Manscaping (1106 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.54 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sekeeth (View user info) at 2004-09-29 21:54:53 EDT
The other day I almost bedded a woman that was stunning. When I say stunning, I mean STUNNING. The type of girl that when she enters somewhere, even the other girls stare at her. It happened while at one of the local bars, and the only thing that saved her from a night of incredible orgasims and sleeping with an incredible guy was her damned friends. Bitches.
I cant stand the bar-friends. "Make sure I dont go home with anyone tonight, okay?" The problem with these two friends of hers specifically were that they were not good looking. At all. My brother likes to call it "jumping on there grenade", but neither he nor any of my other friends were willing to take one for the team. Especially since this is an oft frequented establishment and being seen, even pretending, to pick up these cattle was too much. It would be cause to never go there again.
But I get ahead of myself. While me and Ms. Stunning were chatting and laughing and drinking, one of my drunken friends approach us and asks her why she's talking to me. Her answer was simple, "He's good looking." Which apparently amazed my friend. Not that I was good looking, but that Ms. Stunning would be talking to someone based on that.
Which led us to the conversation on the ride home from the bar, after her friends pulled us apart and I disowned my friends for not "jumping on the grenade." The subject at hand was a very strange one to be having, considering none of us were gay. The suject: Manscaping.
Its tough to tell someone of the unibrow persuasion that women, for some reason, do not really like that. Why? I just dont know. None of the guys in the car with me did any form of body maintenance. I had to explain to them that there is a definite line between manscaping and metrosexual.
Manscaping is just maintenance, like a golf course. If you want to play the course, you expect it to be well trimmed. And not just your eyebrows either. Me, I shave my whole body (which Im sure made many guys reading this cringe). Not with a razor, I use an electric trimmer. Which means I keep my manly chest hair, but just close cropped. I shave my arms, legs, everything. And I also wax my back, well I cant reach it, so I have a girl do it. You ask, "How do you get a girl to do that?" Well, most women are glad to help you when it comes to you looking good.
Keep your nails close trimmed (do not bite), never wear clothes that are either too loose-fitting or too tight. Use any of the numerous tooth-whitening products that are available. Keep a bottle of mouth wash and a bottle of cologne in your car (use cologne sparringly, please). And be sure to have new shoes on. Trust me, chicks look.
And start working out. You dont need to be like me and do 100 situps every morning, but please dont be surprised if hot chicks dont talk to you if you are a fat slob who cant look down and see his shoes. Start simple. 20 situps, 30 pushups, 100 jumping jacks a day. Guess what, everything I just stated is free. You dont need a gym membership and in two months you'll notice and start getting noticed as well.
So, all the women can thank me now that I have bettered us men as a whole. And you guys can thank me by bedding Ms. Stunning when her goddamn friends arent around. Oh, she likes long island iced teas. Apply liberally.
User Reviews
Submitted by Jo_of_the_golden_P (user info) at 2004-10-04 22:06:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+2 for the post
-1 for no camwhore of Ms. Stunning
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2004-10-04 21:53:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
That's a hard workout! I pwn j00!
Submitted by cigar (user info) at 2004-10-04 21:36:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
for lying.
Submitted by Sepsis (user info) at 2004-10-01 21:26:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
a little cocky, you are
Submitted by The_Wizard (user info) at 2004-10-01 00:46:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
its also called the wingman.
Or the wingdog. Best commercial ever.
Submitted by Sekeeth (user info) at 2004-10-01 00:39:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dont hate the player, hate the game....
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2004-09-30 11:46:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ATTN: GAY MEN IN DENIAL
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2004-09-30 11:39:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+2 for "manscaping"
-1 for clipping your whole body
Submitted by engine13 (user info) at 2004-09-30 11:19:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"Keep a bottle of mouth wash and a bottle of cologne in your car (use cologne sparringly, please)."
-Smelling good is nice. Smelling like you just bathed in a vat of cologne is not good.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2004-09-30 08:29:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Ooh! Cancel my subscription to GQ, i can get my vanity tips from anonymous internet users! That makes me "orgasim", seriously.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2004-09-30 08:26:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The term "Manscaping" always makes me laugh.
Submitted by Supreme_Overlord (user info) at 2004-09-30 07:51:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You do realize that this will just piss off the 33% of America that is fat.
Submitted by Amusingly_shaped_semen_stain (user info) at 2004-09-30 07:37:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Thanks for the advice
But dude, shaving your ENTIRE body? That would be gay except that you leave stubble. The ladies love a mans skin to feel like high grade sandpaper...
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-09-30 07:16:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OK... I was amused. +2