand (user info) at 2004-09-27 06:40:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You Canadians sure do think a lot of yourselves considering you haven't done anything.
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-09-27 06:40:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Then we'll fortify our positions, because the deployed U.S army will have to think what's more important:
1) Getting country back.
or
2) Annexing one of the countries they're invading.
Because we'll fortify, it'll make us virtually invincible to attack.
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-09-27 06:36:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
best idea ever