I am the anti-christ (978 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -0.52 on 33 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by hamilton gianthead69.at.hotmail.com (View user info) at 2004-09-27 23:05:25 EDT
It's true. I found out about a week ago when I was going through some old family albums, trying to find pictures of myself to masturbate to.
Suddenly, one stopped me cold.
It was a picture of me as baby. Except it didn't look like me. It looked like some freak. It had horns and a tail. And the guy in the picture was the same, except he was all red.
"Maybe my dad just had a sunburn." I thought.
Confused, i marched downstairs to my mother.
She sighed, and put down her book.
"Now what's this you're marching about, James?"
"I was looking through some old family albums, and I found this!"
She saw the picture and froze.
"I was hoping that you would never see that..."
"Then why the hell did you have it in the family album?"
"Shut up, dumbass. Anyways, as I was saying, I was hoping that you'd never see that. You see, the devil managed to get out of heaven about fourteen years back."
"But I'm fifteen!"
"Shut up dumbass. Anyways, he got out, due to some legal clause about 1 year of vacation for every enternity, and decided to hit some clubs. He was at the one that I was cruising in, and he just caught my eye. Actually, he caught alot of people's eyes, but I was the only one who wasn't screaming in terror."
"So, he asked me if I'd like to dance, and before I knew it, we were back at his place. It was a little creepy, but it was tastefully done. Lots of modern art, with brimstone sculptures. He had this weirdest music though. All it was was people screaming." But once he'd taken me to bed, and savagely had his way with me for four days, i was pretty impressed, so i got him to settle down with me. Pretty soon, you popped out and he moved on."
"Wow. That's pretty... disgusting."
"Shut up dumbass. So you see, that's the story."
I flicked my tail.
"That might explain a couple things."
User Reviews
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-10-06 09:28:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't hate anyone on this site. Well... maybe Kaelic... but even that takes too much energy.
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2004-10-04 23:34:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Did you lose access to MSN?
We doing this or not?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-10-04 23:21:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/44347#849077
ATTN ONTARIAN GHEY MENZ!
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2004-10-04 18:25:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow. Out of nowhere, a bunch of positive reviews.
and one of them is from Loren. Aren't you supposed to hate me?
And gibberish: Do you mind if my band uses school shootings for an album cover?
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2004-10-04 10:59:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-10-04 10:55:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't think this deserves a negative rating. It's different, and made me laugh.
Have a +2.
---
Well you know, everyone has different ideas of what's funny to them, y'know? Then again, some people are complete assholes, and they like to shit on everything for no good reason.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-10-04 10:55:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't think this deserves a negative rating. It's different, and made me laugh.
Have a +2.
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2004-10-04 10:49:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm -2ing this because I didn't like this post.
Hint: +2ing yourself every time you write a reply makes you look REALLY BAD.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-10-04 10:39:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
poutine is evil, don't eat it
Submitted by gibberish (user info) at 2004-10-04 10:27:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2004-10-03 21:28:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
i still remember that. jerk.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2004-09-28 18:26:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think that you and I should get together and spray paint a little something somewhere for gibberish.
Lemme know what you think.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-28 18:18:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you have a little cum dribble on your chin. might wanna take care of that
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2004-09-28 18:12:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and in case you really are fucking retarded, that is a joke beneath me.
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2004-09-28 18:07:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Do i know you, supreme overlord? My friends would be making fun of me for the band, but I don't know if you know me and know about the band plan, or you just assumed correctly.
KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2004-09-28 18:04:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
O.K.
You've got to have a two bar, eight strum palm muted E5, then a two bar eight strum palm muted a5
VERSE:
Nobody understands me
Cuz i've got horns on my head
My girlfriend broke up with me
and this is what she said
I'm not sure what you should play for the chorus
CHORUS: I am what I am!
And you're not going to change it!
Nobody understands!
And you'll never make me!
I'll run away, a better day, soon to make my escape...
that's the basics at the moment
Submitted by Supreme_Overlord (user info) at 2004-09-28 09:11:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Why don't you write a punk song about it?
Oh wait,
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2004-09-28 08:20:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I was gonna plus2 it for "shut up dumbass" cause that line made me laugh, then I saw the picture and thought it was a little fucking silly and so I can only give you a plus1.
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2004-09-28 08:09:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
meh
i had to get that picture out somehow
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2004-09-28 03:40:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Damn kid, that's an awful photo.
Saying that, you look a little like me...
Submitted by Sacrew (user info) at 2004-09-28 03:27:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
attention whore pizza face adolescents disgust me.
Die, but prior to dying, eat shit!
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2004-09-28 03:05:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
had a little potential
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2004-09-28 03:01:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I wouldnt normally -2 this, but that picture really annoyed me.
Submitted by fudge_me (user info) at 2004-09-28 02:31:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
The best part of you got flushed down the toilet when you took your first dump.
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-09-28 02:02:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Are you related to the Star Wars kid?
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2004-09-28 00:25:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
har har
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-09-28 00:14:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not terrible, but not particularly great either.
Submitted by forumsarestupid (user info) at 2004-09-27 23:19:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
somewhat entertaining
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2004-09-27 23:19:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-09-27 23:19:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
l.a.m.e.
Submitted by AvrilLaPete (user info) at 2004-09-27 23:15:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
actually kerry is the anti-christ
Submitted by JediEric (user info) at 2004-09-27 23:13:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Lame.
Submitted by cigar (user info) at 2004-09-27 23:07:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2004-09-27 23:06:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow you listened.
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2004-09-27 23:05:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
better?