NSFW Posts: An Inquiry Into Morals (676 hits)
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Submitted by Paradigm Control (View user info) at 2004-09-28 12:17:20 EDT
This is a topic that I hope will provoke some lively debate. I ask you
to bear with me as I fully intend to make a serious argument regarding why
We interrupt this serious argument to bring you the following important
Public Service Announcement:
We've all heard about it. Maybe we know someone who is struggling
with it right now. That's right, it's time to talk about the dirty
little secret known as "caulk-sucking."
Dr Fegg himself, as soon as he heard how widespread this problem is,
began an in-depth investigation. What he discovered is startling:
Especially in our schools--according to very reliable reports--this
"sucking caulk" has, apparently, become fairly widespread, in the main.
Why, even young school children, and it seems a majority of the young,
precious and innocent young girls--your daughters and sisters--are and
may even at this moment be engaging in this caulk-sucking behavior.
Everyone knows how impressionable these young girls can be. Although he
was not often successful in his enticement of any young children to suck
his caulk (which he intended only for the research purpose), he could see
nevertheless that many were indeed somewhat apprehensive, or even nervous,
when he "showed" his caulk, so he feels sure, that certainly they have
probably been victimized, or an attempt was made, by caulk before, and
certainly will be again--unless we take action now! Take action now to
protect our future flight attendants, novelists, cheerleaders, and so forth.
Now of course caulk has its uses, by no means is he suggesting the outlawing
of caulk outright. Simply, restrictions about the use, distributing, and
certainly advertising and media portrayals seem quite appropriate indeed.
While sucking caulk once or twice in a while may not seem like "a big deal,"
the inherent danger in it, is that, as a "gateway" action, caulk-sucking may
almost always inevitably lead to other dangerous pastimes, involving tools
and other hardware products causing brain damage. In short, let us keep all
of these building materials and "DIY" products out of the hands of innocents.
Surely in a free society, we can, and should, give up a little of the right
and liberty that many only abuse anyway, that we might ensure, and in order
to preserve, a better future for all of us, in our wonderful homeplace.
Note: please if you are nubile young female subject to possible victimization
to send graphic representation, fully nude (for proper study only), to me, or,
if male, to send of your sister or daughter, and otherwise do not send, but
study and devote to meditation, and this is void where in danger of applicable
laws, for Dr Fegg to conduct further research. Do not send images with clothes.
This Public Service Announcement brought to you by RIGID APPLIANCES, Inc.
User Reviews
Submitted by drfeggphd (user info) at 2004-09-28 20:10:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yes, nailing, and really all manner of fastening and tools: the whole shebang.
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-09-28 19:44:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Mildly amusing... so what activities occur after caulk sucking? People getting nailed?
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-09-28 16:23:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This was ridiculous, but that sponsor of yours is gold.
Submitted by Vermin (user info) at 2004-09-28 14:09:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Who the fuck sucks caulk?
Submitted by drfeggphd (user info) at 2004-09-28 12:18:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
FEGG: I knew you could do it.
FEGG'S BRAIN: I'm hungry.