Maiorano the Superhero!!!! (703 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: uber
Rating: -0.15 on 30 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Corn Nugget (View user info) at 2004-09-27 22:08:34 EDT
Little boys dream of having super powers... right?
What would be better than the ability to fly?
Well, the ability to be invisible!
What's better than that?
Shooting webs!
Anything better than webs?
Apparently the New Hotness (as pertaining to super powers) is Time Flow Control.
No no... we're not talking about Time Travel.
Time Flow Control would allow you to virtually fast forward or slow-mo reality.
WOWZAAAA!!!
Wait wait... Matt... Tell us why this would be fun...
****Switch authors... enter Mr. Frat-Boy-Slow-Mo-Maiorano****
Hello Uber- Matt Maiorano signing in.
As Nugget mentioned, we're here to talk about the funky-fresh new superpower of Time Flow Control.
The exact formula is:
1/x (-infinite, 0)U(0, infinite)
(you cocky fucks can feel free to check out the math on that formula, it's perfect)
Who would settle for being Hulk Like or Psychic when you could move at regular speed in a world that you have just slowed down?
You could... uh...
well...
Well... if you punched someone who was in Slowed Down mode, your punch would equal the strength of infinate dynamite!
I swear! Check the formula!
****
Nugget: But Matt... what IS the strength of infinate dynamite?
Matt: 5000000 miles per hour, duh. Didn't you read that formula?
Nugget: No, I'm bad at math.
Matt: Oh. So do you like being in control?
Nugget: What?
Matt: Are you a dominatrix?
Nugget: What does this have to do with Time Flow Control?
Matt: Oh, we're still talking about that?
****
Time Flow Control Situation I am in right now(true story! Refer to formula, haters!):
I'm wearing my usual clubbing outfit, but we aren't going to the club until Saturday night. So I sped time up so I wouldn't have to wait.
THE WHOLE UNIVERSE TIME!!
At the moment I am compiling lines to use on the ladies Saturday night (lines such as: "Is it hot in here, or just me?" and "Baby, I'm tired... I've been running through your head all night")
Look, I figured out a way to get my webcam to run on Ubersite... the portal is located below. Since time is now in super-fast-foward mode, and I'm only running at normal speed it may appear that I am not moving- however... I AM!
this is PROOF that I am a TIME FLOW CONTROL SUPERHERO!
User Reviews
Submitted by drfeggphd (user info) at 2004-09-28 20:26:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That didn't make sense:
(f[Fegg's Intelligence] >= 0/1) / t
Submitted by drfeggphd (user info) at 2004-09-28 19:58:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This will make sense:
(1/0 <= F[fegg's intelligence]) / t
Submitted by JonnyBoy (user info) at 2004-09-28 19:53:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
OMG, LiKe LOL!!! ThaT Guy Is SoOoo UgLY!
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-28 19:49:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Picture next to 'Shlongy-Offspring in Webster's Unabridged, Vol. XVII.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-09-28 19:36:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Just saw this...
"My tummy is digesting a small child.
<punches self in stomach>
STOP FUCKING KICKING!"
HAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHHAHA
Submitted by Uberuser at 2004-09-28 11:12:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Crappist post I've read yet.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2004-09-28 10:57:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i thought it was pretty funny personally.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-09-28 10:38:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Picture next to "virgin" in Webster's Unabridged, Vol. XVII.
Submitted by mxc_jwebber (user info) at 2004-09-28 08:43:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I thought shitty posts were to be posted on Thursday.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-09-28 08:25:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-09-28 00:02:50 (#)
Ranking: 2
My tummy is digesting a small child.
<punches self in stomach>
STOP FUCKING KICKING!
---------------------------------
+2 for this response!!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-09-28 05:33:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
My God.
You owe me 1/10th of my cornea. This made my eyes bleed.
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2004-09-28 00:46:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Negative, Captain America.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-09-28 00:02:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My tummy is digesting a small child.
<punches self in stomach>
STOP FUCKING KICKING!
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2004-09-27 23:05:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
eh.
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2004-09-27 22:59:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-27 22:54:49 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-09-27 22:32:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because I read it and forgot what it was about.
I'm sure it was good, though.
___________________________________________________________________
Actual thought process of polyfagorousaj:
1. hmmm, one of those chicks i'd like to bone has posted. I'll have to +2 it.
2. Damn, this post is absolute shit. If i didn't want to do this chick in the pooper (har har uber jokes are so funny) i'd probably -2 it.
3. Shit, i still have to +2 it but i can't leave "No comment". the cool uber kids will pay out on me for rating the poster not the post. Can't have them insulting my manhood, or this post.
4. I'll just write that i forgot what it was about. NO-ONE will see through that. i'm a UBER-GENIUS. now i can +2 it AND not cop any flak from anyone.
FAG.
Thought process of Random Joe.
1. Man, I don't like polyamorousaj. I don't like anyone. The world is pain.
2. I want to make fun of aj, but I don't want him to know it's me. I'm scared.
3. Ha ha! An idea! I'll sign out and make fun of him, that way he won't know who I am! I'm so smart and original.
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-09-27 22:56:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2004-09-27 22:45:21 (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm not sure what this post was, but it wasn't good.
----------------------------------------------------
Can't help but agree...
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-27 22:54:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-09-27 22:32:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because I read it and forgot what it was about.
I'm sure it was good, though.
___________________________________________________________________
Actual thought process of polyfagorousaj:
1. hmmm, one of those chicks i'd like to bone has posted. I'll have to +2 it.
2. Damn, this post is absolute shit. If i didn't want to do this chick in the pooper (har har uber jokes are so funny) i'd probably -2 it.
3. Shit, i still have to +2 it but i can't leave "No comment". the cool uber kids will pay out on me for rating the poster not the post. Can't have them insulting my manhood, or this post.
4. I'll just write that i forgot what it was about. NO-ONE will see through that. i'm a UBER-GENIUS. now i can +2 it AND not cop any flak from anyone.
FAG.
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2004-09-27 22:45:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm not sure what this post was, but it wasn't good.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-09-27 22:38:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh you guys... don't be mad that Matt has his webcam on in Slow-Mo!
What superpower would you choose if not TFC?!?!
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-09-27 22:37:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That is simply not logical, Captain.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-09-27 22:36:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
That is one, brutal looking dude.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-09-27 22:33:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HMMMM never thought about that before.
Yeah it would give you all the powers of the super-heroes just like that.
Instead of havong to be able to shoot flames at villians. You could just slow down time run up to them and cover them on gasoline and set fire to them.
As far as the maths is concerned......I failed.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-09-27 22:32:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because I read it and forgot what it was about.
I'm sure it was good, though.
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-09-27 22:27:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
It pains me so much to do this but...this sucked. I'm sorry.
Submitted by cigar (user info) at 2004-09-27 22:15:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-09-27 22:14:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I could use the super power of: "Spelling Ability".
Or I mean... Matt could.
ahem
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2004-09-27 22:12:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've always said that would be the coolest super power.
Is infinate dynamite anything like infinite dynamite?
Submitted by ITSA ME MARIO at 2004-09-27 22:11:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
He's oh so crosseyed!
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2004-09-27 22:11:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's a pretty nifty superpower there, Corn.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-09-27 22:10:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
What happened? You were kicking so much ass...