Amalgam of LoveMissSorryLoveYou Letters (Unsent) (809 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.92 on 23 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (View user info) at 2004-10-03 23:38:34 EDT
An Amalgam of LoveMissSorryLoveYou Letters (Unsent);
OR:
What I Want to Say to the Ex-Men of My Life
Dear MAMDCCJMBKJR,
I've been debating whether or not to write to you. In fact, the fight's been so bitter that I've literally typed and retyped this sentance seven times trying to come up with a decent opening phrase. When everything is still unsaid it's hard to know where to begin.
First of all, I'm sorry that I made fun of the figurines you sent me. Really, you did a beautiful job painting them back in ninth grade and it's not your fault if I didn't understand that there was some deep meaning attached to Dungeons and Dragons for you... To be honest, I've largely forgotten that day by the river when the little fish nibbled on our feet as you kissed me into a daze. Sometimes I think I don't miss you. Most of the time I forget you completely.
Secondly, I forgive you for what you did. Now, that doesn't mean I'm not incredibly angry. Oh no. Don't imagine that you'll be let off that easily. The irony of it all does not escape me though...that things come in threes. That it had to be three men of the same name who broke me open, another who helped me knit the wounds up, and a third to pour ecstatic acid into the sore spots to make them burn clean once and for all.
I never meant to hurt you, but I'm pissed that you couldn't understand my explanation. You know, I'm not perfect. I didn't mean to lead you on and I didn't mean to hurt you, but I don't think I made any promises either.
I'm nervous to bring up the marriage discussion that we had...but it's drilling itself into my mind like a woodpecker and I've just got to get it out of the way. You really were serious, weren't you? You really did think that you wanted to make me your wife. I'm sorry but I still can't get over it. The very thought that a guy with "Eternity: Smoking or NonSmoking" printed on his liscence plate holder wanted to marry ME....well, it's shocking! Also, I must tell you---I could *not* have spent the rest of my life with a sex life like *that*. You know what I'm talking about so I'm not going to make this more painful than it has to be by being explicit. It started out so good, but then...well, you know. There was another man I once discussed marriage with, but I never thought he was serious. You wouldn't have liked him because he was everything you were not---empathetic, intelligent, violently changeable. Given enough time I might have considered it with him. At least I wouldn't have died of ennui.
I'm not seeing anybody right now. I don't think I can. I don't think I am capable of sharing my love with more than one master, and right now I belong completely to the theatre. I give the theatre my days and my nights, endow her with all of my imaginings, make love to her with my body and my mind for three full days a week....longer than you could ever last....And she is even more deliciously cruel to me than you were. Imagine that! She makes me feel just as insecure and just as insatiably in love. I warm under her lights the way I once warmed under your hands, your mouth, your gaze. She looks at me with as much love and as much disdain.
You won't like knowing this, but I actually relive my lost love for you in the theatre. I do. I have imagined the traintracks we once walked on, the grey sweater you wore when you answered the door, the way your mouth tasted like dirt and felt like little warm angel's wings----all of those things have become the backgrounds for my elaborate public fantasies on the stage. I've whored out all of it, all of the most secret moments, all of the things you did that set me ablaze! I dragged them out of that dusty room in the back of my brain and I've put them all on display. Just to terrify you. To terrify me. Let's face it; those situational specifics (your name, your invective against me, the high ceilings and the sweat that dripped from your chest onto mine) are just costumes worn by the same experiences that play themselves out again and again in individual lives. This play has been done before in other counties. The local players wear their costumes, speak their dialects...but when they sit in the dark and watch me unleash my heart to you they see something universal, not the specifics of you and me. I don't even need words. You've given me that much juice. You've made me that good.
If I could have my wish, that's what it would be: for us to both be that good. I can't lie. I miss the warmth of your skin on my skin, your hands on my hands, your mouth on my mouth, your mind engaged in thoughts of me. I long to finally get to that universal place with you where the situations of sicknesses, separate states, religion, politics, mistakes and betrayals, beauty and homeliness, bad jokes and bad moods----wouldn't matter.
I have loved you.
I have hated you.
I have been indifferent.
I want to see you again.
I wish you never had been born.
Sometimes I forget we ever touched.
I am probably one of the few people in this world who is destined to be alone. Don't pity me. Envy me. Long for me. Call me?
Rejoice and be glad. Blessed are you. Holy are you.
And if we ever meet in heaven, let it be with singing and with laughter. I intend to spend all of my tears on Earth.
LoveMissSorryLoveYou,
Melanie
User Reviews
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2005-08-11 14:29:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
shit
never mind
alcohol is my mistress
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2005-08-11 14:29:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice
isn't there supposed to be more than one in an 'amalgam?'
Submitted by vergedor (user info) at 2004-10-05 14:44:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Spike WTF? Why are you writing this here? It's not interesting to the unconcerned reader, as a matter of fact, it's the first time you appear a little bit fucked up to me. Must be that passion for theater that makes you too close to your emotion all the time.
Still love you.
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2004-10-04 11:32:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The way you love love, I doubt you'll die alone.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-10-04 11:18:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
"You wouldn't have liked him because he was everything you were not---empathetic, intelligent, violently changeable. Given enough time I might have considered it with him. At least I wouldn't have died of ennui."
You sound like one shallow bitch to me. Hope you die lonely. You deserve it.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-10-04 10:56:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Ugh.
Submitted by whataefag (user info) at 2004-10-04 10:47:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/36370
Submitted by whataefag (user info) at 2004-10-04 10:44:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
bleh.
No offense, but let the 9th grade go. Normally I like your stuff, but ... yuck. This seems a little immature for you.
Submitted by gibberish (user info) at 2004-10-04 10:19:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cheers to dying alone.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2004-10-04 10:10:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow! Try not to suck any dick on your way to the parking lot.
Oh, is there ever a time when a Clerks reference is not just pure gold? I don't think so.
Don't sell yourself, or Love too short Spikey. The notion of devoting yourself completely to something is romantic and all . . . but not necessary. You CAN love and act. You should.
Submitted by Supreme_Overlord (user info) at 2004-10-04 08:35:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
MAMDCCJMBKJR
Wow! Try not to suck any dick on your way to the parking lot.
Theatre girls. Yes there is a such thing as too much drama!
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2004-10-04 07:27:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Becky? Is that you... you told me you'd never tell anyone I'm shit in bed... Bitch
Tales of Becky...
The loves faded and the winter has passed
http://www.ubersite.com/m/44843
You left me for another man, you miserable heartless fuck
http://www.ubersite.com/m/45393
You're not fucking him on our bed
http://www.ubersite.com/m/45569
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-10-04 06:58:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-10-04 06:41:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Dramatic.
Not sure in a good way though.
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2004-10-04 06:27:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 indeed
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2004-10-04 06:20:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This just about made me cry. Go Spikey.
Submitted by Amusingly_shaped_semen_stain (user info) at 2004-10-04 05:52:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I went to school with MAMDCCJMBKJR. He misses you. Sometimes.
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2004-10-04 01:43:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-10-03 23:45:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.
Interesting.
Dramatic.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-10-04 00:32:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love it. Tell me how it goes.
I am so glad you're back on stage dahlin.
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-10-04 00:07:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
so I take it that your answer to a sappho vid with UrbaneM is a big fat no?
as for the letter.....I kinda know how you feel.......RIGHT NOW
Submitted by opigovgod (user info) at 2004-10-03 23:52:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-10-03 23:45:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.
Interesting.
Dramatic.
Submitted by HelloMello (user info) at 2004-10-03 23:43:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Iam sorry for banging your sister ........if that helps