Purgatory pt.2 (688 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Spookster (View user info) at 2004-10-03 04:19:58 EDT
Continued from: http://www.ubersite.com/m/46560
===
The figure approached him, shedding scraps of darkness until it's hideous form was completely revealed.
Featureless - it was not.
Naked, save for coarse hair running from the top of it's chest to it's loins and sexless it stood. On it's legs were rancid, weeping sores - the apparent source of the rotten stench. It's face was mishappen, as if the creature had been subjected to numerous beatings and had never had the chance to fully recover.
It stared at him, it's gaze burning like a fiery dawn.
And grinned.
"You..." It spoke.
"Who are you? Where am I" He stammered.
"All will become apparent, in time" It replied, the civility of it's voice contrasting with it's horrid appearance.
It advanced on him, flowing in a sinuous manner across the floor with the grace of a dancer, despite it's crippled body and twisted limbs.
He couldn't move, his legs wouldn't listen to his increasingly urgent commands to retreat away from the beast. His arms lay like leaden weights at his sides, ignorant to his urging and uncaring of his plight.
He couldn't escape nor defend himself.
The creature stopped mere inches away from his face, it's sour breath hot on his skin.
"I am...your life" It spoke, it's voiced tinged for the first time with emotion - pain.
===
As again, TBC if people want more.
User Reviews
Submitted by General_Batsu (user info) at 2004-10-06 04:09:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
BANNED!
Submitted by MysteryUber (user info) at 2004-10-05 08:17:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Anti-Cigar rating.
Submitted by cigar (user info) at 2004-10-05 02:45:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Spookster (user info) at 2004-10-03 22:47:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for that LadyPlural.
I might have a quiet word with my English teacher about why she's never pointed out my crap punctuation before and what I can do to improve on it.
Crappy goddamn school...
But that aside, I'll make use of that website so that in future my writing will hopefully read better.
Or something to that efect.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-10-03 19:40:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I really think that this rating should be a +1.5, but I'm really too lazy to rate it twice, so you get a +2. My complaint- egregious and incorrect usage of apostrophes. Go here.
http://www.apostrophe.fsnet.co.uk/
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-10-03 13:06:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
More!!!!!!!!!! Why do you only do half a page each post?!!! More! Please...?
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2004-10-03 07:27:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"It advanced on him, flowing in a sinuous manner across the floor with the grace of a dancer, despite it's crippled body and twisted limbs."
Great image.
Write more - this has the potential to be an awesome series!
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-10-03 07:18:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
more, or you will suffer a horrible death
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-10-03 05:17:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What a surprise... Falco taking credit where credit isn't his.
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-10-03 05:13:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It was me
Submitted by JungleJane (user info) at 2004-10-03 04:57:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My only complaint is that it's too short, I want more!
Submitted by Spookster (user info) at 2004-10-03 04:26:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And special thanks to an uberuser (Who shall remain nameless) for giving me their opinion on the story and helping me edit it so far.