Babies (throw 'em out the window!) (1291 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.11 on 56 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by KoolMang (View user info) at 2004-09-29 06:18:59 EDT
If a kid is throwing water balloons at your window, just grab your baby and throw it at them! Then it'll scream and cry from the shock of being thrown out the window, and the kid will stay frozen in his tracks. Then a cop cruiser spins around the corner, stops, and arrests the kid for hurting an infant, and you get off scot-free!
Seriously, I don't know why people like babies so much. I know they proliferate the species, but:
a) Why would you want to proliferate the species anymore right now?
b) Babies aren't beautiful, they're ugly.
There are two shows about maternity on TLC: Maternity Ward, and "A Baby Story". Maternity Ward is a collage of different women/girls being wheeled in and tortured by doctors giving them hourly fistings and injections to the pussy, and forceps! "A Baby Story" is a toned-down version, and in an hour's program, two deliveries can be fitted in. Basically, it's a sappy preparation of the birth of the child, and everyone acts like fruits. If it's a particularly ugly episode, the baby is delivered, and everything is A-OKAY! YAY! LIFE!
I bet the guys who knocked up the girl, and who witness the birth, only shed tears because they know they're fucked for life. They HAVE to stick around and raise this shitty baby. Whether it be a boy or a girl, they have to raise them into teenage years, and watch them take drugs, smoke, drink, rape girls/get raped, etc. The only reason people get pregnant nowadays is because it was an accident.
They need to make a show on TLC about abortions, dammit! They give a viewer warning before "Maternity Ward", but not "A Baby Story", because that one is all about THE BUNDLE OF JOY WHICH IS AN UGLY SHITTY BABY! There's going to be two new shows:
"Abortion Clinic" - similar to Maternity Ward, except about 20 abortions per episode.
and
"An Abortion Story" - chronicles the tale of how a girl gets knocked up, and does the right thing.
User Reviews
Submitted by cigar (user info) at 2004-10-02 00:15:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Random Joe Rapist at 2004-09-30 06:53:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
rape girls haha
im cahnging my email addy to rapethegirls.at.yahoo.com
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-09-30 00:09:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well I suppose it's easier to accept now that there's a reason for it. I still don't quite understand the way your mind works, but you did try to explain it, so that's worth something. I know you're a decent guy, and I guess that'll just have to do.
Submitted by cigar (user info) at 2004-09-29 21:54:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
poop
Submitted by CoachMagirk27 (user info) at 2004-09-29 17:23:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
the post was kinda bad... but koolmang, i like your style. youre a real shitkicker.
so +1
Submitted by sketch9 (user info) at 2004-09-29 17:22:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
b) Babies aren't beautiful, they're ugly.
a very very valid point
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-09-29 17:19:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-09-29 16:56:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't listen to that slore, this is so beautiful it brought a tear to my eye.
***************
See, Ashers? People like my style!
I'm just saying, remember when I defended you because of your miscarriage? That's because you were sad. Kristen is happy with her bundle of joy, and users are like "AWWWW FUZZY WUZZY WOOOOOOOOOO!" like retards, so I made a post about dead babies, and Brendan made one about jizzed-on babies.
It would've been kinky if Kristen had told us what she went through in the delivery room :P
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-09-29 16:56:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't listen to that slore, this is so beautiful it brought a tear to my eye.
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-09-29 16:48:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I can understand why you don't like it, Ashlee, and I'm being sincere here. I do sometimes try making good posts and I think...and think...and realize I'm not like that. I don't have any funny stories like you guys have, you guys have your funny days that actually can be a "clever" post, but I haven't had anything like that happen to me, just mundane real world.
So the answer is: I am not like this in real life, but I CAN be on here. Not only do I have the freedom to, but I can't control it, I seriously can't. I like doing it, though. So you could say the final conclusion is that it's an uncontrollable urge to post pure shite rather than something someone will fall in love with.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-09-29 15:34:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't understand why you take such joy in behaving the way you do. We all know that you are and can be a normal, functional, INTELLIGENT human being. So why this? No, really, it's bugging me. Please explain it to me.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-09-29 15:24:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What the hell is wrong with you?
Submitted by zxcvvcxz (user info) at 2004-09-29 15:15:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
While baby tossing is remotely amusing, it doesnt really stand up to cat tossing in the grand scheme of things. Babies are healthier and therefore heavier nowadays. You have to go to the gym regularly to be able to throw babies with the kind of force necessary to get any velocity or distance. Cats, however, and generally lighter. Plus they have claws, so if you launch them at an enemy, it doubles the effectiveness. Then you have the fact that cats are more readily available than babies. They're also cheaper, and more durable for general tossing needs. Since cats land on their feet, you can toss the same one several times before needing a new one.
Submitted by heyzues (user info) at 2004-09-29 12:27:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-09-29 07:40:11 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by heyzues (user info) at 2004-09-29 07:14:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
I wonder if he talks like that in real life.......................................
========================================================================
Let me get this straight...(holy shit).....you're acually ALLOWED to work around flying aircraft?
-------------------
I don't get it. Did I say something stupid?
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2004-09-29 12:13:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You have a point Koolmang. Every time I think of you I wish abortions were much more easily available, and I wish they had been so accessible foe at least the last twenty years or so.
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2004-09-29 10:23:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
This totally ruled.
Submitted by hcp28 (user info) at 2004-09-29 08:52:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hey you have a pussy growing on your face!!
Submitted by tlovess (user info) at 2004-09-29 08:33:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
If I had a kid, it would be fucked up. I'd name it Remus.
Submitted by romiustexis (user info) at 2004-09-29 08:11:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
The one funny thing was the abortion show idea...that was pretty funny.
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-09-29 08:08:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-09-29 08:01:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-29 07:59:56 (#)
Ranking: 0
I never had your picture. I was bluffing. I called you out, and you took the bait like the adolescent buffoon that you are.
********
You gave me a good reason to block and delete sublime, though. I didn't like him anyway.
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-09-29 08:00:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Slapshot, I'll have you know that I am actually against the word fag or faggot, homo, queer, etc. I never attack peoples' sexuality. Also, yes, my post on religion was an attempt to attain "BEST POST EVER" status (ie. something done in Microsoft Word), and I realized, it's not my style. So it'll be a nice stinky pile of shit on Ubersite from now on.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-29 07:59:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I never had your picture. I was bluffing. I called you out, and you took the bait like the adolescent buffoon that you are.
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-09-29 07:58:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I already knew it wasn't sublime, he's not that type. I'm just saying, I listed him as the prime suspect for whoever sent him that image.
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-09-29 07:56:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you are correct.........age and experience aren't the only rings on a tree of imagination...and you are OUT there most of the time as far as that goes......What would happen if you used that imagination to make things better, positive and thought provoking....Is being shocking you're only way to get people to notice you?....I'm sure you have a lot of ideas on a multitude of issues that have been presented in here...Maybe that will come with maturity...Or not...With that kind of imagination...you could be one of the better posters in here......and not because you use the word NIGGER, JEW, and FAGGOT in here...
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-29 07:54:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The funniest part about all this, Mang, is that it wasn't sublime that posted that random joe comment, threatening to blackmail you.
And now you'll never know who it was.
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-09-29 07:50:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If hcp28 reviews this shit, I'm going to create for Ubersite a very special camwhore impersonation of a Gook.
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-09-29 07:46:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ok....lets consider this matter closed ok?
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-09-29 07:46:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Doesn't that prove that I have QUITE the imagination? People have actually asked me "How do you know so much?" I just say "The internet and books, mostly."
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-09-29 07:44:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dude..........I've actually read and enjoyed some of the things you have posted...and in some sick way.....I had the idea that you were some White Collar guy venting on uber...a CEO with a dark side...A priest with a horrible craving...A Hannibal Lecter of sorts......not some smart assed punk who hasn't really experienced anything in his life yet......thats all I'm saying.....
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-09-29 07:40:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by heyzues (user info) at 2004-09-29 07:14:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
I wonder if he talks like that in real life.......................................
========================================================================
Let me get this straight...(holy shit).....you're acually ALLOWED to work around flying aircraft?
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-09-29 07:40:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I just want to clarify: sublime asked me beforehand several times to "reveal" myself. I fulfilled his wishes, and he fucked up. Other users on my list have asked for my picture before, too, I was simply granting them that wish. I never wanted to post my picture on Ubersite because I wanted to keep the "mystery" of my being. Thank you, sublime, I hope you get fucking shot.
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-09-29 07:37:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Slapshot, I knew the risk, but let me explain.
In the beginning, I did not WANT to post my picture. I managed to produce an okay-looking one, and send it to a few users I have on MSN messenger. One of them went renegade with it, after I made him PROMISE not to post it ever, because that's my job.
His name is sublime.
I have to bring it up now because you got me into bringing it up, because you ask why did I do it? I did it becaues sublime was "jokingly" THREATENING to post my picture if I didn't smarten up with words such as nigger and Jew. It was on this post that I cracked: http://www.ubersite.com/m/46072
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-24 23:39:02 (#)
Ranking: 0
Koolmang, one more nigger comment and your picture is being posted.
Consider this fair warning.
How the Hell did this Random Joe dude get my picture? Could he be bluffing? I did not take a chance, and bargled said that what sublime was doing was bordering on blackmail. Sublime just said he wanted to fuck with my head, and have some fun. Blackmail forced me to post that picture, because I'd rather it be me than anyone else. After which, of course, I blocked sublime.
Because Ubersite gave me a warm welcome to the camwhoring circle, I made another collage. Does that answer your question?
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-09-29 07:36:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
OK OK OK OK...I'll stop and leave you to your illusion...You're still KoolMANG....<hand sign of ZOLTAN>.....balanced on a razors edge of shock and chaos...electrify us all.
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-09-29 07:29:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by heyzues (user info) at 2004-09-29 07:14:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
I wonder if he talks like that in real life.......................................
===================================================================== its just a pause in thought actually...
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-09-29 07:26:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Manger.......can I call you Manger?...All I'm saying is.......You know the sexual, mystical power that a woman has over a man when she's in a basic pair of white panties (with little yellow flowers)?...(thinks back to KMs picture)...OK maybe you don't...Anyways...That power is given to her by men (or women- sign of the cross) who have visualized that she has the most beautiful vagina ever to grace the female form hiding underneath that delicate fabric...Until she pulls them down and reveals her truth......She's perfect....Ideal..Enticingly unknown...And we watch her every move like a safety inspector at a nuclear plant watches the big, red warning light.......Mesmerized by her mystery.....you had that to a certain level and degree in here...then you did the camwhore thing.......and everyone finally got a glimpse of your average looking vagina...Power of the unknown kiddo.....Worked for the Wizard of OZ.....Worked for Darth Vader.......Worked for the people that live around Loch Ness...and used to work for you.......I dunno....just a thought.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2004-09-29 07:23:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So, to combine your points, we should throw babies at rappers? Sounds like more wonderful reality programming. TLC would buy your abortion stories, while Fox would buy "The littlest projectile weapon". You could make millions.
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-09-29 07:18:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The mention of rape was referring to the influence of the urban culture on today's youth. The male rap artists preach that the ultimate goal of boys is to get into a girl's pants. The girl artists just influence girls to dress how they dress, which is like a total slut. Cause-effect relationship. THAT is an example of psychology, folks. See? I do learn stuff at school!
As for periods, the equivalent would be long pauses without saying "Umm", so it's not really the same thing. With the internet, it's very annoying, in real life, people think you're a dumbass.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2004-09-29 07:15:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Damned babies!!!!!!!!! Well executed, and great idea for the tlc channel, but the mention of rape was a little out of place.
Submitted by heyzues (user info) at 2004-09-29 07:14:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wonder if he talks like that in real life.......................................
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-09-29 07:08:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I hate it when people use periods ESPECIALLY in messaging conversations. I have a buddy who uses it at the end of everything remotely off-the-wall I say, and I asked him recently "Why do you do that?" and he replied "It makes me look deep."
It's a good tactic if you want to make a person feel like a douche on the other end if you just type three periods. Their self-esteem will either drop, or they'll dislike you a lot.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-09-29 07:05:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Scooby-Dooby-Doo, Where Are You? We got some work to do now.
Scooby-Dooby-Doo, Where Are You? We need some help from you now.
Come on Scooby-Doo, I see you... pretending you got a sliver
But you're not fooling me, cause I can see, the way you shake and shiver.
You know we got a mystery to solve, so Scooby Doo be ready for your act.
Don't hold back!
And Scooby Doo if you come through
you're going to have yourself a scooby snack!
That's a fact!
Scooby-Dooby-Doo, here Are You. You're ready and you're willing.
If we can count on you Scooby Doo, I know you'll catch that villian.
Submitted by heyzues (user info) at 2004-09-29 07:05:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Boo to reproducing.
Why must slapshot use so many periods............. not that I don't like you or anything...................... it just...... seems a tad.......... weird.........
...........
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-09-29 07:02:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Quit your whining, it's not going to change a thing.
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-09-29 06:56:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Do tell...is that all its going to take to shut you the hell up?.........awwwww.....gonna take your dull sword and go storm another castle of Ogrish....<looks like I hit a chord> F sharp I'm guessing...you've already invalidated yourself...That fact alone is more hilarious than anything you've posted to date....You've become your own punchline.
Submitted by Fr057m0urn3 (user info) at 2004-09-29 06:54:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I. Hate. The. Crying. Little. Bastards.
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-09-29 06:53:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Okay, Slapshot, I shall say it anyway. I hated your picture when you posted it, I won't go into it, but it sure dulled the humour quality of your posts when I saw it. So we're even.
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-09-29 06:51:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why can't everyone keep a positive frame of mind when reading my posts? I mean, I have a psychology quiz I have to get out of the way, and I remain optimistic, this is just my way of showing it.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-09-29 06:47:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-09-29 06:45:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I have tons of things to say about your picture, slapshot, that are all negative, but I'm going to refrain.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-09-29 06:44:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2004-09-29 06:43:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This post is confusing.
I did piss myself. But then i became all moralistic..
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-09-29 06:39:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-09-29 06:36:03 (#)
Ranking: -2
dude...........let me say this.........your sword of shock and chaos was dulled so badly after you posted your picture......
____________
The guy makes a good point.
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-09-29 06:36:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
dude...........let me say this.........your sword of shock and chaos was dulled so badly after you posted your picture......words can't begin to describe the....nevermind
shut your ball washer
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2004-09-29 06:32:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate your ever lovin's guts, KoolMang. However, this was funny.
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-09-29 06:30:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by heyzues (user info) at 2004-09-29 06:26:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
***********
This guy gets the message loud and clear.
Submitted by heyzues (user info) at 2004-09-29 06:26:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment