The Art of Being An Asshole (Making Fun of Your Other Personalities) (954 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: ETS_Comedy_Writing
Rating: 1.44 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (View user info) at 2004-09-30 01:55:33 EDT
Here, download this while you read; it has naked whores, I swear, it's worth it! http://www.electrictoothsyndrome.com/songs/gymnospornos.mp3
[Ever written something and wondered, "what the FUCK was I thinking?" Yea, me neither... The following is a bunch of shit I wrote when a more pussified self had control of my body. God was he a whiny bitch! The words below not in brackets [] are from the original writing that one of my idiotic personalities decided to disease the page with; the rest, the cool parts, I put in as sort of a post-mortem annotation to the original text. Get it? Good! Now watch me ruin his ratings!]
I want to make love to her voice [and some non-sexual organs - like her gall bladder]... How could anything on this earth be so soothing...so peaceful? I would follow it into the depths - into the open mouth [of a cum-guzzling whore.] of eternity. Why is it so elusive? [Maybe because you haven't showered in three days?] Is there any motionless thing in this life? Give me something to grapple, Lord! Give me anything to hold onto that says, 'I am real'. [Besides my penis.]
Life...the will to live it out...to see it through...to follow its parabolic arch all the way to the end of our days is the simple, yet inexplicable product of hoping that love lies waiting somewhere along the way. Will she be there at the end of my meandering path, like a specter - like a slumbering ghost? [Like a naked whore?]
Wicked brew...it courses its way through me attacking my years and veins along its way. [apparently it made a stop off at the brain as well] I cry [pussy!] as it sings to me...of times long ago - times long forgotten. Its shallow hum reverberates...echoing forbidden songs from the deep... sucking it in, and spewing it forth. Breathing... [Desperately in need of a breath-mint!]
This animal I have been chasing for centuries...for millennia. Never can I get close enough to tell it, "I am not like the others." I will not eat you [out]. It turns its innocent head - exclaims, "yea right!" [Right before I rape it in the ass.]
Please do not be afraid of me...for my pulsating injury, my pain is oozing... [like the pimple on my ass] and my intentions are pure [pure as generic bleach]. Still it runs [like a retard in Special Olympics]...all knowing...remembering last time, but this ain't the last time. [yea, the retard might just run again tomorrow...]
The bust of Beethoven smiles down on me knowingly [he says, 'I know what YOU'RE on!]...taunting me with all the things that I am not. ["funny, smart, clever...shall I continue?"]
We are... we become what we choose to follow with the arrows of focus. I'd follow...
You know what??? FUCK YOU.... my audience, my watcher, my Argus, my artificial self; I look back on me now through your eyes, and I thank you for making me real, but I curse you for seeing my flaws. [Shut up, you know you just got too drunk and lazy to finish!]
User Reviews
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-02-11 02:00:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-10-29 23:43:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
for the song
Submitted by eIectrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-10-23 18:14:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I will not do that thing with my tongue.
Submitted by equaIizer (user info) at 2004-10-21 00:49:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I will not show off.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-10-18 21:25:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
...and I thought this one was clever. Guess that's uber for ya.
Submitted by Fake_BargIed (user info) at 2004-10-17 13:41:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DyingBreed (user info) at 2004-10-02 00:35:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lol, i liked this one alot for some reason. like the vibe
and the BOOOOBS!
thats a plus 2!
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-09-30 16:04:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks, ass-towel! :O)
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-09-30 15:54:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked your songs dipshit :P
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-09-30 12:52:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to make love to her voice [and some non-sexual organs - like her gall bladder]...
YAAAAAAAY
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-09-30 10:42:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry bout the NSFW. I had meant to put in on there, but forgot totally about it when I submitted. I hope I don't get anyone in trouble.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-09-30 09:23:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Dude...NSFW.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-09-30 07:06:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-09-30 02:48:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Those are some teensy nipples.
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2004-09-30 02:35:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Way long ago, I forget the name of the pub. house where I sent my first manuscript to years ago, I think it was Laughing Owl in Grand bay, every other paragraph contains a sentence that, looking back, still makes me cringe. The worst of the very worst line was, brace yourself: "They made love like there was no yesterday, no tomorrow, only the moment, and that moment belonged only to them."
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-09-30 02:29:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And my cock is ripe for the sucking.
Submitted by Sekeeth (user info) at 2004-09-30 02:25:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
+2 for the nudity
-1 for the stupid song, I even listened to it the whole way through. You owe me 4 minutes, 19 seconds of my life back...
-1 for the rant of a post, silly rabbit
DETROIT ROCKS
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-09-30 02:21:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jesus, what a shitty time to post...fucking ubermadness...
At least I can take solace in the fact that I will win the damned thing.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-09-30 02:14:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
UMMM....FORGOT NSFW!!!! AHHHHHH!!!! DON't ban me you fucker! =)
Submitted by mxc_jwebber (user info) at 2004-09-30 02:03:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+1 for the left tit, +1 for the right tit.