UBS - A Public Service Announcement (1074 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.47 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Monarch (View user info) at 2004-09-28 13:50:04 EDT
(Props to Queen for giving me the idea for my next PSA)
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UBER-SURGEON GENERALS WARNING
As noted by GodLovesALittleLovin' on my previous PSA:
Do not click the goddamn links unless you are a masochist. Clicking these links may cause you to bash your face into a wall repeatedly.
That being said, you've been warned...
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--We interrupt your regularly scheduled program to bring you this important message.--
Do you sometimes feel compelled to hit-whore your shitty post on someone else's Top Ten post?
http://www.ubersite.com/m/29438#802652
Do you occasionally leave a negative review that has nothing to do with the post you are reviewing?
http://www.ubersite.com/m/17812#360375
Have you ever left a -2 on a post and told someone to die because of it?
http://www.ubersite.com/m/39092#793295
Do you have a -1.09 average rating and still feel qualified to give -2's to someone like Sideburns?
http://www.ubersite.com/m/45671#819525
If you have answered YES to any of the above questions, then you may have "Ubersite Badass Syndrome." UBS is a recently discovered derivative of IBS (Internet Badass Syndrome.)
IBS is already known to affect millions of 11-15 year old children across the world, and it is spreading quicker than anticipated. Hundreds of thousands of little boys and girls are contracting IBS everyday and realizing that on the internet no one can kick the shit out of you for talking back.
Now, with the appearance of UBS, these people are doing more than just being dickheads on the internet. The first signs of UBS occur when a person begins to feel that, much more than just being rude to people, they also have the right to critique other people's honest work. Indeed, more UBS victims appear on Ubersite everyday. Watch out for these possible symptoms of UBS:
- You hit-whore your crappy two-line posts on someone else's work of art.
- You believe the phrases "fuck you cunt" and "die bitch" are constructive criticism.
- You feel the irrational need to type "-2 DIE" on good posts.
- You get angry because someone gave you a -1 on one of your posts, and retaliate by -2ing every single post they ever wrote.
- You have ever threatened the destruction of Ubersite because you are a "1337 HaX0r" (http://www.ubersite.com/m/37857#640431)
UBS may cause one or all of these symptoms, as it manifests itself differently in each person.
The cause of UBS is usually a very deep seated unhappiness with everyday life, and the inability to control the world around oneself. These feelings can be prompted by many different things, such as: Abusive parents, rejection by the opposite gender, or just being a total fucking dweeb. Most people who suffer from UBS are consistently plagued by the belief that no one loves them (which is, more often than not, true.) But there IS a cure!
Because UBS is not a physiological condition, but a pyschological one, there is no way to treat it directly. Some drugs, such as Prozac or Ritalin, can help. But in order to cure UBS completely, intensive psycho-therapy is needed. Only by identifying, and removing, the personal demons that are causing UBS, can we ever hope to make you into a productive member of society.
On the other hand, if you aren't patient enough for therapy, you could just kill yourself. That works too.
-- Thank you, this has been a public service announcent from the AKSP (Association to Kill Stupid People.) --
-- We now return you to your regularly scheduled program. --
User Reviews
Submitted by Monarch (user info) at 2004-11-05 11:15:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Fine, I've added my explanation to your post.
Submitted by NotApologizing (user info) at 2004-11-05 01:50:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Speaking of link #2:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/50663#934237
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-11-02 16:26:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How did I miss this.
Great!
Submitted by Legendary_Threat (user info) at 2004-10-01 16:37:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by heightzguy (user info) at 2004-10-01 01:42:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
excellent.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-09-30 19:08:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just think that everyone should know that by "Queen" he means me. And that we decided that everyone should please ignore the fact that "IBS" also means Irritable Bowel Syndrome, although that could easily be a large contributing factor to the development of Internet Badass Syndrome and subsequently Ubersite Badass Syndrome. That is all.
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2004-09-30 16:17:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha, very witty
Submitted by Monarch (user info) at 2004-09-28 17:48:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
UPDATE:
In a few cases, the "-2 die" routine is completely called for. For example:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/46409#835382
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2004-09-28 17:21:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good post.
There's funny hit-whoring, then there's the kind that makes you want to rip someone's throat out. The latter seems to rule these days.
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2004-09-28 16:48:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wanna be a badass. This took awhile, and I'm impressed. Kudos.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2004-09-28 16:38:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i enjoyed it.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2004-09-28 16:38:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha! Well done, my friend. Finally...someone who does this in a way that's actually creative.
Submitted by Monarch (user info) at 2004-09-28 15:36:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by drfeggphd (user info) at 2004-09-28 14:25:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
"-2 DIE"
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*shocked* Well then, I'd better go give every post you've ever written a -2!
Heh heh.
Submitted by drfeggphd (user info) at 2004-09-28 14:25:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"-2 DIE"
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2004-09-28 14:24:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes.
Submitted by screamfeeder (user info) at 2004-09-28 14:19:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Any minute now...
Dad?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-09-28 14:18:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by mxc_jwebber (user info) at 2004-09-28 13:52:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, those little fuckers keep popping up every day.