I am satan (577 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0.17 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by hamilton gianthead69.at.hotmail.com (View user info) at 2004-09-27 22:52:52 EDT
It's true. I found out about a week ago when I was going through some old family albums, trying to find pictures of myself to masturbate to.
Suddenly, one stopped me cold.
It was a picture of me as baby. Except it didn't look like me. It looked like some freak. It had horns and a tail. And the guy in the picture was the same, except he was all red.
"Maybe my dad just had a sunburn." I thought.
Confused, i marched downstairs to my mother.
She sighed, and put down her book.
"Now what's this you're marching about, James?"
"I was looking through some old family albums, and I found this!"
She saw the picture and froze.
"I was hoping that you would never see that..."
"Then why the hell did you have it in the family album?"
"Shut up, dumbass. Anyways, as I was saying, I was hoping that you'd never see that. You see, the devil managed to get out of heaven about fourteen years back."
"But I'm fifteen!"
"Shut up dumbass. Anyways, he got out, due to some legal clause about 1 year of vacation for every enternity, and decided to hit some clubs. He was at the one that I was cruising in, and he just caught my eye. Actually, he caught alot of people's eyes, but I was the only one who wasn't screaming in terror."
"So, he asked me if I'd like to dance, and before I knew it, we were back at his place. It was a little creepy, but it was tastefully done. Lots of modern art, with brimstone sculptures. He had this weirdest music though. All it was was people screaming." But once he'd taken me to bed, and savagely had his way with me for four days, i was pretty impressed, so i got him to settle down with me. Pretty soon, you popped out and he moved on."
"Wow. That's pretty... disgusting."
"Shut up dumbass. So you see, that's the story."
I flicked my tail.
"That might explain a couple things.
User Reviews
Submitted by gibberish (user info) at 2004-10-04 10:27:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2004-10-03 21:28:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
i still remember that. jerk.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2004-09-28 09:48:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No little boy..
YOU ARE A FOOKING IDJIOT!
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2004-09-27 23:04:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I killed him. He didn't approve of my listening to all that metal. He though that i should get a degree in satanology. All i wanted was to be in a band.
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2004-09-27 23:03:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Shouldn't the title be "I'm the Anti-Christ" or something?
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2004-09-27 23:02:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If Satan is your father, how the hell are you Satan also?
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2004-09-27 23:01:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I guess Satan is too good to get reviews, huh?