Purgatory (743 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.88 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Spookster (View user info) at 2004-09-30 00:00:23 EDT
A slip...
A scream...
A thud.
A fresh cadaver. A mourning family. An obituary in the paper.
A solemn service. An open casket. Flowers on a fresh grave.
But he was oblivious--
Brightness was the first thing that assaulted his senses. Infinite brightness that blinded him, even through closed lids, scouring the backs of his eyes.
Eyes, eyelids, a body.
Nothing.
Recollections came, getting a basketball off the roof and then standing on a loose tile.
A fall that seemed instantaneous yet seemed to stretch for a hundred years. Then the ground and blackness, complete and unfathomable.
The blackness had come and in turn had been driven away by the light. And as the memories came so did the realisation - death.
Decease, demise, departure, extinction, fatality, finis... Words flashed through his consciousness spurred faster by his shock and understanding.
Afterlife?
Heaven?
"Hello?" He spoke and opened his eyes for the first time.
A room, hazy and insubstantial stood before him.
He had the feeling that he wasn't 'here' in a physical sense and that this entire place was a creation of his mind. The proportions of the room were twisted - the walls, floor and ceiling all seemed only inches from his outstretched fingers yet still vast distances away. Simply put, this was not the world he was used to.
"Hello?" He repeated.
Back to him in an echo, the word repeated itself again and again though strangely missing the last syllable.
"HELLO?"
HELL. HELl. HEll. Hell. hell.
A cold chill ran down his spine, or he that's what he thought happened.
And suddenly, he wasn't alone.
A dark presence, melted it's way out of the walls, or materialised out of the non-existent shadows in the room - he couldn't tell which. If this room was the embodiment of good then the shadow being was the apotheosis of bad.
Evil incarnate - it stood tall, yet hunched and twisted, a crippled giant. Featureless, save for two glowing coals in place of eyes. A stench of gore came off it, filling the air and permeating itself in the very substance of the place.
The brightness flickered, once, then dimmed - slowly turning a blood red.
The figure spoke in a voice like crushed velvet--
"Welcome..."
===
To be continued if people want more.
User Reviews
Submitted by Spookster (user info) at 2004-10-03 04:22:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Part Two: http://www.ubersite.com/m/46889
Submitted by Spookster (user info) at 2004-09-30 21:54:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by seanfogy (user info) at 2004-09-30 18:19:08 (#)
Ranking: 2
This was good shit man. Was this supposed to be your UM entry?
==============
Nope, I didn't end up doing an entry 'cos lots of things came up in that week. I was too busy to actually sit down and try and write something of quality, so I thought that rather than submit some half-written crap I'd forfeit instead.
Submitted by seanfogy (user info) at 2004-09-30 18:19:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was good shit man. Was this supposed to be your UM entry?
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-09-30 09:12:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very nice. (Although you got the description of purgatory a bit wrong. It's rather bl... oh never mind.)
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2004-09-30 08:42:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
You should continue this, me thinks.
Submitted by Vanilla (user info) at 2004-09-30 07:01:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Spooky... if only you were older *sigh*
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2004-09-30 05:56:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very good.
MORE!
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2004-09-30 02:14:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was good... If you posted another one, I'd read it.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-09-30 00:19:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for a good piece, and for me being a DICK
Submitted by forumsarestupid (user info) at 2004-09-30 00:17:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+2 for being descriptive
-1 for not continuing