Maknig-out 101 (2002 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.24 on 40 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by dakingisdead<ojs.at.iinet.net.au> (View user info) at 2004-09-30 23:36:48 EDT
Love me tender love me do
All my dreams fulfil.....
I can't honestly say that I am a great fan of The King even though I grew up in his heyday.
Personally I was always a bigger fan of Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd but there were times that Elvis was just the thing.
Somehow playing Stairway to Heaven whilst making out, is not conducive to climbing that stairway to the heaven you have your sights set on.
Now a little bit of Elvis crooning in the background sets the mood and subliminally works its own magic. Let him do the wooing whilst you do the moving.
Let's face it there are certain things that can help to get you where you want to be, and the right mix is essential.
What follows is a short guide for Making Out 101.
Movie: Forget Terminator , Star Wars or Debbie does Dallas Ten. You might hate it but Pretty Woman or soppy romance is the way to go. (And put away that porn collection.)
Food: Comfort food is the only way to go. A salad might be healthy but it ain't sexy. If you can convince her to let go of the diet for a while, you are already getting her ready to say yes to a lot more.
For example try this recipe from the King:
Peanut Butter and Banana Sandwich
• 3 tablespoons peanut butter
• 2 slices light bread
• 1 banana, mashed
• 2 tablespoons margarine, melted
Mix soft peanut butter and mashed banana together. Toast bread lightly. Spread peanut butter and mashed banana on toast. Place into melted margarine; brown on both sides.
Alcohol: Definitely. But don't send her to the fridge to fetch you a beer you moron. Bubbly and only bubbly is the order of the day. Nice clean glasses and champagne. Let the bubbles have their way and you are more likely to have yours.
Dope: I wouldn't recommend it because she is just as likely to fall asleep in your arms, or throw up on you, as she is to get gooey romantic.
Candles: Nice long candles! Subliminal messaging again. What else is long and hard? Yep you got it and she will too.
Bed: Make sure those lights are low and the bed has clean sheets and is MADE. Your aim here is clean sheets and a dirty woman not the other way around.
You: Oh yes, you better get this right or else you are history before you begin.
First: Have a shave! That scratchy beard might look so cool and Brad Pitt, but she is not going to like that sandpapering the inside of her thighs.
Secondly: Have a shower and clean those finger nails. The idea is to get down and dirty not start that way.
Thirdly: Put on clean clothes and make an effort. Think about what you are aiming for, and then make sure that stuff, leaves your stuff, readily accessible. Nothing kills romance like a belt that is too hard to undo, shoes that just won't slip off easily, or a fly that needs a housebreaker to undo.
Forth: Read a book or two. Well at least the front pages of the bloody newspaper for a change, and not the sports pages. You don't need to have a degree in English literacy, but remember her largest erogenous zone is her brain. Do not talk about Bush or Kerry on any account. They are both about as sexy as a turnip and you don't want to put their image in her mind.
Conversation: On no account talk about past lovers, wives, or hookers you've had. Talk about her and ask her questions about herself. Small chat is the order of the day; you are not trying to save the world. OK your usual conversation is about the advantages of limited slip diffs and ABS brakes, and you always have trouble with small talk?
A good rule is to pay her a complement and then follow it with a question about herself. EG Hey you smell wonderful! What is that perfume? Where do you get it? etc etc. Encourage her to open up in more ways than one.
Read the signs: Move slowly. Give her time and read the signs. She is not a hooker and her time is not money! If she hasn't touched you then she is not ready for you to touch her!
Finally if nothing else works there are always roofies.
Good luck and forget the roofies bit.
User Reviews
Submitted by cheruboo (user info) at 2004-12-09 11:42:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
this is made for ghey menz
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-10-10 13:55:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
DAKING!
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-10-01 12:56:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fastseduction.com
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-10-01 12:36:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-10-01 11:26:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Dammit...USUALLY
I messed this up
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-10-01 11:12:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I have to give a -2 for stupidity. When the titles go bad...it's uaually downhill from there.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2004-10-01 11:07:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude you know whats funny when I did my retaliation post I tried to incorrectly spell "making" as "maknig" on purpose as a joke and 'word' corrected it before I posted it. Looks like neither of us got what we wanted...
Have another plus2 on me
Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2004-10-01 11:07:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 especially for putting titmouse in his place!!
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-10-01 08:53:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Cheesedick you acuse me of virginity when I have one son of my own and have had a vasectomy to not have any more. Married three times and I can't even be bothered trying to say more about lovers etc.
Oh apart from the fact that if you still have cheese on your dick you are obviously 14 or so and still a virginal wanker.
Titmouse.
The facts are that to be condescending or patronizing you actually have to address your message to someone directly. The reply I initially gave you was intentionally both.
The actual post however is a users guide. Like any users guide it is written in general terms. If you think it is condescending/patronizing then it is you who obviously has an exagerated sense of self importance.
Take a rain check, and pop your bubble birdy, and then stop talking cack.
Also I am not American and if you had been around longer than 5 seconds you would know this. However Mydictionary.com obviously is because it does not recognise the spelling with an s.
If I ammuse you great. You are obviuosly easily amused which would fit with my profile of you as a silly little tart who thinks she knows everything.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2004-10-01 06:21:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Here's my response to this post...
How to not get pussy whipped... Wonder how many people will realise what a sweet sensitive guy I am and call shenanigans.
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=109662586376395569
he he... good post by the way
Submitted by cheesedick (user info) at 2004-10-01 04:54:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You got laid following this crap? You must live in a brothel.
Submitted by titmouse (user info) at 2004-10-01 04:52:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2004-10-01 04:47:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
This is great! I followed your tips tonight and I got laid!
-------------------------------
by your mum
Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2004-10-01 04:47:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is great! I followed your tips tonight and I got laid!
Submitted by cheesedick (user info) at 2004-10-01 04:22:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I am shocked that this has so many positive ratings. Are you going to take advice on women from someone who is quite obviously a virgin?
Also, titmouses use of the word patronizing was extremely well put. Yet another glaring display of your stupidity.
Once again: Idiot
Submitted by titmouse (user info) at 2004-10-01 04:17:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
what a gimp, your link to the dictionary, follow these steps.
1: follow the link http://www.yourdictionary.com/ahd/p/p0117700.html
2: read number 3: To treat in a condescending manner.
3: enter condescending into the search
4: click on search result 'condescend'
5: read number 2: To deal with people in a patronizingly superior manner.
6: realise you are completely wrong wankstain
7: apologise and bow
Submitted by cheesedick (user info) at 2004-10-01 04:12:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This HAS to be a joke.... no one this retarded can possibly have any experience with sex therefore this post is null and void.
Idiot
Submitted by titmouse (user info) at 2004-10-01 04:03:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-10-01 03:53:18 (#)
Ranking: 0
Titmouse you wouldn't know the meaning of patronizing.
Oops obviously american because you used the letter z in patronising. and yes i do know what it means and the fact that you said i didnt know what it means is also patronising. come on fight back, you amuse me
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-10-01 03:59:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for anything Linked to Elvis....man saw more prime ass than the Oval Office's secret toilet.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-10-01 03:53:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Titmouse you wouldn't know the meaning of patronizing.
So because I am a fair minded individual here is a link for you
http://www.yourdictionary.com/ahd/p/p0117700.html
Now go fuck yourself; and try posting something before you open your trap spouting cack again.
Submitted by titmouse (user info) at 2004-10-01 03:46:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
cack
Submitted by the shrew <samders_257.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-10-01 03:44:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
what a load of cack. why dont you tell us something ingenious like how to eat our breakfast in the morning. thats how patronising the post is. nice title too
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2004-10-01 03:38:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 for the title
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-10-01 03:32:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+1 Because that sandwich sounds awesome
+1 Because this is a good post
+1 for that picture
You will have to blame the Uber ranking system for the fact that I can't give you higher than a +2.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-10-01 03:18:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ok the truth is I was fascinated by this recipe which was one of Elvis's favourite foods. I started several times to figure out a post about it and then this one just sort of developed.
It's a bit of a joke dredged from the swamp of my mind.
No wonder he died of a heart attack.
All the rest though is serious. (sort of).
Submitted by Lyric (user info) at 2004-10-01 03:10:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Man, so many guys I know need to read this. Just once.
Except that PB&bananas bit... that has to be the most unsexy food I have EVER heard of. You're drinking champagne by candlelight, and he brings out... grilled PB&B sandwiches? Yeah, thanks, I forgot we were eating from the kindergarten lunch menu.
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-10-01 03:06:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-10-01 02:21:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-10-01 02:03:30 (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-10-01 01:39:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
I need someone to make out with.. the goat is starting to look good.
===================================================================================================
batteries dead?
----------------------------------
no. i have a 4845345765 pack. i will never run out.
it's all about priorities.
===================================================================================================
good call
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2004-10-01 02:44:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I almost took a point away for the sandwich. Peanut Butter and bananas? disgusting.
Besides, if you're feeding her peanut butter and bananas, there's a chance she'll have to shit when you do her in the pooper.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-10-01 02:21:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-10-01 02:03:30 (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-10-01 01:39:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
I need someone to make out with.. the goat is starting to look good.
===================================================================================================
batteries dead?
----------------------------------
no. i have a 4845345765 pack. i will never run out.
it's all about priorities.
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-10-01 02:03:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-10-01 01:39:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
I need someone to make out with.. the goat is starting to look good.
===================================================================================================
batteries dead?
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2004-10-01 01:53:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i clicked on this expecting to find tips on how to make out with hidden101.
uh...
...i think i just dug myself into a hole there...
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-10-01 01:39:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I need someone to make out with.. the goat is starting to look good.
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2004-10-01 01:34:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that roofie line was golden.
and you're 100% right about everything on here.
Submitted by ParlorTrick (user info) at 2004-10-01 01:26:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"You: Oh yes, you better get this right..."
The secret ingredient!
Submitted by Spookster (user info) at 2004-09-30 23:52:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Look at those succulent, juicy lips...
A perfect bj right there!
What?!
Submitted by Adam2127 (user info) at 2004-09-30 23:50:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I expected the usual how not to guide here, but surprisingly, you provided some pretty good advice for those who aren't so smooth (like me).
Submitted by heightzguy (user info) at 2004-09-30 23:49:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I fucknig love type-o's
Submitted by Salmon (user info) at 2004-09-30 23:46:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha, nice.
Submitted by sketch9 (user info) at 2004-09-30 23:45:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
my greatest dating tools:
A vial of GHB and a roll of Duct Tape.
Well done little... thingy.. except for your blatant lysdexia.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-09-30 23:37:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fuck fuck the title!
I amso dislexic at times.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-09-30 23:37:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oy