Reverend_Chief_Rugger's Confessional of Shame: Sermon on the Penny (675 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 2 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Reverend_Chief_Rugger (View user info) at 2004-09-30 01:54:17 EDT
Well Hello again Uberers.
Sorry it's been awhile since I last posted, but as you can see from the change in my title I've been busy. Yes, I'm a Reverend now (www.ulc.org), spreading the good word with my fellow member of the cloth Reverend Horton Heat.
Today will be a different sort of sermon than usual, today I will reveal one of the most recent (and disgusting) exploits into the pants of yet another nubile college girl. Today we will be reading from the Book of Jimbo, staring on page 246, paragraph 5, line 2.
It started out as a normal sort of day: I woke up early to make my 10am class, when I was greeted in the elevator by a sporty gal by the name of Penny. Penny was kind of the shy type, but I did get her phone number and called it later that evening. She came up to my room not even ten minutes later, and we spent the next 4-5 hours just talking and watching my Young Ones DVDs. We hung out again the next day, with more cuddling, wrestling, and Young Ones goodness, and more the next day, and again the next.
A quick note about the wrestling, she loves to wrestle roughly. Think of how you wrestle with your brothers, with nuggies and purple-nurples, and then put it into WWF proportions all on my single bed. Let's just say that I ended up with more bruises and bite marks on my right arm than I ever did in my 2 years of playing Rugby.
It went on like this for a few more days before we started fooling around. Hey its college, you only get to act like a jackass once. I started massaging her lower back, then she put my hand in-between her thighs. I started rootin' around down there when I felt something kind of odd, something dry and unnatural. I put my finger on it and asked her "Uhh, you sure this is part of you kiddo?" she reassured me it was, so I continued. It was only after we finished getting each other off that I noticed the smell.
Now, I know that all pussy has a scent distinct to each gally, but this was straight up rank. It smelled like a sweaty fat guy lived on a cheese and chili diet, and then died farting up there a year ago. I figured it was because we had a vigorous wrestling session before hand, and it was just a viscous combo of workout sweat and sex juices, so I let it pass. Surely she'd have the foresight to scrub up when we met up later. Next time was more of the same, yet the smell was worse. Surely she had heard of basic hygiene!
A few more days pass, and Jenny decides that the whole idea of starting any form of relationship scares the crap outta her. "I think it'd be better if we didn't talk to each other again." She said. I shed no tears, mainly because she had stepped up the violence while wrestling and I was relieved that I could let my black eye heal correctly.
Fast forward from Saturday to Thursday, I was in the gym finishing up a workout when my cell rang: it was Jenny and she wanted to hang out again. I had planned on a small Halo match with the guys down the hall, so I figured that it'd be safer ground to have her come over while there were other guys there to restrain her if she started to claw at my eyes again. No sooner than she had plopped down on the sofa next to me she started to whisper something to me, something that made me enter the Reverend-hood no more than ten minutes later: "Remember that thing you felt inside me? Well I was thinking about what you said, so I did some looking, and it turns out it was a tampon. From my period last month. I had to take it out with tweezers."
After the stomach cramps and vomiting stopped, I kicked her out of my room and scrubbed my dick with rubbing alcohol for a good hour. It was during this period of concern for the health of my best friend that I truly found my salvation in the word of the Jebus......and an ex-stripper named Christy. Mostly Christy.
SO there you have it, my first sermon has come to a close. Now you may ask "What lesson was I supposed to learn from this?" or "Dude, why are you such a sick fuck?" I can't answer the latter, my lawyer advises against it. However I can say that the lesson learned here is a very important one: If it don't feel right, smell right, or look right leave it; but if it's been over a month with no action, double bag it.
User Reviews
Submitted by gibberish (user info) at 2004-09-30 19:19:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Chief_Rugger (user info) at 2004-09-30 19:07:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I tried to protect the name of the offender, she lives one floor below me afterall. Guess I just did a Frudian Slip.
Submitted by Supreme_Overlord (user info) at 2004-09-30 11:29:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Help me. Good call Avals, I think that shows the untruthfulness of the whole thing. You definately don't forget the name of someone THAT nasty.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-09-30 09:00:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Am I the only one who noticed her name changes from Penny to Jenny mid-way through?
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-09-30 08:57:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That is straight up nasty.
My jaw hit the floor on this
one.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2004-09-30 08:38:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me throw up in my mouth a little.
Submitted by Chief_Rugger (user info) at 2004-09-30 03:40:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I know it seems like shenans, but I hate to admit it's true. Did I forget to mention that Penny is a masochist AND a sadist?
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-09-30 02:47:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hortin's cover of Wipeout in the Music for our Mother Ocean was fucking awesome.
Submitted by Julia (user info) at 2004-09-30 02:19:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm tempted to call shenanigans, but there could be chicks as gross as this out there, I guess. If this is true, don't worry too much about her calling you for much longer, because she'll probably get Toxic Shock Syndrome and die.
Submitted by Chief_Rugger (user info) at 2004-09-30 02:08:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I forgot to mention, that even a week later Penny is still trying to call me, and she still tries to catch me while I'm in my room. Fortunately, Christy the ex-stripper has been here with me the past few days "Healing". It was funny when Penny burst into the room while I was teaching Christy the Spotted Leprachaun, Hidden Lotus position of.....praying....(yeah, thats teh ticket...)
Submitted by mxc_jwebber (user info) at 2004-09-30 02:00:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha, also ordained here. That's sick... like you said, if it don't look, smell or fell right, don't go near it. Thanks for reminding me of my ordainment. Don't forget to read scripture from the Book of Sideburns....